She doesn't know what to feel. This isn't intimate, it's necessary. In Neverland, it's cold and everyone needs to cuddle up to someone to keep warm. She just so happens to get him. Her back is pressed against his chest. His arms are around her waist. His breath is warm against her ear. She feels comfortable, but she shouldn't. She's supposed to be hating every second of this. There is an odd feeling in her chest that she can't quite focus on. She doesn't know what it is, but it feels good. She can feel his breath on the back of her neck. The warm air feels good and reassuring. It's almost like he's telling her silently that they will get Henry back. It will be okay, as long as he's there. But that's ridiculous. What could make her think that?
Her warm body is pressed up against his in almost every way. She interlocked their legs for more warmth only moments before. It feels like a rapid race to get inside each others' skin. The air of Neverland is biting and unforgiving, but her body is warm and inviting. He had been afraid of many things in his life, but he wasn't afraid to admit he felt more comfortable now than he had his entire life. What scared him was the fact that he did feel that. Also, her father and mother were laying only a few feet away, and both were weapon savvy. The feeling in his chest was new and different. He felt like he could stay there forever. Like he could forget all the problems raging around them. Like he could sink into the earth with her and just stay that way for eternity. And that made him want to move. To run. To get as far away as possible.
Her mind was growing more restless as her body relaxed into his. She could feel him slowly easing into the position. Was he falling asleep, or was he as restless as she? His steady breath on her neck made the hairs there stand up. His warmth reminded her of all the things she loved about life. Memories of past times with her boy came flooding back to her. She wanted to sink into him and get lost in his scent. She wanted to be his and let him be hers. She wanted to leave the world behind and be one with him. She wanted, no, needed to love him, to keep him, to let him hold her. That scared her more than staying in one place ever had. More than the thought of being rejected ever had. More than the thought of being loved ever had. Her fear was steadily growing by the minute, and she couldn't control it. Deep down, she was still the same person she had always been. A scared little girl that no one wanted. An orphan. An outcast. Alone.
He could feel her breathing become erratic, and he thought to shake her. He realized almost immediately, she was probably thinking what he was. How could he be feeling whatever he was feeling, it wasn't right. He was supposed to die on this little excursion. He was supposed to be alone. Somehow, though, he is instead, holding his Savior. His Savior, his Swan, his love. He could never tell her, she would hate him. Surely she would prefer anyone other than him, anyone. She might even take the flirtatious pirate over him. It was driving him mad not knowing what she was thinking, but what was worse? What was a worse fate to suffer? Knowing or not knowing? He wanted his answer, but he was afraid of what it would be. He didn't even know if there was a right answer. No matter what she said, if she said anything, he would probably hyperventilate. No matter what, it didn't matter. He was going to die for his grandson, he was determined. First, though, he wanted to figure out what he was feeling. Why she felt so familiar and safe. Why he could just lay there and let her presence calm him. What was she?
She could feel more questions flooding her mind as she lay there in his embrace. She wanted to ask him everything, but what would she get in return? Silence? Lies? Or worse, the truth? How could she expect the answer she wanted when she didn't know what would soothe her aching mind? Or was it her heart that was hurting? She hadn't felt it beat properly in so long, she didn't know.
Both of them were at a clear loss. But when she snuggled closer, and he tightened his arms around her, the answer became clear. The comfort and love. The shared experience. The good memories and reassurances. They were both the same thing to each other. Something neither of them had properly known. Something they both wanted more than anything, but were afraid to have. Something that managed to slip through their fingers time and time again. Something you don't properly appreciate unless you have never had it.
They were home.
Emma & Rumplestiltskin