His friends looked confused to find themselves both on his doorstep the next day, watching Wade ramble to himself and pick up clothes and blooded weapons from his floor to cram into a cupboard in his hallway. Vanessa found her balls first, following the clearly distressed mercenary into his living room while Weasel tried to hide behind her. They'd both rushed over in response to their friend's panicked phone call, begging them to come and help before he talked himself into a ditch and died alone. Nessa thought it was melodramatic, but that was just Wade.
"Are you gonna explain why you're hiding empty takeout boxes under your sink?" Weasel questioned.
"I'm a moron. A complete moron. I panicked and didn't know what to say so turned into a people-pleasing tithead and now I'm nowhere near ready."
Vanessa smacked him round the back of his masked head and ordered him onto the sofa. She retreated to the kitchen, returning 10 minutes later with a mug of tea and asked Wade to start again. With less rambling and clearer details. Tea seemed to be her calming mechanism after she had Nora.
"The number Weas gave me yesterday, I called it. No idea what possessed me, I just didn't wanna be alone anymore. But this shit is much more legit than I gave it credit for. The woman sounded serious, and started trying to book an interview and a home visit. So I just said to do both together, saves time. Then she asked if I was free today, and I am so I said yes. And now she'll be here in" Wade looked at his watch, "now."
"I thought you weren't gonna call," Weasel gaped.
"I wasn't. But I don't wanna be alone, and it'll get them off the streets for a week. The card was right, everyone wins."
Vanessa was quiet, trying to absorb the fact that Wade was putting himself out there like that again. It made her weirdly proud of him. She promised him that she and Weasel would help however they could, starting with making the lady tea when she came. Weasel tried to add a supportive comment approving Wade's civilian hoodie and jeans combo while keeping his mask and gloves to spare the lady's eyes. That earned him a smack upside the head from Nessa too. And almost like the interviewer had heard, there was a knock on the door. And Wade sprung up to get it, freezing as he opened the door.
"Good afternoon, Mr Wilson." She smiled, raising her eyebrows when he just stood there. "May I come in?"
"Oh yeah, sorry. Nervous is all."
He moved, letting her walk in through the door while Vanessa called from the living room. The woman immediately said if Wade wasn't single, seen as there was both another man and a woman in his living room, then they couldn't in good conscious let Wade into their programme. It wouldn't be fair to whoever they matched him with.
Didn't think of that being an issue. Should have warned them on the phone that you'd need your emotional backup for step one of this process.
Shut up! Stop trying to convince him to back out. We're all lonely, and this is the first chance we've had in ages. A hooker would be great in bed!
And they've probably seen so much gross shit that this dipshit's skin won't be too big a jump.
Guys, shut up please, so I can answer the lovely lady's questions, or there'll be no more stages.
Whatever, White started it.
Just shut up.
"No, we're just his friends. Making sure his nerves don't get the better of him," Weasel grimaced, though thankfully didn't mention anything about Wade's face being a mess like he normally would.
Doesn't want Nessy to beat him again. HAHA!
Yellow, what did we say about shutting up for a second.
Sorry.
"I was his girlfriend, years ago. Now I'm engaged and have a little girl, so not a problem here either," Vanessa smiled.
The woman looked relieved. She thanked us for the honesty, saying she feared having to remove another potential candidate when there were so few people signing up compared to the men and women they were trying to help. She promised she just needed to peek at the kitchen and bedroom, make sure the apartment was livable at least, before asking him about himself and the kind of person he would want to be matched with. So she analysed the bedroom, the queen-sized bed with sheets that Wade had changed this morning, and happily seeing there was an en suite. Next was the kitchen, where she was happy it seemed cleaned but well-used, it implied everything was in working order.
"Last week I did a home visit for a young man whose oven didn't work, so he used his microwave for everything."
Wade made a face, not that she could see through his mask. Only eating microwaved burritos was a disgusting time he didn't like to remember, back when he was blowing his brains out or just never leaving the house other than to shoot a rapist or stalker. Not that his life now was any different, but at least he ate actual food because Vanessa bought him groceries. And that brought up a problem. How was he going to explain his job to this lady?
"I guess my first question has to be whether you're looking for a male or female partner," she smiled.
Wade hadn't considered that, gender wasn't really a factor for him, and neither were looks anymore. He wasn't hypocritical enough to demand beauty when he couldn't even look at his own face in the mirror. It wasn't physical things that mattered to him, it was the personality side of things that were important. But he didn't know how to phrase it without sounding desperate.
Just say you're desperate! We might get a match quicker.
"Gender isn't an issue. I think it's pansexual? I think that's what I fall under." Wade rambled, "I also don't really care how they look. I mean, I'm sat here in a mask cos I can't stand the sight of myself and hate the pity or disgusted looks I get. I mean, my skin is not pretty. Weasel could probably come up with a more creative way to say it, but I'm not a looker anymore. It's a tender subject of me, if the rambling didn't make that obvious."
The woman nodded, at least now having an explanation for the mask. She noted down his concerns and obvious issue with his skin in her little notepad and continued to ask other personal questions from her list. She said they were basic questions most dating sites asked, wanting to get a grip on Wade as a person as well as his likes and dislikes. She asked about the important people in his life (they were all in the room), what makes him laugh (almost everything, usually himself), what he does Saturday nights (stay inside), what his most valuable possession was (Bea and Arthur, but he said it was his Wham! records).
Then there were the innate likes and dislikes questions, about his food, TV, films, books, all the regular things people ask. And he answered as honestly as he could, editing for things like he doesn't have a favourite book cos he doesn't have space in his head to read. He just said it was The Hobbit because it used to be before the noise. What felt like 70 questions later, the woman smiled up at everyone.
"I'm sorry there are so many questions, but we like to try and make the best matches we can," she apologised. "However, this is the last question of sorts. Is there anything else you'd consider important that we should mention?"
Ask for someone who gives great head!
Should ask for someone who's deaf, so they don't run at the first joke.
"Other than needing to be okay with the gross skin?" That earned him a smack from Nessa. Didn't ask her to come and be violent here. "I guess, patience. I can be a bit of a pain in the ass and don't always understand signs or cues, so they need to speak up if I'm annoying them. And I think that covers it."
As the woman finished her notes, Weasel asked, "so how long until we might have a match?"
"The process can take a while if we don't feel his best match is already in the service." She smiled kindly, "However, looking at the answers, I have an idea. I just have to look over their paperwork and go from there. So, I'll call you tomorrow if that pans out, and other than that we're finished."
She rose steadily, reaching to shake everyone's hand before Wade walked her out the door. Wade's friends looked ecstatic, believing the lady may have someone in mind and that everything will be ready for even next week. And that thinking was all well and good, except Wade had shown the woman the skin at his neck at the door. He'd wanted her to understand why he was so serious about it. And she tried not to let the shock and disgust show, but it did. So trying to find someone with a strong enough stomach might not be as easy anymore. Either way, he didn't have hope.
Honestly, Yellow? You're the horny in Wade's brain, would you fuck him?
Eww no! Wait... damn it. We're doomed.
I know guys, but gotta smile for these guys or they won't leave. And after the way that woman looked at me, after being so hopeful, I need a break.
Yay! Bullet party!
~o0o~
Stood on their regular corner, Peter was clutching MJ's shoulders to stop her shivering from the cold. It was her last night before taking the tests and effectively a week-long vacation so she could spend a week with Mr Rich-And-Handsome. Peter had lost hope for himself, regardless of her constantly telling him he'd get a call any day now. But he knew that of the men in New York that fit the description "muscular and tough enough to handle his surprising strength", none of them were likely to be signed up to this service.
His phone started vibrating in his back pocket, and while he normally ignored it on his work nights, he knew he was expecting a call about Aunt May's old medical bills. But it wasn't the hospital's number.
"Hello, is this Peter Parker?"
"Um, yes. And this is?"
The polite female voice on the other side chuckled, "this is Miranda, I interviewed you when you signed up for Hooked On You last month. I felt it was my duty to give you the good news. We think we have a match."
Peter was stunned silent. MJ looked concerned until she moved the phone from his face and saw the number. Then she looked overjoyed, making happy squeak noises.
"Are you sure? Even the important thing I mentioned?"
"Yes, even the strength thing. And he's almost twice the side of you, so that's a bonus." The lady paused, "the only issue might be one of his important issues. He mentioned being very self-conscious about his skin. From the patch I saw this morning, it was heavily scarred. So it's your decision whether you still want to accept this match, Mr Wilson already has."
Peter was still so surprised. He'd lost hope of getting out of the hole he'd dug himself before college, convinced himself nobody on this service would fit his criteria or even want to meet with him. And this call had come at the perfect time, before he'd gone off and dirtied himself with another stranger and was too miserable to really appreciate the news. And appreciate it, he did. He grinned, nodding before he remembered it was a phone call and verbally accepting the match. MJ moved her head next to the phone, wanting to listen to every moment of her friend's big break.
"Perfect. And I'm aware it's policy to wait a week to get things in order and get an STD evaluation, however, Mr Wilson made it very clear this wasn't necessary and is ready to receive you at your earliest convenience."
"He'll need three days," MJ answered for him. "I'll have him ready and the flat can be my responsibility while I'm on leave. Set everything up for Monday."
MJ ended the call, squealing hysterically. She demanded they go home to celebrate. No point ruining what had turned into a great night, and she wanted to make dinner for them. That meant cheese and ham toasted sandwiches, but MJ made them so well Peter didn't care. He linked their arms and lead the way to their apartment with the biggest smile. The mention of scars didn't both him, he'd seen and been forced to touch worse on the streets, so he didn't think it was a big issue. He was one of the least shallow people out of the girls on their corner who had signed up, so lucky the guy was paired of with him. He hoped Mr Wilson was ready, because Peter wanted this to work, and aimed to use everything at his disposal to make it happen.