Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

You're Not Funny

There were benefits to having one's brother be a member of staff. With written permission from Sirus, I gained access to the restricted section with only minimal suspicion from Madam Pince. It wasn't my first time browsing the shelves of the restricted section. During Regulus' NEWT years, I was a frequent visitor. The resources one could find there was a lifeline for seventh-year students when they had to write their final transfiguration essay.

As such, I already knew where books on dark magic were kept. Compared to my memories, nothing looked changed or out of place. Although, maybe a little dustier than it had been the last time my soul had visited. When I was Regulus, my interest in the dark arts was to impress Regulus' parents. Which meant flashy curses and hexes that did the most damage. I couldn't recall reading anything about Horcruxes. However, it wasn't like I was searching for information on how to possess objects with pieces of my soul. So, I found a safe place to put my bookbag down and got to work.

For years I had complained about receiving an education I had already completed. Since my first year at Hogwarts as Adrian, I have passed much of my time being bored. Joining the Slytherin quidditch team was my way of lessening the dull hours. Unraveling the knot that was Holly's past and present lives had been another entertaining diversion. Still, it was always temporary. Despite how much I cherished the domestic and mundane aspects of my current life; completing homework and tests that I knew every answer to was an expensive price to pay. Now, however; as I faced my latest project, I was thankful for Regulus' knowledge.

Appearances had to be kept up. I couldn't miss a single quidditch practice. Flint would hunt me down if I even tried it. Meals couldn't be skipped. Apart from Sirus, no one currently knew what I was doing. I'd like to keep it that way until I had a clearer picture of all the variables in play. Missing meals could draw attention that I couldn't afford. Besides, it was the best time to check in with Hestia, Flora, and Ginevra. The twins required mild supervision to not get their reputations tied in with the people who shared the opinions of our relatives Alecto and Amycus. A feat that is easier said than done when you're in Slytherin. And Ginevra was still my mentoree. She also provided a source of information about the ongoings at her home and what was happening with her older siblings. Though, as the youngest, Ginevra often got the abridged version of events.

No one could suspect me until I was ready for them to do so. In a bitter irony, it was convenient that I'd start down this path when Holly was occupied elsewhere. As the person who I allowed to get the closest, she'd be able to tell I was up to something after one day. Though, there was also the issue of not knowing what Holly did. There was something she was keeping to herself. I just couldn't put my finger on it. I had tried to pull it from her that day we rode the train home for the winter holidays. Instead of her business with Lockhart, I got more information on her muggle life. Maybe useful further down the line, but not what I was fishing for at the moment.

I started scanning the shelves for anything relating to Herpo the Foul; the inventor of Horcruxes according to the dark lord. What the dark lord had told Regulus about Horcrux was scarce. The bare minimum. It was invented by Herpo the Foul of ancient Greece. A person had to snuff out another human soul to make one, and the dark lord was planning on using a Horcrux to make himself invincible. Or Horcruxes as it turns out. I pulled a book titled Greek Spell Masters and Their Works from the shelf in front of me. It was sickening that more than one had been made. But when I forced myself to think about it, I realized that I wasn't surprised. Why would the dark lord stop at just one when there were so many lives he planned on stealing?

The dark lord hadn't been very forthcoming when he requested Kreacher's services all those years ago. And Kreacher had been unable to tell me much after his escape. So, I had to do my own research before going after the locket. The next book I pulled from the shelf was titled An Encyclopedia of Dark Objects.

I had found some materials about Horcruxes in the Black family library. What were the titles of those books? Maybe I could find them here.

Five days into my new project, and I found nothing. I had scoured the indexes of every book remotely close to my desired topic that there was not a single mention of embedding objects with pieces of a soul. The information on Herpo the Foul was lacking too. What I did find was more about the role he played during his time rather than his discoveries in dark magic. My failure was settling uneasily in my stomach. Hogwarts has one of the most renowned libraries in magical Britain. In another life, scholars who had long since finished their schooling would request to access its resource. So, why would certain information be missing? It was almost like… like someone didn't want anyone learning about Horcruxes.

"There you are", a voice I was quickly becoming familiar with said; pulling me out of my dark musings. Looking up from where I had been glaring at another useless reference text, I watched as Sirus dropped down into a chair across from me. There weren't many places to sit in the restricted section, but I had found a claimed one of the few tables in the area. Not that it was a very impressive feat. Other than panicked NEWT students, I was the only one here most of the time.

"What is it?" I asked; as I pushed the book away from me. Hopefully, Sirus was coming to me with information about the locket. But knowing my br… knowing Regulus' brother, it could be about anything.

"I joined SPEW", Sirus rattled off like he was reporting on the weather.

I gave my head a small shake. Did I hear him right? "You what?" It sounded like he had just admitted to vomiting,

Sirus nodded like he guessed what I was thinking. "SPEW, it's a new club that just got approved. I agreed to be the club advisor"

Pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and index finger, I signed. What was the point of seeking me out to share this information? "What's SPEW?"

Sirus grinned like he was doing me a favor of inviting me in on some joke. "It stands for the society for the promotion of Elfish Welfare. Harry's friend, Hermione started it. It's a club committed to liberating house-elves from slavery. She got it approved by Professor Dumbledore just this morning, and asked me during class if I would be the club advisor".

"To approve such a silly thing when everything that's been going on…" I trailed off in complaint. Granted, no one had been petrified in a while, and with Lockhart out of the castle, that was a fate that might have spared would-be victims. But still, you would think the headmaster would be more preoccupied with current events. Too preoccupied to approve new student organizations.

Sirus kept going. "She gave me a badge", he said as he reached into his robe pocket to fish it out. "I had to pay two sickles for it". Sirus put the badge down on the book I had closed moments ago. It was no bigger than a galleon in shape. And blue with the letters S. P. E. W. spelled out in gold. "Hermione's the club president, Harry is the secretary, and Ron is the treasurer". Staring at the badge, I tried to figure out why Sirus thought I would care. "And when Hermione shared that they were the club's only members so far, I bought a second badge", Sirus said as he pulled another one out from his pockets. "And signed you up to be the fourth member because I know how much you adored Kreacher". He placed the second badge next to the first.

He must be joking. Except, I had a feeling that he wasn't. "You say that like I have time for this nonsense", I grumbled as I lowered my hand and slumped in my seat as I felt the weight of my burden. But not for long, the lessons I had endured in both of my lives not to slouch ensured that. "Siri, I'm rather busy trying to…" I paused because I didn't want to say out loud what I was trying to do. Gesturing a hand over all the books I had looked through that evening, I hoped Sirus would get the idea. But the git chose not to react. So, I had to say it. "trying to destroy the dark lord". My voice dropped into a low whisper.

As if I hadn't said anything, Sirus folded his arms and said; "The club made a good start, even if not many are interested in joining. After I became the club advisor, they told me a story about how they had already freed one house-elf".

"Merlin, spare me", I groaned as I looked upward. I'd forgotten how… annoying older brothers could be.

"This specific house-elf belonged to the Malfoys. They tricked Draco Malfoy into giving it clothes by sneaking into the Slytherin dorms and magicking all of his things to fly around the room", Sirus' face broke into a gleaming smile as he chuckled to himself.

That sounded vaguely familiar. I could recall Malfoy complaining about his dorm room being haunted sometime after we got back from the winter holidays. "The night Goyle got his hand stuck in a toilet", I muttered to myself as I folded my arms.

"It was a creative solution", Sirus complemented. "But I was curious, so I asked them how they meet one of the Malfoys' house-elves. And Harry told me, through the triplets".

Sirus officially had my interest as I connected the dots. "The house-elf who tried to help them destroy the diary".

Regulus' brother nodded, pleased that I had finally caught on. "But how could Holly and the other two enlist the help of a servant belonging to the Malfoys'?"

"Hermione said that the triplets saw Lucius Malfoy slip something dangerous into Ron's little sister's cauldron and Dobby was trying to get it back before anything bad could happen", Sirus answered.

I exhaled loudly through my nose. "The diary", I supplied. "Did they tell you about it?"

Sirus shook his head, making his shaggy mane sway side to side in the process. "No. They weren't forthcoming with that information. They just said that after Dobby tried to help them, they decided to return the favor".

Great. Now I could add the Malfoy family as another variable to this growing problem that I was no closer to solving. The dark lord, the Malfoys, the chamber of secrets, and Horcruxes. How were all four of those things involved?

"Anyway", Sirus smacked his lips obnoxiously as he announced that he had more to say. "The next SPEW meeting is on Sunday at one o'clock in the defense classroom".

I glowered at him. "Siri, I don't have time for this".

"You'll make time", Sirus assured me. "Especially, because Dobby might attend. And if Dobby comes-"

"I cut Sirus off to finish the sentence for him, "I can figure out what he knows". We sat in silence for a moment. Him waiting for me to give in, and me working through all my options. "Fine, I grumbled after the moment passed. "I'll participate. But I'm not wearing the badge". Sirus grinned; proud of himself, I'm sure. "Have you've been able to find what I asked for?"

Sirus shook his head. "I put in a request for a weekend off, stated that I had domestic affairs to take care of. "I've been approved. But have to wait until next weekend, since I'm sharing patrol duty with McGonagall".

That was unfortunate. I sighed but accepted his answer. It wasn't like there was anything I could do about it.

I thought the conversation was over. That Sirus would get up and go back to bonding with his godson as he played pretend at being a respectable teacher. Instead, however; he remained seated across from and said, "I got an owl from your girlfriend today".

I blinked at him.

"She sent some of her defense assignments". Sirus shared. It was unclear to me why he was telling me this. Of course, Holly was submitting her homework. Despite being detained at home, she still had to finish the curriculum if she wanted to move up to fifth year. I've been sending her copies of all my class notes to make sure of it. "She was worried about her defense grade and offered to do some extra credit work".

That was… uncharacteristically studious of Holly. She was far from stupid, but Holly never gave me the impression that she cared about her grades. Like she already knew what her future path was and she didn't need good marks to reach it.

"I was impressed", Sirus said as he reached into his pocket a third time. "It differently deserves some extra points". Sirus held out a square piece of paper towards me. It wasn't until I was holding it in my hand that I realized it was a photograph.

A photograph of me, to be exact. Choking on my own breath, I clutched the picture hard enough to wrinkle it. It was one of my baby pictures. Something my mother hid from me frequently to keep me from incinerating them all. "Damn it, Holly", I growled lowly as I stared at the embarrassing half-naked image of myself. Although, I knew that only half the blame rested with the girl that preoccupied my thoughts. Mother would have to have shown then to her for Holly to be able to get one.

"You used to be so cute", Sirus laughed louder than was appropriate for a library. "What happened?"

I turned my glare on him. This is the real reason he sought me out, isn't it? Not to inform me about SPEW, or Dobby, or the Malfoys. But to wave this embarrassment in my face. Reaching into my own robe pocket, I withdrew my wand. Not even bothering to keep up appearances with it was just Sirus and me, I pointed my wand at the picture and set it to burn until all that was left of it was a small pile of ash sitting on top of the table.

Sirus was grinning so widely that I could see all his teeth. "Don't worry", he said congenially. "I made copies. I'm thinking of enlarging one and having it framed".

Back in the Slytherin common room, I made myself comfortable at one of the tables. From where I was sitting, I could see Hestia and Flora occupying a different table across the room with Ginevra. They each had their potions texts in front of them and seemed to be doing some revising. In front of the fireplace, Flint had gathered some of the team and was discussing the finer points of the last pro-quidditch game. Usually, I'd be over there with them. Discussing quidditch being one of the few things I could fully engage in with the boys in my age group without feeling like I was acting immaturely. But tonight, there was someone I wanted to… needed to write to.

Dearest Holly,

I started, only to crumble the stationary in my hand. No, that was far too close to a pet name, which is something I wasn't terribly fond of. Holly knew my feelings through my actions. She didn't need sugared words.

Dear Holly,

I'm pleased that you're finding time to do your schoolwork despite everything else that you must endure. It would be miserable if you had to repeat your fourth year. Having anyone else as a lab partner in potions would be a headache when I've come accustomed to you.

Did that sound right? Would she understand what I was trying to convey?

However, I must assure you that you are not in endanger of failing any subjects. I know my mother has been helping you with your school work and she's told me that she thinks you're very bright. Which, I know, isn't probably something you're used to hearing. I was shocked myself when my mother paid you that compliment.

Was that too insulting? Holly liked sarcasm. She had to based on the amount of sarcasm she used. And I'd seen her accepting barbs from her brothers and giving them right back. But was it different if it came from me?

So, I don't understand why you feel the need to submit extra credit. Especially when it is in the form of my personal photographs. Photographs that I would not want even you seeing. I know it was my mother who showed you; despite knowing what my preferences would be. Still, sending them to Black was going too far.

I scratched my chin; being mindful to keep the tip of my ink-stained quill away from skin and clothes. Now, it sounded like I was scolding her. And, in a way, I was. But that wasn't the message I was trying to put on paper. I wanted… I wanted… I didn't know what I wanted to say, but it wasn't this.

I know you're experiencing trying times, but I ask that you refrain from taking your frustrations out on me. At least, not in a way that we both cannot enjoy your efforts.

Forever yours,

Adrian

Setting my quill down, I picked up the letter and read over what I had written. Every sentence had me frowning. It wasn't… right. It was too much. Especially that last line. Slow. I reminded myself. With Holly, slow was better. Go too fast and Holly had a bad habit of running away and hiding behind her brothers. My reveal of being Regulus reincarnated is proof of that.

Crumbling up that letter too, I picked up my quill once more and settle for a much simpler letter. One that lacked all salutations and complimentary closings. In fact, my next letter was just one sentence.

You're not Funny.