I do not own Mushoku Tensei, only the characters Asher, Ruby, and Paula.

Paula's Perspective:

After that, I stopped going out. I avoided people. Only my family got to see me.

My family, especially my parents, were very worried about my mental state. They tried taking me to see a specialist, or doctor of sorts. I didn't wanna go, I knew if I walked out that door, my emotions would go... crazy! I would run away from everyone, and hide somewhere they couldn't find me- Anything to keep the voices, and visions away. But sooner or later, my parents would find me, and drag me out. I begged them not to take me out, but they would always comfort me before leaving. Saying "It's gonna be alright," and "We'll protect you if anything bad happens."

-I believed them.

The building was both large, and small. Clay tiles, warm red, like a muted flame was breathing inside them, covered the roof like the scales of a goldfish welcoming you back home after a tiresome day outside. Chocolate brown shutters with an oaken grain brought attention to the windows with the glass clear like still water. It was like purity had been captured in it's glazed surface, and under each one, a flower box filled with life, all colors of the rainbow. There was greenery everywhere. Lively bushes that buzzed with dragonflies, shrubs by the walking path where bunnies no doubt enjoyed nibbling on leaves from time to time, short but tall pine trees that housed bluebird nests, vines that laddered up aged walls, green moss of a spongy texture growing on those same cobblestone walls… It felt so fresh and clean. It felt so welcoming. It felt safe.

We entered through the red wood door, it's weight light, but build sturdy, and let it close behind us, bell jingling, letting whoever lived there know guests had arrived. "Ahhh, Welcome." The voice was gravely yet smooth, like the calm feeling you get when grains of sand slip through your fingers. An old man whose hair was gray ash was standing in the middle of the waiting room, nurse by his side, and a senior face smiling tenderly with an oldness that held the wisdom of understood experiences.

My papa introduced himself and momma. When he did, the old man went wide eyed with shock and proceeded to rush up to papa with his hand stretched out.

"R-Rudeus the Quagmire! It's such an honor sir! Welcome to my clinic!

Papa looked spooked, "y-yes glad to be here." He returned the old man's hand shake.

"What brings you in Mr. Quagmire sir. Are you perhaps ill?

He shook his head, "Calling me just Rudeus is fine, and no, I'm well. I'm here because me and my wife are worried about our daughter's health." As he said this, he gently pulled me from behind mama. He finally introduced me as Paula, their Second Daughter. The old doctor knelt down in front of me. It was this lax fall to the knee, a comfortable drop like you would do when grabbing a seat next to a friend. His eyes were on me, clear as emerald like opal portals, or oak leaves wanting you to breath in their air. Yet, like portals, they drew you in like they were telling you to be a part of their world. That's when the feeling activated again, now I was seeing a green aura from him. It embraced me once more, and I was filled with so much knowledge. It was too much! I couldn't understand it all, everything started coming at once; making my head hurt. I want it to stop.

Make it stop.

"AAAHHHHH!"

I fell to my knees while grabbing my head. Tears were pouring out of my eyes like rainfall. Mama was mortified and rushed to hold me. Papa did the same.

"Paula! What's wrong?!", mama said.

But I couldn't hear her properly.

Questions. There were so many questions. Who is this girl? What are they concerned about? How has it been affecting her life? Any symptoms? How about pain? It was like a flood too big for a dam to control, or the ramblings of an overzealous scholar too quick for a scribe to write down. I felt overloaded. But they kept coming. Has any of her family had the same issues popping up? Have they gotten worse? What's their daily life like? Any hobbies? How does that affect her? Question after question. And sometimes questions turned into theories, and theories turned into routes. Some lead into dead ends, while others branched out even further. Hundreds of mistakes, hundreds of successes, so many problems, and so many remedies. There were so many scenarios happening at once. Defiant screaming in a corner, compliance to trust, consoling words ignored, progress made, progress destroyed. In some of those visions I saw me, while in others I saw kids of different genders, age and species. Some kids came alone, while others had their families, and their friends. Each had their own problems, and each had their own solutions. It was like the doctor's whole professional life was being shoved into my brain. He stared at all of them with those same absorbing eyes. It was a grand curiosity that wanted to understand everything about you- so many emotions, and too much to take in.

"AAAHHHHHH!"

I kept screaming, it was unbearable. I just wanted the noise to go away. I wanted it to leave.

Go away go away go away go away!

Mommy was holding me tight, "P-paula, relax! Mommy's here, I got you." She rubbed my head to see if it would calm me down.

It didn't…

Papa looked at the doctor once more, "please! Can you help her?" The doctor was still star struck with my sudden outburst before finally responding back, "of-of course! Please, follow me to my office. Quickly now!" The doctor and the nurse then rushed to the hallways. My papa picked me up, and followed after. Mama did so too, looking terrified. As if I was gonna die a dramatic death.

I'm sorry Mommy, it's my fault.

We finally reached the room, inside was a bed, a desk with books and papers on top, and a couple of cabinets, filled with strange bottles. The doctor pointed towards the bed, "sit her down there and we will get started." Complying with his request, papa sat me down gently on the sofa cushion. Mommy then rushed to my side, holding my hand as if it would soothe me.

It almost did.

But I could hear the worriedness in her voice, and that faint yellow glow I had seen before was already beginning to make its way into me.

Both of my parents were mortified. I could see it in their eyes. It was this gripping fever of aching heart, and eyes quickly glossing over with tears not yet willing, but absolutely ready to burst. It was this crippling helplessness. It was this feeling of longing to be there for the ones you love, but powerless to do anything for them. Shame, and fear of death, not of your own, but of those who can hurt you with their disappearance.

"Everything is going to be ok darling." Momma, and papa kept telling me the same words over, and over again like one does with a wish. It was like they were trying to change reality with a chant. If we keep saying it then of course it will come true. Again, and again. They kept saying it adding more weight to it each time like an anchor being used to keep something in place in fear of it wandering off, or being taken by the storming seas. Half of it was for me, but I could tell half of the words were for themselves as well. They were trying to convince themselves that this wouldn't end in a tragedy.

However, elsewhere in the room, a radiant blue was emanating from the doctor who had a potion ready in hand. It was like the peace of the ocean, familiar and reliable. The same waves coming in, and out like the gentle breath of sleep. It seemed to say that the doctor had been in turbulent waters before, but his practiced mind had managed to navigate through them. He, and his clients had all known discord, but each time, they steered the boat to calmer, safer waters. He, and his passengers rowed together, each taking the trip from chaos to peace.

"Paula? Can you hear me?" His presence pierced through the yellow glint of fear, and I was covered in the tropical blue of his aura. "Breathe. I want you to breath? Can you do that for me? Can you breath paula?" My breathing slowed matching his; In and out, out and in. "Good girl. That's it dear," Tender voice in my ear, soothing like smoke from a campfire. "Breath," in and out, out and in. "That's it. Stay in the present. Breath. Tell me what you nee- "

Those same green eyes, curiosity pulsating all around.

That was the trigger.

And then the same spiral of questions, and scenarios re-ran, crashing into me. It was like a thousand people wandering in a circle, retracing their steps, and marching in a deafening drum.

"AHHHHHHHHHH"

A change in shades. From light green to the same sickly yellow my parents had; the doctor was at a loss.

"Oh dear… The bottle it is then."

ploomf*

Cork unplugged, A gentle hand, my head tilted up, bottle to nose… aroma, A sweet gentle aroma, fading world. And then, I was fast asleep.

Thank You for reading, let me know what you think. Criticism is always welcome, I'm prepared for it.See ya.-JJ