Chapter#1

The drive to the Brady Pub was tense, for the both.

Ben felt worse than he did on their first date. They had a repour and sense of comfort with each other back then. Now he felt like it was a blind date and he was meeting his date for the first time, and working overtime not to say anything to kill any chances of a second date or worse faking illness and watching them walk out of the restaurant and conveniently losing his number.

Ciara could feel Ben's anxiety bouncing all over. Moments when he seemed nervous to speak and when he did burst out in bits of a nervous laughter. He wasn't like that when he came to see her in the hospital. For a minute she wondered if he was planning to do something to her. Was she right to be suspicious of him? That he really was who she knew him as, who they all knew him as? She then thought of her first interaction with him and all his emotional outburst in tears and frustration. They were real. His eyes were soft and pleading most of the time when he saw her looking for a sign that she recognized him. The look of losing hope every time she lashed out at him. They seemed to be communicating for the first time when he came and tried to apologize to her in her hospital room. The apology for trying to stick her with a hypodermic needle fool of drugs. Ciara paused and deliberated what may have provoked him to do something like that. The hypnosis didn't work, and she was verbally abusive to him when he begged her to try again. Desperation could have set in for him. But thinking about what he tried to do to her made her angry again. She was not going to excuse what he did no matter why. She was willing to give their marriage a chance. To see why she married him, but he was not going to get off easy for that even if she got her memory back. She was his wife but not his property.

Ben tried again with small talk. He looked over at the bakery a few blocks from the pub. "Hope Roman has strawberry shortcake today. I'm dying for a berry fix."

Ciara felt bad not knowing if that was something she would have known before or not, "You like strawberries?"

"All types of berries? I love a good blueberry muffin, toasted slightly dark with butter." He smiled.

"Slightly dark?" she was surprised, "You like almost burnt blueberry muffins."

"The smokey taste I love. Especially with the butter right in the middle." Ben's smile was broad.

Ciara tried to process his revelation, "I'm surprised I can stand living with smokey the bear." She noticed; He was quiet. " I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you."

"You didn't." He then quickly tried to change the subject. " I'm dying for a corned beef sandwich for sure."

A few seconds passed and Ciara could sense Ben was evading the question," Something seems off. You dodging the question or something Mr. Slick? You ran from that like you were in a marathon. What?"

Ben swallowed hard feeling like his admission could cause an argument" It's just…just…."

"Just what? Spit it out Porky Pig. What is it?" Ciara demanded.

"It's just that the muffins were, how do I say it your specialty." Ben started to sweat.

Ciara's mouth dropped open and she closed her eyes before responding, "My specialty? I take it you're saying that there are a few more meals that got incinerated?"

Ben took a very deep breathe, "You tried very hard and that's all that counts." He then pulled into the parking lot of the pub.

"The way you describe it, it's a miracle I didn't put you in the hospital." She then saw him go quite:" There it is again. That silence. I'm not a baby tell me what happened."

"It was just a few hours in ER that's all." Ben could feel his shirt become soaking wet with perspiration.

"The ER are you freakin' serious? I gave you food poisoning." Ciara sat up straight as she unbuckled her seat belt.

"It was my fault. I should have realized the bones were too pink on the chicken and not eaten that much." He then began to laugh, "I was thinking while you were helping me to the car, Gabi accused me of goldbricking and you yelled at her what proof she needed I was sick and I hurled all over the cherub statue's head. From the look on your face it was hard to tell if you were in horror or trying not to laugh at the look on Gabi's. "Ben saw Ciara wasn't laughing and looked perturbed. " Sorry I guess it wasn't that funny."

Ciara then realized what was happening with Ben as well as herself, "I'm the one who is sorry. I m making you feel like you're walking on eggshells when you're with me." She decided she had no other choice but to trust him with her vulnerability, "Ever since I woke and found you sitting by my bedside and not knowing why you were there and your reaction. Part of me knew something was wrong. Just casually sitting there and when Aunt Kayla came and didn't call security or the police but spoke to you friendly and wasn't afraid of you, I could feel something was off. I asked her why you were there, and she didn't say why. I asked my grandparents about you too and they wouldn't tell me why. When you left and I asked Uncle Roman he was reluctant to tell me but finally did. I felt a relief but at the same time a guilt. What wife can't even feel a glimmer of recognition for her own husband."

Ben turned and faced her," What happened isn't your fault. You have nothing to feel guilty about. "

"Don't I? From the minute I woke up I've been nothing but verbally abusive to you. And when you wanted to comfort me after the failed hypnosis. I pushed you away, literally pushed you away." She pulled her hair behind her let ear, "To the point I pushed you the extreme."

Ben took her left hand and kissed it, "Babe, there is no excuse for what I did. Ever since that day I feel violently ill thinking about what I almost did to you. Ciara you are my world and my everything and I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose you but at the same time I keep driving you away. I keep wanting you to remember me but there has been so much you accomplished without me that you need to remember for yourself."

"I feel like a stranger to you and myself." Ciara squeezed his hand, "Maybe if Aunt Kayla had told me right away everything things would be better. I know she was afraid of my blood pressure and all but so much could have been avoided maybe. I feel so alone. "

"You're frustrated. I get it. It's your mind the one thing you knew and that kills you that you're not sure anymore." Ben took Ciara's face in his hands, "You're not alone I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. You're my wife and I don't mean that possessive. Whatever hurdles or obstacles in your way we'll defeat them together you and me. You have my commitment, my strength, my heart and my love to support you."

Taking in every word, Ciara took his face in her hands, brought it closer to hears and began to kiss his lips passionately.