Steve suddenly felt every eye turn towards him. But he didn't stop. He had to make sure they took him as a volunteer. Not Bucky.
He made it to the edge of the stage with the colorful lady just staring down at him. He ran to the stairs where Bucky was now standing being held by a guard.
"Steve! You stop this." He shouted. But Steve ignored him. He bounded up the steps and stood where the male tribute usually stood. He looked out at the crowd and only mournful faces looked back at him.
He locked eyes with his mom and even from this distance he could see her tears. She just looked at him with terror on her face and he just stared as the lady began talking into the microphone. A noise from his side caught his attention, Bucky was fighting with his guard, trying to get up the stairs. He looked desperately at Steve.
"Steve! You get down-" The guard pulled him and he fell back, hitting the pavement hard. "Let me go! He can't take my place I have to-" The butt of the guards rifle slammed against Bucky's chest and he slammed back onto the ground.
He tried to get up but the guard was now tying up his hands. He saw Bucky was about to try to resist and he knew that would just end in a beating for him.
"Buck, STOP." He commanded. His voice reverberated through the microphone that he was close too. And once again the crowd went silent. He clenched his fists tight to his side, he was shaking, and his breathing was uneven.
Bucky just looked at him with a face of pure terror and anger.
Something the lady said made the crowd clap. It wasn't a joyous clapping, it was the subdued clap of an audience watching two children who were about to die.
A guard directed Steve and Maureen through the wide double doors behind them and the crowd noise disappeared.
—
He sat in a small room, he'd known the tributes were allowed to say goodbye to their families, but he'd never pictured it. And it being in this tiny little room with just a few chairs and a window made it a somber picture. To know that 73 male tributes before him had sat in this very room, picturing their upcoming death.
The door cracked open and his mom stepped in. They just stared at each other for a moment before Steve spoke.
"I'm so sorry" He said, his voice cracking. Then the tears that he'd been trying to hold on to since they put him in that miserable room fell hot and fast out of his eyes.
His mom made some noise of concern and suddenly she was hugging him and stroking his hair, and he could feel her tears too and that just made him cry harder.
"I had too," he whispered, "I had too." His voice came out mumbled against her shirt but she heard what he was trying to say.
"I know baby, I know." She said squeezing him harder.
"I know the Barnes' will look after you when I'm gone. That's another reason why- I just know that in the long run, Bucky'll- he'll be able to-"
She cut him off with another hug. Pulling him away and looking him in the eyes, "I will never understand where you got this bravery and courage." She said smiling at him through her tears. "How did my baby boy turn into such a kind and good man?" His eyes continued to shed tears as she wiped them away with her thumbs.
"I got it from you ma, you know that." He hugged her again, breathing in the scent of lavender and vanilla from the homemade soap she used on her clothes.
"Oh Steve... I wish it wasn't you," She said, allowing the fear that he saw in her eyes at the ceremony to enter her voice a bit.
"I know, but I couldn't let it be Bucky, he's already done so much for me, I can do this for him, so that he can be with his family and sisters and he can provide for you better than I can and I know he will. And I wouldn't have been able to help his family and that's why I knew- I knew I had to volunteer to take his place and…" he didn't know how to stop his rambling except to promise his mom that he wasn't just giving up. He didn't know exactly how to say it, but he tried, "I'll do my best... you know that right, ma? I'll try to make you proud in there."
Her eyes were locked on his. "You already make me proud just by being you Steve. Don't let that awful arena change you." Her eyes were full of love and sadness and he had to look away or he would never stop crying.
It didn't seem like more than a minute later when the guard was knocking at the door for his ma to leave. They held each other tight for just a moment longer and then she stepped away. At the door she turned around and gave a small salute and he returned it with fervor. Then she was gone and Steve felt himself sink onto a chair.
That was too much. Too much to bear saying goodbye and knowing you won't ever see them again. Another knock sounded and his head whipped up to the door.
Mr. and Mrs Barnes entered shyly and he put on a brave face for them. They'd always been like parents to him and he wanted them to know he was thankful.
He was about to say something when Mrs. Barnes' face broke and she sobbed and threw her arms around him.
"You precious, precious, brave boy. You- you are too- you won't ever know how much you have done for my family." She stammered through her tears and hugged and squeezed him and whatever he was about to say got lost in her sobbing and hugging him fiercely.
When she finally let him go, her eyes were red and he knew he looked much the same.
Mr. Barnes put his hand on his shoulder and spoke in a husky tone that betrayed deep emotion.
"I know you think doing this saves our son, and you are right, but you're forgetting that you're our son too. And we don't prefer to see you go just because it means James gets to stay." The knot in his throat got thicker and he choked out a sob that brought Mrs. Barnes back to his side, hugging him and speaking to him softly with whatever reassuring things she could think of in this terrible situation.
Mr. Barnes pressed something into his hands and they said their final goodbyes.
A small bronze compass sat in the palm of his hand. He opened it and gasped at how beautiful the mechanisms were.
He kept thinking that it was too beautiful and expensive and that he couldn't accept this. But they were already gone and he was not going to just leave it in this room. Maybe it could be his token.
The next few minutes were quiet. And with anguish he thought maybe Bucky was too mad at him to come say goodbye. But then he heard footsteps and the door clicked open.
Bucky stepped in and shut the door. His face was a brighter red than Steve had ever seen and his eyes were bloodshot.
Steve swallowed down the fear that this might be the last time they ever saw each other and waited for Bucky to say something.
"What were you thinking Steve?" He finally exploded. "I know you think you can do whatever you want but you just CAN'T! What do you think is going to happen when you die in there huh? And you're going to make me sit here, helpless to do anything, and just watch? Your ma? Huh? What about your ma, Steve? You just didn't think about anything did you! What if you're allergic to the whole damn arena Steve? You think they're going to have Eucalyptus or medicine for your lungs? You heart? You-" His voice cracked and he tore at his hair. "I was supposed to be the one to go! I tried talking sense into the people out there but no one will listen! I don't care that 'rules are rules"! This is not the same! I just-"
"Buck-" Steve began.
"NO-" Bucky cut him off, "you don't get to pretend that you did the right thing! Maybe I'm better suited to survive in the arena huh? Maybe I had a chance to come back home-" That cut Steve deeper than he'd like to admit.
"So you don't think I have a chance?" He asked quietly, cutting the room into silence.
Bucky turned from the corner where he had been pacing and yelling and stared at Steve with wide-eyes, realizing what he'd said and how Steve had taken it.
"No Steve, I just meant-" he choked and walked closer, "I just meant that-"
"I know what you meant, Buck." Steve responded, cutting him off. "I may not be suited for the arena, but that doesn't mean that I'm not making the right choice in going."
"No. Listen Steve-" Bucky started again.
"No, now it's my turn!" Steve shouted. "I've been taken care of, protected, and watched out for, by you, my mom, and everyone else in this district for 18 years! I've never been able to really help in the way that I should. Collecting scrap metal in my little red wagon is not the sort of job a guy pictures for himself when growing up. But this is something I can do. I can take your place. You're right, I don't have a chance."
Bucky opended his mouth to talk but Steve continued, cutting him off. "But odds are you wouldn't have made it home either. And when I think about my mom's future, and your sisters, and your parents? I know that you are the one they need. Not me. Nobody needed me Bucky, not until today. Your family needed me to take your place. I needed to protect you for once. And by volunteering for you, I did, I protected you and your family's future, and I know you'll protect my ma, so in a way this is me protecting her too. And I'd do it again. Without question."
Bucky covered his eyes with both his palms. He sobbed into his hands and Steve closed the gap quickly and threw his arms around him. They cried together and Steve felt a sadness cut so deep that he felt like he was being split in two.
Half of him wanted desperately to stay and live the rest of his life with the people he loved, but the other side knew that wasn't an option and the overwhelming weight of knowing he would never see them again almost crushed him.
The guard knocked on the door way too soon and Bucky's face of fear and anguish must have mirrored his own.
"Wait, give this back to your pa. It's way too expensive to get lost in the arena." He brandished the compass and held it out to Bucky. Instead of grabbing it, Bucky reached into his own pocket and pulled out an exact copy. He showed it to Steve with a sad smile.
"These were supposed to be our 19th birthday presents." He clenched the compass back into his fist and shoved it into his pocket. "But since we don't get to celebrate that together, my pa thought it best to give it to us now." Bucky's lips were set in a grimace and Steve realized how many things they were never going to get to do together. He'd never watch Bucky get married, or see Bucky's sisters grow up, or celebrate his ma's birthday, or finish his book.
"My book!" Steve reached into his other pocket and gave Bucky his work keys. "Don't tell them you have them. Maybe it can be a safe place for you, or I don't know- Just let them think I accidentally took them to the arena if they come asking. Can you save my book? Give it to my ma or something." Bucky nodded slightly.
"You'll take care of my ma, right Buck? I know you're mad at me but we always promised-"
"Of course Steve," Bucky cut him off, "as long as I'm alive she'll be taken care of. I promise. And yeah, I'm furious at you. But you're still my best friend, always will be and she's a second mom to me." Steve nodded, not trusting his voice to speak. They hugged once more and stood there, unsure of what to say.
The guard knocked again and Bucky stepped towards the door.
"Don't do anything stupid until I come back." Steve called after him.
"How can I?" Bucky responded with a faltering smile, "you're taking all the stupid with you." The door clicked shut and it was silent in that room as he waited.
Despair creeped under his collar as he felt the true nature of how alone he really was and would be until his inevitable death in the arena.
The guard knocked again, coming to collect him for the train. He squared his shoulders and remembered his promise to his mom. He was Steve Rogers and he had never given up before, and he wasn't about to start now. He would try.
—-
He was carefully guarded as they left the room, the building, and drove to the platform. He'd never ridden in a car before and he enjoyed the experience even though it was driving him to a place that he wouldn't return from.
He'd tried to talk to Maureen when they'd gotten into the car but the guards had told him to be quiet so he'd dropped it, not wanting her to get in trouble. But she had smiled weakly at him so he knew she wasn't an enemy.
He'd always hated that most. When one tribute from a district killed the other. It was hard to come back home after being the only survivor out of 24 kids, but to have your neighbors be the family of someone you killed was almost unbearable. It rarely happened in the arena, usually half of the kids died on the first day anyways. He hoped she or he would be dead instead of having to make that choice.
His stomach turned at the thought. In less than a month and a half he would probably be dead. He stole a glance at Maureen. She was tan with dark hair and nice eyes, but she was slim and frail just like almost everyone from district 12 was. She would probably be dead too.
He thought of his ma, and Bucky, and drawing and anything else that came to mind as the car sped towards the platform. Shacks, and buildings, and people flashed past faster than his memories.
—-
When they parked outside the platform, he stood gaping taking everything in. Sure he'd seen the trains from afar a few times, but that was nothing compared to standing next to it.
A sleek metallic tube with darkened windows and bright silver accents stood hissing and puffing on the tracks. The emblem was emblazoned on every door as the hydraulics hissed open and he could see plush and luxurious rooms behind them.
The guard prodded him forward, but the bright capitol lady appeared before he could step foot onto the train.
"Hello, Hello!" She chirped, her sunflower colored eyes staring too deeply at him. He hair, which was a shade of white that matched her skin reflected the red glow of the train lights and looked terrifying.
"We are soooooo happy to have you aboard!" She chirped again, reaching out to pat his shoulder but then changing her mind and retracting it slowly. "We do ask that you take off your shoes as coal dust is incredibly difficult to remove!" She said it so cheerily that Steve almost didn't catch the condescension in her tone.
He and Maureen stole a glance but they just shrugged and acquiesced. He knew they were going to be given an entire new wardrobe anyway, so why try to fight it now?
He unlaced his boots and looked unsure of what to do with them. A guard grabbed both pairs and tossed them into a nearby garbage bin.
Steve and Maureen both gasped. Throwing away a decent pair of shoes like that was a cardinal sin in their district, those could be worn for many more years and then the leather taken and used elsewhere, and the laces repurposed.
"Can…" Steve gulped, "can't these be given back to our families?"
The capitol lady seemed taken aback by his request. "Now why would your family want those ratty old things?" She chatted. "Come this way darlings. Come this way!" She disappeared through the door and with one last glance back at the trash cans they were pushed into the train by the guards.
Steve stepped onto the softest carpet he'd ever felt beneath his feet. Then he corrected himself. He'd never really stepped on carpet before, just rugs, but he knew what a carpet was and he was shocked at the plushness beneath his socks.
The capital lady appeared in front of them once again, startling Maureen and Steve steadied her with his hand. She looked at him gratefully as she began speaking.
"Now, you will be shown to your cabins, it's about a three day's journey to the Capitol!" She crowed. "I can't wait for you to see what you have been missing!" Steve stiffened. Was this lady that out of touch? "When you get to your quarters, please shower and change into the outfits that have been laid out for you." She looked at Steve, "Yours may be a bit big, they couldn't find a men's pair in your size, and we assume you don't want a child's size?"
"It's fine." He quipped, "I'm used to things fitting big."
"Of course you are!" She squeaked, clapping merrily, "Now when you have finished getting cleaned up, make sure you come to the dining hall!"
She waved them off and the guards led them to their cabins.
The guard showed him how to work the shower after he had tried and set off some sweet smelling soap that filled the whole shower with a foam. He nodded when he thought he understood and he tried again.
The hot water was a luxury that no one in his district had below the administrative level. He knew the mayor and council's homes had hot water but he'd never really known what it meant to relax in the shower or bath, it was just part of the daily routine.
But this shower, with all its gadgets and gizmos was one of the most relaxing things he'd ever experienced.
The warm water released the tension in his joints, the steam helped his lungs relax and the soap sprayer meant he was cleaner than he'd probably been since his mom had bathed him as a little baby.
He looked through the drawers in the bathroom and found a whole assortment of tools. Some he recognized and others that looked too frightening to touch.
He brushed his hair the way his ma liked, and used some slimy gel to keep it in place. He cleaned and clipped his nails, and made sure he put everything back where it had come from. He wrapped his towel around his skinny frame and went into the bedroom.
The guard hadn't let him see it until he'd changed out of his coal covered clothes, and now Steve knew why. If he'd seen this bed the first thing he'd have wanted to do was run and jump on it. He quickly put on the soft jumpsuit that was too big for him and zipped it up. Then he ran and jumped as high as he could, hitting the plush comforter with a whumpf.
He almost thought of falling asleep right then, exhausted as he was from all the emotions running through his mind, but the lady had mentioned coming to a dining hall, and a dining hall meant food. If the food was anything like the rest of this train…. He was excited to find out.
So he put on the soft-soled shoes that were laying next to his door, surprised by how well those fit, and went out to the corridor eager to explore.
—
*A/N - Hope you're enjoying so far! I'm excited for the next chapter to introduce some more canon characters! Follow along and leave a review if you have time! I'd love to hear your thoughts!