All That You Are

It had been a few weeks since her arrival on the Enterprise, and Beverly was finally starting to feel settled. Taking her seat at the table in the Observation Lounge, she waited for the other senior officers to arrive for their morning meeting. Gazing out of the window, she watched the stars shoot past in bursts of colored light.

As usual, her thoughts drifted towards her husband and her son. Wes had, as expected, acclimated to life on the Enterprise in a matter of days. Already, he had made several friends and – as promised – the Captain had given him a tour of the bridge. He even offered to give him the tour during Gamma shift so Jack could be there as well, assuming it was a moment a father would want to be a part of. Beverly sighed loudly at the memory. Jack was not at all pleased with Wes being on the bridge. Despite the Captain assuring him that it was his idea, Jack blamed Beverly – saying she overstepped and used her position as CMO to get Wes a tour. Deep down, Beverly knew Jack wasn't happy with his new post and that was what was causing his frustration. When he applied, he had hoped to be promoted to Lieutenant Commander, but that hadn't happened. She knew he also was disappointed he was assigned to Gamma shift. Often, she felt her rank as a Commander – and now her position as CMO – made Jack feel as though he was inferior to her.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Startled by the unexpected voice, Beverly swiveled her chair back around to face the table, coming face to face with the Captain, who had just taken his seat at the head of the table.

"Captain." She placed her hand on her chest, feeling her heart race from the surprise of his voice. "I didn't hear you come in. Good morning."

"Is everything alright, Doctor?"

She nodded, giving him a soft smile. "Yes, Sir, of course. I was just thinking."

He gave her one quick nod in return as the other members of the senior staff arrived. Within minutes they were all deep in conversation about their upcoming mission. Beverly looked at the team around her, taking them in one by one. Will, Data, Worf, Deanna, Tasha, Geordi. She was still getting to know everyone on a personal level, but she could already tell they were all going to work extremely well together. It was the energy. She didn't need to be an empath like Deanna to feel it. From the first time they all met, the synergy was there. For a long time she had longed to be a part of a solid team, and it seemed her time had finally arrived.

And then there was the Captain.

She looked at the strong, confident man sitting next to her as he spoke, really looked at him. When he addressed a crowd – of any size – his eyes sparkled. She wondered if he knew that. Could others see the passion in his eyes as well? A week prior she had overheard some of her staff talking about him. Apparently, word around the ship was that he was cold and unwelcoming, but her experiences told her otherwise.

They hadn't spent much time together aside from staff meetings, her limited time on the bridge, and their one away mission…but the kindness that exuded from him when he spoke with her was unmistakable. For a moment she wondered if he only acted that way towards her, but inwardly shook her head at the thought. It was absurd. Why would he treat her any differently than any other member of his crew?

She did have to admit he was wonderful with Wesley. Her son had taken to the Captain immediately, talking non-stop about all he knew about the Enterprise and about his aspirations to join Starfleet – even though that possibility was still a decade away. To his credit, the Captain had engaged fully with Wes – answering question after question the young boy had. Letting her mind once again wander back to the tour of the bridge, Beverly recalled the moment when Wes had grabbed the Captain's hand. Without hesitating, the Captain had grasped his little hand in his own as he showed her son the many consoles and gadgets the bridge had to offer. He had even allowed Wes to sit in the "big chair". She wondered if Jack had noticed how the Captain had been with Wes? Perhaps that was adding to his long list of current frustrations.

"…and we'll reconvene at 1600 hours to discuss logistics. Dismissed."

Hearing the end to the meeting pulled her back to reality. She had work to do to prepare sickbay and her staff for their upcoming mission, as several casualties were, unfortunately, expected. Pushing herself back from the table, she moved to leave, but the Captain caught her eye.

"Doctor, do you have a moment?"

Nodding, she sat back in her seat and met his gaze. She prayed he hadn't noticed her mind wandering towards the end of the meeting. "What can I do for you, Captain?"

His demeanor softened as she spoke. "I just wanted to make sure you were really okay. You seem a bit distracted this morning. Are you nervous about the mission? I know there will be a stress on your staff and sickbay."

"No, Sir. My team will be ready to go."

Tilting his head slightly to the side, he quirked an eyebrow at her. Embarrassed, she smiled awkwardly and bent her head to look at her hands, hands that were currently fidgeting on her lap. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed his hand reach for hers, but he stopped midway and pulled his hand back to his own lap.

"Permission to speak freely, Doctor?" She slowly brought her head up to look at him. Seeing the genuine concern in his eyes, she nodded. "Is everything okay…personally? You don't seem like your usual self."

"Yes, everything is fine." She didn't enjoy lying to him, but she also didn't think it was appropriate to let the Captain know her husband was unhappy with his current assignment or career path. She caught his questioning look.

"You know as your commanding officer I could order you to tell me the truth." He gave her a big smile, causing a blush to rise up her neck to her cheeks.

"Yes, you could, but we both know you wouldn't dare, Captain." She returned his smile with one of her own. The light banter helping lift her mood.

"Please know I'm here if you ever want – or need – to talk. Despite what people on this ship think of me –" He stopped talking as her eyes went wide at his admission. "Yes, I'm fully aware people see me as a cold, uncaring old man. However, I can promise you that is not who I am. I'm always here if you need me."

His hazel eyes looked into hers as his offer hung in the air. Again, he had shocked her. She hadn't expected him to offer his ear anytime she needed to talk. Without any close friends on the ship she felt comfortable confiding in – at least not yet – she truly appreciated his offer.

After a few long moments, she finally responded. "Thank you, Captain. I'll keep that in mind."

"Sickbay to Doctor Crusher."

Her comm badge echoed through the room. She answered the call, then looked at the Captain for permission to leave. Nodding, she rose out of her chair and made her way to the door. Before she was close enough to trigger the opening mechanism, she turned to address him.

"For the record, Captain." He turned to look at her as she spoke, eyebrows raised in curiosity at was she was about to say. "I've never considered you to be a cold, uncaring old man. Quite the opposite, actually."

Flashing another smile his way, she walked out the door, leaving him with a look of utter disbelief on his face.

All That You Are, written by John Rzeznik and John Shanks, performed by the Goo Goo Dolls