Chapter Two – Longings & Concerns
And it is said by the Eldar that in water there lives yet the echo of the Music of the Ainur more than in any substance else that is in this Earth; and many of the Children of Ilúvatar hearken still unsated to the voices of the Sea, and yet know not for what they listen. ― J.R.R. Tolkien
Third Age 2953, two weeks prior to the final meeting of the White Council at Imladris
As Elrond handed off the final signed scroll to Erestor's assistant, Cevenien, the Lord of Imladris reflected that his reputation for infinite patience might revert towards the impetuous impatience of his long grown passed youth if the highly efficient elleth sitting opposite him dared to produce so much as one more scroll from the satchel at her feet. Cevenien's enthusiasm for her role, which involved assisting in matters effecting the organisation and running of the elven settlement, was commendable, but their meeting had already run late.
On any other day Elrond, would have enjoyed her enthusiastic and academically rigorous mind, but his thoughts and concerns were elsewhere today and had been similarly for a number of months recently. Few but his closest advisors, those who he counted as family, knew why and Cevenien was not part of that inner circle. He'd set aside precious time, that morning, to go riding with Celebrían, craving the quiet of her company, instead he was stuck discussing agricultural reports, winter stores inventory and reports from the healing halls. That was without Cevenien thinking to ask about arrangements for the forth coming White Council Meeting, or details of the various visitors who would be arriving to the Valley because of the event.
Cevenien was very good at her role, eagerly presenting well thought out strategies for the betterment of the Valley seemingly without break for breath. At least without pausing long enough for Elrond to find a polite means to bring the meeting to end before the lunch bells were rung. Elrond hid his frustration, working hard to maintain a placid and interested expression. Sure enough, the elleth reach down to the satchel at her feet, bringing out yet another piece of rolled parchment and laying it on the dark wood surface of his desk with a bright smile. Her fingers were reaching to unroll the document for review when Elrond's took his moment.
"I thank you for your suggestions, but I think anything else outstanding might be best explored at another time." he said evenly.
"I just thought we might discuss the Council meeting arrangements? I had–"
Too many thoughts with no ability to read the appropriateness of timing when caught up in your ideas, Elrond thought.
Cevenien, looked up from the scroll, expecting Elrond's interested attention. Instead, she the saw the briefest shifting in her Lord's expression. It was subtle, a slight drawing together of his dark brows, and the narrowing of his grey eyes. Then expression was gone almost as soon as it appeared.
"I do not have time for this at the moment, Cevenien." he said, firmer.
The elleth read his frustration as annoyance, and rushed to correct what she thought might have been caused by her overstepping into a subject which Erestor, Elrond's Chief Advisor, had not asked her to bring up. To her mind, it had been an expedient moment for the topic, since she had Elrond's attention, but obviously not... Inwardly flustered, the elleth tried to alter their conversation course.
"May I, I mean… perhaps I should discuss the arrangement with the Lady Celebrían, Hîr nin?" she asked, confident that this was not, in of itself, an unusual suggestion.
"I do not wish Lady Celebrían bothered with such details at this time." Elrond said, his tone sharper than his normal quietly authoritative manner.
Cevenien was again unsure what she had said wrong, but that same expression was back on his face and now seemed firmly fixed.
"Then to whom should I speak?"
"Converse with Erestor on the subject." Elrond said, recognising that the slightly nervous expression of the young elleth in front of him was his fault, and unfairly so. He offered her a small smile as apology. "Arwen could have perhaps helped but she is, as you know, travelling back from Lothlorien with Lady Galadriel's travelling host. I am sure any arrangement will be well dealt with between yourself and Erestor."
"But if I could–"
"Please speak with Erestor, Cevenien. I am afraid I have let my morning run away from me, and I am now late for another meeting." Elrond said, standing up in a very pointed manner.
Cevenien copied the movement, understanding she was being politely dismissed and cursing her own impetuousness in raising the subject of the council meeting at all. Erestor warned her before about becoming too excited in a subject and failing to read her audience's reaction.
"Of course, hîr nin Elrond." she said with a polite bow of her head, the faintest of pink flushes on her cheeks as she gathered the scrolls she had brought.
His attention elsewhere, Elrond discarded the rich flowing formality of his over robes to reveal much simpler riding clothes beneath and reached for his sword belt. He missed Cevenien's rushed bow and rapid retreat from his study as he set his desk to rights in a harried manner. Striding from the room, his thoughts turned to Celebrían again as he headed down the corridor toward their private rooms.
A soft call of his name made him hesitate as Glorfindel approached with a scroll in his hand, leaving Elrond with more annoyed thoughts about whether demands on his time would ever end today.
Elrond's expression was easy enough for the Captain of his guard to read. Smiling, Glorfindel tucked the scroll into the sleave of his tunic like a magician performing an act of slight-of-hand.
"I had thought to discuss these with you, but perhaps not." he said, good natured humour colouring his voice as he fell into step with Elrond. "On seeing Cevenien rushing from your rooms, I think perhaps you do not have the time or patience."
"She is ever enthusiastic on her subjects of conversation." Elrond said mildly. "The fault is mine. I did not call a halt to our meeting in a timely manner and now I am late."
"And heading in the wrong direction, I think, mellon nin." Elrond paused, turning to Glorfindel. "The fair lady you are seeking left the stables on her mare just over an hour ago heading towards the river."
Elrond sighed. "How was her mood?"
"Sweet tempered, as ever, but perhaps a little worn." Glorfindel said honestly, saddened to see the way the Elrond's brow furrowed further with worry. "She did not linger to make conversation."
"I should go to join her." Elrond said, turning to head in the opposite direction but stilling when Glorfindel reached to catch his arm.
"Tarry a moment longer as I have something which I think will raised her spirits greatly." Glorfindel said, holding his hand out to reveal a long, thin strip of rolled parchment on his palm. It was a type used to attach to messenger birds and bore a broken wax seal patterned with an artistic rendering of entwined mallorn leaves and branches; Galadriel & Celeborn's emblem.
"Are they close?" Elrond asked.
For the first time since they had begun talking, his voice showed a small spark of energy, reminding Glorfindel that as his Lord's wife's moods shifted with the worries of the world, so did her husband's.
"They have not yet reached the borders but report they are a day from doing so."
"And he and Arwen are with the travelling host?"
"Of course."
"Good, that is good. Celebrían will be happy to hear it." Elrond said, sounding relieved.
Glorfindel dropped his voice slightly, conscience they were in a public space and could be overheard.
"She strong, Elrond, like her mother. You should try not to linger on this worry. The weight of the anxiousness you have been carrying recently would be upsetting for her to see."
"But not as strong as she tries to appear." Elrond replied quietly. "My concern is not without foundation, or the wish that it was not necessary."
"I know."
A moment's silence passed between the two ellyn and it was heavy with significance.
"I should go." Elrond said, turning to walk in the direction that would take him toward the gardens and stables beyond.
"Indeed, but you are heading the wrong way again." Glorfindel said with a throaty laugh. "Your horse is saddled and waiting for you out front."
Glorfindel was gifted with a tentative smile from Elrond for his thoughtfulness.
"Thank you, mellon nin. I am grateful for all that you do."
"I will also ensure your afternoon is left undisturbed unlike your morning so far."
Glorfindel bowed with a warm smile and walked away, call over his shoulder, "You will find a light lunch for two wrapped, packed and tied to your saddle. Enjoy your afternoon."
ooOOoo
Third Age 2953, one week prior to the final meeting of the White Council at Imladris
Bilbo's spirits had been high all morning, still tickled, as he was by whimsy of Gandalf having them camp by the petrified remains of the trolls from his journey so long ago. It had sparked so many memories for them both. Their campfire conversation that night had been full of remembrances both sad and funny. Ending, before sleep finally took him, with Bilbo mulled over quite how he'd come to be on this journey again.
Gandalf's visits to the Shire had been infrequent over the years that followed Bilbos return from Erebor. He was always welcome in Bilbo's home, with an offer of a good meal and pipe weed and wine by the fire afterwards. The two friends would exchange old stories and reminisce, sometimes with young Frodo sat between them on the hearth rug listening with wide-eyed fascination to tales that grew taller with each retelling of them.
Gandalf's most recent visit was unannounced, as usual. A knock on Bilbo's door resulting in him opening it to find Gandalf on his doorstep, stooped down to see through and smiling widely and proclaiming, in amusement, that Bilbo was aging well. Bilbo's reply had been that Gandalf was so craggy of features to appear never to age at all. Over dinner, that night, Gandalf had issued an invitation to join him on his next journey. Now, they were travelling on horseback through the perimeter of the Trollshaws, heading for Imladris, the elven settlement that had so enchanted Bilbo on his one visit in his youth.
"You're grinning, what are you thinking of, my old friend?" Gandalf asked.
"How the journey differs from when last time we took this path."
"I thought that bones older from previous adventures might enjoy travelling on horseback to walking."
"It has certainly lacked the chase of our first journey."
"Two travelling alone, but carefully, bring less attention than a troop of hunted Dwarves."
"Shall we enter the Valley again through the caves?"
"No, I thought to make that part of the journey easier, too." Gandalf said with a secretive sort of smile. "You might say I called ahead."
They crested a hill, stopping briefly for Gandalf to check on their direction via the position of the sun above the trees, before heading downhill. The horses picked a winding path between the trees as the progressed towards the sound of running water. Gandalf reined in his horse and seemed, to Bilbo, to be peering into the undergrowth toward something that Bilbo could not make out. He was about to ask Gandalf what was of such intense interest, when the wizard's face broke into a smile and he spoke in welcoming tones in Sindarin.
"Gin suilon, Mae g'ovannen, Calendir. You are a welcome sight."
A branch moved and the undergrowth parted as a dark haired ellon stepped through, bow in one hand and a helm under his arm. Placing the helm down, he bowed, hand to his chest respectfully.
"Well met, Mithrandir. You have made good time."
"Indeed, we travelled light."
"Lord Elrond is expecting you. We have a camp a short while from here. Food is being prepared for the evening meal. Will you and your companion join us for the night before travelling on to the Valley?"
"Hot food and good company are always welcome. Bilbo, this is Calandir. A lieutenant under Lord Glorfindel and one of the brave border guards that protect this realm."
Bilbo smiled and made a sort of bowing movement to which the ellon repeat the hand to chest and bow that he had performed to greet Gandalf.
"You are, of course, also welcome." The ellon smiled, extending his arm to point in a direction through the trees. "If you will follow me, please. You may wish to dismount. The path, which is only of a sort, is rather narrow."
ooOOoo
In the Healing Gardens in Imladris, Haldir was standing patiently behind Celebrían carrying a basket over his arm into which she was carefully placed cuttings from different plants as they moved around the gardens.
Referring to the hand written list in her hand, Celebrían moved to another cultivated area of soil and stooped down to examine a bush, picking through the branches in a knowledgeable manner until she found sprigs and leaves that matched her exacting requirements. Haldir observed her progress with the task in companionable but watchful silence.
Visits to the Valley were a rare for Haldir. It was not often that his duties allowed him to travel abroad from the borders of the Golden Woods. When Lady Galadriel announced she was to travel to attend a meeting of the White Council and spend time with her daughter's family, no one questioned that he would lead the travelling host, or even had to ask.
It was as much of a given that he would travel to Imladris as it that would be assumed he would be present to greet any party travelling from Imladris to Lothlorien's borders which Celebrían was a member. It was their habit, and one which they both embraced happily because duties and responsibility of their adult lives often meant long partings for two childhood friends.
The bond of friendship between Haldir and Celebrían were forged early and tightened over many millennia that they had both lived in the same elven settlement. From when it was once known as Lórinand under the role of King Amdir then later his son Amroth until it later came under the rule of Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn.
As elfling head height high to their fathers' knees, they played in the waters of the Nimrodel and ran through the woods together on wild adventures created by their shared imaginations. As they grew, they were there for each of the other's important moments. From Haldir's presentation ceremony when he joined the border guard as a green as grass Warden to Celebrían betrothal and later marriage to Elrond. They were almost one person in mind and heart, and as close as brother and sister in all ways.
This visit should have been marked with happiness for both, but instead marked with concern on Haldir's part, as he took their quiet activity in the garden as an opportunity to observed Celebrían with rising anxiousness. To him, she looked wrong. Not so much in behaviour or straight appearance, but in her eyes –clear as day for someone who knew her better than himself to see–her weariness showed.
Celebrían, in her typically direct manner, had not hidden the issue from her childhood confidante and partner in crime. Talking of it in their frequent correspondence openly. There had never been secrets between them. Still, on seeing the effects in person, the matter worried Haldir greatly.
"You are staring again." Celebrían said, as she snipped at a small bush of thyme, causing the air to be perfumed with the smell of the herb. She looked up, taking in the straight set of Haldir's lips and furrows of worry between his raised brows with a sigh. "And there is that expression again."
Straightening, she grabbed Haldir's arm and towed him along behind her with a familiarity that was normal between them. Haldir followed without protest until she stopped on a small lawn under the shade of tree heavy with blossoms. Celebrían lifted the basket from Haldir's arm and placed it to the side before pointing to spot on the grass with playful imperiousness.
"Sit!" she said, then more gently, "Please?"
Haldir did as instructed, folding down with crossed legs. Celebrían copy his movement but with a frown on her face, as if something was displeasing her for some reason. She poked him on his thigh, and Haldir rolled his eyes, straightening out his legs out as requested, knowing what she wanted without having to be asked.
"Ever the demanding little Orc. The years have not changed you, muin min."
Celebrían's eyes dancing with humour.
"You would not know how to handle me if I was any other way. Such is your stiff neck stoicism. As rigid as the Bruinan is deep, are you not?"
"Charming. Your presence does much for my ego, as usual."
"I keep you honest."
"And I would not dare to argue otherwise."
Celebrían laughed, the sweet noise sounding in the otherwise quiet garden as she lay down resting on her back, propped her head against Haldir's calf, completely at ease.
Despite the gentle banter between them, she could sense that Haldir was not relaxed at all. She turned her head fixing her large blue eyes on his paler blue and watched as the humour cleared from his face to be replace by the same pensive expression he'd been trying, and failing, to hide from her before.
"I did not tell you about my sea-longing to scare or worry, or to turn you into this brooding bundle of angst that had been shadowing me for the last two days. I told you because I wanted to talk of it with my friend."
"How could I not be concern?" he replied softly, thinking of the way the same longing had taken over his mother until she had to sail West after his father fell in battle. He had become both brother and parent to his significantly younger brothers. He knew Celebrían had the same memories of that difficult time. She had been there as his support and quiet strength throughout. Knowing that, how could she not expect him to be worried?
"It is not the same." she said, speaking to the memories running through his head with her usual acuity. "I have every reason to want to stay."
"I did not suggest otherwise."
Celebrían reached her hand out to catch his as he pulled it through his hair in a familiar agitated gesture. Her expression was regretful.
"I did not mean that as it sounded. To suggest that you and your brothers were not enough reason for her to stay."
The thought had never crossed Haldir's mind and Celebrían was off course forgiven instantly. After all, a much younger version of himself had thought the same thoughts in quiet, angry moments in the aftermath. Age and experience had taught Haldir to find compassion for the pain of his mother and the loss of comrades in arms the true nature of what that kind of grief could me to an elf. In the development of that understanding, his drive to see to the protection of his people had been born.
"I know." he said simply. Your spirit is not as strong as it should be. You cannot hide that from me."
"I've never hidden anything from you, and I don't deny I am effected, but it is not the same as your naneth."
"Yet you would test your strength with the begetting of another elfling? It is not my place to question your choices, but I worry."
Celebrían entwined Haldir's fingers with her own, holding his gaze steadily.
"You have always been the one I needed to question or query me. You are like a mirror to me. One that shows both my graces and flaws with complete honesty."
"You want my honesty?"
"Always."
"Then, why Celebrían? You know there is a risk to your strength bring another life into this world. Elrond must be aware of that to."
"Because my family is not yet complete, and I know in my heart with one final child it will be." Celebrían's smile was a vibrant thing, bright with hope. "I will have another daughter."
"You have seen this?" Haldir asked, not sure whether the knowledge filled him with more worry or comfort.
"My mother has, and shared the knowledge with Elrond. He took comfort from her visions; can you do the same?"
"So, he was as concerned as I, but one who loves his herves as much as he does has put aside those concerns for you."
"He wishes for what I wish."
"Because you wish it." Celebrían's smile faded a little. "You asked for my honesty." Haldir said with his usual directness.
"I did and there is truth in what you say, but it is more complicated than that."
"Is it the best for you?"
"It is a longing I have had for some time. One that I want to be louder in my heart than the call to sail. I'm not ready to leave my family."
"You believe this will help?"
"I believe this is what I need and want. The hope of new life, another child to hold in my arms. We having being trying for a while now."
"But it has not come to pass." Haldir said carefully. "Perhaps there is a reason."
"It's deep inside me, Haldir. I know this is right for me. Please do not think that Elrond and I have not thought much on this decision."
"I know, muin min, I would never doubt that."
"Yes, we've tried for some time." Celebrían sighed. "A long time. It made the longing worse, but my family and my heart are here, not in the West. Not yet. I will stay on these shores."
"You believe you can overcome this with your naneth and Mithradir's help?"
"Three elven rings of power, and the focus and prayers of the whole valley. I will be blessed; I know this time it will come to pass." Celebrían said, her expression set in a stubborn frown that reminded Haldir of similar expressions when they were elflings if Celebrían was faced with a problem to overcome or the word 'no' from a parent.
He smiled at the memory with genuine humour.
"If stubbornness alone can bring your will to bear, I know you will be successful."
"And you call me an Orc?"
"No, I call you the stubbornest elleth to ever walk these fair lands. You will have your way on the strength of that alone."
"Charming, as ever, mellon nin." Celebrían laughed, returning his smile but she quietened when she saw seriousness once again take hold in his pale blue eyes.
"You promise me that The Lady has seen this come to pass and that you will be safe in both the begetting and birth of this child, and after?"
"I promise."
"Then I will raise my voice in praise with the rest our kin, tonight, as you ask. May Elbereth be kind and hear your prayers."
"That is all that I want."
ooOOoo
Bilbo had not seen much of Gandalf for the last couple of days, except for meals at the beginning and end of each day. The wizard had not been willing to be drawn on the reasons way. He'd reply enigmatically that counsel matters kept him busy, the few times Bilbo asked. Used to Gandalf's obtuse ways, Bilbo did not linger on the subject. Why would he, with so much beauty around him and an open invitation to explore Elrond's libraries and archives. Bilbo had been instantly enthralled.
Tonight, there was something different in the air. An awareness of something prickled on his skin and drew him from the comfortable chair by the fire in his room and set his feet to wandering the torch lite halls and path ways of the Last Homily House.
Even in the dark of night, the valley was pleasing to the eye. Light from the windows of various dwelling spilled out in warm puddles of muted brightness. Elven torches dappling the pathways through the gardens like clusters of fireflies organised to settle in orderly patterns. There was ethereal sort of beauty to the place, even in the shadows.
Bilbo was standing on a balcony, looking out over the Valley from above when the first elven voice sang out, silvery and clear toned. Another followed in concert, then another then another, until the voices of many swelled and the sweet notes filled the air leaving Bilbo again with the sense that some important event was occurring. Gandalf join him on the balcony, his approach unnoticed by the fascinate hobbit and until they were literally side by side.
"Why are they singing?"
"A blessing for new life in an ancient tongue." Gandalf replied. "For their Lord and Lady."
Bilbo looked to Gandalf almost owlishly, as though checking the meaning of his words.
"You mean?"
Gandalf's eyes positively twinkled with mirth at the slightly scandalised tone in Bilbo's voice.
"I do."
Bilbo flushed pink across his cheeks. "Such things are… known?"
Gandalf smile was benevolent, worldly and infinitely patient.
"They are eldar. Their ways are different from the way of men or hobbits. Children, to them are a blessing, but one which takes a spiritual commitment which takes great strength from both parents as well as a physical connection."
"I do not understand."
"They offer prayer and blessing on two of their kin who have wished for an elfling but not yet been blessed. There is power the collective nature of the benediction offered by their kin.
Bilbo sort of understood in an abstract sort of way, recognising that the prickling of his skin was an effect of the elves collected and focused power but his mind was still boggled by the knowledge of such an act being known pubic.
"You do not have to understand to give them your thoughts and blessing. Raise your voice in song with their kin. I know you can sense the strength of it in the air, was that not what drew you to this place?
Gandalf Slapped the still red hobbit on the shoulder affectionately.
"But I do not know the words?"
"Your intent is more important. If you will excuse me, I have other matters, on this night, to which I must attend." Gandalf said turning to walk away as the song continued to echo around the valley, sweet and spiritual. The layers of elven voices in concert giving it an almost life of its own that was palpable.
"But, Gandalf–"
"Give them the desire of your heart and you will be heard." Gandalf said in parting, descending the stairs from the balcony and walking out of view.
Bilbo pondered Gandalf's as ever unfathomably obtuse answer but something inside him called to join in the singing. Under the stars, Bilbo hummed words that he did not understand with a wish in his heart and a desired intent in his mind. Bilbo sang and was, for one night, as one with the elves of the Valley.
ooOOoo
The next morning, Haldir did not need to ask where Celebrían would be to find his friend. She was in the gardens, standing under the same blossom tree waiting. He did not ask, the question in his eyes was enough.
Celebrían held his gaze managing for several seconds to hide her emotions in her gently playful way. When her expression softened into a small smile, and her hand moved her flat belly, the happiness that she showed was a golden thing, brilliant and beautiful and incandescent. Within her grew new life.
"I am happy for you, muin min." Haldir murmur, as she stepped into his open arms. "How do you feel?"
"Complete."
Naneth / nana– mother / mum mummy
Gin suilon, Mae g'ovannen – I greet you, well met!
Mellon nin – my friend
Muin min – dear one.
Herves – wife
Ellon – male elf
Ellyn – males elves