A/N
Some stories you sit and plan. Some, just churn in your mind… Write me… Write me… This is one of those. This story does not have a happy ending. Do not expect Bell to be a hero. This story is an exploration of what happens when someone breaks and hits rock bottom.
Random thoughts about writing. Man… What I have in my imagination… Is like a movie. As I was writing the first chapter, listening to the radiohead rack over and over… I was picturing it like a movie. The camera slowly panning away from above as Bell lay curled up on the floor. It's kinda frustrating. I can't write in a way to fully express what I see in my head. I wish I could animate it… Damn that would be so cool. Bell lying there with shell shock, the camera slowly pulling away, the rain falling, the sound track "This isn't happening… I'm not here…"
Thanks for the follows and reviews! I was quite surprised how much you all liked the first chapter.
Despair… Or how to disappear completely…
Chapter 2.
Hestia had been listening as Bell and Aiz fought.
She had winced a number of times, Aiz wasn't holding back much, Bell was taking a beating.
Then.
"Please don't hurt Bell!" She had heard Wiene shout. Her voice distant and tinny sounding through the glass of the occulus.
Then it had gone quiet for a moment. She heard a tinkle as the occulus dropped to the floor. Then for a second nothing. Until…
"What the hell is wrong with you, you monster loving freak?" She heard Aiz's voice.
After that silence.
"Bell!" She shouted into her occulus over and over. "BELL!"
No matter how loud she shouted, nor how many times she repeated herself, there was no response.
"He's still alive." She muttered to herself. "I would have felt it if he died… I can still feel the link to his Falna."
"BELL!" She shouted once again.
"Hestia!" Welf shouted at her through the other occulus she was carrying.
"Ahh!" Hestia cried in shock and dropped the copy of Dix's notebook she was carrying.
"Fuck!" Hestia thought to herself.
"Oh sugar." She said as she watched the notebook fall into a puddle of water.
"Hestia!" Welf cried again from the second occulus.
Hestia picked up the notebook in a panic! Oh no! What if it had been ruined!
As she looked at the pages, she saw the water magically vanish away… none of the ink had run.
She frowned, something was very wrong here.
"Welf!"
She called back into the second occulus.
"Something is really wrong! I can't get hold of Bell and this notebook is a fake! Whatever you do don't trust Hermes! Don't trust anyone until we find out what's happened with Bell and Wiene!"
"Right." Welf called back. "We have got the rest of the Xeno's into the Knossos. What should we do? Stick here and wait for Bell and Wiene? Or do we press on?"
Hestia thought for a moment.
"Bell would want to save everyone, but he's probably busy doing that right now. Let him be a hero, you guys press on, save as many Xeno's as you can." She gave a smile. "It's Bell! Come on, just because he dropped his occulus doesn't mean it's all gone bad! Stick to the plan! Get those Xeno's back to the dungeon!"
"As goddess of this Familia I order you to trust your captain!"
Welf nodded with a confident grin. Hestia was right. This was Bell, he would pull through no matter what and save Wiene. All they needed to do was get the rest of the Xeno's into the dungeon, where they would be, relatively, safe.
"She's right. Everyone!"
He glanced down at Lili, knowing she was the parties commander.
Lili gave him a grin and raised her fist, Welf fist bumped her back.
"Everyone, listen up! We will get you all back to the dungeon, then go see if Bell needs rescuing, which he won't. Because it's Bell, my level three captain!"
Haruhime gave a soft giggle, Welf just a grin, while Mikoto gave an ironic smile.
"DIE FOR ME!" Hermes said with an almost maniacal laugh.
Lili just rolled her eyes and sighed.
"There's no point. We lost contact with Bell and Wiene."
Whatever stupid plan Hermes had thought up had failed now, Lili thought to herself.
She knew it would involve Bell, but without knowing his status, let alone where he was, no one knew what was going on.
"What?" Hermes furrowed his eyebrows.
"We don't know where they are or what's going on." Lili explained.
"Fuck." Hermes muttered under his breath, quickly getting a clip round the ear from Asfi.
"So.. We wait here until we hear from Bell." He said.
Lili shook her head. "No way are we doing that!" She shouted. "Are you stupid? Bell's goal is to save as many Xeno's as possible. We have all of them here but two! Asterius and Wiene! Bell is dealing with them, so lets get these ones safe then go help Bell! It's what he'd want us to do!"
Welf nodded as she spoke.
"She's not wrong."
Haruhime and Mikoto both spoke up at the same time.
"I agree with Lili-dono."
"Lili-san is right."
"RIGHT!" Lili shouted as she drew her fists together in front of her chest.
"Let's save some Xeno's then go save Bell!"
"RIGHT!" Hestia Familia shouted back.
"WHERE IS HE?" Hestia shouted for the fiftieth time that night.
It was four A.M. there had been no sign of Bell.
Hestia Familia had managed to escort all of the Xeno's through the Knossos and brought them safely to the dungeon.
But at no point had they heard anything from Wiene and Bell. The pair had gone dark.
Asterius had encountered Ottar as he walked though the city. The moment he saw him Asterius knew he could not defeat the giant Boaz, despite the fact that Ottar was a couple of feet shorter than him. His overwhelming power radiated of off him. Asterius was scared of him.
He had avoided looking him in the eye as they passed. He pretended Ottar didn't exist, just keeping an eye on him in his peripheral vision, ready to respond to any attack.
As they passed, Ottar stopped.
"The rabbit has been lost." He said stoically.
"You will have no battle today."
"Return to the dungeon, before Loki Familia catches up with you."
Ottar turned his head and looked Asterius in the eye.
He raised an eyebrow.
The bull snorted for a moment. Much as he wanted to fight Bell, he understood the boar man's warning.
He gave another snort through his nose in reply, turned and headed for the dungeon.
He accelerated, running faster and faster, heading for the Babel tower, the entrance to the dungeon.
A brief moment later Asterius was long gone.
"Where is he?" Hestia kept muttering under her breath over and over.
Everyone else had fallen asleep on the sofa's in the living room. Welf was snoring loudly. Haruhime was making cute little purrs in her sleep. Mikoto and Lili breathed quietly.
Hestia paced around the room again.
"Where is he?" She muttered again.
Aiz kept frowning to herself as she walked home with the rest of Loki Familia.
Why had Bell protected that monster?
What the hell was wrong with him?
After all this time…
He was the first…
She clutched at her chest as she remembered.
He was the first person to remind her of her parents… That memory that so normally she desperately wanted to avoid.
She had dreamed that night… the first night she had met him. It felt… so nice. Despite the fact she remembered her parents being taken from her, she had remembered how good it felt to be with them. Her father, practising with his sword. Her mother, reading her stories.
She hadn't thought about that memory in a long time. It had awakened something in her.
But..
Something was wrong.
That dead look in Bell's eyes.
When he had dropped to his knees and they had lost focus.
Like… like the life in his eyes had died… right at that moment.
Something told Aiz deep down that it was her fault.
She had done this.
She saw Bell's soul shatter in that moment.
And she knew. She knew deep down.
It was her fault.
She had done this to him.
And that made the next few months so.. so much worse.
It was seven A.M.
Bell had not come home and no one had heard anything.
Hestia had spent the whole night stomping around the living room, checking all the spare occulus's just in case.
There had been nothing.
No sign of Bell. No sign of Wiene.
Hestia was tearing her hair out in frustration.
"WALLENWHATZIT!" She suddenly cried out loud, waking most of the Hestia Familia who had fallen asleep on the sofa's in the living room.
"huh?" Welf asked scratching his head.
"Wallenwhatzits the last one who saw him! We should ask her what happened!"
"Uhhh… That's not a bad idea goddess." Lili said as she sat up shaking her head, waking herself up.
"RIGHT!" Hestia declared, leaping up with her had pointed to the ceiling.
"WE'RE GOING TO FIND BELL!"
Half an hour later, Hestia Familia were standing in front of the Twilight manors gates.
"Good morning. Would you please let Lady Loki know that goddess Hestia is here to speak with her." Haruhime said politely to the Loki Familia guard at the gate.
"Of course." The guard bowed gently, before nodding at the second one, then opening the gate and walking inside.
He invited Hestia Familia in, knowing they were no threat, especially without Bell. Loki would be eating breakfast about now.
A few moments later, the guards were gently apologising to Loki about the intrusion, explaining they could not deny a goddess.
"Humph." Loki sighed landing her chin in her hand.
"Yeah, I guess… Whatever." She waved her hands at the guards.
"So wadday want shrimp?" Loki said, relaxing back in her chair.
"We need to talk to Wallenstein!" Hestia exclaimed.
"She was the last one to see Bell!"
All of Hestia Familia nodded at that moment. No one had seen Bell since he had fought with Aiz.
Riveria looked over their concerned faces.
"Give me a moment…" She said as she opened the doors and left the room.
A few moments later a confused Aiz entered the room.
"What is going on?"
"What happened with you and Bell!?" Hestia almost screamed, trying to control herself. "Where is he?"
"He…"
Aiz trailed off.
That look…
That look in his eyes.
It haunted her.
It was like… He was broken.
So broken.
The moment Wiene had died.
It was like he had failed.
And every reason for him to exist had been taken from him.
Like a black hole had appeared in is eyes.
As if his very soul had been ripped from him.
And that was the bit that had really got to Aiz.
It felt like…
It felt like when her father had been killed and her mother had been taken.
The despair in his eyes…
She knew that look.
She saw it in the mirror every day.
It was the same dead eyes she had.
She shook her head.
No.
It wasn't her fault.
She wasn't a monster.
It was his own.
He defended a monster!
No.
It wasn't Aiz's fault…
It wasn't…
…
Aiz tried not to cry.
She shuddered and tried to breath in, but the breath caught in her throat.
"I…"
She closed her eyes and took a moment to calm herself.
"When… when I killed the dragon girl"
"WHAT!" Hestia screamed at the top of her voice.
"What?" Haruhime asked quietly clutching at her chest.
"YOU KILLED WIENE?!" Hestia screamed at the top of her voice, shocking Aiz so much that she took a step back.
The room was silent for a moment as Aiz looked between the enraged goddess and the gentle renard girl.
The blond girls look of horror haunted Aiz. She looked just like Bell had at that moment. That someone had ripped the soul from their body. Her eyes had lost their spark, they just looked dead.
Once again, Aiz saw it. Her own dead eyes staring back at her, just like in the mirror.
"Ahhhh!" Haruhime cried out and dropped to her knees.
"She's… dead?" Haruhime looked up at Aiz with pleading eyes.
Aiz couldn't look back, the desperation in Haruhime's eyes was just too much, she couldn't bear it.
Looking away in shame, she glanced at the floor and nodded.
"Uhhhhhaaaa!" Haruhime cried out. She cried and the anguish she carried broke the heart of everyone in the room.
No one was immune to the grief Haruhime displayed, as she fell to the floor and cried like a mother who had just lost her child.
Everyone turned away, unable to cope with the display of grief.
Aiz couldn't look at her, as the Renard girl sobbed and wailed on the floor, crying out in utter soul wrenching agony.
No!
No this was wrong! Monsters were evil! Monsters took her mother!
Aiz's eyes hardened. She wasn't wrong. Bell was wrong! Hestia was wrong! Haruhime was wrong! Monsters were monsters! They didn't have souls. It didn't matter if they could speak. All of them deserved to die! It was her duty! To stop monsters reaching the surface, to stop them killing everyone! She wasn't wrong!
Aiz looked up, eyes sharp, full of determination.
"She deserved to die. She was a monster."
SMACK!
Even Aiz was surprised she hadn't seen it coming. Hestia, the tiny little goddess had slapped her in the face.
Aiz clutched at her cheek. It hadn't hurt of course, she was level six and Hestia had the strength of a twelve year old girl.
It was the shock. She hadn't seen it coming, even with her level six sense's. Hestia had leapt up so fast she had actually got the drop on the sword princess and slapped her.
"YOU'RE THE MONSTER!" Hestia screamed in her face.
"You killed the most kind.. the most sweet…"
Hestia couldn't hold back her own tears. Her captain, her first child was lost. Wiene had been killed.
It was too much.
"AHHHHH!" She cried into Aiz's chest as she pounded her fist on her as hard as she could.
Aiz didn't know what to do with the tiny goddess, who was currently trying to hit her as hard as she could.
She barley registered the blows of course. The miniature goddess couldn't hurt her.
She grabbed her arms to stop her.
"Goddess, please."
"You're a monster." Hestia sobbed quietly, no longer fighting back.
Aiz didn't know what to say. Why did she keep saying that? She was confused. Monsters deserved to die. Didn't they?
Hestia, still sobbing found herself released from Aiz's hands. She turned to the still wailing Haruhime on the floor and gathered her up in a hug. The two girls, one a goddess, the other a renard sat and cried over the dead monster girl.
Their sobs were endless. None of Loki Familia could look at them.
Aiz couldn't understand. Why were they crying over a monster like this? It was like one of their Familia members had died.
Welf and Mikoto were glaring at her.
She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see Riveria looking down at her.
"Aiz. What happened to Bell?" She asked quietly.
"Well…"
Aiz didn't know what to say.
"After… that."
"Bell… he…"
It hurt. She realised how much it hurt. Seeing that switch.
The moment the life died in his eyes.
Like he had died, right there and then in front of her.
She took in a shuddering breath, trying to steady herself.
"He fell to his knees."
She couldn't admit it to everyone. Was it her fault? She didn't know… She kept telling herself she didn't know. She couldn't be sure. Deep down… the truth she kept suppressing niggled at her.
"I asked him what was wrong with him, but he didn't answer me."
"So I left."
Riveria almost facepalmed. It was such an Aiz thing to say.
The girl who had no empathy for anyone… Except perhaps Bell. Riveria had been hoping, seeing Aiz open up to Bell, more so than she did with even her own Familia.
But now all hope was lost.
"What… What exactly did you say to him Aiz? After you…" … "Ahem." Riveria tried to be subtle as she could, there were still two crying girls right now after all.
Aiz flushed. She didn't want to repeat her words.
"I said. 'What is wrong with you?'" She said trying to keep a straight face and failed.
Riveria snorted but looked to Loki.
"C'mon Aiz… You know you can't lie in front of a god." Loki said, opening her eyes for once.
In a quiet voice to low for anyone to hear she said "I said 'What is wrong with you, you monster loving freak?'"
"What?" Loki said. "Say it louder Aiz, no one heard you."
Aiz muttered it again.
"AIZ!" Riveria snapped.
"I Said: 'WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU MONSTER LOVING FREAK?'" Aiz shouted at the top of her voice.
Hestia stared at her with cold eyes.
"Where did you last see him?" She asked quietly.
"Daedalus Street."
"Show us where." Hestia muttered darkly.
Aiz nodded.
An hour or so later.
Aiz, Riveria and Hestia Familia found themselves in the back alley that was Wiene's final resting place.
Sitting in a puddle, all the found were the Hestia knife and a Vouivre's tear.
A/N
Ain't I a tease? Yeah, this shits pretty intense, so … let's keep things short and sweet for now.