Chapter 2: When it's Bad, it's Awful

Hi everyone, I hope you had a great week!

"It's so insane

'cause when it's going good, it's going great.

I'm Superman with the wind at his back

She's Lois Lane.

But when it's bad, it's awful.

I feel so ashamed,

I snapped Who's that dude?

I don't even know his name,

I laid hands on her,

I'll never stoop so low again.

I guess I don't know my own strength."

Eminem & Rihanna: Love the Way You Lie. (2010).

Harley awoke with a peaceful sigh.

She'd slept through the night and woke up feeling well rested and in a good mood. Ever since her return she'd started to appreciate the large, soft bed she and the Joker shared.

"If a package arrives today, don't open it."

Of course her lover's presence helped her sleeping pattern too. She turned around to look at him. His eyes were closed, but obviously he was awake.

"What package?" She giggled, moving closer to him. "Are you being dirty?"

"No." He opened his eyes and looked at her in a frustrated way. "An actual package. It's a surprise, so don't spoil it."

"Really?!" She practically jumped onto him. "A surprise for me?! Aww, Puddin!"

"Ow, Harley." He groaned, trying to push her off him. "Get a grip, you're so annoying in the mornings."

She laughed now and lied down beside him. She'd missed this and with all his groaning and muttering she knew he had missed it too.

"Is it a ring?!" She squealed. "I'll save ya all the trouble, Mistah J, you know I'll say yes!"

The Joker was lying on his stomach. He buried his face in his pillow with a loud and dramatic groan, before pushing his head back up. "Harley. I'm not going to marry you, you know that! It something else and now shut up and let me sleep!"

They were different in this aspect. Once Harley was up, she was up and ready to start the day and ready to start a new adventure. Mr. J usually turned around and slept on.

If we had a baby, he couldn't do that. She thought. But maybe if we had a baby, he wouldn't want to sleep forever. He'd actually want to get up.

She rolled out of bed and stepped to the closet, looking for something comfortable to wear. It was shortly after 1pm and the two of them were going to hit the club tonight again. The club was the place for revealing and tight clothing. Right now she was fine with some over-sized shirt and dark pants.

Months had passed since prison and she felt comfortable in her own skin again, she'd gained some more weight and actually looked like a healthy being and not some well...prisoner.

Once she was in the bathroom a wave of nausea hit her so hard that she threw up in the toilette.

"Woah." She muttered and steadied herself against the sink.

Ever since Belle Rev she'd felt light-headed and sick at times. It was the mistreatment and undernourishment. Or maybe it was the fact that she was hammered every single night. She giggled and brushed her teeth, feeling better already.

Once she was under the shower she started to sing loudly, also something she had missed. She was good enough at singing, but as Mistah J had told her, the club wasn't a place for musical entertainment, but entertainment in a different sense.

She understood that the difference sense of entertainment he was talking about and she loved it. Of course Harleen Quinzel had been whispering in her ear about how no man should expect the woman he loved to dance for other men, but she wasn't dancing for the others, she was dancing for him and they both knew it.

Besides it was so much fun to mess with men's minds and see them go wild, especially when Mistah J got all jealous and protective towards her.

Harleen Quinzel had never known anything about having fun anyway.

Harley was still singing when she towel-dried her hair and started applying her make-up. The light in the bathroom wasn't the best for this task, but she knew Mr. J wanted to carry on sleeping so the dressing table in the bedroom wasn't an option.

As she studied her pale face in the mirror she wondered (not for the first time) if she was going down a dark path with these thoughts about a baby. Could they really do this? Babies needed constant attention and affection.

She gasped as an idea hit her and pulled her eyeliner too far, but she couldn't care less.

Maybe they could adopt a child! An older one that could be left to it's own devices every now and then...

And Jester had suggested she just talked to him. She could talk to him, she was probably the only person in all of Gotham who could and they'd found compromises before.

True, usually they were leaning more in favor of what he wanted, but at least they'd talked about it.

She finished applying her make-up, pulled her hair into a messy bun and headed downstairs, after kissing the sleeping Mr. J.

It wasn't that she missed prison, not in the slightest, but she liked using this time of day to drink espresso and read and while she loved her Puddin' more than anything and anybody else – he was not a good person to have around when you wanted some peace and quiet.

Johnny and Jester were both up and about and Harley was staring into her book with a smile. She knew they were preparing a surprise for her.

They may have had the Joker fooled, but Harley could tell by the way they were both making a point of not looking at her.

The day dragged on as she read about unrealistic love stories that would never ever come close to what the real stuff was like.

As evening began to settle and darkness surrounded the world she was getting restless. She wanted to go to the club and dance and spend time with her Puddin'. She wanted all of Gotham to stare at her and lust for her, while he watched.

Just as she stood up from the sofa, he came downstairs in a hurry, practically stomping on the steps. Harley grinned because she knew he was just as eager to get this night going as she was. She came around the sofa to meet him and expected him to just sweep her up in his arms as he did lately when he was excited to see her.

But Mistah J didn't sweep her into his arms and he did not look happy to see her.

"What's wrong?" She asked and thought hard about what she could have done between this morning and now to get him this worked up.

"Do you have something to tell me?!" He snapped and she flinched. He hadn't used this tone very often. Once when she'd said Batman wasn't all bad and a second time when she'd lost the bounty in a robbery, because she'd dropped it. Harley remembered that very well, because it had been her first heist. It was in a bank and an easy job, but some of the hostages had tried to fight the Clown-Couple and there had been a shooting. Of course if it had been worth it and she hadn't lost the money, Mistah J would have thought it was a job well done.

Collateral Damage was his favourite sorta damage, after all.

But there was no explanation for his angry stare right now.

"Eh..." She backed away from him. "I don't think so."

Mistah J stepped closer and that's when she noticed the white plastic test stripe in his hand. He was shaking and glared at her.

"What's that?" She wanted to grab it from him, but he pulled back and hit her across the face with the palm of his free hand. The sound of the smack rang impossibly loud in the large room and tears burned in her eyes as his hand print burned on her face.

She'd forgotten how painful his slaps could be.

"What's that?!" He repeated. "This is what I found in the bathroom upstairs, Harley! It's a fucking pregnancy test! And it's positive!"

She stared at what he was showing her. The little blue cross was unmistakable. She'd been on and off her meds every now and then and sometimes her mind was a bit confused, but surely she'd remember taking a test like this?

"It's not mine, Mistah J."

"Well it's not mine!" He yelled in her face and she flinched. "And it was upstairs in our bathroom!"

"Maybe..." She was clinging to straws now. "Maybe, it's Jesters?"

"She's a lesbian, Harley, how would she get pregnant?!"

"I'm not pregnant!" There were a lot of very confusing things happening right now, but this was the one thing she was sure of.

She wasn't pregnant, was she?

But then again...hadn't she felt light-headed and nauseous? And she'd been thinking about a baby every day...maybe her subconscious had been trying to tell her something her body had already understood.

And they'd been having a lot of sex lately. Basically every night, sometimes more than once.

"Oh." She whispered as she stared at the test in his hands. "Well...I know you're mad, Puddin', but think about it, maybe it won't be so bad! I mean you and I are amazing and our baby would be amazing too! And I can look after it, I swear I can!"

The Joker started laughing at her now, loud and hysterically.

"Hey!" She snapped. "I can do it!"

"You can do whatever you want." He snarled after his laughing-fit had subsided. "But that piece of crap isn't mine, Harley."

"What?!" Piece of crap?! This was a human child! How could he!

"I had a vasectomy years ago!" He declared and she found her mouth popping open in surprise.

"What?" There was anger in her voice she couldn't control.

They'd never discussed children and she'd known he wasn't open to the idea, but that he'd go to such lengths? And he'd never told her. They were the real deal, an endgame couple and he had decided against having kids without talking to her about it? Without even discussing it with her?

"I knew I couldn't trust any of you bitches." He mumbled pointing a finger at her. "That's why I didn't tell you, I knew you'd try and pin some brat on me."

"Ok, Puddin', this is insane!" She tried to reach out to him. "I'm not pregnant and I absolutely didn't sleep with anyone else!"

"Well then what is this?!" He roared, holding the pregnancy test in her face and then throwing it across the room.

"I don't know! I–"

Whatever explanation she'd attempted to give was cut short as he snapped:

"You cheated on me! With who?!"

"I didn't cheat!"

Where was Jester? Where was Johnny? She'd been so focused on her own reading that she hadn't realized they'd left.

"Harley, you better tell me his name right now before I lose my shit!" He was already close she could tell by the crazy, wild, look in his eyes.

"I didn't cheat, Puddin'." She didn't know what else to say and jumped when he flipped the small table next to the sofa that was covered with her empty mug, book and a small glass. Harley backed away from the glass and shards that he sent flying.

"Was it Floyd?! The one from prison you won't shut up about?!"

She whimpered, she'd mentioned Deadshot to him once while she'd recapped her adventures from their time apart.

"No that's not right." He muttered thoughtfully. "That's too long ago."

"I didn't sleep with him, Mistah J." She came closer, again trying to reach out to him. "I don't know what's goin' on, but–"

"Was it someone at the club?!" He pointed a finger at her. "You're such a slut, I shoulda known the way you dance in front of everyone..."

"I dance like that for you!" She snapped. "You kill all the men that dare to look at me too long, how on earth would any of them get me pregnant?!"

He sent the next table flying, this time a framed picture of the two of them shattered on the floor.

"Mistah J." She tried calming down, tried to swallow her own anger, before this escalated any further. "I'm not pregnant, I'm sure of it."

But when had the last time been she'd had her period? The meds and prison had messed everything up...

"Oh shut the fuck up, Harley!" He snapped. "You think I don't hear ya pukin' your guts out daily?!" The Joker pulled at his hair in utter frustration, making him look even crazier. "You've been different for ages, I thought it was just readjusting, but it was all there." He shook his head and started listening the symptoms. "You're not eatin' right, pukin' day in, day out, you're always tired, and you're so..." He looked disgusted. "Needy."

There was a silence between the Clown-couple that was somehow far worse than the screaming, throwing and hitting had been.

He was right.

Everything was adding up.

Except that she hadn't had sex with anyone else.

And he'd had a vasectomy.

"Puddin'." She whispered, her voice breaking just a easily as the glass by her feet.

"Tell me his name."

"There is no name."

A vasectomy couldn't be 100 % secure, surely that's what had happened? Which would mean that she was pregnant.

With Mistah J's baby.

"Tell me his name, Harley!"

"I didn't sleep with anyone, but you, Mistah J!"

He moved so quickly, she barely stood a chance. She tried to block him, but his hands were around her throat, squeezing tightly. They'd done something like this before, it was fun and games, but this was different. She clawed at his hands, the ones that had made her feel so safe just last night. He was too angry, too mad, she should have left.

"No! Boss, stop!"

Air rushed into her lungs painfully and she stumbled back. Jester had thrown herself between the two and Mistah J was pointing his gun at her.

Harley's head was spinning.

Jester had just saved her.

"Get her out." He growled not looking at her, but the bodyguard. "Get this whore out of my house, before I kill ya both."

"Miss." Jester turned to her, but Harley pushed past her.

"Puddin'!" She started to cry, desperately trying to find an explanation that would make sense and that would calm him down.

He held the gun against her temple. "Get the fuck out of here Harley, right now."

Go. He's serious. It was Harleen Quinzel's voice in her mind again. Leave before he kills you.

"Go away." He growled in the coldest voice he had.

She'd heard this before. In this cold tone, with this same gun between them.

"But where should I go?" She sobbed.

"You can sleep on the ground for all I care, but you're not stayin' here!" He pointed the gun and she flinched, moving backward. "Save your crocodile tears for someone who actually cares and get the fuck out!"

So, what do you guys think? Is Harley pregnant? See you next week!