CHAPTER TWO: DISCOVERY
He felt sick in his stomach.
Before their talk, he had eaten a full meal of grass and some leaves. During and after their talk with Stabo, he emptied that cud from his stomach like he emptied his waste and it was even worse smelling. He had heard things that shocked him in the past, but nothing like this. He had no idea that Man was so savage in their treatment of deer. Stabo took him and his father to a small meadow and had them lie down. The old deer then spent the rest of the night and into the early morning telling them the story his father, Stranger, had told him about his life when he lived with Man. It was a tale of horrors
It wasn't that Man killed deer. From the time he could remember anything, his mother and father had told him about Man and how Man kills deer. As he grew up, he never considered Man as any worse than a pack of coyotes, bears, or even wild dogs. It was what Man did to the deer after he killed them that shocked him beyond description: how they had a good time when they hunted, how they took their heads off after they killed the deer to show them to other Men. Then how they burn the dead body with fire and then ate the flesh. It all made him ill. Then to learn that Man has all the food he can ever ask for and he still kills deer for fun, made him feel worse. After growing up like that, he wondered how Stranger could have even survived, never mind become herd leader. He had a hard time believing the story, but both his father and uncle told him it was true.
After Stabo finished and answered all his questions, both the old deer and his father left him alone. All he felt was shock at what Man did, and revulsion against him because of it. He did not know what to feel; horror, shock, revulsion, anger, confusion, or all of them at once. He felt small again like a fawn. And like a fawn, he felt like crying to his mother like when he was lost. He wanted to be comforted, but he knew there would be no comfort. This was the way life was and he could do nothing to stop it. He just lay down alone all day at times shivering with fear to think a fate like that might await him. It was later Galene, Bambi's mate, stopped by and dropped some bitter-tasting leaves in front of him. She said it made him feel better to eat them and then left. He could not even remember if he even said thank you. He ate the leaves and fell into a sound sleep.
That night, rather than meet the other deer on the meadow, he found a few smaller clearings and ate the grass there to fill his still upset stomach. He did not want to talk to anyone. He did not want to have anyone see him. He was afraid, and deer know fear when they see it. A herd male cannot openly show fear or others will take advantage. That was the way of his kind. Instead, he spent the night wondering alone deeper into the forest thinking. By morning he was as deep into the woods as he ever explored as a yearling. On an impulse, he just kept going. It was the day, but the woods were thick and he smelled nothing unusual. He also felt wide awake. He felt afraid to sleep. He just kept walking deeper and deeper into the forest. He came across tracks of other deer but did not recognize their scents.
As dark was setting in, he saw a light in front of him. He walked slowly toward it and saw the forest thin out into a more open field. In the fields, there were small plants in perfect rows. The light came from something at the edge of the forest. It looked like a Man cave; the same as the one in his meadow. It was then he caught the acidic odor of Man and stopped. He got down low and watched. He dared not show himself or he might have his head be put up inside a Man cave. He saw two Men get out of one of the Man animals and go inside the cave. Stabo had told him about the Man animals and how Man got inside them to move faster than any deer could run. Man used the animals to get to their caves. The one good thing was that if Man were not in them, the animals would not move. He sniffed the air and could smell no dogs to alert Man of his presence. He waited, keeping as still as possible until the light went out. Then he walked very quietly back into the forest.
Once well into the forest he relaxed and found some nice bushes and grass to eat. There was a small pond at the edge of the forest and he drank from it. Satisfied and now feeling very tired he found a spot with a thick layer of leaves and just lay down. Despite what he felt, he was asleep before he knew it.
It was near dark when he awoke. Again he sniffed the air and smelled nothing that was a danger to him. He waited until it was fully dark and then got up and again ate and drank. The wind changed direction, yet he could still smell nothing to alert him of the presence of any predator. He decided he would continue to explore the forest. In truth, he still did not want to see any of his herd. He walked slowly and deeper into the forest away from the Man cave and continued his travel.
The forest continued on as far as he could see. His mother was right, the forest was huge. Beyond where he found the Man cave, he found a small stream. There were deer and other scents nearby. Others used the stream, but his nose told him they were not a threat to him. He followed it for a while and started to notice other deer scents. Some smelled familiar, but none he knew for certain. He moved and ate as he came across plants he liked. He also found some oak trees and some acorns to eat. It was again toward morning he found the stream ended in a small spring far into the forest. Around the pool of gushing water were many scents of deer, raccoons, possums, and rabbits. Many animals came here to drink so it must be safe here. He smelled around the spring and the lush plants and grass that grew nearby. There was even a path many deer used to get to the stream. He did not use it. Stabo taught him well-used paths draws hunters of every kind. As he moved around the spring he caught a scent he recognized immediately. He froze and looked around. What was that scent doing here in this part of the forest?
"Garris," he said out loud and looked around.
The scent was recent, maybe a day or two old. He went back into the brush and decided to wait here for him to come back. He wanted to speak to him. He needed to know what happened and why he left. He finished eating and took a long drink from the spring. He then rested in the brushes close enough where he could see the path and the stream and yet be far enough away where others might not smell him.
The day passed peacefully. Other than the birds overhead building nests, and the squirrels running around on the branches, nothing much happened. The day ended and as it became fully dark, he heard sounds of deer approaching from deeper in the forest. There were many scents because the wind blew the smells from the trail toward him. These deer also did not move quietly as they taught him to do. He watched a herd of maybe ten doe, most with new fawns, three males, and maybe a senior male. They nervously approached the water and sniffed. The lead male quickly raised his head and looked around. The bigger male must have picked up on his scent. None of them were Garris so he said nothing. They all drank their fill. Some nibbled on the grass. Shortly they all moved away.
A short while later another large male approach, alone. The wind had changed and blew his scent away from him so he did not at first recognize him. The male moved carefully and quietly as he did. He came to the spring and started to drink. As soon as the deer bent over to drink, he could see immediately it was Bambi's son. As Garris drank, he suddenly stopped and shot up as if alert to danger. Garris knew his scent and must have also recognized it on the ground. He quickly stood up and called out, "Garris, it is Stafen."
The two-season old male looked up in disbelief. He slowly eased over to him until he was about two lengths away from him. "Where have you been?" he asked. "Your father and my uncle have looked all over for you."
Garris just stood there and shook his head as if he did not believe he was here. After a few moments, just lowers his head as if in shame It looked to him like he was trying to speak. After a few attempts to talk out, he just blurted out, "I left the forest in the winter. I am not going back."
That was the last answer he expected to hear. "Why?" he asked.
"My father told me just after The Season that he expected me to follow him as herd leader. I do not want that. I want nothing to do with leading a herd or even being a senior male." He did not even sound the same. Gone was the reassured, at time embolden voice brimming with confidence. Now he sounded like a deer that was beaten and dragged through the forest. He saw no physical change in his appearance. He was still slightly bigger than he was. He was still heavily muscled and looked strong. What had happened?
"I do not understand?" he had to admit.
"I do not want to lead" he repeated. "I am no good at it. My father wants me to but I can't. If I cannot live up to my father's wishes, or what the herd expects me to do. I am no leader. It is better that I leave before I hurt someone or the rest of the herd starts to laugh at me."
He wondered what brought this on. It was such a complete change from what he was. "I still do not understand, Garris; why do you think you are you no good at leading?"
Garris just turned his back on him and started to shake. If he did not know any better he thought he was crying like a lost fawn.
"What is wrong?" he asked more forcefully.
Garris just stood there back to him before he just blurted out, "Because I am afraid."
Did he hear that right? "You are afraid," he repeated. "Afraid of what?"
Garris took a deep breath. "I am afraid of Man, I am afraid of his killing stick, I am afraid of saying the wrong thing and having deer die because of it. Most of all, I am afraid my father will be ashamed of me and others deer will laugh at me because I am afraid."
Now he was even more confused. All deer lived in fear all the time. Fear of the many hungry mouths that wanted to kill and eat them. Fear of finding enough food to survive. Most importantly, fear of Man and his killing sticks. There was nothing new about any of that. "Garris, everyone is afraid of Man and his killing sticks. That is why we hide in the forest. There is nothing wrong with that. Even Stabo and your father are afraid of Man and his dogs."
Garris whipped around so fast he thought he would attack him. Tears were running down his face. "But Stabo still leads even when he is afraid. My father still acts as herd leader when he is afraid. All I can do is lie still like a fawn and shake in fear. After Man almost killed me, every time I heard a killing stick, I drop to the ground and shake in fear. I could not stand up. I would empty my waste without wanting to. All I could think about was if I was going to die. I did not care about the herd, I did not care about you, I did not even care about my father. All I cared about was not being killed. No herd leader can be like that. Stabo and father can get up and lead. All I can do is cower in fear. I am useless as a leader and it is better if everyone just forgets about me."
He was still trying to understand his former companion. Garris was hardly alone with his fear. He decided to admit something to him. "Garris, I will tell you something," he said in a low voice. "I too am afraid of Man. I do not let the other deer know or see that fear, but I am afraid."
The large two-season male raised his head. He had been crying. "Yes," he said almost choking the words out. "Yes, but you still act when you are afraid. You are like your uncle and my father, you think of the other deer when the others run away. Everyone says you are like your grandfather. Stranger would lead even when Man was trying to kill him. He had no fear even when he faced the danger of Man, I cannot do that. All I can think about is not dying. I do not have that in me. When danger comes I am too afraid to even move."
He had no idea what to say. That someone he always felt was as strong as his father, had fallen almost to the point where he was too weak to be a herd male. It just made him feel almost as sick as Stabo's talk to him. He had no idea what to do. Only one thing came to mind. "Look, Garris, come back with me. We will talk to your father alone; maybe he and my uncle can help you get over your fear."
Garris backed up two steps looking scared. "No," he cried out. "And let my father and the others see what I have become, I'd rather be dead. I do not belong there anymore Stafen. I belong here alone; alone with my fear. No one cares about me here. No one expects anything of me here. Here I can be afraid and no one else will get hurt so see me afraid."
"Garris, you are the son of the herd leader. Of course we expect you to follow him. You are a strong deer, maybe stronger than me. I think you are upset, but I think you can overcome your fear like Stanger and the others have."
Garris shook his head no. "I thought I was strong, but I am not," he said. "I thought I was brave, but I am not. I thought I was a leader, and now I know I am not. I am nothing, my friend, except a scared, small deer that has no place to go. It would have been better if that Man did kill me. That way I would have died before I realized I was like this. Now I am useless."
The way Garris talked made him angry. He would not believe his friend was like this. "No, this is wrong; I do not believe it. You are scared but it will pass. You come with me. I will get Stabo and your father to help you. I know you are different from this."
He started to move forward to try to hold his friends and block him from running away, but Garris moved back quickly like when they were sparing. In an instant, he was several lengths away. "It is better this way," he called out. "Goodbye, my friend. Never come back here again to see me. I am going so deep into the forest that no deer from our herd will ever find me, a place where no one has ever heard of me, my father, Stabo or Stranger. A place no one expects anything of me."
With that, the young male quickly turned and bolted away like dogs were chasing him. In moments he disappeared into the trees and bushes. He just stood there not knowing what to do. He thought about going after him but decided this was Garris' decision. If that is what he wanted, then he hoped he would at least live a peaceful life. He had no idea just how he was going to explain this to Bambi and his family.
For the rest of the night, he ate what he could find and in the morning rested. He did not sleep well. All he could think about was what had happened to Garris and could it happen to him. Stabo's story also still did not sit well with him. Maybe Garris was right. Maybe having others depend on you was too frightful to think about. He found himself feeling a little scared.
When night came he started back to his forest. On that first night, all he could think about was what he was going to tell Bambi and the others. When the greater light appeared, he rested, but he remained troubled. Now two things had combined to shake his confidence: Stabo's story and seeing Garris reduced to a deer others would have nothing but contempt for. He did not understand it. For a while, he thought he would not tell anyone about this. It would be his secret. No one would know and no one would feel shame, especially Bambi. He thought about that for a long while before he realized what his uncle and father had told him before was right. No matter what happens, you tell the herd leader and the others the truth. It would hurt them to know, but at least they know the truth.
After his second night going back toward his meadow, he stopped near the rising of the greater light to rest by a small stream. He remembered the stream from his trip here. He would be home tomorrow night. There were also the scents of other deer around here, yet he smelled no predators. That reassured him it was safe. The scents were mostly of doe and young fawns. He thought nothing of it and went to sleep. At least he did not lie awake with a troubled mind like the previous day. This time he was tired enough where sleep came easily.
It was sometime during the day he heard a branch snap and came instantly awake. He looked up from his bedding place. Off in the distance, he heard the breaking of twigs and leaves moving. Whoever they were, they were not quiet. A gust of wind brought the scents of several deer to him. A while later he saw movement. Through the trees came several deer. There were two mature doe with three fawns. The doe looked maybe four or five seasons old. Also, there were three two-season doe without any fawns.
He watched them approach the stream and slowly bend over and start to drink. The lead mature doe suddenly stopped, raised her head quickly, and looked around. They must have picked up on his scent. The young doe did not seem to care or notice. How careless they were. If there was any Man nearby, they would be easy prey for the killing sticks. What deer moves around in the day openly like this? He took in a large breath of air and smelled nothing unusual. He slowly got up and looked over to them.
"Do you always walk around during the daytime?" he asked.
All the doe and the fawn leaped in the air and started to turn and flee.
"Stop!" he called out. "I will not hurt you. I am a deer from the Man Path herd."
With that, he stepped out into the open and let them all see him.
"Who are you?" one of the mature doe called out.
"I am Stafen," he answered and let them all see him. Then he looked and saw no males with these deer. That was strange. "Who are you," he called out.
"We are deer from near the Man cave," the lead doe replied hesitantly.
That confused him. He knew all the deer by the Man cave and these doe were strangers, then he realized they were talking about the other Man cave near where he found Garris.
"What brings you here?" he wanted to know. "It is a long walk to that Man cave.
"We left there after last season," the same doe called out. "Man came and killed many of our herd so we ran away to come here. There was enough food to live through the winter so we stayed here."
"It is daytime," he chided them. "You are not afraid of being seen by Man?"
"Man never comes here so we go out in the day or night," the doe said as if it was nothing.
"Man comes everywhere," he told them. "That is why it is safe only to move during the night when Man cannot see us."
The older doe stood straight up as if insulted by his comment "You are very young to know anything about Man," the doe replied with a sneer.
"My uncle Stabo and the herd leader Bambi trained me since I was a yearling. They taught me many things."
"Stabo," the other older doe said. "I know the name of Stabo. My mother told me it was Stabo that told them to leave the herd long ago. Many deer went with them including Stena, Balo, and Delon. Most were later killed by Man. Delon became our herd leader until he was killed by Bambi and Stabo. They were afraid of him and us. We all fled and formed a new herd with Falcis as our herd leader, but Falcis was not wise and Man killed most of us last season. The herd broke up and the rest of us spread out. We found this place where it is quiet."
What the doe said reminded him of the stories his mother and uncle told him about when the old forest burned down in the time of Stranger. All the deer in the old forest had come to the Man Path forest. He remembered his uncle told him that many of the deer from the old forest did not get along and fought for leadership. Stabo had to make many of them leave, but he also said most of those that left died soon after. Could these be part of that herd? They were all far too young for that.
"Stabo is my uncle," he repeated. My father was Helos, but my mother is Stelar who was the daughter of Stranger. Stranger was my grandfather."
"Stranger," the same old doe repeated. "My mother told me about Stranger. He was the best herd leader. He and Bambi looked after the herd for many seasons before the great fire sent all the deer out of the old forest."
He realized that they must all have been part of the same herd, but long ago. That was interesting, but that didn't explain why they were walking about during the day.
"You must be careful," he told them. "Even though you cannot smell or hear Man, he can be close and you never know it. This is why my mother, father, and Uncle Stabo taught me only to move around by night."
"As I said Man is not here. I think you are too careful, young male," the same doe said.
He just shook his head and remembered something his father had told him. Some deer do not understand. Unfortunately, they were the ones usually killed.
"I do not wish to argue with you," he said. "What I will say is that we have a large herd maybe a night's walk from here. I am sure the herd leader will not mind if you join."
"No," the same older doe said. "That herd and its leader Stabo told my mother to leave with the others when she was young. Most are all dead because of Stabo. She never went back to that herd and neither will I."
As if that mattered anymore he knew. "Those differences vanished long ago," he answered. "No one feels that way now. You should come because you will be safer in a large herd than a small herd."
"I would like to see a large herd," one of the younger doe said. She was the largest of the two-season doe, not a great beauty, but pleasant to look at.
"Then go," the other older doe shouted and kicked her. "We do not need that herd. We are fine by ourselves."
"I like to see it too," one of the other young doe said. She was not bad to look at either."
The two older doe looked incensed, almost as if insulted. The other older doe raised herself on her rear legs. He realized she was going to stomp on the other young doe in anger. He leaped forward hitting the older doe hard enough to knock her back and off-balance so she fell.
"That is enough," he growled. "You will not hurt her. I am going to my herd tonight. If any of you want to come with me, you can. We will rest here today and leave tonight."
"Go with him," the other older doe said and pushed the first young doe who spoke away. You are no longer welcome with us."
He looked angrily at the older females. There was no excuse to act like this. "I think you should leave now," he told them. "Do not worry; we will not be here tomorrow when you come back."
The two older doe saw his anger. He would not deliberately hurt a doe, his father taught him that much, but he would not let them hurt the others. Without a further word, the older doe, fawns, and one younger doe went back into the forest leaving the three of them there.
He was now agitated, but he felt more tired. He lay back on the ground while the other two doe looked down at him. "It will be a long walk tonight, you should rest now," he suggested before adding." If you want, you can sleep near me."
He expected both doe to be wary of him, but instead, one doe lay on one side of him and the other doe on the other side of him. If anything it felt better than when Dala slept next to him.
"What are your names," he asked.
"I am Nalene," the doe on his right spoke.
"I am Allia," the other said.
"They were not your mothers?" he asked.
"No, Nalene," told him. "Our mother died with the rest just after last season. After the herd ran, those two older doe were all we could find. They did not treat us well."
"You are sisters?" he asked noting their similar scents.
"Yes," Allia said.
"Well rest now until dark, then we will continue."
As soon as the greater light was gone they moved on. The first thing he noticed was that neither doe knew how to move quietly.
"Look how I move," he told them. "See, I put my feet where they do not disturb any leaves or break any twigs. If Man cannot hear you, Man cannot hurt you. You also leave less scent for others to track you. Try and do the same. It will take you some time to learn, but soon you will be able to move quietly like me."
Their progress was slow, but by the time the lesser light passed overhead, they all reached the meadow. There were many deer out eating the fresh spring grass.
"Go over to where the doe are and eat there," he told them. "They will not hurt you. If you have any problems, come see me."
Both young doe wandered off and he decided he should talk to Bambi as soon as possible, but first, he was hungry. He stayed off to the side of the meadow not wanting to call attention to himself for now. It was not long, however, before his father noticed him and came over.
"Where have you been?" his father asked harshly. "I was afraid I lost you too."
He bowed his head. "I am sorry, but after what Stabo told me, I felt I wanted to be alone for a while so I went deep into the forest."
His father's looks soften. "Yes, my son," his father said. "That story can be upsetting. It made me feel cold when I heard it from Stranger himself."
"There is something else," he went on, "Something bad. I need to speak to you, Stabo and Bambi about, alone."
"What is it my son," His father prodded.
"I only want to tell you this once, and I don't want to tell you with the other herd and senior males nearby. I am afraid what I am going to tell Bambi is going to hurt him."
His father lifted his head and looked him into his eyes. "It has hurt you too, my son; I can see that. I also see I should do as you ask. Go to your bedding place and I will bring them."
"Yes, father," he answered and started to walk away when he remembered something. "How is mother?"
"She is fine," his father beamed. "You have a new brother and sister."
"I am happy all of them are well. I will wait for you." With that, he walked off alone. The last thing he wanted was company.
He reached his bedding area and just lay down. He dreaded what he had to tell the herd leader, but he had to know. The night seemed to go on forever until he heard the light rustling of leaves. He stood up and the three deer walked into his small clearing. Bambi wasted no time.
"What is it Stafen, what happened?"
As calmly as he, could he told him. "I went deep into the forest past the other Man cave and when I was there I found Garris."
"Is my son alive?" Bambi asked.
"Yes," he answered, "But he has changed. On the outside he is fine, but he seems broken on the inside."
"I do not understand," Bambi said impatiently.
He just broke down and told all of them the story and the conversation he had with Garris. He tried to leave nothing out nor did he try to hide anything. After he finished he looked at Bambi. What he saw was a mixture of profound sorrow and rage.
"My son said all of that?" he barked. "I do not believe it."
Stabo walked up to him and stared into his eyes. Those dark black eyes almost look like they saw through him. He stood there for several seconds. His uncle then turned away and faced Bambi.
"I see no falsehood inside him," his uncle reported. "He believes what he is saying."
"Is this why you wanted to speak to us alone?" Bambi asked.
"Yes," he answered meekly. "The one thing Garris was most afraid of was the thought that you and the other deer would be ashamed of him."
Bambi just looked diminished and hurt like being struck hard by another deer. "My son," was all he said before turning around and walking off alone into the forest.
"I hurt him, didn't I?" he asked out loud.
"Yes," his uncle said watching the herd leader disappear. "However, it was a hurt he needed to know."
His uncle turned and again looked deep into him. "I think you have changed too, young male."
He did not feel different. "I feel more afraid of Man like Garris. I feel disturbed about all the things you told me," he admitted. "I thought about not telling Bambi about his son, but I realized it is better to live with the truth, than to maybe die with lies."
"Can you live with the truth?" his uncle asked strongly.
He still felt afraid of all that happened he had to admit to himself, but he did not think he hide like a newborn fawn at the first sound of the killing sticks. He looked up at his uncle and smiled. "Yes, Uncle, I can live with the truth."
Stabo looked at his father and smiled. "You are your father's son, Stafen, but more importantly, I think you are your grandfather's grandson."
His father nodded his agreement.
"Very well, we will start training again tomorrow night after we finish eating. This training we will do with us alone. It is now time for you to learn how to fight when things get bad."
"Like when you, your father, and Bambi's father fought Razor."
"Exactly," Stabo said sternly. "Only this time you will not show off your fighting skills to anyone unless it is a major fight to the death. I know what your father said to you about your fight with Rufo. We keep our tricks to ourselves so other deer will not use them on us. These tricks will not just beat another deer, it will kill them. These tricks will also kill dogs, coyotes, and other predators. Other deer can use these same tricks to kill you. That is why you never show what you will learn except when we practice alone, or you are in a hard fight for your life. Do I make myself understood? You will show this to no one unless it is necessary."
"Yes, Uncle," he repeated meekly.
"Now what about those two young doe you brought to the herd" his uncle added with a smile.
He quickly explained what happened when he met the two older doe in the forest. Stabo looked surprised when he told him what the older doe said about him.
"Yes, that happened when we divided the herd after the great fire," Stabo added. Several deer went with Balo and my sister Stena. These are likely the children from that group since this happened many seasons ago. No matter, again you have done the right thing Stafen."
"I will help them adjust if they need it," he told them. "They seem like nice young doe."
"Well they certainly seem to like you," his father also said with a smile. "Both of them and that one doe that was here before were following us."
"I think Stafen is putting together a nice little herd for The Season," Stabo said now openly grinning.
He felt embarrassed and turned away.
"Do not be shy son," his father said also grinning. "Having three young doe following you around will do a lot more for your place in the herd than beating Rufo to a pulp."
"That is for sure," Stabo added. "Just keep your strength up. You will need it for the training." Then he added, "and The Season."
With that, both deer left him alone. It was not long before he heard several deer approach. They were still noisy, but not as bad as before. Dala, Nalene, and Alla walked into his clearing together.
"Can we stay with you?" Nalene asked.
That confused him. Most doe only stayed together with males at the Season; Although some like his mother and father, Galene and Bambi, and Kena and Juon stayed together all the time. Doe also did not like sharing males. "You do not mind being all together with me?"
"I don't mind," Dala told him. Nalene and Allia shook their head no.
"Better and better," he said to himself and lay down in the soft grass. It was warm and comfortable that night with all of them close together.