The food wouldn't be ready for another hour or two, so when Amanda suggested a trip to the park, she was greeted with enthusiastic shouts from all three kids. John and Don declined, John's knees weren't up to much walking these days, and Don volunteered to keep an eye on dinner so that Liv could enjoy some time with her son.
Central Park was only a couple of blocks away from the townhouse, so they bundled up in warm coats and headed out into the chilly November air. It was a cold but clear fall day as they set off east, Liv holding Noah and Jesse's hands while Amanda pushed Billie in her stroller, Fin, Mel, Kat and Sonny following them.
When they got to the park, Kat and Sonny took the kids to the playground so they could wear them out, while the rest of the adults wandered around the lake, taking in the wonderful colours of the changing leaves. Fin and Melinda walked hand in hand, Liv and Amanda trailing behind, Amanda pushing Billie's empty pushchair.
They chatted about work, the new administration, and Melinda told them she had just been named Chief Medical Examiner for the borough of Manhattan. As Amanda and Liv gave their congratulations, Fin beamed at his girlfriend with pride.
The nights were drawing in, so with the sun sinking towards the skyline now, they decided to head back. Billie was adamant she was not going back in her stroller, so she sat on Sonny's shoulders for the return journey. Amanda rolled her eyes at the stubborn nature of her youngest daughter. She reflected with some chagrin, that stubbornness was a trait both her daughters seemed to have inherited from her.
"Man, she's just as pig headed as you are," Fin grumbled close behind her, echoing her own thoughts. She turned to glare playfully at her long-time partner, and he grinned, bumping her shoulder with his own.
"She just knows what she wants and goes for it," Amanda said with a sly look at Fin. "She doesn't hang around for nearly twenty years waiting for somethin' to happen."
It was Fin's turn to scowl now, "hey, at least I did something about it eventually," he griped. "Anyway," he lowered his voice, conspiratorially, "you're a fine one to talk." He raised his eyebrows and looked pointedly towards their captain where she stood with Amanda's eldest daughter.
Jesse had quite happily taken hold of Olivia's hand once more, and was gabbling away to the brunette about all the things she, Noah and Billie had done at the playground, Olivia smiling indulgently at her goddaughter.
"You don't know what you're talking about, Fin," Amanda snapped defensively at him. "Just mind your own damn business."
"A'ight, but I'll just say this," the older man put a caring hand on her shoulder, forcing her to look at his sincere expression. "Girl, I've known you almost ten years, and I've known her twice as long. She spends pretty much all her free time with you and those kids. She wouldn't do that if she didn't care about you."
She considered his words for a few seconds, before giving her head a small shake. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she mumbled, "this is Liv we're talkin' about Fin, she only dates men."
Fin knew of Amanda's sexual preferences; the conversation having come up once during their many hours spent on stake outs together over the years. Knowing that Fin's son was gay, she had felt safe sharing the fact that she was bisexual with her partner. She had asked him to keep it to himself at the time, and, loyal partner that he was, he had.
There was another confidence that Fin held however, one that he was suddenly very close to breaking. He was the only one that knew Liv had once had a brief relationship with their former ADA, Alexandra Cabot, who was, most decidedly, not a man. He looked at his partner now, her blonde hair and blue eyes, Jeez, Liv really does have a type, he thought to himself. All he said to her was, "…that you know about."
When Amanda turned shocked, wide eyes towards him with a questioning expression, he merely raised his arms in surrender. Shaking his head slightly, as if to apologise for the cryptic comment, he backed away, and turned his attention back to his girlfriend, leaving his partner to wonder if he meant what she thought he meant.
Fin wasn't stupid. As a detective, he was very good at reading people. He had seen the way Amanda looked at Liv, and on occasion, the way Liv looked at Amanda, although the brunette was slightly harder to read. He loved both of them like sisters and sometimes wished they would just get their heads out of their asses and talk to each other!
Amanda was pulled from her reverie when she felt a warm pressure on her left hand on the handle of the stroller, and looked down to see Noah smiling up at her, his hand on hers. "Can I walk with you, Aunt Manda?", the seven-year-old asked, sweetly. He was getting tall now, his head level with Amanda's elbow already.
"Sure, buddy," she smiled back at him and the group set off towards the park gate. Amanda turned to the blue-eyed boy beside her, "hey, why don't you tell me about the Christmas dance show you are rehearsing for? Your mom says you've been workin' real hard at it."
Noah talked animatedly about his upcoming Christmas concert, and made Amanda promise to come and watch it. Little did Noah know, that Amanda had already bought tickets, as soon as Liv had mentioned he was in the show. She was very fond of Noah. She loved how he always included Jesse in whatever he was doing when they hung out together, and usually Billie too. He was very patient with both her girls, and kept them entertained for hours. Amanda had developed a special bond with him over the years, playing and talking about sports with him, that Liv, not being much of a sports fan, knew very little about.
By the time they got back to the house, the youngest Rollins was due for a nap, and so was starting to get very cranky. Amanda pulled Billie from Carisi's shoulders, cradling her close as she let out an ornery cry, burying her face in her mother's neck.
Having heard the cry, Liv turned from hanging up hers and Noah's coats towards the noise, "sounds like someone is ready for a nap." She smiled at Billie's frowning face, laying a warm hand lovingly on her back. "Would you like to go sleep on Aunt Livy's bed, baby?" she asked the toddler, gently. Billie nodded, closing her eyes for a few seconds. Olivia turned to Amanda, "my room is two floors up, second door on the right, or do you want me to take her?"
"I can find it," Rollins smiled her thanks at Liv as she set off towards the stairs. She hadn't gone more than a few steps when Billie wailed again, "No!" the little girl exclaimed, "want Aunt Livy!" she twisted in her mother's arms, reaching out to the surprised brunette with grasping fingers.
Olivia glanced at Amanda's face, checking it was okay before scooping the toddler out of her blonde detective's arms. Billie immediately quieted, laying her head on Liv's shoulder and grabbing the collar of her cardigan in one chubby fist. "I guess I'll take her up then," Liv smiled at Amanda, brushing past her to the stairs. Amanda watched her go, feeling a wave of butterflies through her tummy as Liv's fingertips glided over her wrist, and neither Amanda nor Olivia noticed the eldest member of their group quietly observing their interactions.
By the time they reached the bedroom, Billie was snoring lightly in Liv's ear. Laying the toddler in the centre of the large king-size bed, she surrounded the girl with pillows in case she rolled over, then dug the old baby monitor out of a dresser drawer.
She lay down beside the sleeping toddler for a few minutes, making sure she was settled. She stroked Billie's wild blonde curls out of her eyes, "You're just as beautiful as your mama," she whispered, "sleep tight baby, I love you." Lingering a moment longer, she pressed a light kiss to Billie's forehead before leaving the room.
As she got down to the foyer, she met Cragen coming back from the bathroom. "Olivia, hey," he drew her to one side, giving her a penetrating stare with his dark brown eyes, "I was hoping to catch you alone for a moment."
"Everything alright, Cap?" Liv smiled. Despite the fact she herself was now captain of SVU, and that Cragen hadn't been her commanding officer for over five years, the habit was so engrained that she rarely called him anything else.
Straight to the point as usual, the older man asked under his breath, "is there something going on between you and Rollins?"
Olivia looked like a deer in the headlights as she responded, "what!? N-no, why would you ask me that?"
Was her attraction to Amanda that obvious to everyone? Was everyone laughing at her behind her back for having a schoolgirl crush at her age? Worse, did Amanda know and was just too polite to shoot her down? All these thoughts swirled around her head at a mile a minute, her breathing picked up speed and Don placed a calming hand on her shoulder.
"Hey, calm down, I'm the only one who noticed anything," he said, guessing where her sudden panic was stemming from, "and that's only because I know you so well." He smiled as her breathing calmed somewhat.
He scrutinized her for a moment, the moist sheen in her eyes as the fear subsided. "There's nothing going on," he said shrewdly, "but you want there to be."
Liv hesitated, before nodding slowly, lowering her gaze. "I love her, Cap." She said simply, staring at her own hands. "But I can't tell her, because, what if she doesn't feel the same way? I decided a long time ago that her friendship is better than nothing, and I can't live without her. What if she leaves? And, if by some miracle she does feel the same, what would the Department say if I started dating one of my subordinates? I can't risk it."
Cragen squeezed Liv's shoulder where his hand still rested, until she looked up once more. "Liv, from what I saw today, she feels the same way," he said in a low voice, not wanting to be overheard. When he saw the brunette's doubtful expression, he added, "I was a cop for over forty years, Olivia, I know how to read people, trust me. And to hell with the Department. You've dedicated twenty-five years to the Department, it's about time you lived for yourself for once."
Olivia nodded slowly, mulling over what Cragen had said, weighing the risks of her decision.
"Olivia, you know I love you like a daughter," he said, his voice growing husky with emotion. "I've never seen you look as happy as you have today, and I would like to see that continue. Just…think about it, huh?"
With a smile and a final squeeze to her shoulder, he made his way back to the den, leaving her alone with her thoughts.