"I'm trying to be better"
"I know you are" He kisses her finger lightly. "But just so you know," His right hand moves up to cup her cheek "you're already remarkable to me"
She breaths deeply. This is so not fair to a man that proves her everyday how hard he's working to earn her broken heart. Kate looks down as if in defeat with her self-conflicts.
"There's something you need to know"
Kate Beckett tightens her hold around the writer, as if to make sure he doesn't run away from her for good.
"Promise me you'll let me talk first before you jump to any conclusions"
His blue eyes turn grey, and she can't help but feel like he's already angry with what she has yet to admit. "Beckett... you're scaring me"
"Please, just promise" And there's the tear that has been threatening to roll down her cheek. Castle has no idea what she's about to tell him, but he knows her, and he can read her pretty well by now. What he sees, is that whatever it is she's about to say has been consuming her, and that she's pushed herself to her own emotional limits to be honest with him about it. And for that, he already gives her credit.
"I promise" His hand on her cheek stays firmly pressed against her skin even after he wipes the tear with his thumb.
She can't look him in the eye, and that scares him to death. Kate Beckett is as strong as steel. What is it that she has to tell him, that's leaving her in this emotional wreck? This is a whole new side of her that he's learning. Yet, feels honored that she feels comfortable enough around him to let her guard down.
"I remember" Her words leave her mouth in barely a whisper, another tear running down. It's physically hurting her to do this. Doctor Burke had warned her. And she's scared as hell of his reaction.
"You remember what?" He doesn't flinch, doesn't even move. He really is clueless to what she's referring to.
"What you told me" she lets out a sob "when I was sh..." She's not even able to finish the sentence when he untangles himself from their position and pulls away from her like she's a poisonous plant. "...shot"
Kate finally looks up to see his expression, he's no doubt hurt, insulted even. He's nostrils are wide as if he's breathing fire. Castle is angry. But he doesn't say a word. Like he promised.
The tears are now furiously racing down her cheeks, and she sobs because only his expression staring at her is breaking her heart. She feels exposed. The stupid jacket on the floor feels like it's miles away from her. What she wouldn't give to just grab it and wrap it around herself to put some distance between his glare and the tight, vulnerable dress she's wearing. Her arms wrap around her torso.
"First I didn't" She made him promise to let her talk, and he's letting her, so maybe she still has the power to win him back. "then piece by piece some scenarios started flashing in my dreams."
Beckett pauses, gathering her words while placing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Then I started hearing it. What you said, in the deepest parts of my mind. And it hurt"
She has to pause again to calm her breath between sobs. "shit... it still hurts! Because every time I want to remember what you told me, cherish it the way it deserves to be cherished, I can still feel that god damn bullet inside my chest"
Another sob "And that's why I lied to you" Beckett doesn't notice him moving a few steps closer again "Not because I don't feel it too, but because of everything that comes attached to it. And that's why I had to undergo therapy" Another admission awaits "So I can learn how to relive that day and be able to separate the pain I went through, from the words that saved me"
Her body jumps unexpectedly when suddenly he's hugging her, tight, trying to extract the pain he can clearly see she's feeling. And then he realizes. There's not a single thing this woman could tell him, not matter how hurtful, that would drive him way from her. That's how deep he's already fallen.
Kate tightens her arms around his torso, being able to forget one of the most difficult conversations she had to have with anyone. But he's not anyone, he's Castle.
Castle breaths her in, her now so familiar scent. Buries his nose on her hair and comforts her. Now he understands, it really was a mess, but here she is, in his arms, still sobbing and he can't help but wonder... she really is extraordinary.
"Come home with me tonight?" He loosens their embrace so he's able to look at her eyes. And what are her eyes saying? They are almost begging.
"Kate" he tugs a piece of her long hair that has fallen out of place behind her ear again. "Are you sure that's what you want?"
"Are you seriously doubting my attraction to you right now?" She laughs in between some last reserved sobs.
Castle and Beckett manage to keep their hands to themselves on the cab to her place, though Castle starts to get impatient as Beckett struggles to open the door to her building, hand already by her waist. The ride on the elevator up to her floor is torturous. A teen, that lives on the floor above Kate's, rides with the duo. Looking at them knowingly, and that embarrasses them both, because they know that they have the "I-am-so-getting-laid-tonight" look on their faces. Beckett's not really sure how she'll face the boy again. She'll probably just find a new place to live and save the humiliation.
Once more, she struggles to open the front door. And here, Castle's two hands find her waist. So, as soon as the door flies open, it shuts again. Castle pushing the detective against the wooden door, grabbing the back of her thighs to pull her up. Her heels fall to the floor as she wraps her legs around his waist, longing for more.
His mouth finds her neck, nipping on it, living a wet trail until his lips find the fabric of her dress.
"Dress" she tells him, kissing him in a sloppy needy kiss hands already on his shirt buttons "off"
Say no more. Her feet meet the floor again, and as she takes her time kissing his jaw while her hands pull out his shirt, he blind searches the back of her dress for the zipper.
The dress is so tight that it doesn't even fall on the floor on its own, just hangs by her hips. But her bra is exposed, and he wants nothing more than to just take it off. She's faster though, as her mouth finds his chest, copying the same wet trail he left on her neck. Before she can move south on his body, he straightens her again, going for her collar.
"Castle" She warns when he moves closer to her still notorious scar. So, he moves up again, afraid to cross that line. She catches his hand in hers trembling, nervously, but places them in between her breasts and looks up at him with a timid smile. Kate sees the writer exhale a breath he was probably holding, and he smiles back at her. She can see what that simple gesture did to him, he was in awe that she trusted him like that.
His mouth finds her collar again, and this time he is faster to move down to the place between her breasts. But when he does, he's gentle as he leaves a hot breath on top of the round scar that haunts them both. Beckett's hands find the back of his head, playing with the hairs on the nape. He has seen her scar now, and if he can accept her with that broken part of her, there's not much she has to hide from him anymore. And she needs him. Right now.
Kate Beckett can't believe how exposed she felt on that balcony, completely dressed and with a foot of distance between them. And how now she feels the exact opposite. She feels secure. With Richard Castle, her partner, her best friend, lying on top of her naked body, moonlight shinning behind his also naked broad frame.
He's got a hand already angling her tight, ready to just dive into her. Except he doesn't. He's taking his time, exploring her body just as much as she's exploring his. Castle's lips are addictive, and she can't seem to let go of them, or his neck, or his chest, nor even his gloriously perfect rounded ass. Kate squirms when suddenly he's kissing the inside of her thigh.
"Rick...please" She begs as her hips jerk up in need. But he shuts her up with his mouth against hers in a desperate need for closeness. Tongues battling with each other. She reaches for one of his hands and places it on her breast, as if giving him permission to play with it. For the sake of them both. Castle's hand doesn't even last a minute on her breast before being replaced with that wet needy mouth of his. With the unexpected contact, Beckett lets out a moan and lifts her hips up again, meeting his hard groin for a brief moment.
"So impatient" He mumbles, lips still attached to her tan skin. Teeth slightly biting her hardened nipple.
"As if" She mumbles with a smirk before tightening her leg around his waist so that she can turn them around without him fighting. She's now on top.
The detective presses both her hands on his chest, pinning the writer down. She looks down at him, and his eyes are already fixed on her. His usual shade of blue now gone, replaced with a shade of grey overstepped with lust and carnal desire, yet so gentle at the same time.
Without breaking the eye contact, one of her hands on his chest moves down to grab onto his erected cock. And she smiles at him when she feels him squirm under her.
"Oh Kate" He moans as her hand starts to move up and down, and up again.
"Who's impatient now?" She's proud for being able to have this effect on him and feels special to know that he's the only one that can bring that same effect on her.
"Please"
And just like that, in a swift move, her wet core envelops his hardness deep into her.
"OH" They both groan in sync. Castle's not yet satisfied though, wants to take charge, so once more, he's spinning them around so he's on top again. And for the first time in her life, Kate Beckett doesn't feel the urge to be in control in bed, because she completely trusts the man that's now fulfilling her with deep slow strokes, like she's the most fragile thing he's ever put his hands on.
Her legs tighten around him, hips meeting his in the perfect rhythm they immediately found with one another.
"You have no idea how long I've dreaming about this moment" She admits, moving her mouth to his jaw, nipping on it as his strokes get faster as they're both about to reach their climax.
"Oh, I'm pretty sure I do" As he says this, one of his hands moves to her clit, massaging it repeatedly until he feels himself close to the edge and her walls tightening around him. And suddenly, they both go to place of pure redemption and solace, as they come together as one. His juices filling her insides in a way that makes her float.
Kate wakes up first. Eyes blinking tremulously as the sun shines through the window and her head aches slightly. Hungover. But she can't help the smile that rises up her face as the first face she sees belongs to him.
She was drunk. Yes. But not that drunk. Everything that had happened the previous night was well thought and voluntary.
He's still deep in sleep, mouth slightly open and she can't help herself but move her hand resting between them to his face. Tracing his features, memorizing every handsome line he holds.
On contrary to what she thought she might feel the morning after, she feels anything but terrified, scared. No. She feels blissful, loves the way her core still aches from their activities, the feel of their tangled legs between the white sheets, his presence in her bed. What she once thought was complicated, and thought that adding sex to it would only worsen it, feels easy. Feels right. Kate may not be able to say those three words just yet. But she certainly knows that she feels them.
"I hope you're not having second thoughts" Castle interrupts her line of thought. She looks up at him and the worry in his eyes is clear. She keeps tracing her finger down his face.
"Not a chance" And then leans in to crash her mouth against his. Even though she kissed him last night, numerous times actually, it feels as if she's kissing Castle for the first time all over again.
Castle scoots closer, smashing his chest to hers and wrapping an arm around her. "So..." Then he goes silent. There's so much the writer wants to tell her, reaffirm how much he loves her. But he knows she needs her time to be ready to hear that again, and hopefully be able to say it back. Despite that, he is so happy that he's afraid he might combust.
"Are we..." Dating? None of them knows.
"I don't know" Castle replies "Are we?" He crashes his forehead to hers, tightening his arm around her body "Because I'd really like that"
She giggles and her eyes smile in time with her lips "Yeah, me too" It feels surreal to say that, especially to him. God. It feels surreal to even be in this context with him after almost four years dancing around the bush.
A month later...
Giving the NYPD policy that coworkers are not allowed to date, Castle and Beckett decided to keep their newly created relationship under the wraps for the time being. Especially because both are pretty sure if Gates knew, it would be the blank spot she needed to throw the writer out of her precinct.
They haven't told anyone yet, not even family. And Castle is loving this 'sneak around' game they've been playing. "It makes it even more fun" He says, though he's pretty sure his mother is already onto him.
Castle is sitting in his office reviewing the latest chapter, written the night before after he got back from Beckett's apartment, when there's a knock on the door. Alexis is out with a few friends and won't be home until after dinner, and his mother is somewhere in New York probably playing around with a newly widower. And Beckett said she was going to take a rest tonight, that's why he's sitting alone in his empty loft right now.
They just closed the Kay Cappuccio case. Their temporary son Royal, has found a new home, and after finishing up the paper work from the case the team had gone their separate ways.
"Kate?" He questions. Smile already up his cheeks and she enters his home like she already belongs there. She's still in her work clothes. Kisses him square in the mouth before entering even though she looks worried, tired, just like she was for the last couple of days.
Castle immediately follows her to the couch. Meeting their mouths again as they smile into the kiss.
"So glad you're here" He says pulling her down to sit on his lap on the couch. "I missed you"
"And I wanted to see you" The detective admits, already wrapping an arm around his neck for support. "You alone?" She asks looking around the space. He squeezes her hips.
"Not anymore" His mouth finds her exposed neck. And a controlled moan leaves her throat before she pulls away from him.
"Castle..." Beckett warns. Standing up to dispose her jacket on the back of the couch. "I actually came by because we need to talk" She sits back down next to him, eyes glued to the hands on her lap. A nervous goose bump travels up his spine. What's going on?
"You breaking up with me already?" His sad blue eyes almost make her cry. God. No. This man has been the most amazing thing in her life, she wouldn't even think of breaking them up when they've barely made it to a place where they are both beyond happy.
"Oh God, no... not at all" At least I hope not. She reaches up to caress his cheek "Why would you even think that?"
"Because ever since you passed through that door I can't read anything in your eyes except for nervousness and pure panic" His voice is rising. And none of them are sure what brought up that reaction. But probably the fact that he knows she has something to tell him but has been dancing around the topic.
The detective moves her body to face him, leg propped under her butt and hands rubbing her face.
"Kate..."
"Castle" Her hands travel back to her legs, eyes finding his as her glassy eyes break into thick water drops rolling down her cheeks.
"I'm pregnant"