Chapter Two:the Flashback and a Plan
Natasha couldn't make her way out of the building fast enough as her rapidly falling tears blurred her vision. She felt hot and sick and as though she was suffocating. She burst out of the building's door, down the steps and onto the sidewalk dimly aware of her surroundings.
Her heart was in so much pain, it felt like it was literally breaking. She was trained to withstand and endure pain. Pain from getting shot or stabbed or tortured but never for pain like this. She couldn't bear it. She had to get away. Steve. The Soldier. The child. The Red Room. James Barnes. She stumbled, gasping in a deep breath of air.
"Miss Black Widow," said the voice of the girl from earlier. "Are you crying?"
She didn't respond but quickened her steps trying desperately to get to her car.
"She is," said another voice, that of a boy, older than the girl. "Hey the black widow's crying," he said cheerfully, as if this was the best thing to happen to him that day.
"Don't record her Billy," said the girl aghast.
"Are you crazy, I'm posting this on Twitter," he said excitedly.
"Did Captain America break up with you Black Widow," the boy called Billy yelled out happily.
"Of course not," cried the girl horrified, covering her mouth. Natasha hit the button on her car keys remotely unlocking her car before jumping in.
She barely had the door closed before the sob that had been threatening to escape from her since entering the apartment broke loose. Fumbling she managed to get the key in the ignition vaguely aware of Billy recording her from her passenger window.
Sounds that were foreign toher escaped her mouth as she pulled into traffic.
The boy Billy uploaded his recording in pure elation to his social media accounts.
"The Black Widow is going to kill you for that," exclaimed the girl as she watched him.
"Are you kidding, she never even saw me," he clapped his hands giddily. "She was having a complete meltdown, especially in the car. I'm going to get so much likes."
Natasha didn't know where she was going until she pulled into Tony Stark's driveway nearly 5 hours later. Pepper. She needed Pepper. Pepper was her friend, her best friend, knowing Natasha like no other. Only Pepper could make this unbearable pain go away.
"Pepper," she croaked blindly, stumbling up the front steps. The doors opened and Tony rushed out.
"Whoa I got you, Nat," he said as he caught her in his arms, and walked them into the house. Natasha knew her eyes were swollen, and she probably looked disastrous, but she couldn't stop crying.
"Pepper," she cried out again, looking around for said woman.
"She's coming, Nat," reassured Tony as he led her to the den area to the plush suede sofa. "She's just finishing up a call with the press."
"It really happened, Tony," cried Natasha, not bothering to try and stop her tears. "It was real. He is real."
"Who's real? What really happened," asked Tony quietly and patiently. He knew that whatever Natasha was going through was serious, as he'd never seen her cry before. Hell he hadn't even believed she was capable of crying. Now was not the time for games and jokes.
"My nightmare," Natasha responded, trying to calm herself enough to talk.
Tony ran a hand through his hair. "You have nightmares," he said, nodding. "Okay, didn't know that. What scares you? Never-ending peace? Lizards? Birds? Low ammo supply? Fish? I know some fish eat spiders. Can't think of much more to frighten the big Black Widow."
"That will be all, Tony, thank you," came the familiar voice of Pepper Potts. It was like a balm to Natasha.
"Pepper," she gasped, the pain in her heart overpowering her. The clicks of Pepper's heels became audible as she rounded a corner and came into view. Immediately she went straight to Natasha wrapping an arm around her, helping her to stand. Natasha wrapped her arms around Pepper in a hug, burying her face in her shoulder.
Tony stared, open mouth at the pair.
Pepper rolled an eye at him as she rubbed Natasha's back.
"It's okay Nat," she said soothingly. "It's okay,"
"TMZ has agreed to not release the video," she told Tony. "But it's going to cost us."
"Extortion," muttered Tony. "Well that's good news," he continued. "Can't have Nat's teary face all over the news."
"Sir" called JARVIS over the pa system. "I've successfully deactivated all social media accounts belonging to William Bradley. We now have the only footage of Agent Romanoff," there was a noticeable pause. "Crying Sir."
"Thank you, JARVIS," said Tony. "Now save it, we may need it one day -hey" he rubbed his arm where Pepper swatted him "And send a virus to the little bugger's phone."
"Right away Sir."
"Pepper," said Natasha, pulling away from her to look into her eyes. "My nightmare,"
Pepper nodded in understanding. "Did you have it again?"
"It really happened, It's all true."
Pepper's brow furrowed in confusion. It really happened. Did that mean….
Flashback 1989
Pepper Potts was angry. She'd had it up to here with Tony Stark and his womanizing ways. Ever since Natalie Rushman became his assistant, Tony had been drooling for her. God, it made her sick. He didn't even try to hide the way he lusted after her. She'd already caught him pleasuring himself to her modeling photos from Tokyo twice.
She blamed Natalie Rushman. Of course the redhead knew what she was doing. Why would she even include the modeling photos in her resume? Stark industry was a weapons manufacturing company, not a Victoria Secrets agency. The Stark men womanizing ways were legendary, from Howard's Sr father, down to his great-grandson, Tony. She didn't believe for a second that whatever Natalie was up to was innocent, and now Tony had her set up in a guest room, claiming she didn't feel well. Ha! As if. She knew he was planning on sleeping with her tonight.
Pepper checked her watch as she headed to the stairs about to leave. 1:43 am. She had to be back at 6, should she stay? It made more sense to.
A scream causing her to jump, startled her out of her thoughts. It sounded like Natalie, but it couldn't be.
Natalie screamed again, this time in Russian.
"Нет солдата. (No soldier) Нет, прекратите, пожалуйста,"(No, please stop)
Pepper froze. She understood and spoke Russian. That sounded to her like -
She found herself turning in the direction of the guest room Natalie was taking up for the night. Her screams were getting worse.
"Это больно. (It hurts) Стой. (Stop) Ты делаешь мне больно, солдат. (You're hurting me, Soldier) Пожалуйста солдат, остановись. (Please Soldier, stop) Нет Пожалуйста Стой." (No please stop)
"Oh my god," gasped Pepper horrified, knowing without a doubt what Natalie must be dreaming about.
She reached the room door not surprised to find it locked.
Knocking tentatively she called, "Natalie, are you okay hon?" No response. She knocked again.
"Я СОЗДАН ИЗ МРАМОРА; Я СОЗДАН ИЗ МРАМОРА!"(I AM MADE OF MARBLE; I AM MADE OF MARBLE!)
"JARVIS open the door," ordered Pepper urgently.
"Right away Ma'am,"
A moment later Pepper found herself gently shaking the beautiful sleeping woman. She didn't budge.
"Natalie, come on, wake up honey," whispered Pepper.
Natasha whimpered. "Please don't hurt me," she moaned. Pepper felt her heart break. Natalie sounded so young, like a child. She wiped the sweat from her face.
"I'm not going to hurt you, Natalie," said Pepper as she stroked her hair. "You're having a nightmare. I need you to wake up."
"Он ушел?" (Is he gone?) asked Natasha, reverting to her first language.
"Yes he's gone, dear," answered Pepper, not knowing who 'he' was but knowing it was whomever she'd been dreaming about.
Natasha's eyes fluttered open. She looked unseeingly at Pepper.
"Где ребенок?" (Where is the baby?)
Baby, thought Pepper startled.
"There's no baby, Natalie."
"Меня зовут черная вдова," (my name is Black Widow) sneered Natasha as in an instant she'd grabbed her in a choke hold about to snap her neck.
Pepper panicked, fear coursing through her.
"Черная вдова, пожалуйста, не делай мне больно"(Black Widow please don't hurt me) she pleaded in Russian, sure that Natalie would respond better to the language.
Natasha released her as she began truly waking up. She looked around the room, seeing the frightened Pepper, remembering the awful dream. She began to cry.
"I'm so sorry Ms Potts," she said. "Please forgive me,"
Pepper regained her composure, overruling her first instant to fire the young girl. (she clearly lied about her identity) Natalie had just dreamt of being raped, surely that warranted some compassion. People didn't dream about getting raped, they re-lived being raped in their dreams.
She observed Natalie for a moment. There was so much more to her than what met the eye.
"Black Widow," said Pepper softly testing the name out. Natasha's eyes widened as she realized what she'd obviously done. She'd blown her cover.
"Don't worry," Pepper quickly assured her. "I won't tell a soul." Unable to help herself she asked "Are you really the Black Widow. Why are you here? Is there a threat to Tony, to Stark Industries?"
Natasha was already shaking her head.
"I'm Agent Natasha Romanoff, of SHIELD," she explained.
Pepper eyes widened. She'd grown up hearing stories about SHIELD - the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement Division - everything from how they were a government super spy agency, responsible for the death of Captain America, to having a secret base on the moon. One rumor she'd heard was that the famous, the original, Black Widow was working for them, but of course she'd dismissed it. Black Widow was a legend, a folklore, a wife's tell, and if she did exist back then that she'd surely be very old or dead now, and yet here they were.
"I'm here on assignment from Director Nick Fury to evaluate Tony for recruitment, as well as protect him from potential harm.
Pepper nodded her understanding. "Fury is interested in Stark for the Avengers Initiative, a group of, for a lack of a better term, superheroes, designated to protecting the earth from outside threats. We need to know whether he can be a reliable ally." She paused. "As for the protection. SHIELD has reason to believe that Howard Stark Jr, and his wife Maria are being targeted, by Hydra. We believe that it has to do with his as well as his parents, Howard Sr, and Peggy Carter-Stark's work with the Tesseract. I have been assigned to protect Tony Stark as I evaluate him for Fury."
Pepper smiled, relief flooding through her. So she wasn't here to seduce Tony. That made her feel much better.
Natasha smiled, knowing what Pepper was thinking. She smirked.
"I assure you Ms. Potts," she said, her tone dropping seductively as she stroked Pepper's arm delicately, letting the bed spread fall from her shoulder. "I have no sexual interest whatsoever in Tony Stark."
Pepper didn't respond immediately, as she became increasingly aware of Natasha stroking her arm. Pepper swallowed.
Natasha smirked bemusedly as she released Pepper's arm.
Pepper cleared her throat averting her eyes from Natasha's body that was showing. She was wearing nothing but a bra and panty set.
My god, she thought. Is this what Tony's been dealing with?
"How are you feeling, Agent?" She asked. "You were having a nightmare."
"You can call me Natasha," said Natasha, as she looked down at the bedspread, unhappy that she was reminded of the dream.
The nightmare. The recurring nightmare about the Soldier taking her against her will. Her throat felt incredibly dry now.
"It's okay," said Natasha dismissively. "It was nothing."
"Это больно. (It hurts) Стой. (Stop) Ты делаешь мне больно, солдат. (You're hurting me, Soldier.) Пожалуйста, солдат, остановись. (Please soldier stop) Нет Пожалуйста Стой,' (no please stop) does not sound like 'nothing' to me, Natasha," she said quietly.
"You speak Russian," said Natasha. "I didn't know." She fiddled with a loose thread on the spread.
"Do you want to talk about it," asked Pepper.
Natasha remained silent for a long time, so long in fact that Pepper thought she wasn't going to answer.
"I was twelve the first time," said Natasha barely above a whisper. "It went on for years."
Tears fell from her eyes. "I don't know his name. I was only ever allowed to call him Soldier."
"And you had his baby?" Asked Pepper after it became evident that she wasn't going to say more.
If possible, even more tears fell at this. "I don't know," Natasha admitted, wiping her nose.
At Pepper's confused expression she continued.
"I have no memory of ever being pregnant or giving birth," she said. "But there's always a baby in my nightmare. There's always a crying baby, and sometimes I can still feel it sucking my breast when I awake."
Pepper didn't know what to say to that. It was just horrible, what she'd confessed, to have been raped so young and then not know.
"Is it possible that you gave birth and just don't remember?"
"It's possible," said Natasha quietly, making room for Pepper to sit beside her.
They both were sitting back against the headboard, legs outstretched, Nat's under the covers, Pepper on top.
"The Red Room is known for wiping the minds of its prisoners. I've long ago accepted that my mind was wiped. I just wish I knew for sure, you know."
"Of course," said Pepper hugging her unexpectedly. Natasha tensed for a brief second before relaxing into the embrace. It'd been so long since she'd been hugged if ever. It actually felt good.
"Maybe Tony and I can look into it."
"Maybe," agreed Natasha, half-heartedly. "Except it would have been born in the 40s putting it in his 40s now, older than I appear to be. I don't know if it's a boy or girl or its birthday. I've looked, believe me I have. But without my Red Room files, which was stolen decades ago, I don't think I'll ever find it."
"How old are you," asked Pepper. "If you don't mind me asking."
"Sixty-one," responded Natasha.
Pepper looked her up and down.
"You are without a doubt, the best looking sixty-year-old that I've ever met," she declared. "You don't look a day over 25." Natasha smiled coyly. "You like what you see, Miss Potts."
"Call me Pepper," said Pepper. "And do I really need to answer that? You already know how beautiful you are."
Natasha felt herself growing tired again. She scooted down in the bed, laying down.
"Stay with me?" she asked Pepper with uncertainty. She was tired, yes, but she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep if left alone.
Pepper nodded. "Sure Nat," she said. She looked down at herself. She was still wearing her pencil skirt and blouse, complete with heels.
"I don't have anything to sleep in," she confessed.
Natasha gave her signature smirk. "You don't need anything," she said. "Take off your clothes," she demanded in her must sultry, husky voice, well aware of the effect that she was having on the other woman.
Pepper paused, shocked at the growing arousal she was feeling.
Natasha eyed her hungrily, piercing her with her emerald eyes.
Heart pounding furiously, Pepper slipped her feet out of her red bottoms designer heels. She untucked her blouse, before pulling it slowly over her head, revealing her smooth, flat creamy stomach and her plump breast encased in a black lacy bra.
Pepper quickly unzipped her skirt letting it fall, stepping out and away from it. The black panties hugged her curves perfectly. Natasha wondered if Tony was purposely blinding himself to Pepper's beauty. What an idiot, she thought as she made room for the other redhead. Pepper slowly got into the bed.
"JARVIS cut the lights," murmured Natasha as she laid back down.
"Good night, Pepper," she whispered, closing her eyes. "Спасибо." (Thank You) Almost instantly, she fell back asleep. That was the beginning of their very close friendship.
END OF FLASHBACK
1995
6 YEARS LATER
"Pepper," said Natasha, pulling away from her to look into her eyes. "My nightmare,"
Pepper nodded in understanding. "Did you have it again?"
"It really happened, It's all true."
Pepper's brow furrowed in confusion. It really happened. Did that mean…
"You mean,"
Natasha was nodding. "I have a son"
"Wait what?" Asked Tony, startled.
Natasha handed the photograph that had remained clutch tightly in her hand, to Pepper. Pepper stared, a smile forming. "He looks just like you," she said, turning the picture over.
"Son of Black Widow?" She asked. "How did you find him,"
"Steve," saying his name caused memories of the hours ago break-up to flood her mind. The packed boxes. Steve's glare. Steve's anger and disgust. Steve punching a hole in the wall. Steve telling her that her rapist was his best friend.
Natasha turned, heading to the nearest bathroom as the bile rushed to her throat. She didn't make it. She barely made it to the bathroom door before she emptied her stomach all over it.
"Ew gross," said Tony. "JARVIS, order the cleaning service pronto."
"Yes, Sir."
Natasha sank to the floor, not caring that she was sitting beside her own vomit. It wasn't the first time in any case.
"Steve broke up with me," she whispered.
"Oh my god," exclaimed Pepper. "Why, you two are made for each other?"
"Because the Soldier, the one from my nightmare is his friend, his best friend."
"Barnes," exclaimed Pepper, eyes wide. "No."
Natasha was nodding. "I know his name now. He's the one who stole my Red Room files. He's the one who - who," but she couldn't continue.
"Steve thinks I slept with him, that we were together or something and that I abandoned my son," she stared pleadingly at Pepper, trying to understand the incredulity of it. "Abandoned him," she trailed off.
"Steve Rogers is an idiot," said Pepper angrily. "And he just broke up with you,"
"He was so angry; so disgusted with me. I thought he was going to hit me." Pepper gasped.
"I'm pregnant," said Natasha in the same heartbroken dead monotone.
Pepper squealed in delight. "Really. Did you tell him?"
"He told me to abort it," said Natasha quietly, tears still falling. "Said he didn't want kids. Offered me two thousand dollars."
"That's it," said Tony hotly. "I'm going to kick his spangled ass. Mr. Righteous my ass."
Pepper helped Natasha back to her feet.
"What am I going to do," she asked them. "There's no way I'm going to abort the baby," she declared vehemently. "I don't care what Steve wants. I've killed enough. I'm tired of killing. I'm not killing my baby, no matter what."
"Of course not," declared Pepper fiercely. "You have the right to do whatever makes you happy," she declared. "And Steve has no right to try and make you terminate this pregnancy. It is your body at the end of the day."
Natasha nodded then lapsed into silence, as they made their way to the sitting area. Natasha sat without responding. Pepper knew her well enough, to not get offended. She knew that she needed time to herself to just think. Natasha had a lot to take in the last few hours. The identity of her rapist after half a century not knowing. The child, the son of black widow, that she'd dreamt about countless times not knowing with certainty that he even existed. Getting pregnant when it was supposed to be impossible; then having the man she was desperately in love with abandon her and the unborn baby. Pepper shuddered her heart going out to the older woman even more.
"I'm going to order you something to eat, Nat," she said as she walked from the room. "I'll be back when it arrives. If you need anything in the meantime, anything at all, you know you are welcomed to everything in this house, no limits.
"I know Pepper, thanks," muttered Natasha, still straining off into space. Pepper nodded and took her leave.
After she left, Natasha looked down at her stomach, marvelling at the miracle that grew within. She had a child, a son. She wasn't sure exactly how old he was, or if she'd even carried him or not, but he was hers. She'd held him at least once as she nursed him. Her dreams told her that. She once heard his cries.
"I will never abandon you,'' she whispered to her stomach. "Your father may not want you, but I do. I love you so much already."
Любовь для детей. (Love is for children). The words floated into her mind like a warm breeze on a summer's day. Then it hit her. This is what the Red Room was trying to avoid. The ache of a heartbreak. It was better to not love at all than to feel your heart ripped from your chest. This was why we were taught to never love, to never surrender our hearts. Because the concept of the idea of love, was childish. It was childish to believe that one could love another unconditionally, no matter what. Maybe their child but not- then another thought struck her. No, love is for children. It was possible to bear all things; hope all things; believe all things; endure all things when it came to a child. Didn't the overwhelming love she already felt proved that love was for children. She would not have this baby, this miracle inside her right now if she hadn't fallen in love with Steve. Perhaps that's what they meant by Love is for children.
She sighed. She did not regret her love for Steve. He made her feel more human than she'd ever felt in her life. He connected with her on a level that no one, not even Pepper or Clint connected with. Furthermore, he gave her a child. Another child. Something that she's always wanted, but thought she would never have. How could she regret her love for Steve? She couldn't. It's better to love and lose, than to not love at all, she decided as she came up with a plan for her and her baby.
Pepper arrived shortly after with delivery of her favorite Chinese restaurant. Natasha smiled, feeling a lot better after thinking. Halfway through her meal, Natasha wiped her mouth and faced Pepper.
"I'm quitting SHIELD," she declared. "I'm keeping the baby, and it will not be possible for this to be kept a secret with me still working there, even on desk duty." She took a sip of her drink before continuing. "Captain Rogers wishes to have no communication with me outside of work but as you can imagine, working with him on a daily basis after the baby is born will be -" she trailed off not knowing what it will be or how she will feel, but just knowing that it would be a heartache.
"I don't want to do that. I Also feel that aside from You, Tony, Fury, Maria and Phil, no one should know that I'm pregnant. If it gets out that Steve's reproduced, Hydra or the Red Room alike will be after the baby. Therefore, the less that knows, the better. You and Tony will be godparents, of course. I feel like no one else will be what the two of you will be to my child." Pepper beamed and threw her arms around Natasha, squealing with delight.
"Thank you so much Nat," she cried happily. Natasha smiled happily before continuing.
I have always had a job position at the FBI, being that they owe me several favors," she said. " I will work there as a weapons specialist, which of course, I am. I will not do any field work at all.
" I own a farm on a decent sized property that is private and well secluded. It is not far from a dear friend and their family and I believe I will be safe there. I will be known there as Natalie Rushman, a name you are well familiar with, but Steve, fortunately, is not. If he or anyone else decides to look for me, I don't want to make it easy for them." she smiled.
"Thank you, Pepper. You've truly been a great friend over the years."
"So have you," smiled Pepper. "I would have never married Tony, if it wasn't for you," Natasha smiled remembering how she finally made the two see sense. "Especially after finding out about Harley."
Harley Kenneth Stark, was Tony's four-year-old son. Pepper (and Tony for that matter) found out about Harley while they were still engaged. Needless to say, Pepper was not pleased. She ended the engagement and relationship with Tony, making them both miserable. It was up to Natasha to make her friend realize that she could not fault Tony for something that happened before they were a couple. In the end, Pepper married Tony and the two had been happy ever since, with Pepper absolutely adoring Harley.
Harley has come to live with Tony full time the year before after Harley's mother overdosed with him in the home. She didn't die, but Tony was granted sole custody of Harley after that.
"We're going to be just fine, Miss Potts," said Natasha smiling. "You'll see."
"Oh I have no doubt Miss Rushman," said Pepper smiling. This was how she and Natasha sometimes referred to each other, and it was all done in fun. "None at all."
Author's Notes
I have Natasha, Tony and Pepper all meeting for the first time in the year 1989. Harley Keener, is Tony's biological son in this fanfiction, named Harley Kenneth Stark, and he was born in the year 1991. I didn't put it at the end of the last chapter, so I'll say it now: Steve went in the ice in 1945 and came out in 1990. He met and paired up with Natasha working for SHIELD the same year when they both try to protect Howard Stark Jr, from the Winter Soldier (neither knowing at the time that it was his Bucky Barnes or her 'Soldier'), to which they fail and Howard Jr and Maria Stark are killed as Barnes escaped. Steve and STRIKE continue for the next 5 years to track Barnes as he and Natasha becomes closer, resulting in their engagement and her pregnancy.
I planned on having spider-man be Natasha's long-lost son by Barnes, but I haven't decided yet. It will either be him or another character or an OC, but her son will definitely have a role in this story. The next chapter will summarize the years in between now (October 1995) to 2010 (Iron Man 2), and then to 2012 with Loki and the of New York, to the Winter soldier (2014) until finally 2015 (Ultron) where Steve meets his son by Natasha for the first time. That is where I will also be fitting in "Lucy", which came out in 2014. We'll just pretend Ultron and Lucy happened in the same year (2015) and the story will go from there. Until the next chapter….
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