Try as he might, Zuko couldn't sleep. His gut felt like someone was twisting it periodically thanks to the guilt he knew he didn't have to feel. He sat up and threw off his covers before sitting at the edge of the bed. Thoughts of the little girl he had met earlier that day danced in his mind, her slight frame, the dirt on her skin and ragged clothing along with that humiliating brand on her hand. It made him sad just to think about Kira.
He reached over to his bedside table and poured himself a glass of ice-cold water. As he sipped he suddenly realised how easily he took that for granted. "Nobody in the lower quarter gets a pitcher of clean, cold water beside their bed," Zuko said to himself before slamming the glass down. In a single day, he had come to realise just how unfair the world was and it felt like it was eating at his insides.
"I have the power to change things but all I've done since becoming Fire Lord is work to appease the other nations," he whispered to himself as he sat in the darkness, "What good is a Fire Lord if all he does is pander to those outside his borders?" Deep down he knew his actions were the right ones. By humbling himself before the other nations he solidified his promise that the Fire Nation would remain peaceful but it still didn't help his people.
He got up and moved to the balcony door beside his bed. He had left it slightly open to let some cool air in. He stepped through and walked to the far end, leaning on the barrier and staring out at the city. Street lamps and the tiny lights from houses were still lit, it was often said that the Capital City never truly slept. He wondered just how many souls weren't so lucky to have a roof over their head but at least it was warm this time of year.
Kira moved back into thoughts and he wondered where she was sleeping. He groaned sadly, why was this one girl making him feel so lousy? He turned to go back into his room to try and fall asleep but as he did he spied a cloak he wore while travelling, hanging from a hook by the bedroom door. What if he just sneaked out? He was the Fire Lord so he could do as he pleased but he just knew the palace staff would berate their beloved Fire Lord for doing so. Sometimes he regretted letting them be so flippant but it sure beat them being afraid of him.
"Am I really doing this?" he asked himself before grunting angrily, "Damn it Zuko you're not a little kid anymore." He steeled his resolve and reached for his cloak after pulling on some warmer clothing. He walked back to the balcony and peered over it. The grounds below were quite far below him but he had a secret way down he had used as a kid to go and visit his uncle when he should have been studying. Not once did Iroh tell his father so long as he studied while he was there.
Zuko vaulted off the balcony and then swung himself at the wall and began to climb down using the little holes that had eroded into it over time. Even if it had been a while, muscle memory did most of the work and he was quickly on the ground. He rubbed his hands together to get rid of the dust and dry mortar before turning towards the main gates. He managed to sneak out without being challenged by a guard, if he had been discovered then they'd insist on following him but he wanted to be alone.
As he wandered into the market he was surprised at how much of it was still bustling. Street vendors cooked for customers who were either drunk or just enjoying the night and judging by the screams of laughter coming from some of the bars he knew full well that they were open. Nobody looked at him twice with his hood pulled up mainly because he wasn't the only one dressed like this in the night.
He headed back to where he thought he had met Kira earlier that day. He knew coming to such a poor part of the city at night was as stupid an idea as he'd ever had but he could handle himself. Like the market, this part of the city was still somewhat active though in a much less optimistic way. Vagrants and drunks wandered aimlessly while others slept wherever they could get even a little shelter.
"Build shelters for the homeless," he said to himself as he walked, "With enough beds so not everyone has to sleep rough every night." It was a naïve thought to think the rabble would be so orderly but it still brought him comfort. He walked for a good fifteen minutes more before he stopped to watch an old man passing out loaves of bread. He was wearing an apron covered in flour and hard dough which told Zuko that the man was a baker simply sharing what he couldn't sell to paying customers. Uncle Iroh had said the poor were more charitable than the rich which confused him at first but now he supposed that greed was what made them rich in the first place.
"At least someone else cares," he said with a small smile. He finally found where the palanquin had broken earlier in the day and began to look around but he had no idea what to do now that he was here. Iroh had said the Burakumin were a community all their own so perhaps they gathered together for safety?
Zuko looked around for someone to ask and spotted the old baker walking towards him. As their eyes met Zuko was handed the last loaf. It was stale. "Here you go young man," he said kindly, "Haven't seen you around here, lose your home?"
"Um," Zuko stammered, "No, I live at the...um...uptown," he pointed in the general direction of the palace, "Please, give this to someone who needs it." The old man took the loaf back and bowed graciously before starting to walk away again. "I'm looking for information actually," Zuko then asked.
"Oh yeah?" the old man stopped walking and faced Zuko again, "What?"
"Do you know where the Burakumin live in the city?" his question caused the old man to raise a bushy eyebrow. "I understand it's a strange question but I need to know."
"Not my business to know why you'd want to know," he waved a hand at Zuko as he spoke, "There's a slaughterhouse nearby where the majority of them make their living in this part of the city," he then spat on the ground, "Man who runs it must have a strong stomach if he'll hire those Unclean rats, I don't know what you want with them but I'd steer clear, the spirits damned these folks long ago."
Zuko hid his annoyance at the man's reaction. He was charitable to the homeless but he cursed the Burakumin, just like his retainer Jinn had done. "Thank you," Zuko said. The old man waved him off and Zuko left, hoping this lead would get him to where he wanted to be. As he walked he considered what he would do when he found her.
He had already asked Uncle to find her and now here he was doing it himself anyway. More than anything he just wanted to know why she was Burakumin and working in a slaughterhouse. Most people in the Fire Nation ate meat and he knew that working in a slaughterhouse didn't carry a stigma, just the name Burakumin.
It took him a long time to find the slaughterhouse and he had to ask for directions more than a few times. He also declined offers to be shown the way. He could just tell they would lead him down a dark alley and try to mug him. Try, but most likely fail. Despite the delays, he managed to find it and much to his surprise it was still open. He tried not to stare at the rows of dead animals being carved up by workers but none of them had brands or they wore gloves. Uncle had said that it was a punishable offence for a Burakumin to hide their brand.
As he peered inside he looked around for the telltale brands and finally spotted a group of them. They were slaughtering animals which, in a way, made sense for those considered 'Unclean' to do while the other workers cleaned the carcasses. Zuko wasn't a stranger to blood, he had seen plenty of his own while training with broadswords, but as a knife was run across a screaming Moo-Swines jugular it was like a waterfall of red. He looked away despite himself.
"Hey, who are you?" one of the workers had seen him, "You shouldn't be here!"
"I'm sorry," Zuko said apologetically, "I've come here looking for someone." He was given a quizzing look before being asked who. "One of the workers, uh, the Burakumin, a little girl."
"Only Untouchable kid we have here is Kira?"
"Yes!" Zuko almost shouted before clearing his throat, trying to hide his relief, "Yes, that's her name. Is she here?"
"She's out back leading in the next animal," he indicated to a large door at the back of the killing floor.
"Why do you make her work so late?"
"She isn't paid to sleep kid," the man shrugged his shoulders like it was perfectly normal to make a little girl work late into the night. Zuko suppressed a sigh, this whole thing was just so messed up. "What in Agni's name do you want to see her for anyway?"
Zuko composed himself and tried to sound calm. "I have my reasons," he said back, still not totally sure himself, "I'd like a moment alone with her if that's possible?"
"Hey, hey she might be one of the Untouchable but she's still just a kid!"
Zuko's eyes went wide before he blurted out a loud, "No, Agni, no!" he waved his hands frantically as he stumbled over his next words. "Listen, I don't plan on doing anything unsavoury, I just need a moment with her, is that alright?"
Unsurprisingly Zuko still got a suspicious glare. Just as Zuko thought he was going to be sent away he saw someone come in from the back. He found himself smiling when he saw Kira leading in a rather placid Moo-Sow by a rope around its neck. From what he could see she was speaking to it gently, guiding it forward with a calm tone.
He watched as the girl led it towards the bloodstained area where it would be slaughtered and he expected her to hand the beast over to the man holding the still bloody knife. Much to his horror, he watched as Kira took the knife in her small hand without hesitation and quickly slit the beast's throat. At first, the blood poured up and out of the open would, covering Kira in a crimson red before it began pooling around her bare feet. This was just so messed up and to make things worse she was smiling.
"Not a fan of blood are you kid?" the man beside him said with a laugh, "At least we have the Untouchables to do the deed."
"You make children do it?" Zuko tried and failed to stop his voice from shaking.
"Why else would we hire the Untouchables?" he said with a shrug and indicated to Kira who was still smiling as she held the animal up while the blood drained, "See, the little weirdo enjoys it."
Zuko then sighed and lowered his hood, he was done hiding and just wanted to do what he came to do then leave. He showed the man his face and fixed him with a glare. "Don't make a scene," he said first, "Do you know who I am?" The man took a second before realising. He then tried to bow but Zuko clicked his fingers to make him stop. "Don't bow, just bring me the girl then leave us alone and go about your work," he demanded, "Don't tell anyone I was here, I'll know if you did."
"O-of course Fire Lord Zuko," the man whispered, bowing his head ever so slightly. He nervously went over to Kira and Zuko watched as he got her attention. He didn't even look her in the eyes as he spoke to her but eventually, she started walking towards him.
"Mr Fire Lord Sir?" Kira said to him, peering down and under his hood, "Is that you?" Zuko laughed at what he called her, just like she had done earlier that same day. It was hard not to be unnerved as she approached him covered in Moo-Swine blood though.
"Yeah...uh...Sorry to pull you from work," he said, trying to sound pleasant but he couldn't get over the blood still dripping from her hands. "Um...I'd like to talk to you if that's okay?"
"Do you really want to speak to me?" she looked at him unsurely but Zuko nodded and her face brightened a little more, "Okay, I just got told I was done for the day," she stated with a shrug of her small shoulders. Zuko smiled and indicated towards the street, beckoning her to follow him. They walked in silence for a few minutes while Zuko thought of what to say first and no doubt Kira wouldn't speak unless spoken to.
When he spotted the brand on her hand again he now noticed that it did indeed mean 'Dirt' and the painful feeling in his stomach got a little worse. "What did you do?" he asked then felt like an idiot for forgetting to give some context, "I mean, to become a...uh...um..."
"Why am I Untouchable?" Kira said for him and Zuko nodded. "I was bad in school."
Zuko couldn't help laughing. "Very funny," he looked down at her and was taken aback by her serious look, "You're kidding, right? Lots of kids are bad in school."
The girl looked glumly at her blood-soaked feet. Zuko made a note to at least get her some shoes. "You ever feel like no matter how hard you try to fit in you just aren't good enough Mr Fire Lord Sir?" Zuko absently touched his scar. He knew that feeling better than most, he had tried to be his father's son but in the end, he was just too good of a person. He nodded and she continued. "Well, when I was nine the headmaster of my school called me a bad element, uncooperative or something like that, so he sent me to the coal mines."
The tight pain in Zuko's stomach now made him want to throw up. A headmaster had the power to destroy this girl's life in such a way, and for what? Not conforming to his father's suffocating regime? He was starting to feel angry again.
"They branded me with this," Kira held up her marked hand and wiggled her fingers, "Then they told me I didn't exist, that I can't be allowed into society and would spend the rest of my life doing everything no decent person would."
Zuko swallowed the lump in his throat but it just stayed there. "How...how old are you Kira?" his voice was hoarse and raspy, he was fighting back both his rage and his tears.
"I'm not sure but I think I was in the coal mine for about a month when the war ended," she stated, "Apparently the army didn't need so much coal anymore so all the Untouchables were let go, I've been working odd jobs ever since just to get by."
The war had ended over two years ago. "By Agni," Zuko thought, "She can't be older than twelve." Zuko tried to swallow again but was unable to. "You said to me that you weren't allowed to go home when we first met," he said instead though he felt like he was choking on his words, "What did you mean?"
"My parents are soldiers and they were told they couldn't be my parents anymore," for the first time Zuko noticed a tear roll down her cheek though she seemed to push back the urge to cry, "They didn't even fight for me, they just threw me out."
Suddenly Zuko stopped walking and so did Kira. They were her parents and they didn't even fight to save their daughter? "Damn my father and my grandfathers," Zuko said angrily, "Damn them all!" He was clenching his fists so hard his hands were shaking. He wanted to scream until his voice gave out. Kira leaned towards him with a friendly, albeit worried, smile on her young face as she twiddled her fingers nervously behind her back. "Please don't get mad over me, I'm not worth it."
"Don't!" Zuko snapped angrily, "You shouldn't think like that, no kid deserves to feel like they don't matter!" He finally screamed, shouting 'damn it' to the wind before punching the wooden wall of a house beside him. Thank Agni it was abandoned because his fist went clean through the rotting wall. Woodlouse and other insects poured out of the woodworks and onto his hand but he didn't even flinch.
It was the perfect metaphor for this rotten nation and he was going to make so many holes that none of the insects who were destroying it from the inside could hide from his wrath. He thought of how Avatar Kyoshi would root out injustice and act on it, not regarding the petty politics of wherever she went. But this was his nation and these were his people. If protecting them meant pissing off some lazy and corrupt nobles then fine by him.
This was his country, not theirs.
Through his rage, he felt something unexpected. Warmth on his hand. His head cleared and he looked at his insect covered hand to see Kira brushing away at the bugs with her own tiny little hands. "Let's get these little guys off you, Mr Fire Lord Sir," she said in a cheerful tone, it didn't sound forced either, "No sense in letting them eat your fancy clothes." Blood from her hand marked his arm and she gasped when she noticed. "Oopsie," she said with a small smile.
Despite his anger Zuko found himself smiling at Kira. She had been dealt a bad hand in her short life but she was still able to laugh and smile and words couldn't express how much he admired that level of fortitude. Kira was now lightly brushing the bugs off his hand, being extra careful not to get blood on him this time. As he watched her he decided he didn't want to let her go, not just yet.
"Hey Kira," he said to her when she was finished clearing his hand of bugs, though he still shook it a couple of times to make sure, "Do you like working where you are right now?"
She thought for a moment. "I like feeding the animals," she said positively then her look darkened, "Not a fan of killing them though."
"So why were you smiling when you slaughtered that Moo-Sow?" Zuko was even more curious now.
Kira blushed at the question and wiggled one of her bare feet nervously before speaking. "I...I dunno why I do it," she said meekly, "It makes me sad when I'm told to kill one but I can't help smiling when I do it even if it makes me feel bad." Zuko understood now, she smiled when she was nervous. Right now she was smiling but her body language told him she was a barrel of nerves right now.
"Are you nervous around me?" Zuko asked but she shook her head, stating that she liked him. Zuko breathed a sigh of relief. Here he was on the fringe of turning twenty but still incredibly relieved that some pre-teen he barely knew didn't hate him. Today had been a strange day. Now he was sure that he didn't want to let her go. It didn't feel right even thinking about it.
"Kira, how would you like to come with me back to the Palace?" Zuko then offered. He had expected her to say yes but her reaction was humbling in its own special way. She burst out laughing at him, so loud in fact that he was worried she might wake up those who were rightfully sleeping at this Agni-forsaken hour. "What?" Zuko exclaimed, his voice slightly high pitched, "What's so funny?"
"I thought you were nice!" Kira said to him, her voice tinged with sadness and venom. "You think I don't know what a man wants with a little girl nobody cares about?" she shook her head and took a tentative step back. "Leave me alone!" Her smile disappeared and she looked ready to burst into tears.
Now he was flabbergasted, why did everyone assume he was trying to bed her? He then realised that he was a hooded man with a horrible scar walking around in the middle of the night asking for a little girl. He could have screamed in frustration for being so stupid. "Okay, I promise that's not what I'm after!" he made to move closer to her but suddenly a burst of flame caused him to step back quickly. He frantically kicked out his feet when he noticed his sandals were on fire.
"Please don't touch me!" Kira said to him. She had adopted a Firebending stance. "Just let me go."
Kira was a Firebender!
Zuko stepped away further, this was a surprise to be sure and one which he had learned the hard way. Thankfully he wasn't burned but his sandals were ruined. "Hey!" he said angrily, "You could have hurt me!"
"That's kinda why I Firebent at you Mr Fire Lord Sir!" she said desperately, almost sounding panicked then she stiffened and a look of sheer regret appeared on her face, "Crap, what did I just do! I just Firebent at the Fire Lord. Crap, oh crap!" Suddenly she was bowing with her forehead on the ground. Zuko was startled at the sudden switch from offensive to docile that he just stared down at her stupidly.
"Please sir, please don't chop off my hands!" she pleaded then, "I didn't do it on purpose Mr Fire Lord Sir!" Zuko wondered if that was an actual punishment for Firebending Burakumin who used their bending on someone above their station. Zuko relaxed though and approached Kira, once again kneeling to her level and lifting her small head with a single finger under her chin.
"I'm sorry, I see now that I came on too strong," he said with a guilty smile, "I don't want to hurt you or do anything unseemly, I only want to help you." His assurance seemed to calm her down so Zuko continued. "Listen, you're going to need a Firebending teacher and I'd be happy to teach you myself," before she could speak Zuko cut her off, "No, I don't care that you're Burakumin, I want to change how the Fire Nation treats people like you but I can't do it without proving you can do more than slaughter animals for a living."
"Won't people get mad?" she said and for the first time, she sounded truly timid. "I'm fine with what I am, I accepted it ages ago so I don't wanna make your life harder just because you pity one Shamed kid?"
Zuko stood up again and held out his hand. "If you come with me I promise not to tell anyone you Firebent at me?" Kira smiled at his blackmail, "Will you at least give it a chance?"
Kira stared at his outstretched hand, nervously biting her bottom lip. "Do I have permission to take your hand?" she then asked. Zuko figured this was just another thing she did to keep herself from getting in trouble. He told her it was okay and she clasped his hand readily and tightly. Zuko realised he had never really been around children much in his life and walking hand in hand with one was a new experience. He had to admit that he didn't hate it.
"So where are we going Mr Fire Lord Sir?" Now that was a good question. He honestly hadn't expected to be taking her home with him, he had assumed he would just check on her to ease his conscience and go back to sleep but now he was stuck with her. Even so, he couldn't have been more relieved that he had found her. But Zuko knew he couldn't take her into the Palace, not yet, so he decided to go to Iroh.
Iroh awoke to loud knocking on his front door. "Who could it be at this hour?" he grumbled as he walked with an outstretched hand to his front door, illuminating the hallway with a flame. No doubt it was Zuko related, maybe an emergency meeting? As he ran through the possibilities of why he was pulled away from his pleasant dreams of roasted duck and delicious tea he was surprised to see Zuko himself standing at his door with a little girl's hands in his.
When she moved behind Zuko he caught a glimpse of the Burakumin brand. "I guess I'll call off the search?" he said idly to his nephew who had an apologetic look on his face as the child hid behind him for protection. Iroh had to admit that this was the last thing he had expected but he couldn't deny how happy he was that Zuko had done something like this for himself for a change. "You are very wise bringing her to me instead of into the Palance, come in."
Zuko made to walk in with Kira but she had gone stiff. Zuko looked at her and she looked uncertain. "Oh that's right," Iroh said as he pulled a candle from a drawer in the hallway, "Burakumin are considered bad omens so no doubt she's been discouraged from entering someones home," Iroh lit the candle with his Firebending and smiled at Kira, "But don't worry little one, you are welcome here."
She looked at Zuko. "Do I have permission to come inside?" her voice was timid again. In response, Zuko simply pulled on her hand and she stumbled over the threshold into Iroh's home. Zuko caught her as she stumbled and Kira found herself blushing as her head rested on Zuko's stomach. In the light, the old man noticed the now dry blood on her skin, feet and clothes. He looked at Zuko who had also noticed his staring.
"I found her working in a slaughterhouse," he said to Iroh, "I'll go run a bath."
"No, no let me," Iroh patted Zuko on the shoulder, "You need to sleep, I'll look after her." Iron turned to face Kira who still stood with her head pressed against Zuko's stomach. Zuko didn't seem to know where to put his hands so he settled for holding them out to the side.
My name is Iroh," he said to her, "But you can call me Iroh!" he gave her a toothy grin and Kira smiled nervously at his silly joke. "I gather you haven't slept in a real bed for a while young lady?"
"No sir," Kira's grip tightened on Zuko's shirt, "Are you sure I can be here?"
"I'm the Fire Lord," Zuko reminded her, "No one will get you in trouble if I'm around, I promise." Zuko then looked at Iroh again. "Will any of your staff be a problem, Uncle?" He was worried someone might freak out when they spotted Kira.
"Honestly I have no idea," he admitted dryly, "But for now why don't you use a guest room and I'll see about cleaning up my guest."
"Alright, thank you, Uncle," Zuko said tiredly then spoke to Kira. "My Uncle will take care of you now," Kira looked at Iroh but it was obvious she was nervous. Zuko lightly patted her on the head. "Don't worry, he's the kindest man I know." Kira looked back at Iroh before nodding and letting go of Zuko. "There you go," he said warmly, "Enjoy your bath."
Zuko watched as they both disappeared further into the house before going to find his usual room when he slept here. As he closed the door he could hear the sound of water splashing as Iroh began to fill the bath. Iroh loved kids. He had been such a good father to Lu Ten and it was no surprise that he took Katara in when he learned of her situation with Azula.
And now he had another innocent little girl to look after and one whose life was ruined by the Fire Nation once again. One whose life Ozai had helped ruin by simply allowing her Shaming to happen. Zuko leaned against the door to the room and rubbed his tired eyes. He wished he could just snap his fingers and he could make everything better but alas he was still only human. Eventually, he stripped down into just his trousers and fell onto the bed, lying down with an arm over his eyes. "What a night," he said quietly. Even though he was shattered he felt better than he had before. The guilt that was causing him so much pain had untangled enough that he could feel the inviting lure of sleep pulling him under. He pulled the covers over himself and drifted off to sleep.
He didn't know how long he had been asleep when he felt something moving under the sheets. He lifted them in a slight panic, illuminating the darkness with a small flame in his hand. A pair of big amber eyes met his own and he realised it was Kira who was now wearing one of Katara's old night downs and her hair was still damp from her bath. She looked a lot better without the blood and muck on her.
"I can't sleep," she said meekly. Zuko couldn't help thinking of how ironic this was. He had spent the night defending himself from allegations that he was going to bed Kira and now she was crawling under his sheets just to be near him. He sighed and purged the thoughts from his mind.
"What's the matter?" he asked instead, staring at her under the covers. She frowned at him.
"I just said I can't sleep."
"Yeah, but why?"
In the dim light of his flame, he noticed her blushing. "I'm scared, okay!" Zuko fixed her with an amused grin. "You try sleeping in a strange old man's house!"
Zuko scoffed at her remark. "So your idea to feel better is by crawling into bed with the strange old man's nephew?" Zuko hadn't stopped smiling and Kira seemed to fume a little at his teasing.
"Yeah but you're nice," the sureness of her statement wiped the grin off of Zuko's face. It dawned on Zuko that she had probably had no one in her life she could trust if she had latched onto him so easily and he wasn't exactly the most approachable looking person in the world. "So can I stay with you?"
Zuko nodded. "Yeah, sure," Once Kira had crawled out of his sheets she rested her head on the pillow next to him. He clenched his fist to extinguish the flame, plunging them into darkness. Throughout the night he was keenly aware of the small child next to him. Within minutes of being allowed to stay, she was fast asleep and as he listened to her soft breathing Zuko was reminded of just how small and fragile she was and yet she had been cast aside to fend for herself before she had even turned ten.
He found some small comfort that she trusted him and now that she was in his life he felt the drive to make her's better. As Fire Lord, he was expected to put the needs of the many over the needs of the few but that would only mean ignoring people like Kira. No, he was going to be the Fire Lord who put everyone above himself.
He was their Fire Lord!
And he would serve them!