A/N- Greetings. So excited to give you this chapter. My intention was to have this during December or January but things became hectic and it wasn't polished enough to what I wanted.
She pulled back one of the curtains to gaze outside. The snow coming down heavier than the last time she had checked. Olivia was admiring it all, taking it in. When it snowed, everything became softer. The stress of her daily life could some way be put on a brief pause. It was her own small Christmas present to herself. Things were chaotic at best. When one small battle was won, another war was waiting for them. It was endless. The precinct was beginning to burnout this holiday season. With the pandemic nearing a full year it was apparent that it was not going away yet. It was like being stuck in a tunnel without nearing the light at the end of it.
Noah was sick and tired of it. With virtual learning as his only interaction with his school mates, he didn't have the influence of other kids to play off. It was hard being a kid this year. Olivia felt sorry for them. Most kids would be running around the playground, meeting new friends. Unfortunately all their communication was through a webcam. Classes were hectic. Particularly because it was random kids yelling through the mic and the teachers telling them to mute themselves. Barely any work was getting done and the morale quickly going sour. She would see it in his face every night when she came home. It was hard to explain to kids the seriousness of the situation. Viruses and sickness were not the same as monsters and goblins. Telling a child they can't go outside or be near other people because of something they can't see or feel was difficult.
On top of it, Noah hadn't been easy to shop for this year. No hints to what he wanted from Santa. Phone calls between Barba and Finn, purposely having them ask him what he wanted, and still nothing. His lips were sealed. The pandemic ruining some of the holiday spirit, hopefully she he would smile at what was under the tree. He wasn't materialistic at all. Whether it cost a hundred or one dollar didn't matter. Noah was worried that Santa wouldn't make it this year but Olivia had ordered his things early enough to make it in time. They sat on a high shelf in her closet all there was left to do was lay them out under the Christmas tree once he fell asleep.
After dinner, Noah had been persistent to look outside for Santa's reindeer in the sky especially Blitzen, his favorite. It was just a few flurries at that point, and none of it was sticking just yet. The weather channel had predicted an inch or so during the night. But after putting Noah to bed it was already a few inches and still coming down harder than ever. She had planned that tomorrow they would spend time playing in the snow, possibly attempt on making a snowman. It would be perfect because she didn't have to be in work the next day, instead she was on call, so only if there was an extreme emergency, she would need to go in.
So later close to midnight she finally had the display of toys under the tree. Her night was coming to a close. She sat on the couch, a glass of red wine at her side and flipping through her phone. Updates from her coworkers. An array of pictures showing the decorations, food and small gatherings. She wanted to take one more look outside just in case they had to worry about a power out. At first she was just taking in the winter scenery, especially how the street lights illuminated the falling snow. It was memorizing. The snow still falling at a good pace.
Her glace went down to the street. Olivia first couldn't believe what she was seeing. She just happened to look out the window and see him standing there under a street light. At first, she thought her eyes were playing a trick on her. There was no way that it was him. She blinked a few times to make sure, just as if clearing her palette to start over. After radio silence for years, to show up here. The man that she hadn't seen close to a decade. Looking down again it was the confirmation that it was him. She felt like she couldn't catch her breath. All the questions she had many years ago were still there.
Her thoughts interrupted when she saw him turn around to walk away. There was no explanation for what she did next. It was as if she had to verify that it was really him. Noah was asleep, she would just be a few minutes. Not a minute went by and she was already out of her apartment, keys in hand. There was no waiting for the elevator, pushing the metal fire door open at the end of the hallway and darting down the stairs.
She pushed the main door to the apartment complex open. Instantly she was met with the cold air and flurries of snow. The regret of not taking a jacket was just hitting her. She was too surprised at the visitor outside and him disappearing, as if it were just an illusion. When it came to him, all logic flew out the door.
The shoes she slipped on before running out took a step through the inches of snow. The snowfall was so new and light that it surrounded her feet, being the first person to put foot prints in it. Snow seeped into her sock in the first step. It chilled through her, but she had to catch up to him. He was walking away. The opportunity was slipping away from her. The wind blew causing the blanketed snow to fly towards her.
"Hey!" She yelled slightly out of breath taking more steps into the snow.
The man turned around. His eyes meeting hers.
Those eyes.
Those piercing blue eyes.
The same ones she sat across for nearly twelve years.
"Liv." As if she caught him off guard.
There was a pause. Snow coming down. The flakes raining down in her hair and in the distance between them. The New York street was quiet as ever. Everyone was sleeping or staying out of this weather.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Olivia finally spoke, ending the silence. She was going with the angry response. It was the only way to be in order for her to not have tears streaming down her face. With over a decade of fake conversations replaying in her head. The things she wanted to get off her chest. How she wanted to punch him in the face. Ten years and no phone call, a text. She felt deserted, betrayed. Why did he do this to her?
"Say something! You came all this way to stare at my apartment." She yelled. Her body shaking, not only from the cold but with how angry she was.
Still no response. He was once a great interrogator but now he had nothing to say. They had many arguments. They were quite famous at the precinct for having yelling matches in the hallway. Get the boxing gloves out. It was easier to put everything out on the table. They both were passionate about each other in whatever definition of their relationship.
But right now he said nothing.
No response.
Did he not care?
Impossible. A man doesn't come all the way to your place, which was a completely different address as before, if he didn't care.
But why? After she tried so many years to push him out of her mind. To put away the metal torture she put herself through. To come here now was too late. The hole he left in her was impossible to mend. After everything she had been through. So many times she had prayed that he'd show up but her hopes were lost. What had she done to deserve her best friend to abandon her, especially when he was the glue that was keeping her together? His departure was the kick start of the endless cycle of important people in her life leaving her. Now here she was in her pajamas in the middle of a snow storm demanding answers that wouldn't change the hurt she had felt.
Her mind was telling her to rip him a new one and leave him out in the snow. Lay it out. Tell him to fuck off and never talk to her again. On the other side her heart was saying to not chase him away. She truly wanted him back. Abandoning him like he did to her would feel good for about an hour then the regret would set in. She couldn't enact that type of revenge. Her conscience wouldn't let her. He had his reasons. Just because they weren't good enough to her didn't mean that they weren't justified.
It was so frustrating to teeter tatter on whether to hate him or forgive him. When he came into the mix, her brain was busy doing cartwheels.
"Elliot." The name sounding so odd after she hadn't said it in years. A name she had been so use to for over ten years suddenly was so foreign.
"Liv, I just couldn't." His voice just as it was before only huskier. She had to admit to herself that hearing his familiar voice was so comforting. It felt like a time where she had felt so safe. Before the weight of the world was on her shoulder.
"I know." Her voice was shaky as she tried to form up words. The corners of her eyes starting to rise with tears.
"I'm sorry Liv. I'm so sorry." His words were heartbreaking to her. The devastation in his voice as he did his best to form up sentences. His eyes matching her own. She knew he was sorry. Deep down she always knew that he was going through something she could never imagine. Slowly through the years with all the tragedies that happened to her she could empathize with him.
Two adults in the middle of a blizzard, on the verge of balling out their eyes.
"El Come inside."
A/N- Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I love the tension. I try to use Olivia's thoughts as back and forth as many of us try to rationalize things. I can't wait to see the return episode to see his explanation on why he left. I have high expectations. Thank you again for reading.