Chapter 2: A Gunbreaker's Vow (Thancred)

"This whole situation is your fault," Thancred said after what felt like years of silence between them. It had only been a minute at most, of course, but he couldn't help but reflect on how useless they were acting right now. He had spent the better part of two days exploring every single ruin he could find in Lakeland, collecting samples of wayward sin eaters that he killed, taking a veritable mountain of notes… and yet nothing he found seemed to be able to give them the answer they sought.

When he returned to the Crystarium at long last, he was greeted by an exhausted-looking Urianger. Gods, it looked as if the man had not slept at all since last they spoke—he could only image how the others are faring now.

Fighting a tired yawn, Thancred spread the notes over the table, feeling that they were safe enough in the Warrior of Light's room to be able to pour over what they knew. He had relieved Ryne of her constant vigilance over their friend's bedside so that she could get some sleep while the two of them took up her post.

Claire's condition remained largely unchanged. According to Ryne, she hadn't even so much as twitched since they brought her back. All aside from the occasional seize that wracked her body as it reacted to the Light as if it was, once again, attempting to escape.

"What's causing this sleep?" Thancred asked as Urianger sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"Sleep 'tis often the best medicine for maladies," he answered gravely. "Most likely the trauma of almost becoming a sin eater doth her body demands that she regains her strength."

"Maybe… but that's only part of the problem," Ryne said, all but falling asleep where she stood. "It's like… like her mind is somewhere very far away. As if she had retreated deep within herself…?"

"Then, mayhaps it is her mind's way of protecting thyself?" Urianger suggested slowly, his face still sad.

"Alright, you go off to bed before you pass out where you stand," Thancred scolded the girl, actually having to help her walk to the door. "We'll get you if anything happens. But you can't make yourself sick now, right?"

"R-R-Right," Ryne stuttered with a yawn as she stumbled from the room and to the one that she had shared with Thancred before.

Thancred stood at the door and watched her to make sure that she made it to the room on her own before he retreated back to the room and locked it behind him.

"Hope you don't mind all the company," he said to Claire, though she didn't answer. He then joined Urianger at the table and looked over the notes. While fascinating as it was to read up on some brief history of Voeburt… not a lick of it was helping them out. He tried to engage Urianger into talking but Thancred suddenly found that his voice was grating on his ears; resulting in Thancred snapping at him to shut up—which he did so without a second thought.

But the moment that the room was silent again, Thancred found that he could not concentrate on the notes that were in front of him. For the only thing that he could think of was… just what kind of sin eater would she become? He suddenly had the image of a sin eater with their friend's face with those terrifyingly black eyes and great wings upon her back…?

The thought sent a shiver of fear down his spine.

If they were to allow her to become a sin eater then this world was as good as finished. He knew better than anyone to think that they would stand a chance against her. Even if all of Norvrandt rallied together…?

He couldn't see them escaping this mess.

After another minute of silence he couldn't take it anymore and snapped at Urianger; releasing some of the anger and frustration that seemed to have built up inside him for some time.

"Why am I not surprised? After all, your great plans to save the world seem to involve some kind of sacrifice that aren't yours to make! You all but sent Minfilia to her death and now we have this on our hands!" he ranted on.

Urianger just lowered his head though he didn't say a word.

Thancred wanted to continue to rant and rave at him; but seeing the defeated look on his face made it hard. Before he said something that he would really regret, he got up in frustration and kicked out at the seat until it rolled across the room and hit the wall, causing several goblets and plates to hit the ground with a loud clatter. The noise was enough that it would wake the dead… he even turned to the bed, half expecting her to sit up from the racket.

Nothing.

Of course nothing happened. That would have been too easy for them, right?

Urianger didn't say a word the entire time as he stood up and quietly gathered up the fallen items and began to set them back. Seeing him do this, Thancred suddenly felt shame rise inside him.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, his bangs hiding his eyes.

"Thou needst not be," Urianger reassured him. "As thou doth said… this is… mine own fault."

"No, no…" Thancred said as he ran a tired hand over his face. "It's not. Not really. Yes, you shouldn't have kept something like this hidden from us. But you were just following what the Exarch wanted. I could only imagine what that must have been like."

"It… wasn't easy," Urianger said as he carefully set the final goblet back and he hung his head low. "In truth, the desire to reveal the truth onto you all was so great that it took every ounce of strength that was left in me to hold back. But please believe that there are no more secrets between us."

"You make it hard to trust your words after all this," Thancred informed him once he took a deep breath and got his anger under control. "Honestly, I don't know how I can ever bring myself to ever fully trust you again? I feel like I'm going to have to constantly watch my back with you around now."

"Rest assure that I plan to do all within thine own power to earn such trust back," Urianger promised.

"Helping us fix this mess is a good way to start," Thancred informed him as their eyes looked to the other side of the room. Still, she slept on, as if dead to the whole world. "If we can save her and stop Emet-Selch… then I will forgive you. But not a moment sooner."

Urianger looked at him in surprise before he shut his eyes and nodded.

"Understood," he said gravely.

"Good, now why don't you go and get some sleep?" Thancred suggested. "You look almost as tired as Ryne. We can't have you making amends if you pass out now. I'll watch over her for a little longer."

Urianger looked like he wanted to say something, but seeing the blaze in Thancred's eyes suddenly told him that there was more to this suggestion than he first thought and he nodded.

"Very well," he said quietly. "If she doth awaken…?"

"You'll be the first to know," Thancred promised and Urianger lowered his head again before he turned and left the room.

"That bastard," Thancred sighed as he rubbed his eyes and reached for the jug of water on the table, never wishing for a drink from the Quicksand more in his life, and downed it all in two great big gulps. "He doesn't make anything easy. Even being angry."

He set the jug down before he began to look through a few more sheets of paper, but all of them as empty as the last. Why didn't he pay closer attention to his classes in deciphering ancient languages like Y'shtola did? At this rate the world would end before he made any sense of it all.

He finally tossed it all away from him as he felt that old hopelessness sink back in.

"Then again," he spoke out loud, "I'd hate to be him once you wake up. I'm sure that even you will be giving him a good telling off if you don't kill him first. Though if it's any consolation, Alisaie and Alphinaud might beat you too it, ya know?"

He waited a few seconds, before he got back up from his seat and paced the room in silence.

The room was surprisingly dark at this time since they been keeping the window shut, as if hoping that if they kept that baleful light away, it would somehow give them more time to think of a solution. The rest of them barely left her alone for long. They remain because this is the least they could do. She was a hero and inspiration as well as a dear friend and they just couldn't bear even entertaining the idea of leaving her alone for long. What would happen when she next opened her eyes to find herself here? What would be running through her mind at that moment? He knew that he wouldn't want to wake up alone to those feelings of fear and confusion to what was happening inside.

No one truly knew what to do at that moment. Deep down, that most cynical part of his mind knew that their days spent searching for a cure were all but pointless. If there was a cure to be found to save someone from turning, surely it would have been found by now? He believed that had they all the time in the world, then perhaps they could find a way around it… but time was the one resource they did not have in abundance.

"It's a real mess out there now," he said out loud as he leaned against the wall. "We'll do our best to keep things calm, but I fear that until they see you up and about again, I don't think that is going to happen. So you best wake up soon, you hear?"

The silence was almost suffocating here and he shifted uncomfortably as he pushed himself off the wall and began to pace around the room again. He just couldn't sit still. Moving was easier… made him at least pretend that they were closer than nowhere at all.

What was he even doing here? He was no healer, nor did he know the slightest thing about medicine! Hells, even if he did, he couldn't use magicks anymore! What good was he, anyway? A protector… yeah right. Look at what happened to those he tried to protect?

He was just a cursed wretch who took so many things for granted. His throat suddenly constricted and he was suddenly having a hard time breathing. The images of both Minfilia and Ryne came to his mind and he shut his eyes. Though he had long since accepted Minfilia's fate, that didn't make it any easier to live with it.

"You deserved better than what I gave you. Both of you… no… all three of you," he said and he was surprised at how calm he sounded. There was so much he could have said, yet none of them seemed to be good enough. Still, he persisted, determined to get his words out as soon as possible.

"I know that I will never be good enough," he said, "And I'm a miserable mess. But you are family too. I'm only sorry that it took me so long to remember that."

He could feel his eyes beginning to burn and he shut them even tighter as more memories of the past came back to him.

"It wasn't just to Ryne that I own an apology to," Thancred said softly as he sat down at the foot of the bed. "I fear… I fear that I have been unkind to you as well. When I last saw you in Ul'dah… when I stayed behind with Y'shtola, it was so that you and Minfilia could both escape. I knew that you could protect her the rest of the way out of there so there was no need to worry… if I died then and there, I could go in peace knowing that she was in good hands. Words cannot describe how relieved I was when I saw you again after that…"

That part was true. He remembered how he had spent those weeks wandering the wilds, desperate for news. But with the poisoned arrow in his knee, it was difficult to say the least. After he ran into them with the Warriors of Darkness, he felt that he was walking on air. And the idea that he would be able to surprise Minfilia caused him to grin the whole time.

At least, until he was told what happened. That she stayed behind in Ul'dah just after they separated and no one knew where she was.

"I blamed you. I blamed you for what happened to Minfilia," he confessed quietly. "That you were the last person to see her as she once was. I could not help but think that if you just forced her to go with you that night, then she never would… she would still be…?"

When Claire told him everything that happened that night, he felt this surge of anger rush through him. He wanted nothing more than to shake her and yell, demanding to know why she left like that and leave Minfilia behind?! But he told himself that had to stay focused, he had to find her and then he would forgive Claire for her failure to protect her.

But that day when Claire returned from the Antitower, explaining Minfilia's fate, he left, believing that she had failed both him and Minfilia once again. He was angry with her for a long time after that. The few times that they spoke afterwards were usually brief, and he didn't really focus too much with her—really only talking with her when he had to—and usually there were others with them anyway and he would focus upon them instead of her. He did his best to stay polite, but their conversations were usually just the bare minimum at best.

He stood in the way to protect Claire from the Warriors of Darkness, for despite his anger, he still cared about her and wasn't going to let her die in front of them without a fight. But looking back… he realized how rather… cold he had been to her.

He suspected that she knew. That she felt she deserved his cold shoulder.

Now that he was looking at his behavior, really looking, he realized the truth.

"It wasn't your fault," he said softly, "It was never your fault and it was wrong of me to think that way, even for a moment. I know that if there was anything you could have done for her, you would have done it. But I was angry… angry at myself for not being there for her when she needed it most. But you were. You were there for her in a way that I never was. I know that. And I guess that I was always jealous of you for that. You did for her what no one else would have. But instead of thanking you, I was unkind. And you are the last person to deserve that."

He ran a hand over his face as he tried to keep his emotions buried inside, but they were quickly rising to the service.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "For I know better than anyone what she was like. She had a mind of her own and she was always… she was always like that. Only doing what she felt was right. Instead of thanking you, I blamed you for my faults. I pushed all my unhappiness onto you because I couldn't stand the thought of my own failures. But I want you to know that it stops now. I'm here for you. I'm not going to ask for your forgiveness, not yet. That's not why I'm here though. I'm here because I want to save you."

He could feel a few tears beginning to leak through his fingers as he bit his lower lip.

He finally opened his eyes again, everything blurry around him, but he still turned his head to look down at her face. He just reached out and took her hand in his own and squeezed it tightly, as if she could somehow sense that he was there and was rooting for her all the way.

"And to top it all off; 'twas you who saved me from Lahabrea, and for that, I owe you everything," he added. "Most would have given me up for dead, but you found a way to save me and give me a second chance. But look at what I've done with it? Nothing at all. I swear to you that I will find a way to make it up to you. You and everyone else. So please just grant me one more selfish wish. Give me a chance to make amends. So until that day that I am able to make it up… until then… please… live."

Not even an hour later, Claire's body began to seize once more. She began to cough up more of the white blood while her muscles spasm so much that it was as if large insects were crawling under her skin.

Thancred was there to help turn her head to the side to try and help her to breathe and not choke on her own blood after he called Ryne back in. While it is exhausting for the girl, she has been able to do more for their friend than anyone else can do.

"Again?" she asked hurriedly as she rushed to their side.

He nodded as he moved so that he was supporting her head while Ryne worked at her side to retie the Light inside her.

"I can't say if that's a sign she's going to wake up soon or not," he said as Ryne holds out her hands to try and keep it all sealed up.

"Let us hope so," was all he could say as he felt a new fire of resolve rising up inside him. What was that saying in Ul'dah? The ferryman always collects his dues? Or something like that. In other words, all debts will be repaid one day… and he felt that now was the time to step up and start to repay each and every single one of them.

(It was something that I noticed with Thancred. After the visit to the Antitower, he really doesn't speak to the Warrior of Light after that. Sure we get some sweet scenes like right after the Grand Melee, but pretty much most of the time, he really doesn't focus too much with the character and I can't help but feel that this might be part of the reason for that. That he is secretly blaming them for what happened to Minfilia. I think that this whole expansion was very freeing for Thancred because he was able to really come to grips with what happened to someone that he loved and be able to let go of that image in his mind of who Minfilia was and realize that he isn't responsible for what became of her. Sure he had a lot of anger with maybe a little bit of resentment with Ryne, but that was really in his own mind and the fact that he knew that he would be losing one or the other and he couldn't stand the thought. I like to think that Thancred sees the Warrior of Darkness as like a brother/sister to him and so like a sibling, he cares for them and is willing to do whatever it takes to help them. Especially since he does owe them his life as well and that's a special bond you just don't see very often. Anyway, that was what I was thinking when writing this chapter and I hope you all enjoy it! Any guesses to who's next?)