Fox's Arwing spirals awkwardly into a tree, bringing him to a dead stop.

Upon closer inspection, the inside of the cockpit is covered in throw up. You can probably safely assume it's Fox's.

Star Fox Adventures
chapter two;
Planet Selected!

It is. On the inside of the Arwing, Fox tries to regain his composure.

The glass and control panel around him is slathered in lunch, except for an imprint of his face and hands when they thunked against the windshield when the vehicle came to an abrupt stop.

Stars dance slowly around his head and he briefly wonders if he's still in space or if he just hit his head really bad. Then he remembers that he replaced his emergency oxygen mask with little paper stars tied to strings like a makeshift mobile and he stuffs them back in the compartment and shuts it.

Fox presses the button on his comm unit. "Guys," he says, gagging softly as he looks down at his favorite jacket. "Guys I yakked again."

"Haha! I knew it bro! I knew you'd yak!" Falco's voice cheers from the speaker. "I said ralph, but I knew it, didn't I Slippy! Slippy tell 'em!"

"TELL 'EM WHAT?" The sound of a wrench smashing into something mechanical can be heard in the background.

"Tell 'em how I said he'd ralph! He did so many barrel rolls!"

"OH YEAH," Slippy says, very loudly. "HE SAID YOU'D RALPH, FOX."

"I did, dude!" Falco cackles. "You did SO many barrel rolls!"

"Peppy kept telling me to!" Fox huffs. "What do you expect me to do! Chicken out?!"

"Oh, Peppy must have fallen asleep on the soundboard again." Falco says nonchalantly. "He probably wasn't really telling you to do that."

"Soundboard...?" Fox says, confused. Kind of hurt, but he doesn't know why. Again, more confused than anything. "W-what are you talking about?"

"Huh?!" Falco's eyes widen, wherever he is, in a moment of horrified realization. Fox can hear it. "Oh! Nothing! I gotta go!"

"Falco-"

"BYE FOX!" Falco shouts into the device while fumbling to hang up on him.

Fox hears Slippy in the background saying "DID YOU ALMOST TELL FOX ABOUT THE SOUNDBOARD AGAIN?" before he finally manages to cut the line.

Fox thinks about that for a second and then gags again. He fumbles for his safetybelt and then the hatch.
It pops open, and he struggles to climb out before plopping out onto a patch of dirt. Moistened with the slime from his recently resurfaced snacktime retrospective. Groaning, he drags himself to a nearby stream, and tries to wash the filth from his favorite jacket.

Just a few short time units ago, the water here was the most beautifully blue crystal clear water you had ever seen. Now it is riddled with chocolate milk and undigested chunks of hotdog.

He begins to get frustrated with the amount of mistake still in play on his clothes when General Pepper calls him on his comm radio.

"Star Fox! It is I! General Pepper!"

Fox's body immediately solidifies and falls sideways, splashing into the stream. "WAHHH!" he says.

"DOHHHHHH!"

Suddenly, Fox is standing again. He salutes. "Sir!"

"Very excellent flying, Fox!" Pepper says, nary a hint of ironies in his voice or honorable emanations. "Those barrel roles were super impressive."

"Thank you sir! I went a little overboard and lost my lunch!" Fox salutes again.

"Well, I hope you find it soon. Anyway. We have business to discuss. Press the start button."

"On my ship?" He crosses his arms shakes his head. "No way, captain, I'm not going near that thing until it gets hosed down."

"What? No. Press the start button on your controller. What?"

"Controller...?" Fox says, looking around, more confused than ever. "What the heck are ya talkin' about, Pepper?"

Fox feels the presence of forces outside his understanding of the universe for the first time, or at least, it's the first time he's aware of them.

"Yes, good," General Pepper says, "that brings up your menu."

Fox begins screaming as symbols and light he doesn't understand becomes part of the world around them. He doesn't know what's happening. "I don't know what's happening!"

"Once in the menu, you will be able to select who you would like to speak to!"

"WHAT DOES NINTENDO GAMECUBE MEAN?!"

"There! And that's how you use the menu! Well done, Fox!"

The world around him normalizes and he gasps desperately for air. He falls to his knees, panting. Terrified.

He begins to calm down a bit. But he's terrified whatever that was might still be there. On some plane of existence he'll never understand. Maybe it's always been there..

He narrows his eyes as they dart back and forth suspiciously. "What was that, General Pepper."

"Oh nothing," General Pepper says, pretending to laugh. "It's probably nothing. Say, that Slippy sure is a slippery fella, isn't he?"

"Slippy?" Fox asks, the tone in his voice dropping from suspicious to enthusiastic levels of involvement. "Yeah, Slippy. Between the shyness goo and whatever skin condition he has that makes him not furry, I'd say he's the slipperiest fella this side of the Lylat System!"

"Yes, quite," General Pepper continues. "That is why I had him swipe your blaster off your belt while you weren't looking and replace it with a banana."

"A banana?!" Fox checks his holster. He draws a banana. "Weak, dude. Why would you do that?!"

"Because you go around blasting things, Fox," General Pepper says flatly. "You can't go around blasting things here."

"Why not!" Fox huffs, peeling the banana and taking a bite.

A sigh. "Because you don't have a blaster."

"Does that mean," Fox starts with a mouthful of potassium, before swallowing to continue. "Does that mean if I find another blaster I can go around blasting things?" He takes another bite of the banana.

"No! You can't go around blasting things!"

"Awh," Fox says, taking another bite. "Why not?"

"Because." General Pepper clenches his teeth. "You don't. Have. A blaster."

Fox swallows and tosses the peel behind him. He smacks his mouth a couple times, activating the leftover flavor of the strange sidearm-shaped fruit. "This feels like a closed circle."

"It is," General Pepper says gravely. "That is why we must escape this. See over there? Those are thorntails."

"The dinosaurs?"

"Yes. Thorntails. Don't call them that, though. They prefer dinosaurs."

"Why do you call them that, sir?"

"I come from a very different time, Fox," General Pepper says distantly.

"Oh," Fox says, not understanding. Not really wanting to understand. "Okay."

"Anyway. Ask them about Queen Earthwalker. Find Queen Earthwalker and save the day."

"You got it, boss!" Fox gives the thumbs up to himself, because he knows he'll appreciate it the most. "I'm really good at saving the day!"

"You'd better be. Remember, Star Fox, the planet you stand on might explode at any moment. The fate of our ongoing business contract depends on you stopping that from happening."

"Whoa, what?! You didn't say anything about the planet exploding!"

"PEPPER OUT!"

The line has been cut. He looks at his Arwing, the engines smoking from the crash and the cockpit covered in sick.

Frustrated, he kicks the dirt. Then he flinches.

Fox strolls up to a dinosaur and says "HI!"

The dinosaur looks at him. "Nxuk rijadojj te 0ei xulo xoho, jkhudwoh? Ro 0ei kxo teemot licfado shoukiho fhefxojaot ke sedkumaduko eih thadbadw nukoh udt rhadw ureik sohkuad tojkhiskaed ke kxo loh0 vurhas ev eih bdend houcak0?"

Fox stares at her, not blinking. Then he blinks. "What?"

"Av 0ei uho kxo edo vehojood ad kxo tuhbojk kamocado ev kxaj eh ud0 houcak0, 0ei mijk jfoub den udt ro tojkhe0ot. Veh av 0ei cok kxaj jadajkoh fcek semo ke vhiakaed, ak aj 0ei nxe nacc fu0 kxo xawxojk fhaso."

"...what?"

"0OJ EH DE?!"

"De?" Fox blinks more. "What?"

"Ux 0oj, kxudb kxo shoukaed ev oloh0kxadw. Veh u josedt kxoho, A kxeiwxk 0ei noho kxo idshoukaed ev oloh0kxadw. A'm houcc0 jehh0 ureik kxuk mapif, nxuk sud A te veh 0ei?"

Fox covertly boops his comm unit and whispers into it. "Does anybody know what this dinosaur lady is saying?"

"What dinosaur lady?" Slippy asks.

"The dinosaur lady I'm talking to," Fox says, trying to keep his voice low by talking out of the side of his mouth. "She's right here."

"I can't see what you're seeing, Fox."

"Uho 0ei kucbadw ke 0eih fudkj?" She asks, raising what kind of resembles an eyebrow.

"Oh! Her! I can hear her now. She wants to know if you're talking to your pants."

"Tell her I'm not! Tell her about the comm unit!"

"Okay, gimme a sec, my Saurian is a little rusty." Slippy hacks and clears his throat. "0oj, kxo jkhudwo edo jfoubj ke mo. A! Um xaj fudkj!"

"Kucbadw fudkj? Kxuk'j nact. A'lo doloh jood ud0kxadw cabo kxuk uheidt xoho roveho," she replies. "A moud, mejk ev ij ted'k olod nouh fudkj, je kxuk'j uchout0 houcc0 noaht ke joo, jemokxadw nouhadw fudkj ad kxo vahjk fcuso. Kucbadw fudkj? Kxuk'j zijk nact."

"What is she saying?" Fox tries to ask.

"Hold on, I got this. Kxuk'j rosuijo A'm muwasuc fudkj! A kucb! Rosuijo A um! Muwasuuuuuc!"

"A wiojj 0ei joo jemokxadw don oloh0 tu0 av 0ei boof 0eih o0oj efod," she says, blinking.

"Fhosasoc0!" Slippy affirms! "Udt no'ho xoho ke - uhh, what are we doing here, Fox?"

"We need to talk to Queen Earthwalker."

"No uho xoho ke jfoub nakx Queen Earthwalker!" Slippy confidently exclaims!

"Veccen kxo mijxheemj. Kxhoo xehdj celo mijxheemj."

"Okay, she says to follow the mushrooms. She says three horns love mushrooms."

"Te dek succ ij 'Three Horns!'" She snaps. "Kxuk aj adshotarc0 evvodjalo! No uho succot kxhoo xehdj!"

"Ex, jehh0 ureik kxuk," Slippy says, apologizing. "She said not to call them three horns."

"What?" Fox blinks.

"0ei juat ak uwuad! Xen tuho 0ei! Av A nuj 0eih mekxoh, 0ei neict ro ruddot vhem kxo mijxheem vuhm veh eloh knoclo kamo idakj!" she angrily interjects!

"What is going on here." Fox says.

"A'm jehh0, uchawxk?" Slippy sighs. "A nuj koccadw xam dek ke ju0 ak."

"Ju0 nxuk?"

"A'm dek weadw ke ju0 ak uwuad."

"0ei couhd giasbc0, muwasuc fudkj," she says, smiling. "0ei uho nocsemo xoho."

She goes back to eating foliage or whatever she was doing before Fox approached her.

"What just happened? Did I miss something?"

"Nope! Follow a trail of mushrooms. Should lead you right to Queen Earthwalker."

Fox shrugs. "If you say so."