Yours

"Wow Olivia, you look… amazing."

Olivia pauses outside her bedroom door as she registers Lucy's words. She glances down at her outfit and back up again, wincing slightly. "It's too much isn't it?"

"What? No, Liv-"

But Olivia is already hurrying back into her bedroom to check herself over once more, ignoring her babysitter's protests. She can hear the television murmuring in the background and the sound of Noah's giggles as she reaches her dressing table. Olivia can see her babysitter from the reflection in her mirror, scooping up her son and showering him with cuddles, stirring bubbly laughter from his chest.

Olivia smiles. The sight warms her heart and immediately eases the guilt she has for leaving Noah on a Saturday night, which they would usually spend curled on the couch together, watching a Marvel movie over Chinese takeout and Ben and Jerrys.

But tonight is the only night she and Elliot are both available to meet, and if she is being honest, Olivia has been looking forward to this for days.

Out of the corner of her eye she sees Elliot's letter, sitting on her dressing table below her mirror. Olivia goes to reach for it out of habit, then stops herself. She has lost count of how many times she's read his letter, each sentence ingrained in her mind.

Liv, I'm sorry I couldn't deliver a speech for you tonight, you know how much I hate speeches. If I was up there, I hope you know I would say that nobody deserves this honour more than you. You are fearless, brave and true, having what so many of us on the force lack but need; compassion and unwavering dedication to these women.

But what I wouldn't be able to say up there tonight is how sorry I am, and how much I care about you. I know it may not look like it given how we ended things…Liv, you have to know that there is nothing I regret more than leaving you the way I did. I'm not asking for your forgiveness. God knows I don't deserve it. I only wish I could tell you how much you mean to me. But it wouldn't be fair to you, not when I'll be leaving tomorrow…

Olivia wonders if they will finally have that chance to discuss his letter, almost a month after he gave it to her. She closes her eyes, mentally pushing the letter aside. She can't focus on that now. She is supposed to meet Elliot in ten minutes and still hasn't left the apartment yet.

Olivia takes in a steady breath, taking in her reflection once more. Her freshly curled chocolate caramel hair falls in soft waves around her shoulders, softening her features. She wears just enough smoky eyeshadow and crimson lipstick to highlight her eyes and lips without drawing too much attention. It is Olivia's dress that stands out the most. She's wearing a black, off the shoulder wrap dress that accentuates her curves and flows down her frame, the thin material gliding across her skin and moving with her body. It is held together by a black sashay belt tied into a knot around her waist. The striking neckline and slit that parts her dress from her thigh shows whispers of tanned skin. She's wearing dangling ebony earrings and black pumps to finish the look.

Olivia bites her lower lip, eyeing her dress. Is it too much?

"Wow. Mom…you look beautiful."

Olivia turns around, her heart melting when she sees her son staring at her in wonderment. She walks over and crouches down to embrace him in a small hug, burying her face into his brown curls. She'll never get sick of his smell.

"Thanks honey." Olivia pulls back, eyeing him. "I'm sorry we can't hang out tonight. But you'll have fun with Lucy, right?"

"Don't worry," Lucy says from the doorway, sharing a small wink with Noah. "I brought some movies over. We'll have a good time."

Olivia passes her a grateful smile and reaches for her phone to check for the time once more. "Thank you so much for coming tonight. I owe you."

"Well, you can start by telling me who the hot date is tonight." Lucy leans against the door and raises her eyebrows, a suggestive look in her eye.

Olivia hesitates. Then she clears her throat, busying herself with her handbag and keys. "It's not a date. I'm just seeing an old friend."

Lucy eyes Olivia's dress, not buying it. "A friend huh?" Then her eyes slowly widen, realisation washing over her. "You're seeing him, aren't you? Elliot?"

Olivia winces inside, once again regretting telling Lucy about Elliot. She wouldn't have, but Lucy kept on questioning her when she saw an old photo of the two of them together. "Wow, he's your partner? Damn…I wouldn't have guessed…not with the way you two are standing together."

Olivia decides to ignore her babysitter's question and scoops Noah up instead, planting a kiss on his cheek. She drops Noah onto the couch, doing one last mental check and sweep of the room. Dinner in the oven, charged mobile phone should Noah need to get to her, remote control on the table with spare batteries in the draws…

"Liv, don't forget this."

Lucy hurries from her bedroom, balancing a glittering black necklace on the palm of her hand. She sees Olivia's frown and explains, "I thought it would go with your dress."

Olivia accepts the necklace and puts it on, glancing at Lucy for her final approval. "So…how do I look?"

Lucy is in awe. "Perfect. I wish him luck. You're going to break his heart."

…

Olivia is nervous when she arrives, her stomach doing somersaults with each step she takes towards the bar. It's been three weeks since she and Elliot last saw each other. Three weeks since he kissed her. For twelve years they were partners first, and then friends. Their relationship was easy, she knew her footing and her place. Now they're walking into new territory…and Olivia isn't sure how to navigate this.

The bar is crowded when she steps inside. There are velvet lounges, ocean blue carpet swirling with gold and green patterns and led lights bathing the metallic gold bar in pink and blue. The soft textures and vibrant colours emit a warm feel.

It doesn't take long for Olivia to spot Elliot, sitting across the room. Olivia takes in a deep breath and slowly exhales, releasing her anxiety as she does so. Then she makes her way over to him.

"Hey."

Elliot lifts his head up at the sound of her voice, his heart stopping in his throat when he sees her. At first, all he sees is black, the thin material of her dress hugging her curves and floating down her frame like water. Then he sees the whispers of tanned skin peeking from the dip in her neckline and the slit of her dress, which glides whenever she moves, revealing more skin.

Elliot is stunned. Olivia tilts her head to the side at his silence. Elliot quickly recovers, standing up to greet her. He embraces her and brushes her lips against her cheek, whispering her name Liv as he does so.

Olivia shivers a little at his kiss, stirring familiar feelings within her. She sits down on the lounge opposite him, resting her elbows on the table.

Elliot says, "I'm glad you could make it."

Olivia smiles. "Me too." Olivia's eyes sweep over the vibrant atmosphere. "You picked a nice place."

Olivia glances down at the menu in front of her. She sees a list of pricey cocktails, beers and wines. She also sees a food menu with a selection of Spanish tapas. Her stomach churns once more. Olivia realises she hasn't had dinner but doesn't think she can stomach anything tonight.

She glances back up to ask Elliot if he has eaten yet, when she sees his eyes lingering on her. It is the way he's staring at her that takes her breath away. Like she's a work of art, bewitching him completely.

She says tentatively, "Elliot?"

Elliot blinks.

Olivia smiles, sees that she caught him off guard. She winces at him curiously. "You're staring. You okay?"

Elliot takes in a steady breath, recovering. His voice is deep, as if he has had all the air chased out of him when he says, "You look stunning Liv."

Now it is his comment that catches her off guard.

"Oh…"

She lowers her eyes, feeling the heat of his stare burning into her. She feels her own heat rising in her cheeks. When she glances back up, she sees his eyes flickering slowly down her frame and back up to hers, darker this time. It stirs something deep within her.

Olivia bites back a small smile and tilts her head to the side, studying Elliot. Elation rushes through her body when she realises that she has captivated his attention, completely.

Elliot raises his eyebrows at her, his lips cracking into an amused smile. "You seem surprised."

Olivia looks down and lets out a breathy laugh, trying to find the words. "Not surprised, just…well, you've never took notice on what I wear before."

There is an amused glint in his eye when he speaks. "Who says I never noticed before?"

Olivia's eyes bloom with surprise. She's lost for words. She ducks her head, feeling the heat from the intensity of his eyes. It's new to them. Yes, they have always flirted before, stared a little longer than necessary, said a comment that conveyed a deeper meaning. But he has never complimented her so openly before or made his desires for her so obvious.

Olivia would be lying if she said she wasn't enjoying his attention.

She clears her throat, needing to break the tension. "So, how is Kathleen doing? How's your family?"

She tries to bring their topic back to familiar grounds. To her relief, Elliot answers without hesitation.

"The kids are good. They've backed down since, well…since we last saw each other. Kathleen still checks on me every few days and organises dinner with the family."

Olivia smiles. She can imagine Kathleen doing just that. "They're still worried about you."

Elliot swallows back the guilt he feels, knowing the concern his family has for him. "Yeah. Well, they shouldn't for much longer. I, ah, got in contact with that shrink you mentioned. Dr. Lindstorm?"

Olivia's eyes widen, taken back at the news. "You'll be seeing Dr. Lindstorm? El, that's great news."

Elliot sees her relief and continues firmly. "Just to be clear, I'm having one session to keep Kathleen happy. She kept pushing it, wouldn't take no for her answer."

"She gets her stubbornness from her Father then."

Elliot meets her gaze, sharing a small smile with her.

A waiter comes by to take their drink orders. Olivia orders a glass of red and to her surprise, Elliot does the same.

She raises her eyebrows at him when the waiter leaves. "Wine? That's new."

Elliot shrugs, his cheeks lifting slightly. "It grew on me in Italy. The wineries are beautiful there, plains of green fields over the mountains. You would have loved the views."

Elliot stops himself quickly, immediately regretting his words. He checks to see Olivia's reaction. If she's hurt, she hides it well.

Elliot tries to bring the topic back to her. "How are you going Liv?"

Olivia thinks for a moment. "Things are well. The rest of the team are good. Actually, Finn recently announced the date for his wedding, June."

"A summer wedding."

Olivia smiles. "Yeah. We're all looking forward to it. I think we need some good news now, more than ever." Olivia pauses, thinking. "And Noah won an award recently. He got top of his class in spelling for the third time in a row."

Elliot smiles, seeing the pride and adoration she holds for him shine through in her eyes. "Top in the game? He takes after his Mom then."

Olivia raises her eyes at him and casts him a smile. "Not too much, I hope. He's a hard worker, but I want him to value the other things in life as well. Play. Family. Relationships…"

Olivia's voice trails off, stirring memories from her own history. She thinks of the number of days she spent at the office earlier on in her career, drowning herself in work in attempts to avoiding pursuing relationships and confronting the cruel truth that she was in love with a married man.

As if reading her mind, Elliot asks, "Have you given any more thoughts on what we discussed?"

Olivia lifts her eyes up. Memories of their kiss flash in her mind, tingling behind her lips.

"I have…" She wraps her fingers around the stem of her wine glass and then releases it. "Do you mean thoughts about us?"

"Well…yeah."

Olivia presses her lips together. Of course she has. She's done nothing but think about us since they kissed next to her car, her heart hammering her with one answer. Yes. Yes. Yes…

But all of that changed when she sat in front of him moments ago, the reality of what their relationship might mean crashing onto her.

"Elliot, you know how I feel towards you…right?"

Elliot lifts his eyes up, hope soaring in his chest.

"But it just seems so…complicated," Olivia continues, her eyes lowering onto her glass, trying to find the right words. "You were gone so long. I know we spoke about this before, but…I feel like there's so much I don't know about you now. So much you don't know about me. And now you just walk back into my life and we just…pick up where we left off? Things are different now…I have a son. It's not that easy El."

Elliot processes the information, his head bowing down into a nod. He understands. "Then can you talk to me Liv?" he asks quietly, his eyes sincere. "I know I was gone a long time. Tell me what I missed."

Elliot can see her mentally weighing this decision in her mind, wondering if she can trust him again. Once again, Elliot is crushed with guilt. Her look is a reminder of how he shattered her trust all those years ago.

"Liv, I made a mistake leaving like that all those years ago. But I'm here now. And I want to hear what you went through."

Olivia nods slowly, hearing the genuineness in his tone. "Okay."

Olivia takes a deep breath. Then she tells him everything.

She tells him about Lewis first. Every detail from when he first kidnapped and assaulted her, to when he broke out of prison to go after her, kidnapping a girl to lure her in before blowing his brains out, right in front of her.

Olivia is surprised at her own strength. She can hear her voice break at times, the emotion hitting deep into her chest. But for the most part she remains composed, keeping her tears at bay.

Olivia is looking down at her wine glass the entire time. She can't bear to see the horror she can only imagine crumpling Elliot's features.

When she looks up, it's not just horror she sees. It's rage. Elliot's jaw is tense, his features hardened with anger. She can see a vein pulsing across his knuckle, his fist squeezed into a ball. It almost scares her. Elliot is staring at a spot on the wall next to her, although his attention seems to be elsewhere.

"Elliot?" Olivia asks softly. She reaches across the table for his hand, gently unravelling his fingers so she can hold onto him. "Hey, look at me."

Elliot is breathing in heavily, as if he is trying to contain the feelings rising in his chest. Finally, he meets her eyes, his voice raw with emotion when he talks. "I should have been there."

"Don't," Olivia whispers, seeing the pain in his eyes. "Don't do this. He's dead now. El, he' gone."

Elliot watches her. He can see the strength she carries, her eyes glistening with tears that she's trying to hold back, not wanting him to know just what she had to endure. Elliot wants to tell her he's sorry. That he should have been there with her, to find the sick psycho and kill him.

Instead, Elliot squeezes her hand back in return, gradually bringing his breathing back to a steady rate. He pushes his emotions inside. This isn't about him. He needs to know that she was okay after this.

"Tell me what happened next."

Olivia continues the story, telling him about the investigation Internal Affairs conducted until she was cleared of all charges. The waiter comes around to refill their drinks. Then Olivia tells him about her brother, Simon.

Olivia has a harder time keeping her tears at bay this time, her grief catching in her throat and causing a silent sob to jump in her chest. At some point in the story (Olivia cannot recall when), Elliot is leaving his chair and sliding next to her on the lounge. He reaches for her hand.

Olivia closes her eyes, a few tears trickling out. She rests her head on Elliot's shoulder and leans into his touch, letting him hold her. It works just a little, his warmth softening the blow of her grief.

"You know, the last thing Simon ever heard was a voice message from me," Olivia says softly. "I was telling him off for not meeting me and Noah at the restaurant. He overdosed afterwards."

Elliot's chest tightens, his teeth clenching, imagining the pain she is in. "Liv…"

"I sometimes imagine what he must have been thinking about in his last moments…that his only family abandoned him."

Elliot squeezes her hand again. "Liv, you did everything for him. He knew that. You know this wasn't your fault."

Olivia nods onto his shoulder. She whispers, "I know. I just…I just wish I could take it back."

Olivia feels his arm coming to wrap around her body. Olivia closes her eyes and softens into his embrace. She wants to bury her face into his chest so all she can smell is him and all she can hear is the sound of his heart hammering against her cheek. Olivia wants him to wrap himself around her and close her off from the world, like a safe blanket, so she doesn't have to talk about what's next.

But he has to know.

Olivia takes brave breath and says, "Did Finn tell you that I dated Tucker?"

She doesn't miss the way his body tenses, hears his breathing skip a beat.

"Tucker, huh?"

Olivia can hear him trying to keep his tone nonchalant and composed, suppressing his jealousy. She bites back a smile. "Yeah Tucker, for less than a year."

Olivia tells him everything; when the two began dating following their connection, when they broke up after Olivia realised she could not retire with him and when Tucker disclosed he had terminal cancer, before ending his life.

Olivia is drained by the time she finishes. Her body feels heavy, as if she is filled with cement. She's still resting on Elliot's shoulder, who hasn't moved since she began talking about Simon.

It is Elliot who breaks the silence. "Olivia, I am so sorry."

Olivia hears the compassion and raw emotion in his voice and smiles into his shoulder. She lifts her head up, turning towards him. "Don't be. None of this is your fault."

Elliot shakes his head, speechless. "I can't believe you had to go through this, all of this without-" he stops himself before he can finish. I can't believe you had to go through all of this without me. "I should have been there."

Olivia lowers her eyes and pushes her lips together, not saying what they're both thinking. Yes, you should have.

Elliot thinks about what it must have been like for her, experiencing each trauma and loss, all the while not being able to reach out to him. It breaks his heart.

More than that, Elliot is in awe of her. He cannot think of any other woman who could bear the weight of the world like she can.

Elliot says softly, "You're phenomenal Liv. No one else can go through all of that and still do the work you do."

Olivia raises her eyes at him, her tone lighter now. "What, you think I would just quit after that? Come on El, you know me better than that."

Elliot's cheeks lift into a smile, he does.

"Besides, I have Noah now. I had to be strong. There were times I felt like I was about to lose myself…but I could never let him down." Olivia's voice trails off, thinking.

She is silent for a while, the space between her brows pinching into a small furrow, lost in thought.

Then she says quietly, "Elliot, you can't disappear again."

Elliot lifts his head up, taken back. He sees her looking deep into her glass, her fingers untangling from his to come together, twisting on her lap.

"Liv…"

"The number of times I wanted to pick up that phone to call you. You were the only person I ever wanted to speak to about this…and the only person I couldn't get to." Olivia stops, swallows back a sob. She takes in a rattling breath and squeezes her eyes close, suppressing the tears. "I mean it Elliot. If you're coming back into my life now, you can't just leave me again."

"Hey, hey…" Elliot reaches for her hands, gently untangling them, then intertwining his fingers with hers. He tries to catch her gaze with his. "Liv, I'm not going anywhere."

Olivia hears the genuineness deep in his tone and the tightness in her chest ease a little. "It's not just that." She lifts her head up, meeting his eyes. "You can't keep shutting me out anymore, pushing me away. This-this hot and cold behaviour…" Olivia thinks back to when they were in the car together. I'm telling you to back off, then Liv, you mean the world to me. Olivia shakes her head, as if she can shake away the anxiety tightening in her chest. "I can't handle that. I understand that you're grieving, and you have a lot on your plate, I do. But I can't take you pushing me away. I need you to talk to me."

Elliot is stunned. He processes her words, the realisation as to what he has been putting her through since he got back washing over him. He nods slowly.

"I haven't been fair to you Liv. You have to know, I never meant to hurt you. I just-" Elliot stops, trying to find the right words. He closes his eyes for a moment, his shoulder scrunching up to his ear, as if trying to ease a knot in his neck. He blows out a long breath and lowers his eyes, thinking. "I think about everything going on inside …this grief, this anger. It's consuming. All I know every day is I have to find out who killed her, whatever it takes. I can't talk about what's going on inside because if I do…I feel like it would drown me." Elliot pauses, lifting his eyes back to her. "Sometimes it's easier to push it all away."

"It's not. Elliot, I've been there before. Believe me, pushing it away does not make it easier." Olivia pauses, turns to face him, compassion softening her eyes. She takes his other hand in hers, bridging the gap between them. "Elliot, you don't have to keep pushing. I'm here for you, you just need to let me in."

Elliot sees the sincerity in her eyes. He feels his emotions tugging at his heartstrings. He wishes he could say what she needs to hear. Elliot doesn't want to hurt her again, ever. He doesn't want to keep pushing her away, that much he knows.

Elliot squeezes her hand and whispers, "I know. Believe me Liv, I want to…" His voice trails off for a moment. Then he says, "You've changed Liv." He sees her look of surprise and clarifies, "You know, grown." He studies her, trying to pick it out. She's always been strong, accomplished and passionate, but she carries a new strength, a daring vulnerability. Elliot finally says, "You seem more complete."

Olivia's lips soften into a smile. "Motherhood. I do feel like I've become a different woman since I had Noah."

Elliot shares her smile, understanding. "Motherhood suits you." A conversation from the past drifts back to him. A few months ago, I looked into adoption. They turned me down. Elliot studies her, his eyes softening with a new tenderness. "I knew you'd prove them wrong Liv."

The comment touches her heart.

Olivia tilts her head, studying him curiously. Old memories drift to her mind. She thinks about how vulnerable he has been with her this past week, telling her how he feels. Liv, you mean the world to me. She thinks about the patience she's seen him try to execute, his attempts to resist acting on his emotions and instead, trying to think things through.

"You've grown too Elliot."

Olivia curls her leg up onto the couch so she can turn around in her seat and face him properly. She eyes his features for a moment, aged with time and loss, noting the shadows under his eyes and the grey stubble peppering his jaw. He's grown, in more ways than one. She reaches for his jaw, her thumb brushing over her stubble. "This is new."

Elliot's breath catches in his throat at the contact. He swallows the tension back down, his Adam apple bobbing in his throat. "Yeah. Old habit I haven't been able to shake since Italy."

Olivia smiles. "You shouldn't. It suits you."

Olivia traces a path down his stubble and along the slope of his neck with her finger. She would never admit to him that she finds it attractive, wonders what it would feel like brushed up against her jaw and down her neck as his lips taste her…

Her fingers are lingering on his chest now, which is rising and falling with his now ragged breathing. Olivia doesn't register just how close they are. She is eyeing the tie he's wearing. It is emerald with gold stripes and distinct from the neutral colours he would typically wear at the office.

"This is new as well."

Elliot's voice is hoarse when he speaks. "Kathleen picked it out."

Olivia smiles. Of course she did. She wonders if he told Kathleen who he was seeing tonight.

Olivia runs her fingers down his tie, feeling a new heaviness in her body, the two glasses of wine sinking into her system and clouding her mind. Olivia feels herself leaning closer to his touch.

His voice is a little hoarse when he breathes, "Liv?"

Olivia brushes her nose against his neck, closing her eyes for a moment. She breathes in his scent, musk and leather and a spiciness from the wine. She can feel his fingers curling into his waist, swears she can hear his heart galloping under her.

Olivia whispers into his collarbone, "I missed you El."

Elliot's breath catches in his throat, his heart accelerating under her touch. He knows she's not just referring to the past three weeks since they last saw each other.

Olivia battles with the overwhelming urge to close the space between them and kiss him. She knows that is all that's on his mind as well.

Olivia pulls back. She can't…not yet. She doesn't trust herself if she started. When she looks up, she sees his eyes are clouded with desire of his own.

Olivia takes a steady breath to try to calm down her breathing. She whispers, "We can't, not yet."

Elliot meets her eyes and understand. Olivia needs to know where they are.

Elliot tucks a loose curl behind her ear, capturing her attention. "Something's on your mind. Talk to me Liv."

Olivia hears the deeper meaning in his words. Where to now?

Olivia feels the gravity of that question weighing on her. She tries to gather her thoughts, but it is difficult. Everything feels hazier since she had that second glass of cabernet.

After a few beats, she asks, "Are we doing the right thing here? I can't stop thinking about what we did…it feels wrong."

"Do you regret what we did?"

Olivia blinks, not expecting that question. "No. God, if anything, I-" Olivia stops herself, pressing her lips together. She takes in a steady breath, meeting his eyes. "But that's the problem, isn't it? You know how I have always felt about you Elliot. But I never wanted to be that woman."

"But you're not that woman Liv," Elliot says quickly. He can see her internal conflict and doubts passing her features. Elliot realises that she doesn't understand just how he has always felt towards her. He needs her to know that she cannot carry this guilt alone. "You know, these past few weeks, I've been thinking about what Kathy would think…how she would feel if she knew."

Olivia waits a beat before pushing him. "And?"

Elliot's jaw tenses, his voice hollow with guilt when he replies, "And I think she always knew Liv, that I was in love with you."

Elliot can't look at her, the guilt is too much. Her silence is deafening.

Finally, Olivia asks quietly, "What are you talking about?"

Elliot blows out a sigh, clenching his eyes shut for a moment. "I love Kathy. She is – was everything to me." Elliot swallows back the pain. "But somewhere along the way, I fell in love with you too. Kathy saw it. She never said anything, but she always knew. I never did though. I didn't realise until twelve years ago..." Elliot lifts his head, sees her wide eyes. "Liv, it was why I couldn't stay. I thought that maybe leaving you was how I could finally get over you." Elliot breathes out an incredulous chuckle, his head hanging down when he shakes his head. "I was an idiot for thinking that would work. But I needed to give usa chance. And I didn't think I could do that if you were still in my life." Elliot pauses for a moment, thinking. He continues softly, "Things were good for us in Rome, finally. But I could tell that Kathy could still see…she still knew that I was missing you. God, she deserved better than me."

Olivia is speechless. After a moment, she whispers, "I had no idea."

Olivia wonders how Kathy knew all those years ago. Conversations flash in her mind. Do you have any idea how much I used to worry that he preferred spending time with you than with me?

As she thinks of her past moments with Elliot, how possessive he was at times and jealous he was of her former partners, it all makes sense. Olivia's heart breaks as she imagines what that must have been like for her.

"I had no idea," Olivia repeats again quietly. "God, all these years when I sat in the car with you, thinking about us…"

Elliot lifts his head up, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips as he imagines the younger Olivia, crushing on him from afar. "Yeah?"

Olivia resists the urge to roll her eyes and hit him. "You know what I mean. I felt sick with guilt every time I thought about it. I never wanted to give myself that hope. But I could never stop myself."

"And now?"

Olivia blinks, meeting his eyes. "And now, I-I don't know what to think. I don't know if we're doing the right thing here."

Elliot is silent for a moment, then says, "Liv, I love you. I know Kathy did as well. You were like family to her, to all of us. I know she wouldn't be surprised that we're here right now, having this conversation. And I know she would want us to be happy."

Olivia's eyes widen, repressing an incredulous laugh of her own. "You can't really be thinking that she would give us her blessing?"

Elliot lifts his shoulder up in half a shrug, taking in a deep breath. "I don't know. Kathleen seems to think so though." Elliot sees her reaction and explains. "I ah, told the kids about what happened. Not everything," he quickly continues, seeing the horror widening her eyes at the thought of them knowing about their kiss. "I told them how I feel about you. None of them were surprised, really. It almost feels like everyone else knew before me."

"Before both of us," Olivia finishes, letting the information sink in. "Is Kathleen really okay with this?"

Elliot swallows thickly, recalling the heavy conversation. "Kathleen said that Kathy would know I would be distraught without her and…and wouldn't want me to be unhappy. She thinks that Kathy wouldn't want her memories to bring more pain… Kathleen said she would want me to love again."

Olivia swallows, her heart hammering in her chest. "And what do you think El?"

Elliot studies her for a moment, trying to find the words. "I know I love you. And I know I spent ten years every day regretting how I left things between us. I don't want to have regrets again."

Olivia searches his eyes, processing the deeper meaning of his words. She is silent for a moment, then says, "So Kathleen gives us her blessing and we can just…do this, just like that?"

Elliot's shoulder lifts into a small shrug, casting her a light smile. "I think so."

Olivia stares at him for a while, processing his answer. Finally, she asks softly "And what if I'm not able to get past these ten years?"

"I'm not asking you to Liv. But I want the chance to try to win you back."

Olivia's heart softens at his words. Her eyes linger on his, seeing the sincerity softening his gaze. She can tell he really means it. Her lips slowly soften into a smile, lighting her entire features.

Olivia whispers, "You know, I don't want regrets either."

Elliot's lips break into a smile that warms his eyes and crinkles around his cheeks. "Yeah?"

Olivia nods.

Then she closes the space between them and captures his mouth in hers.

Olivia breathes into the kiss, feeling it awaken something deep within her soul. She parts his mouth with hers, tasting the sweet and spiciness of his wine drenched lips. Olivia holds onto his shoulder with one hand to balance her weight, to dizzy and drunk from the wine and him to trust her stability. She feels his hand curling around her neck and fingers tangling through her hair, guiding her deeper into the kiss.

They both pull back for air, breathless. Olivia rests her forehead on his, biting back a dizzying smile she feels from the pure elation vibrating in her body. She feels Elliot's hand curl into her waist as he shares her smile.

"So, I'm not that hungry myself," Olivia begins slowly, her fingers toying with the collar of his shirt. She lifts her eyes up and sees lust shadowing his gaze. "I still have a few hours before Lucy finishes up…how about I call a cab for us?"

Elliot is dumbstruck, sure that he must have misheard her. Then he sees the suggestive look in her eye she gives him, before sliding out of his embrace. She stands up and brushes down her dress, then looks at him expectingly. Elliot stands up and places some green bills down on the table, his heart hammering in his chest with anticipation.

They leave the bar together, Olivia's hand intertwining with his.

She doesn't let go of his hand for the entire journey, not until they reach his apartment door.

…

Elliot is silent as he unlocks his door. They pace quietly into the hallway, even though they know his kids are out of town for tonight.

Olivia slinks her handbag onto the coat hanger at the doorway and crouches down to unstrap her shoes. She watches Elliot walk down the hallway to flick the lights on, spilling yellow light into the cool and wide-open spaces. She notices that he seems a little nervous, standing in-between the living room and the kitchen, unsure of where he should lead her.

Elliot clears his throat and tilts his head towards the kitchen. "Do you want a drink?"

Olivia can see him making the effort to not push her boundaries, wanting to give her space and the chance to lead them. She finds his nervousness endearing.

"No," Olivia says softly, shaking her head.

She slips of her shoes and approaches Elliot in slow, purposeful steps, her eyes locking onto his. Then she leans onto the front of her toes and reaches for his shoulder, capturing his mouth in hers.

She kisses him long, hot and hard, making her desires for him clear. Her mouth parts his, drinking him in deeply. Her fingers dig into his shoulder as she drags his lower lip between her teeth. Olivia hears a groan rumble in his throat and smirks into his mouth.

Olivia breaks the kiss, breathless. Her voice is dripping with lust when she whispers, "I don't want a drink, Elliot. I want you."

She sees desire shadow his eyes.

Then his mouth devours hers.

His hands find her waist and they stumble backwards, his mouth never leaving hers. He pushes her against the wall, releasing a gasp from her lips.

He kisses her with a new hunger she's never seen in him, as if his lips can claim her. Olivia's skin catches fire wherever he touches her…down her neck, the dip of her dress and up the back of her thigh…

Olivia feels his hands squeezing her arse, tearing a groan from her throat. She wraps a leg around his waist, arching her hips against his, desperately needing to ease the tension between her thighs. She can already feel his arousal growing hard underneath her.

Elliot groans into her collarbone when he feels her rocking against him. He kisses his way up her neck and claims her mouth in another biting kiss. "God Liv, you were killing me in that dress tonight. Spent half the night imagining tearing it off you."

Olivia smirks into his mouth. "Well, you have me now Stabler. What are you waiting for?"

Elliot growls. Then he lifts her up slightly against the wall and Olivia wraps her leg tighter around his, laughing into his mouth. It is a light, breathy laugh that bubbles in her chest and carries in the room. Elliot swears he will spend a lifetime chasing down that laugh.

Olivia is sure his touch will be the death of her. She can feel his hands exploring her body…squeezing her breasts and her arse, drawing out her moans. Then she feels his hand slip between her thighs, stroking her wet heat.

A moan breaks in her throat. "El…"

Elliot swallows her cries. He smirks, enjoying having her unravel underneath him.

Olivia arches her hips into his hand and flutters her eyes open. She bites into his lips. "I need you now."

Elliot meets her eyes, consumed with desire.

He takes her hand and pulls her towards him. They stumble down the hallway and into his bedroom. Olivia briefly sees flickers of wide windows and city lights before he is kissing her again, pulling her body crashing towards his.

Olivia feels him tugging at her dress, fumbling with the zipper at the back. She hears his frustrated groan and laughs into his mouth.

"Try it from the back," Olivia whispers into his lips.

She feels a puff of chill at the loss of contact. Then she feels his body pressing behind hers, his mouth closing over her neck. Olivia lets out a breathy moan and tilts her head to the side, encouraging his mouth to go further.

Elliot's hands caress her sides slowly, before they find her zipper. He trails slow kisses down the slope of her neck to her shoulder as he unzips her, sucking at a tender spot behind her ear, marking her. Then his hands circle around her waist to the front, one hand slipping under her dress and between her thighs and the other unravelling her waistband.

Olivia cries when she feels his fingers slipping underneath her panties and stroking her sex. "El…"

Her dress falls to the floor. Olivia is aching at the loss of contact when he steps away. She whirls around to face him, seizing his mouth in hers. Her fingers fumble with the buttons of his shirt while he seeks to unclasp her bra. Their clothes are tossed and kicked carelessly to the side.

They fall into bed together, Elliot pulling her on top of him. Olivia straddles his waist, bending down to capture his lips in another heated kiss. She feels something change between them as she does so, his kiss growing tender, his hands caressing her sides. It feels more intimate.

When Olivia pulls back, he's staring at her like he did at the restaurant, as if she hung the moon.

It catches her off guard. Olivia tilts her head to the side, wincing curiously. "Elliot?"

Elliot can't take his eyes off her. His eyes drift from her tousled curls, to her plump lips and finally to her dark eyes, aflame with desire. His lips break into a small smile. "You're stunning Liv."

It takes her breath away.

Olivia lowers her eyes and takes a moment to admire him. She knows that Elliot has always been fit, using the punching bags and weights to channel out his rage. But she is still surprised at how strong his body is after all these years.

Olivia runs her hands down the firm muscles of his chest, following the hair that dusts his torso. She feels his muscles contract under her touch.

Her voice is breathless with desire when she whispers, "So are you."

Then she captures his mouth in another heated kiss.

Olivia slowly begins to grind up against him, feeling him grow harder and harder for her.

"Liv…"

Olivia sinks her teeth into his lower lip, as if biting into a berry, sucking his lower lip and drinking him in. Then she is reaching between their bodies and takes his length. Her eyes never leave his as she strokes him slowly, torturously slow, releasing a strangled groan from his throat. She slowly guides him into her.

Olivia sinks into him, feeling him slide into her long and hard. Olivia tilts her head back and cries at the feeling of him inside her. It's all consuming.

Elliot moves slowly inside her. His hips rise and fall with her, gradually stretching her walls, letting her get used to his size. Then he lets her take more and more of her in, each rise of his hips releasing another breathy gasp from her.

Olivia cries when she feels him buried deep inside her.

"Elliot…"

Olivia slowly begins to ride him, finding an equal rhythm with him.

"God Liv…you feel so good."

Olivia wraps her thighs tighter around his as she rides him faster. She can feel the waves of pleasure building within her as he quickens his pace to meet her, driving into her harder. Pleasure shatters her features.

She grips his shoulders, feeling his hands everywhere…squeezing her breasts, her sides, pulling her hips closer towards his to meet each thrust of his hips, which sends her higher, and higher, and higher…

With one last thrust he sends her over the edge. She rides out the waves of pleasure rippling throughout her. Elliot follows her, her name falling from his lips.

Olivia falls onto his chest as she slowly comes back down, completely spent. She can feel his heart hammering against her cheek. Olivia feels his arms circling protectively around her waist and smiles. She feels safe.

Olivia buries her face into the crook of his neck and whispers breathlessly, "I love you El."

Elliot freezes. He's sure he must have misheard her.

Olivia can sense his change and lifts her head up, an elated smile dancing on her lips. "You heard me."

A smile breaks across his face, warming his eyes. Elliot squeezes her hips and whispers, "Say it again."

Olivia studies him for a moment, her eyes smiling at his. She leans towards him and says once more, "I love y-"

Elliot captures her mouth in his, cutting her off. Then he wraps his legs around her and rolls her onto her back. She laughs into his lips, a breathy, bubbly thing. Olivia responds to his kiss with equal passion, drinking him in.

Olivia feels light. For the first time, she feels the ten years of grief and heartbreak slowly ease from her chest. It is as if the kisses he rains onto her are melting warm into her heart, softening the knots that had been constricting her for so long. Olivia is sure she hasn't been this happy since she first held Noah as his Mother.

Elliot deepens the kiss, his fingers intertwining with hers and pinning their hands above her head. When he finally breaks the kiss, he takes in her wide eyes, flushed cheeks and tousled curls.

He thinks that she has never been this breathtakingly beautiful before.

Then he whispers, "I love you Liv."

It feels different this time when he says it. He doesn't feel the crashing shock when he first confessed his love to her in front of his family, or trepidation when he said it to her earlier at the bar, afraid of how she might react. This time, Elliot feels like his heart might burst with euphoria.

Olivia searches his eyes. For the first time since he returned, she doesn't find pain darkening his gaze. It fills her with hope.

She says suddenly, "You know, I read your letter that week."

Elliot is surprised at the comment. What he wrote in that letter all those months ago comes tumbling back.

"Oh…"

Elliot rolls off her, his forehead pinching into a small frown as he recalls where he was when he wrote that letter. Sitting on the couch as his wife slept upstairs in their apartment, his heart aching with grief and remorse.

Olivia rolls onto her side, leaning on her shoulder so she can see him properly. "I forgive you Elliot."

Olivia sees the impact her words have on him, his eyes rounding and lips parting with disbelief.

"Liv, you don't need to do that."

"I want to," Olivia says. She sees pain briefly passing his eyes, can see his internal struggle. Her chest tightens at the sight. "I can forgive you El, but can you?"

Elliot swallows thickly. It is not something he has ever thought about. He's silent for a moment. Then, "I don't deserve you Liv."

His comment breaks her heart.

"Don't say that." There is new urgency in her tone when she speaks. Olivia reaches for his cheek, trying to reach him. "Hey, you can't believe that. I need you to forgive yourself, because I need you…" Olivia's voice breaks off. She sees his eyes lift, connecting with hers. Olivia tries again, "You can't close off from me and say that El…because I can't lose you again."

Elliot sees the fear shadowing her eyes and immediately knows. He reaches out for her, wanting more than anything to take away her anxiety. "Hey, hey Liv, you're not going to lose me…never again."

Elliot crawls on top of her, his elbows on either side of her, balancing his weight.

Olivia searches his eyes and whispers, "You really mean it?"

Elliot's lips tug into a small smile. He says simply, "I'm yours Liv."

Olivia slowly mirrors his smile, which radiates her entire features.

Elliot drops a kiss onto her brow, her hair and then her lips. Olivia wraps her arms around him and they themselves to each other once more. As he marks a trail of kisses between her breasts and down her body, she hears him murmur his confession once more.

I'm yours Liv, completely…always.

Yours.

…

Thank you so much for reading! Please leave me your thoughts.

I wanted so say a huge thank you to everyone who read and reviewed. They meant so much and it makes me so happy since I poured so many hours and heart into this. I truly appreciate it. Also a guest left a review asking about where Noah was…in chapter 1 at the end I indicated that Noah was at a sleep over, so Liv was fully free to spend all the time with El

I am so glad that I managed to get this up before the new episode this week. Two more days people! I am too excited. I saw those new photos and couldn't breathe. Also yes, I based the little bar scene on the promo. Honestly Olivia is giving Elliot THE MOST flirtatious smile and look and she looks so shy as if he just can't stop checking her out, which he clearly can't. His look is FULL OF DESIRE. So yeah, had to add that into this chapter haha

I hope for Chapter 3 to be based on Finn's wedding. Anyway, please leave me your thoughts and reviews!