Harry stormed after her, seething. Rikki ignored his heavy footsteps on her heels and headed to the elevators. The rest of the office stopped whatever they were doing and just stared.
Just like a band-aid. She repeated to herself, rushing through the department.
She just hoped there will be an empty cabin and she won't be forced to wait for one. The idea that he would catch up with her made Rikki uneasy. She did what she hadn't dared to so far. And it evoked the reaction she knew it would.
"For Merlin's bloody sake! Wait!" Harry yelled after her. She held back her tears, chewing the inside of her cheek. She had a promise to keep, and she wasn't chickening out now.
He finally caught up with her, grabbing her arm. He yanked her back as his fingers wrapped around her upper arm, squeezing it harshly.
She hissed as his fingers dug into her flesh, "Let go of me," she warned him, hesitantly raising her eyes to meet his, "I can't keep on doing this. Let me go, Harry."
The wizard wavered on his feet, eyes narrowing at her through his glasses. Rikki stared back at him, trying to hide the fear bubbling deep inside of her.
Don't let him know you are scared. Stay calm. You are not scared.
"I love you, Rik! Don't you see it?" Harry leaned into her. She shivered with a loud sigh as his breath hit her face.
No. She didn't see it.
He watched everyone he held dear die. Dumbledore – dead. Fred – dead. Ginny – dead. Neville – dead. Luna – dead. Ron – dead. If she thought bit harder she might come up with more names.
He had only Hermione left. But she decided to leave magic behind completely and move to Australia, befriending her obliviated parents. Harry was left on his own. Firewhiskey became his lover, best friend, mentor... It was his everything. And she was done with just watching him go down the spiral.
He used to have her as well, but she just pulled on the handbrake and was about to reverse out of the relationship. She tried for way too long and failed. She tried to be patient, supportive, understanding... After all the war was traumatic for her too, in a different and less cruel way, but they had it in common. But she learned how to cope with her feelings, the loss, the nightmares, unwelcomed flashbacks at the worst possible moments. She learnt to cope in a healthy way. His coping mechanism became alcohol.
She cannot keep watching him do this to himself.
Over the past months, he slowly faded away and became someone she did not recognize. He barely resembled the pre-war or, well, pre-battle Harry; the outgoing lad with overpouring of funny jabs and sarcastic comments. He had good days even now when she would notice glimpses of the old Harry. But they never lasted long and she missed that version of him.
His eyes used to be full of life, but now? He looked dead inside… There were moments between the first shot and the one too many when his eyes would come alive again.
It took her time to realize why Harry never stopped at that happy stage and continued drinking.
He felt guilty.
Guilty for surviving, guilty for being happy for a moment. He didn't think he deserved seeing another day. What made him better than Neville or Luna?
22 months after the Battle of Hogwarts.
22 months since everyone he loved died.
And they were still stuck in the never-ending circle.
She wondered if she was there to fill the void or if she ever meant anything to him. It was on her mind more than enough. She doubted her love for him. She doubted it on daily basis. But there she was.
Their relationship wasn't healthy. It stank from the head like a dead fish. She had to be the smarter one and get out, while there was still time.
Rikki never thought it would go as far as Harry setting a hand on her. But that was the moment she knew it all got too far and it was her cue to leave. Never was she scared of him before. He could yell at her, punch or kick a wall out of frustration. But never had it crossed her mind one day she would be the target of his hand.
"You are ruining yourself, Harry," she shook her head, prying off his hand off of her with her free arm. Her voice came out more desperately than she hoped for. He had the look behind his eyes that scared her. She was anywhere but at a safe distance. "Ouch, Harry! Let go!" she glared at him, struggling to hide the tears as his grip tightened around her arm, pulling her closer.
Her heart rate picked up; she was willing to bet that Harry felt it against his own chest as she fell into his form due to the force he put in into the yank.
Even now his breath stank after firewhiskey.
It was barely two in the afternoon and they were at the Ministry, the Auror offices. And he stank like an old whiskey barrel.
"I need you, Rikki…" he breathed against her face, wrapping his free arm around her waist, "You can't leave me."
She was terrified.
It felt like a bad déjà vu. They had this conversation about every few weeks. She would have enough, tried to leave, he would beg her to stay, promising to change… Only for them to end where they were before mere days later.
She remembered the first time he hit her.
She threatened to leave (again) if he did not get help. They started arguing, they yelled at each other. They riled each other up. Some nasty things were said that day, they were trying to hurt each other as much as possible. Harry mentioned that Fred died because of her.
He wasn't totally wrong, he died saving her sorry ass. There wasn't a day, she wouldn't think about it. How she could have avoided that situation or handled it. Though there was not much to handle when someone sends a curse into your back.
But it cut deep nonetheless.
After the battle, she begged George to forgive her as he tried to pry her off of Fred's body. He stared at her as if she fell from Mars right that second, "I have nothing to forgive you for, Rik. Fred would rather die than live without his best friend. Literally. I might have lost my twin, but at least I still have you." She lost count of how many Weasley arms she wept in that day, she lost count after 3 when Mr Weasley passed her to Charlie.
None of the Weasley family blamed her and neither will he. Before she could think better of it, she turned to him and muttered "No, they all died because of you". And before she could say Merlin, he struck her cheek with such a force that her head flew to the side and she stumbled back into the wall. His hand around her throat, daring her to say that again.
She had no idea what to do. She just apologised profusely, as much as she could with the restricted airflow, until he let go of her. She collapsed to the ground, gasping for air as he poured himself another drink.
She cried herself to sleep that night. Praying she will be asleep before he comes to their bedroom.
He's never going to change, not until he accepts the outside help, stops embalming himself alive from the inside out and most importantly admits he has a problem. A big problem.
"We can have this conversation when you let go of me," she said, staring into his chest, afraid to look at him. "Harry! Get your hands off of me now," she repeated with more urgency.
They will never have the rest of this conversation. But he did not need to know that.
Before she got here, Rikki got all her things from Grimmauld place and under false pretences left them in George's flat above the store. He was the first person that came into her mind. He had his own place, she trusted him with her life and she knew he wouldn't question it straight up. George gave her an odd look but did not comment on it further, settling with her rushed "I will explain later" statement.
She meant it this time. She was done.
She heard way too many empty promises, she was hurt more than enough times.
"Hey, Potter! The lady asked you something," the least expected voice drawled from her right side. She glanced to the owner of the voice.
Draco Malfoy leaned against one of the pillars, arms crossed across his chest, eyes narrowed at Harry. One hand was hidden under his cloak ready to grab his wand if necessary. His jaw was tense and even from her spot, she knew he was grounding his teeth.
"Malfoy…" Harry rolled his eyes, tilting his head towards him. Draco quirked his brow back at him as if he wanted to say I am waiting.
Harry let go of her at once, pushing her away from him. Rikki staggered backwards, but somehow Malfoy was there already to catch her and steady her on her feet. His arm wrapped around her waist, fingers curling over the curve of her waist. He pulled her into his side to cancel out the momentum with which she was falling backwards.
"Good boy, Potter," he sneered as Harry himself stumbled back.
He looked up from the report on his desk. Another unnecessarily long complaint from centaurs. He couldn't care less, any distraction was welcomed at this point. If he reads another complaint about certain groups not being admitted to Hogwarts (because surprise, they lack magic), he will scream and swan dive out of the nearest window. He would happily burst against the atrium tiles like a fly against the windshield.
Draco raised his eye just in time to see… Nicky… No, that's not right… Vicky… That sound's even worse… Rikki (!) walk into the office. He peeked over the edge of his cubicle, wondering which one of them looked more miserable. Different kinds of miserable, but still miserable.
She appeared nearly every day with lunch, which they would eat in his office.
Whose office?
Potter's, of course. He wasn't particularly sure how these two happened but assumed that losing a Weasley in the battle does things to you. Though he would argue it's never too bad to settling for Potter of all people.
He noticed that on days when Potter looked extra bad, she wouldn't come. Not that he was counting or keeping an eye on her in any way, of course.
But somewhere deep down he knew he owed her. Everything he had in that very moment was thanks to her.
She took the witness stand for him after the war. She fought for him for whatever reason. If it wasn't for her, he would be rotting in Azkaban for cursing Madame Rosmerta, Katie Bell and nearly killing her, poisoning of Ronald Weasley, attempted murder of Dumbledore, his Death Eater career… there were probably things he missed, but it got a general idea across.
But she decided not to focus on that in her account and instead told the jury the story of how he aided them during the Battle of Hogwarts. How he killed a Death Eater that was rather close to her in one of the castle's hallways, how he threw his own wand to Harry sprinting across the courtyard when Harry came back from the dead.
He was lying. He was compelled to keep an eye on her. It's the least he could do. Surely, she won't need him to be a witness anytime soon to avoid life in Azkaban. His eyes, without a fault, raised every time just as she stepped out of the elevator on their floor. They followed her through the office all the way to Potter's office. And later they followed her back to the elevator and wouldn't leave her till the contraption yanked her away from him.
But today was different.
She walked in empty-handed. No take-out box or one of those muggle boxes for homemade meals. He found that odd. Also, she was late, it was about half-past one. She usually appeared right about noontime.
His eyes still followed her through the space. She seemed different to him today, but he couldn't place it. As she disappeared in Potter's office door, he watched her for another moment, before the blinds on the window rolled down shut.
He went back to his report of the marginalization of centaurs and other magical creatures. He barely paid any attention to it, however. His ears were at this point trained for a high pitch whine of Potter's door when they opened.
When he heard the creek he looked up again.
She smashed the door in Potter's face, which he could only approve of, and stormed towards the elevators. Potter, however, wasn't far behind her. He was dark red in the face, stomping after her. The way he looked at her made him a bit uneasy.
The rest of the office quieted down and watched them as well.
Draco got up from his seat as Potter grabbed her arm and yanked her back. They exchanged several more lines, but she was visibly uncomfortable and as he pulled her ever closer, tears glistened in her eyes as she tried to get him off of her.
The office full of Aurors just watched in silence, no one brave enough to stand up to the war hero that was Harry Potter.
He groaned and slithered between the desks towards them. On one hand, he owed her and on the other, he will do anything to annoy Potter, even now.
"We can have this conversation when you let go of me," she said, it sounded more like a whine or a plead to him. His fingers tightened even more around her arm and she winced, "Harry! Get your hands off of me now," she asked again, struggling against his grasp as he pulled her towards him even by her waist.
He quietly walked by them and leaned against the pillar by the elevators, "Hey Potter! The lady asked you something," he said quite loudly as both of them flinched upon hearing his voice. She glanced over at him with wide eyes and studied him for a moment. Her eyes caught on his arm hiding under his robes, by the look she gave him he knew that she was aware of the fact his fingers were wrapped around his wand. If he had to hex Potter, he would. With great joy. Sectumsempra might not fly, but he would love to Stupify him if nothing else.
"Malfoy…" Harry rolled his eyes, tilting his head towards him. He cocked his brow back at him as he didn't show any sign of letting her go. It was almost a dare...
But he pushed her away from him at once, making her stumble back at the unexpected lack of support. He took few long strides and caught her before she sprawled herself on the lobby's floor. His arm quickly wrapped around her waist and pulled her against his side, trying to stop her from flying backwards. She gripped his shoulder in a further attempt to steady herself.
Potter himself staggered backwards, Draco narrowed his eyes at him and mocked him, "Good boy, Potter."