"Professor Umbridge has a crush on me." My friends looked at me weirdly. "Draco darling, are you sure that you aren't drunk?" Pansy said while lying on her back staring up at the canopy of Draco's bed. "Draco, we cannot deal with your melodramatic self today, we got more pressing matters." My friends, the people who your supposed to trust, the ones that hold your hands when your sad, the ones who you make friendship bracelets with, the ones, " Draco, I can practically hear you patronizing us."

Blaise and Pansy, the only true friends in Draco's life are now looking at him with exasperated eyes. " I am practically telling you that I suspect a teacher hitting on me and you say you guys say that you have 'Pressing matters'."

Draco loves his friends, he really does, just not right now. "Oh and why would Professor Umbridge have a crush on you darling." Pansy drawls as she finally sits up and looks me in the eyes. Finally! Someone actually taking him seriously! Draco stands up from the floor and sits on Blaise's bed facing her. "Pansy, isn't it obvious? I mean, look at me!" I heard a snort from behind me. Ugh, Blaise always has to ruin everything. Finally someone was listening to him, and Blaise has the audacity to LAUGH at me. ME! And I thought friends are supposed to be at my side, doing 'friend things'.

"Think about it, remember when I told you about the first week of term?"

-Flashback-

Draco stood outside the defense against the dark arts classroom. He had a slight frown on his face. The rest of the Slytherins come from the other hallway to group around the entrance of the DADA classroom. Ah! Perfect time to show off my status and exceptional influence over the entirety on the Slytherin house. Draco steps strategically and places himself in front of the group. Right in front of the door. And then the door opens outwards. A distinct 'SMACK' sound echoed through the corridor. The Slytherins were silent.

Draco cannot fathom what just happened, A MALFOY, sole heir of the Malfoy line and from the most noble and pure houses of Malfoy and Black just got smacked by a door on the first lesson of DADA. Draco staggered back and glowered. He needs to fix this NOW.

Except, Draco didn't know how to get out of this. They're all looking at me, staring at me, judging me, oh no, what if father hears about this, I…"Mr. Malfoy! What a pleasure it is to be teaching you, your father has told me many things, come inside now Slytherins."

Pansy was laughing her head off. Blaise was snickering. Draco turned a bright shade of red. "Yes Draco, the smack was quite distinct in my memories, oh and the look on your face darling, PRICELESS. I would pay Creevy a thousand galleons if he caught that look." Draco looked down into his lap. That wasn't the memory he was trying to evoke. Blaise caught on. "Draco, would you specify what you were referring to." Blaise said, sitting on the bed wrapping an arm around Draco. I guess there is a good side to even the most treachery of friends. "Well, I was thinking more during class…"

-Flashback-

"As an introductory, you will read pages one through eight, and don't forget to annotate in the margins, it is helpful to write notes with." Professor Umbridge said as she cruised down the alleyway, the Ravenclaw side of the room quickly got their books out and started reading frantically as if the world was ending in a few minutes and they needed to read this in order to survive. Draco just frowned.

"Professor Umbridge, we always have some kind of demonstration on the first day of class. Certainly the books aren't that necessary anyway, this is a more practical class right?" Draco remembered his father saying specifically to always stay on the good side of this Professor since she is an important ally. But seriously, reading in the first class?

The professor slowly came up to Draco and put her hand on Draco's shoulder. Her hand slowly moved down onto Draco's chest, right above his heart and pushed backwards so that Draco's back was flush against the chair. Then she leaned forward ever so slightly.

"Why ever do you need to learn anything practically? Are you defying me Draco Malfoy?"

Blaise frowned, and Pansy stopped smiling. "She won't leave me alone after that incident, and she always wants me to stay after class, but when I do, she just gazes at me suspiciously and then tells me I am dismissed. Either I accidentally pissed off her plate cats, thinks that I committed some sort of crime, or she has a huge crush on me. Half the time she man-handles me, and she only does that to Potter but, everyone knows she hates Potter… what do I do, dear ever so supportive friends." I sneer. Pansy and Blaise exchange a look.

"If anything escalates, tell us Dray," Blaise says while pulling Draco into a cuddle. Blaise has Draco tucked under his chin and one hand is on top of his head guiding Draco's face into his chest, and the other is on his back rubbing comforting circles. Draco is practically sitting in Blaises lap.

"Now let's get back to those pressing matters." What, Pathetic utterly pathetic, barbarically, hideously, stupid friends he has!

"If you consider who to ask out for Hogsmeade pressing matters Blaise, I'll tell the whole school the origins of the moans that come from the second floor storage closet."

Blaise glares at him. Good.

~?~

" Theodore Nott," god I hate him. Graham Montague, Draco, and now Theodore Nott all sit on one of the benches in the quidditch pitch. Oh wow, who's next, maybe professor Umbridge can join in and complete the 'I am publicly hitting on Draco Malfoy' circle. At least the second and third year girls are discrete about it.

Nott's face lightens up tremendously. "Draco! I was walking by and I saw you sitting here with Montague. I thought you would want some better company." Oh a Hippogriff could be more subtle. Please, this is so elementary and pathetic, it's making me laugh. "Nott, we were talking about the quidditch team, of course you wouldn't know anything about it would you?" We were talking about the team? Huh, maybe there must have been a lot of wind. "Draco was telling me about what a wonderful captain I am…" Oh, and I apparently sleep walk too. "Draco here was asking about all the moves he wants me to demonstrate for him." Oh and so very blind because Montague's so called moves were mediocre compared to his.

Draco just blinked twice. Nott seems to not get the memo he's not wanted here, both of them are dunderheads but he would take Montague over Nott any day, he knows how both of them turn out to be anyway…Besides, Montague is way less physical than Nott.

Nott slides right next to Draco, and ever so subtly, places his hand on top of Draco's. He has a sickeningly perverted look that trails down Draco's body. Really, all we need are cherry blossoms, dramatic winds, and a background song and this would be oh so romantic.

Montague frowns, getting jealous for unknown reasons. "Draco, I want you to come to practice early on Tuesdays, I could help you, anyway I need to get going. See you…" "Wait!" Draco suddenly interrupts. Ahh, this is why he is in Slytherin. This is incredibly cliche, but hey whatever works. "I need to confess to both of you about something, it.., it's really hard for me to tell you guys, but I need to tell you. I just don't know who else to tell…" Both of them look at me and have intrigue in their eyes. Of course, Draco only ever talks to them to tell them to move away or a scalding insult or two.

Draco takes a deep breath and goes fully into character. Most people call them crocodile tears, but Draco Lucius Malfoy declares them a super power as they two from the left and one from the right slide down his porcelain cheeks.

That brought the two dunderheads into action all right. Nott tries to pull me into his lap like Blaise usually does, he's really strong, but fails when Montague practically falls on top of Nott and himself to give him a hug. Draco tries ever so hard to hide his smile. I forgot why I hate getting hit on when three drops of water turn these people into mush.

"What is it Draco," Montague literally begs, "Tell us, we'll handle it Draco," Nott smiles, taking his thumbs and 'drying his tears'.

"It's Professor Umbridge, I think, th-think that she…" A sniff here, a litter shiver there, oh, and to top it of, a little bit of cuddling. I still prefer Montagues contact to Nott though. "I think that Professor Umbridge is hitting on me…" Both of them grew stiff. What was happening? Didn't he play his role perfectly? Draco thought he got them wrapped around his fingers.

Suddenly both of them hugged him vigorously, I didn't even know you could hug vigorously. "If she lays a finger on you, we…", "I wouldn't even need the authorities, I would rip her limb to.." "Oh, I would strategically get evidence and make her lose her…", "That's nothing compared to what I have in store…". Both of them get up and started bickering all the way back to the castle. Draco just smirks. I should get hit on more often.

~?~

"Severus, I have completed the first step." Draco smiles. I mean I do deserve some praise. "Draco, whatever… did you … do." Draco pauses for a moment. Uncle Sev and his drawl, I seriously strive to be like him, billowing robes and all.

"You know, the one I've been 'blithering like and idiot about'." Uncle Sev turns stiff.

"Your friends?" "yes" "And someone other than them?". Ha, just you wait Uncle Sev, "Montague and Nott."

"Those two? Might I remind you… who said they would rather hang themselves… then interact with those… quote on quote … ´Barbaric idiots´?"

" Uncle Sev,-" "Professor Snape," "They are people who have brains for themselves and are easily manipulated."

"People will point out that they were complying due to the hugely inappropriate ´crush´ they have on you."

"People don´t do things for crushes when their life is on the line, and besides, this is only the back up plan if situations get really extreme. Even if it fails, I have other options."

Severus glared at him hard as he put down the veil he was holding. "Would you tell me why you would add this step into your 'oh so great plan?' It just seems to me like you are… an attention seeking… idiot."

Now Draco is thoroughly offended, after all that work and acting he has done.

"Draco can I ask you a question?" ohhhh, I can't help it, he walked right into this one. "You already are." Draco says in an even and calm voice. If Severus wasn't going to kill him Before, then he is certainly going for the kill now.

" Why not fourth year? Why now?"

Draco slides into a chair in front of Severus´s sleek, dark green and black finished desk.

"The inevitable will happen no matter what, causing a change in what is already known could sabotage future predictability. You said it yourself uncle Sev, knowledge is above all."

~?~

"You know Blaise, something is off about Draco…", Pansy Parkinson strides next to Blaise Zambini in the empty corridor on their way to Transfiguration.

"Why would you say that Pans?", Blaise sighs, "I think I´ve heard enough conspiracy theories for a week." Pansy frowns.

"Draco got smacked in the face." Blaise now thoroughly confused, stops and faces Pansy. "Your point?"

"Blaise, Draco knows that the doors open outward, he is a perfectionist in every way, including general information. And, there is the fact that Draco would never do something stupid."

Blaise chuckles, "Really?" Pansy smiles, "Okay, he doesn't ever embarrasses himself unless Potter is involved."

"What are you proposing? Certainly there is other evidence." Blaise pauses for a moment, interpreting what Pansy has told him. Pansy huffs.

"Honestly Blaise, his interactions and social dealings are so weird that even the golden trio is giving him odd looks. His behavior and every move is calculating and almost everything he does has some meaning behind it." Blaise stares at Pansy bewildered.

"Blaise, don't you get it? Draco Malfoy is setting the stage."