Hello! I'm glad you guys are liking the story! I'm going to try to update this about once a week. Thank you so much for the kind reviews, I hope you like this chapter as well.
September 6th, 1998
The first week back at Hogwarts passed in strange lurches and dragging dulls. Some moments felt like they would never end. Like the clock had stopped ticking and Hermione would be permanently left in that second of time. Sometimes time moved quickly. So quickly Hermione didn't realize days had passed.
She hadn't seen him apart from in class. He entered the room at the last second and was always the first one to leave. He never looked away from the professor, never stopped taking notes. Hermione, on the other hand, rarely looked away from him. In their shared classes she watched him, waiting for him to turn around and sneer at her, waiting for him to tell her to fuck off and leave him alone. He never did. He ignored her for the first week of school and it seemed like he had no intention of stopping.
Hermione had taken to watching the Slytherin table during meals. Sometimes Malfoy was there, but most of the time he wasn't. She knew he was likely in the kitchens taking his meals alone, but she didn't venture down there again. Not yet. Her friends would get suspicious if she stopped coming to meals. They would worry she was breaking down and they would treat her even more like a child than they did now.
So she watched the Slytherin table with or without him there. She watched Blaise Zabini and Theodore Nott. They were usually the ones that sat with Malfoy so her eyes were always trained on them. Hermione had never spoken to Zabini, not even in class. She knew very little about him other than he had never taken the mark and had hidden away in Italy for a year.
Hermione did know Theodore Nott. They had worked together on a project in ancient ruins in fifth year. They had sat together in the library for hours researching and working. Even after the project was over, they still met up to study in the library together. Nott was quiet and kind for a Slytherin. He had never called her a derogatory name, never spoken down to her, never questioned her magical ability or talent.
Before this year, she hadn't realized Zabini, Nott, and Malfoy were friends. They hadn't spoken in public before, not that she had ever noticed. When Malfoy was there, the three of them kept their heads down and seemed to be whispering to each other. When he wasn't they weren't as quiet.
Today, Nott kept looking at Hermione, meeting her eyes before looking back at Zabini. She would look away quickly when their eyes met and go back to stirring her tea and nibbling on her toast. She would listen into her friends' conversations, give them a small laugh and wait until she could feel Nott's eyes move away from her. When he looked away, she would go back to watching, staring at him and Zabini, wishing she could hear what they were talking about. Were they talking about Malfoy? Had he told them about their encounter in the kitchens? Had he told them how close they were? Had he told them about how tightly he had gripped her arm? Or had he told them nothing at all, because in his own words "it didn't matter?"
She only looked away from Nott when Harry nudged her elbow, almost causing her to spill the tea she had picked up. She looked over at him and he was giving her a small smile.
"I know this last week has been hard for you, but you seem to be more… I don't know, present, I guess," he said.
"I… I guess I am," she said, shrugging. "I'm trying to focus on school I guess. Maybe it's helping."
"You're eating more too," he said, motioning to her plate. "I'm glad this has been good for you. It's good to see you getting back to yourself."
"Thanks, Harry," she said, glancing back at Nott out of the corner of her eye. He was watching her, staring as intently at her as she stared at Malfoy. "I think I'm going to try to spend some more time in the library, I haven't been yet."
"Of course you want to go back to the library!" He laughed. He pulled her to his side and squeezed her tightly. Hermione's breath hitches and her right-hand slides down to her left forearm, tugging on the sleeve and making sure it's covered. She peaks back over at Nott. He was still looking. She knew he had seen the movement, seen her jump when touched. She clenched her jaw.
"I might head over there now," she said. "I think I'll check out a book for some light reading."
"Do you want me to go with you?" He asked.
Hermione froze.
"No, it's alright. I think I could use the walk to clear my head," she said standing up from the table. "I'll catch up with you guys in a little bit. You're all heading outside to work on quidditch plans right?"
"Yeah that's the plan, Mione," Ron said. "Where are you going?"
"To the library, I want to pick up a book, but I'll see you guys later." Hermione gathered her bag and waved goodbye to her friends.
Once she left the Great Hall, Hermione started her journey to the library. Her eyes wandered to staircases leading down into the dungeons, imagining what or who she might find if she went back down to the kitchens.
When she arrived at the library, Hermione quickly made her way to the back, looking for an isolated table to sit at. Her work for the week was done. Despite watching Malfoy and his friends, Hermione kept up on her school work, unwilling to fall behind. She was still intelligent, even when broken. She stepped behind a stack, towards the isolated table she tended to study at. She approached the table, looking forward to the quiet atmosphere of the back of the library, but it was occupied.
Malfoy was at her table. His head was bent down, one hand resting in his cheek, reading an open book. His other hand was scratching down notes as he read. His left hand was holding up his head and gravity had forced his sleeve down slightly. The mark was mostly concealed, just the black round edge of the snake peaked out.
She froze. She struggled to breathe for a moment. She hadn't expected to see it. She knew he had it, knew it hadn't disappeared when Voldemort died, but she hadn't considered she might see it. Not when he seemed careful to keep it hidden. She hadn't expected to see him sitting at her table. She assumed he was in the kitchens. That was where she had thought about going, but something inside her pushed her towards the library. And he was here.
"Still following me I see," he said, not looking up from his book.
"I'm not following you, Malfoy," she said. "This is where I come to study. It's usually peaceful."
"I didn't know you were coming to the library, Granger," said a voice from behind her. "We could have walked together."
Hermione turned around to face Nott. He was taller than her but shorter than Malfoy. He was smirking, not at her but at Malfoy. He looked at her, then back at Malfoy, and grinned.
"Are you planning on staying?" He asked, taking a seat next to Malfoy.
"I am," she said, turning away. She was sure that Malfoy wouldn't say anything to her, not with Nott sitting next to him. Maybe it was for the best.
"Then please have a seat with us," Nott said. "We can all study quietly together."
"No," Malfoy said. "I'm sure Granger can find her own table."
So he was avoiding her. Had the moment in the kitchen bothered him? It had exhilarated her. She realized she was different after the war, more fragile, but that didn't mean she hadn't survived a war. Hermione was suffering and nobody dared to push her. Nobody pushed her to eat, nobody pushed her when she had panic attacks, and nobody pushed her when her grief had kept her in bed for days. Though it had only been a few seconds, Malfoy pushed her. He hadn't given in to her will.
Malfoy hadn't treated her like a child. The way he treated her hadn't changed. He was rude and had no guilt in speaking his mind to her. He didn't watch his tone, wasn't afraid to make her listen to him.
"I would love to, Nott," she said, turning back and sitting across from Malfoy. She pulled a few books out of her bag, as well as her quill and parchment, and set up to study.
"You can call me Theo you know, Granger," he said. "All my friends do."
"Would you consider us friends?" She asked.
"I would consider us at least acquaintances," he laughed. "We've studied together a lot through the years, enough that I think you should call me Theo."
"Okay, Theo," she said, still thinking about him staring. "I suppose you should start calling me Hermione then."
"Of course, Hermione," he said.
"I thought we were studying quietly," Malfoy said, glaring at Theo. "This is a lot of talking for quiet studying."
"Sorry, Malfoy, are we bothering you?" Hermione asked. "You could always leave."
"If anyone is going to leave it's you, Granger," he said, putting his quill down and turning to glare at her.
"Why would I leave, Malfoy?" She asked, trying not to let her voice shake. "I'm not the one with the problem."
Malfoy said nothing. He just glared at her almost as if he was willing her to leave. She wouldn't.
"No one is leaving," Theo interjected. "Hermione, we can talk later. Draco, we'll all quietly study now. Everyone is happy."
"Not everyone," Malfoy muttered under his breath, looking away from Hermione and back towards his book.
"What was that, Malfoy?" Hermione asked, looking at him. "Do you have something to say?"
The edge of his dark mark was still showing. Hermione's eyes were drawn to it, unable to look away. Theo followed her eyes to Malfoy's arm. His own eyes widened, glancing back at Hermione before elbowing Malfoy.
Hermione watched Nott hit his friend out of the corner of her eyes. Malfoy was staring back at her now but she couldn't look away. Malfoy seemed to understand what was happening, between Hermione's gaze and Theo's elbow. He dropped his arm to his side, gravity doing the work to pull his sleeve down. His eyes never left Hermione's face. Her eyes didn't move from the spot his arm had been.
Quickly, furiously even, Malfoy stood up, piling his books and notes into his bag. He was moving so fast he knocked his ink over, and instead of cleaning it with a spell, he ignored the ink pooling on the table and spilling over the edges, and left the library without a word.
Hermione didn't move for a moment. The mark had bothered her to see, but Malfoy's reaction bothered her more. He was becoming an enigma in her life. He always seemed so upset to see her, angry that she dared be in the same room, but he had left because she saw the edge of his mark.
"What just happened?" Hermione asked, turning her eyes to Theo.
"I… I can't say," Theo replied. He turned in the direction Malfoy had gone. "But I think maybe you should stay away from Draco for a while. Let him calm down."
"Stay away from him? You were the one that told me to stay!" Hermione said.
"Hermione, I know about your meeting in the kitchens, and then you were here in the library together. You're searching him out. I'm not saying you should stop, I'm saying he's upset. And he'll only lash out if you find him again," Theo replied.
"I haven't been looking for him, Nott," Hermione said, waving her wand to clean the ink. She stood up from her chair and gathered her books. Nott had no idea what he was talking about.
"You haven't been?" He called as she began to walk away. "Then where are you going now?"
Hermione ignored his comment. She didn't know where she was going. Her mind drifted to the Gryffindor common room, she could return there and wait for her friends, but they would most likely be outside until the sun went down, leaving her to think about Malfoy alone.
She wandered around the castle, not paying attention to where she was going but rather thinking about the war. Being back at Hogwarts was odd. Hermione perpetually felt as though she was stuck while her friends moved forward. Hermione wasn't sure how they could walk past the repaired wall that had fallen on Fred and not flinch. How they could stand to laugh and eat and smile in the Great Hall, when all she could see was Remus and Tonks's bodies laid out together, practically hand in hand. How could they stand in the courtyard when so much had happened there. Her friends were moving on. They were scarred but not truly marked by the war. They didn't know how it felt to be labeled, to carry something that you could never get rid of.
But he did.
And maybe that was the attraction. Maybe that was why their eyes kept meeting. She had seen it in his eyes when they saw each other by the carriages. She had known he was suffering, still living in memories of the war just like her. Had he seen it in her? Was that why he was avoiding her? Seeing Malfoy reminded her of the past, before the war when she wasn't so damaged. Was seeing her only making him relive the war? Did he think of Malfoy Manor every time he saw her? She didn't, or rather she thought of the fact that he didn't identify Harry, didn't end the war there on his drawing room floor. She thought of his trial, how he, like her, Harry, and Ron, had no choice in his fate. Draco Malfoy was another child, forced to fight in an adult war.
Hermione stopped in front of the Gryffindor common room entrance. She should join her friends outside and pretend to listen to them make the quidditch roster. She should join them and leave Malfoy alone. They might be in a similar place now, but he hated her and had shown it in the library. It was best to stay away.
But the Marauder's Map was just up in Harry's dorm. She could sneak up and grab it from his trunk and it would be so easy to find Malfoy. She could confront him. Nott was right. She was searching for him. It was easy to feel normal around someone who was just as broken as you.
She entered the common room. She quickly scanned the room, looking for anyone that might question her going up to the boy's dorm. There was no one around but a few younger students and they all seemed engrossed in games of exploding snap and wizards chess. Hermione dashed up the stairs and into Harry and Ron's dorm. The Map was sitting on top of Harry's trunk, not even tucked away safely inside. She shook her head. Though the trio wouldn't have to use it to sneak around the castle to uncover mysteries, Harry shouldn't be leaving it out for anyone to find.
She paused, reading the inscription on the outside. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. Her eyes watered. Remus, Sirius, and James had given their lives for the war. She hadn't expected it to be this hard to look at. Her mind drifted to Teddy Lupin, orphaned by the war. It wasn't fair.
"I solemnly swear I am up to no good," she said, shakily raising her wand to the Map.
It opened, showing everyone in Hogwarts and their location. She noticed her friends were still on the quidditch pitch, seemingly huddled together and surely planning for the year. She smiled, glad they were adjusting but finding it difficult to move on with them. She looked away from the pitch, searching the dungeons for Malfoy.
He wasn't there. He wasn't anywhere in the dungeons, not the Slytherin common room, not the kitchens, and not the abandoned classrooms. She looked around the Map to different parts of the castle, hoping to find him. She finally found Malfoy and Nott near the astronomy tower. She frowned. She hadn't expected Nott to be with him. Surely if she approached Malfoy now, Nott would once again tell her to back off.
Hermione closed the Map and tucked it into her robes, before heading back down the stairs. She dropped her bag off in her dorm and slipped out of the Gryffindor common room. She headed in the direction of the astronomy tower. Maybe she would pretend she was taking a walk and just happened to run into them. Nott would see through it, however, even if Malfoy didn't. She should have grabbed the invisibility cloak while she was in Harry's dorm.
Instead, she disillusioned herself. It would work well enough, and hopefully, she could listen in on Malfoy and Nott's conversation. She walked down the corridors, hoping to catch a glimpse of one of the boys with every corner she turned. Finally, she saw them, standing at the base of the astronomy tower. They were talking, but they kept their voices low and she was too far away to hear.
She snuck closer, sticking close to the walls and doing her best to be silent. When she was close enough to hear them clearly, she leaned against the wall to watch and listen.
"Malfoy you'll need to go up there at some point," Nott said, motioning to the tower. "You enjoyed astronomy and I know why you quit. Let's take a walk up together."
"I've already told you, Theo. I don't want to go back up there," Malfoy said. "I decided not to take astronomy this year to focus on potions. Whatever idea you've got in your head is wrong."
"Then why won't you go up the stairs?" Nott asked.
"I don't know what you think you're achieving," Malfoy answered.
"You need to face it," Nott said. "You need to face her too."
"I still have no idea what you're implying," Malfoy said, narrowing his eyes.
"Should I rehash that scene in the library?" Nott asked. "You know exactly what I mean, Draco. You're avoiding it."
Malfoy's jaw clenched. His eyes moved away from Nott, and if Hermione didn't know she was disillusioned, she would have thought he was looking at her. But his eyes passed over her quickly enough and he turned back to Nott.
"Fine. I am. I told you what happened. What she did. What I did. You heard her. She wants nothing to do with me. It was an act of pity, I may as well have been one of her charity cases, and that's all."
"You think she pities you? Draco, she spoke at your trial," Nott said. He shook his head. "If you don't want to talk to her yet, fine. But you need to face this."
"I don't need to do anything, Theo," Malfoy said.
"Fine. Then suffer. You know where I am when you want this to end," Nott said, walking away from Malfoy. His head was down and though she couldn't hear him, Hermione could tell he was muttering to himself.
She hadn't considered this. She hadn't thought Nott would leave so soon or that their conversation would be so private. She hadn't considered what to do after spying on them. She couldn't confront Malfoy now; he would know she had listened in.
At least she knew why he was avoiding her. She had spoken on his behalf at his trial and he took that to mean she pitied him. He was wrong. It wasn't charity to defend him. It wasn't even an easy choice to make. When she had brought it up to Harry and Ron, it had been a blowup. Harry had taken it well, he had agreed with her that even though he had been a vile child, Malfoy did not deserve Azkaban. Ron, however, thought he deserved no mercy. Ron had been angry at Harry and Hermione for even suggesting the idea and didn't speak to them for nearly a week. In the end, Harry spoke at Narcissa and Draco's trials and Hermione spoke at Draco's. It was the right thing to do, and if Hermione was sure of one thing, it was that Draco Malfoy had not deserved to go to Azkaban.
She glanced back at where Malfoy had been standing, but he was gone. She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and let her body sag against the wall. She looked around the corridor and undid the disillusionment charm when she knew no one was in there.
She considered taking the Map back out and searching for Malfoy again. For a moment, she entertained the idea. She imagined finding him in an empty hallway or maybe an abandoned classroom. He would be angry, confused about how she found him. Maybe Nott was right. Maybe Malfoy would lash out. Maybe he would grab her again. It didn't matter if he did. She would tell him he was wrong; she didn't pity him. They would probably fight. They would probably scream at each other until they couldn't anymore. Maybe wands would be drawn. Hermione was almost excited at the idea.
She took a deep breath, left the Map in her pocket, and set off to the quidditch pitch to find her friends. She would leave Draco Malfoy alone. Though she was interested in arguing with him, if her interest was going to continue, she couldn't start with a fight. Maybe she could antagonize him just enough to keep the excitement, but not enough to make him storm off again. She would have to be careful; her friends wouldn't approve of this interest in Malfoy. Hermione would have a plan by the next time she saw Malfoy. He made her feel alive again, and she would do anything to keep the feeling.