So, here's part 2 of "Tourist Trapped." The number of time's I've gone through this chapter to edit it is astounding. By my current count, I think I'm up to 5 full passes. I've added some notes about possible continuation at the end of the chapter. And, uh, this is briefly mentioned in the story, but I'm just going to say it here as well: gnomes reproduce via magic ritual. It's not canon, but canon is disturbing sometimes so I make stuff up to make it less disturbing.
Warnings: implied child abuse, kidnapping by gnomes, mentions of past murder (not shown).
Stan was a bit annoyed at having to walk all the way back the Mystery Shack by himself, but he figured that giving Ford and Norman time to resolve their differences was a good idea. Ford would see, soon. Norman was a good friend; probably better than any friend he'd had before.
Except his brother. But brothers were different than friends.
It turned out that Mabel didn't own any good bags. The first thing Stan found was a giant pink sack with a shooting star on it. The next was covered in golden glitter. Finally, Stan happened upon a green sack with a yellow smiley face on it. Well, he'd take it. He had some treasure to dig up, and the original bag had gone missing.
As he walked outside, he saw Mabel talking to a large crowd of tourists. "And here," she said, directing them towards an oddly-shaped rock, "we have 'Rock That Looks Like a Face' rock: the rock that looks like a face."
"Does it look like a rock?" Asked a skinny guy with long brown hair and overalls.
"No," Mabel corrected. "It looks like a face."
"Is it a face?" Another tourist piped up.
"It's a rock that looks like a face."
"So, it's a rock that's actually a face?"
"It's a rock! Not a face! It just looks like a face."
"It's a face that looks like a rock?"
"Does this look like a face to you? No, don't answer that. It looks like a face, but it's a rock."
"So…it's a face that's secretly also a rock?"
"For the fifth time! It's—it's not an actual face!"
Stan shook his head. Why didn't Mabel just shrug and tell them what they wanted to hear? Or better yet, tell these tourists something like 'it'll become a face if you throw money at it'? They were stupid enough to believe that.
Just then, Stan's walkie-talkie crackled.
"Stan, I need some backup here." Ford's voice came through, slightly distorted. "Norman is—" There was a pause and the sound of rustling, and then a scream.
Ford's scream.
Stan's eyes widened in shock. Norman is—
What if Ford was right? What if Stan's new friend actually was a zombie?
Stan looked at Mabel. She'd told them never to interrupt her when she was giving at tour, but…But he needed to rescue his brother. He'd deal with the consequences later.
Just then, Boyish Dan, the Mystery Shack's teenage employee, drove up in a golf cart. "Dan! Dan!" Stan shouted to get his attention. "I need to borrow the golf cart so I can save my sister from a zombie!" Great! Now he had a solution that didn't involve getting punished later, assuming he and his brother survived.
"That is a manly quest!" Dan said, tossing Stan the key. He caught it, wincing as it cut into his hand. "I wish you luck. I would go with you, but this is a task that you must undergo alone. Do not hit any pedestrians, because getting fired is not manly."
"Wow," Stan muttered as he left. "That guy's got emotional issues." He got into the cart and began to drive into the forest, but Maria stopped him.
"Hello, Stan. I would give you a shovel to fight the zombies with, but they are all missing." She passed Stan a baseball bat. "This is for if you see a pinata. Or zombies."
"Uh," Stan said. "Thanks."
"Better safe than sorry," Maria said. Calmly. Stan was beginning to think that woman had nerves of steel.
Stan shrugged, pressing the gas pedal and driving off into the woods. He wasn't sure whether golf carts followed the same rules as cars, but he was pretty sure it wasn't legal for a twelve-year-old to drive one.
Oh, well. Stan was a bit more concerned about the fact that he had no idea how to drive a car, but he was managing just fine. It wasn't like one of those paddleboats, at least; those always messed around with his mind. Left meant left, right meant right. Simple. Right?
Not simple.
Stan screamed as the cart tilted to the side, nearly dumping him out onto the road, but he managed to right it and continue on his way into the forest. "Don't worry, Ford! I'll save you from that zombie!" He stopped where he thought Ford and Norman had been just before. Sure enough, a walkie-talkie lay on the ground, with several crushed bushes creating a trail to his left.
Stan just hoped this wasn't too late. He was the one who'd left Ford alone with a zombie, despite his protests. The shovels lay abandoned on the ground, so Stan shoved them in the golf cart along with the walkie-talkie. Could be useful for fighting zombies.
Driving the cart, Stan followed the trail. He found himself at a steep grassy slope, screaming as the golf cart hurtled down at an uncontrollable speed. The cart shot through a tunnel of trees, falling down in a small clearing. Stan jumped out, ready to kill a zombie…only to see a bunch of gnomes gathered around two children.
"What the…"
One of the children was Ford. He looked a bit scraped up, but was grinning and writing something down on…was that tree bark?
Next to him was a girl with light brown hair tied up in two pigtails with vines of ivy, cowboy boots, and freckles. On her right hand was a ring with three clear crystals.
"Oh, hey, Stan!" Ford said. "Norman wasn't a zombie! He was gnomes!"
"Are you okay?" Stan asked. "Did they hurt you?"
Ford looked down at himself. His hair was pointing in all directions, he had a cut on his cheek, and his jacket had a tear. "There was a bit of a misunderstanding. They were going to sacrifice me to their queen, but she says that she's not planning to be accepting any sacrifices. I told her my brother was coming. She seemed really exciting to meet you! And she's been answering all my questions about gnomes. Did you know that gnomes subsist mostly on a diet of tree bark, but also often eat earthworms?"
Well, of course Stan didn't know that, because he had accepted reasonable facts before. Such as the lack of existence of gnomes.
"We're not sacrificing him?" One of the gnomes whispered to another.
"Hush."
Right. Stan was trapped with a bunch of gnomes that were totally not planning to sacrifice his brother. Absolutely. Not even thinking about it.
They were doomed.
"She's a gnome queen?" Stan asked. The girl looked like she couldn't be more than twelve years old.
"Oh, hi," she said. "I'm Emma Sue. I'm the queen of the gnomes. Right, guys?" She smiled.
"Queen, queen, queen!" The gnomes chanted.
"Uh, Emma Sue, it's a pleasure to meet you," Stan said. "But I'd like my brother back."
"But Stan," Ford said. "Emma was just informing me of gnome holidays!"
"C'mon, Sixer, we're going," Stan said.
Ford rolled his eyes and stood up. "Thanks," he said. "Nice meeting you guys."
The two began walking towards the golf cart, but the gnomes suddenly closed the gap between them and the tunnel, forming themselves into a wall by stepping on one another's heads.
"I'm afraid I can't let you do that, man," said a gnome with a brown beard.
"That's Jeff," Ford whispered. "He's a bit of a jerk."
"Our queen will grow old. And too tall for gnome houses. Unless we sacrifice lives in a great ritual!" Jeff announced.
"Uh, but you're not going to, right?" Ford asked. "You said you would let me go. It was just a misunderstanding. Right, Emma?"
Emma Sue stood up. She gave an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Ford. But. I've known you for about ten minutes. You're funny, but I don't want to grow old."
"Hang on a second," Stan said. "How old are you?"
"Oh, I was born in…1964," Emma said. "What year is it?"
"You're forty-eight years old!" Ford said, shocked.
"Am not!" Emma said, stomping her foot. "I'm twelve! I'm twelve and I'm gonna be twelve for the rest of my life!"
"You're not sacrificing my brother!" Stan said, tossing Ford the baseball bat and raising a shovel.
"We'll be sacrificing both of you!" Jeff said. "Gotta keep our queen from getting old. Right sweetie?"
"Do you know how creepy you are?" Stan asked. "What, did you kidnap some random girl and force her to marry your king?"
"They're like bees," Ford said.
"Huh?" Stan turned to his brother.
"They're like bees, only the workers are also male. So, there's no king. The queen marries all of them. Well, they reproduce via magic ritual, it's—"
"That's even worse!" Stan said, interrupting Ford. "You can't just do that!"
Ford continued his explanation under his breath. "—rather fascinating. I think humans should try it, seems a lot less gross."
"They didn't kidnap me," Emma said. The gnomes had formed themselves into a throne of sorts, where Emma sat. She rested her chin in one hand. "My family was always doing all of this crazy stuff. We had to travel over the border to Canada just so my mom could give birth! And I had met a really cute boy. He turned out to be a jerk, but it's the principle! They barely paid any attention to me at all. I think my dad was in the mafia. My mom developed superpowers, and my little sister turned out to be a changeling. And then I met this sweet boy named Normal Man, which, bit of a weird name, but I've seen weirder. He turned out to be these guys, but marrying a bunch of gnomes is a whole lot better than before. At least they know I exist! And I get to stay a kid forever!"
"How often do you complete your ritual?" Ford asked.
"Uh, once every ten years."
"Fascinating," Ford said. Then he looked up, glaring, nearly meeting Emma Sue's eyes. "That means that at least three people have died to keep you as a kid."
"Sorry, boys!" Emma said, her voice slightly higher pitch than normal. "But it's time for the ritual. We haven't got all day! Well, we do, I suppose, but that's boring!"
The gnomes began to close in around Ford and Stan. "What do we do?" Ford asked, his voice panicking.
Stan forced himself to remain calm for his brother's sake. He took a deep breath, then swung his shovel at the wall of gnomes with all the force he could muster. They fell to the ground, clearing the way to the golf cart. One of them leaped at Stan, who punched the gnome in the face. He tumbled away, taking Stan's pirate hat with him. "Run!" Stan shouted.
The twins raced toward the golf cart, righting it and piling in. "Seatbelt!" Ford said.
"The sacrifices are getting away!" Jeff yelled. "No, no, no!"
Emma Sue raced towards them on a wave of gnomes. Stan watched in horror as Ford grabbed her arm and pulled her into the golf cart, kicking away the gnomes that tried to stop him.
"What did you do that for, knucklehead?" Stan shouted. Ford flinched. Emma screamed.
"She's twelve!" Ford said. "Well, not actually twelve. But she was twelve. That's messed up. I'm rescuing her."
"I don't want to be rescued, you idiot!" Emma shouted. "Let me go!"
"Sixer, she wanted us to die," Stan said.
"You wanted to meet cute girls," Ford said. "If this was that girl from the shop, you'd rescue her whether she wanted it or not!"
"What, is she your girlfriend now?" Stan asked, stepping on the gas as the cart rolled faster through the woods. Maybe he shouldn't have been trying to talk and drive with absolutely no prior experience, but, well, this was an important conversation.
"No!" The two kids (or kid-shaped people, in Emma's case) shouted at the same time.
"Return me to the gnomes!" Emma ordered.
Behind them came a loud stomping sound as a giant creature rose out of the trees. It was red and white, with razor-sharp teeth and claws. And it was made entirely out of gnomes. Ford screamed. Stan just said "dang."
"The gnomes have come to rescue me!" Emma rejoiced.
"All right," Jeff said from on top of the gnome colossus. "Teamwork, guys. Like we practiced."
"Drive!" Ford shouted, grabbing Emma's arm as she tried to jump out of the golf cart. "We're going thirty miles an hour!" Ford told her. He looked like he was about to puke. "If you jump out, you could die!"
"Come back with our queen!" The gnome colossus launched several small gnomes at the golf cart, which began to chew through the metal and attack the occupants. Including Emma.
"I'm on your side!" Emma yelled, pushing one away.
A gnome latched onto Ford's face and he screamed. Panicking for a second, Stan looked around uselessly, finally recovering his wits and punching it as hard as possible. The gnome fell off of Ford, who sighed in relief. "Thanks, Stan…" Well, at least Dad's boxing lessons had helped Stan save his brother. Maybe he did have a point about toughening Stan up.
"That crazy journal," Stan said, swerving to avoid another barrage of gnomes. "What does it say about gnomes?"
Ford flipped through the pages as fast as he could, wincing as one developed a small rip. "Uh, gnomes: little men of the Gravity Falls Forest. Weaknesses…oh, great."
Stan looked over his shoulder, nearly letting go of the steering wheel in shock. "Leaf blowers?! What the heck?"
"Well," Ford said. All Stan could think of was oh, no, because Ford was getting into his 'well, actually' mode. "I can actually think of a few highly specific situations in which gnomes would be vulnerable to leaf blowers. If, for example…"
"Watch out!" Stan interrupted as a grey-bearded gnome dropped from the ceiling, baring its teeth. Stan grabbed it and smashed it into the steering wheel before throwing it away. The gnome let out a dazed 'Shmebulock' and wandered off on the road.
"Let me out!" Emma shouted, kicking her legs. "They're attacking me too!"
"Because they think you're trying to escape!" Stan shouted. "Like you should be."
"I'm not trying to escape!"
"This is how they react if you run away!" Ford told her. "They're evil!"
"Let me go, you freak!"
Stan watched as Ford's eyes widened in shock, his grip on Emma's arm loosening. She prepared to jump out of the cart, whether it was safe to do so or not, but Stan saw the Mystery Shack looming up ahead and slammed his foot down on the break.
The cart screeched to a halt, toppling down on its side. The two children and the one not-really-a-child crawled out of it. Ford and Stan huddled close together while Emma stepped forwards.
"Come and rescue me, my husbands!" She yelled.
"Stay back!" Stan shouted, feeling a burst of bravery. He stepped forwards and threw the shovel like a javelin towards the giant gnome formation. It simply punched the shovel out of the air. "Wow," Stan said. That was a serious punch.
"Aaaah!" Ford screamed. "Wait, where's Grauntie Mabel?"
"We can't interrupt her on her tour!" Stan yelled, because for some reason, his mind decided this was the most rational response.
"We can't die either!"
"It's the end of the line, kids!" Jeff said as the gnome colossus loomed over the three small figures. Stan looked up at its pointy teeth and giant claws and oh, that thing was scary.
"There's got to be a way out of this!" Ford said.
Emma marched forwards. "I have returned!"
"Wonderful, my queen!" Jeff said. Emma turned and faced the group, hands on her hips. "Now, kids, one of you comes with us to be our sacrifice. I'll even be nice! The other gets to go free. Any preference, sweetie?"
Emma looked at them, then shrugged. "I don't care," she said. "Whichever of you wants to save your brother…"
"I've got to do this," Stan said. It was his job, after all. Keep Ford safe. And…and he wasn't actually going to die. Ford was the smart one, but in a crisis? Stan could think on his feet. He'd figure something out.
"What?" Ford asked. "No!" He stepped forwards.
"Sixer, what are you doing?" Stan asked.
"I'm older," Ford said.
"By fifteen minutes," Stan complained, before realizing what they were talking about. "And stop it! Come on, you can't actually let them sacrifice you!"
"Do you have any better plans?" Ford hissed.
Stan looked at Emma Sue. She looked…almost…sad. Two of the gnomes ran their hands through her hair as she stood at the side of the gnome colossus.
Maybe she was forty-eight now, but Emma Sue had been twelve when she'd agreed to live with the gnomes. Stan was twelve, and he liked to think that he was an adult, but he didn't want to end up held by all the decisions he made at this age.
"Yeah," Stan said, a plan forming in his mind. "I'll go."
"No!" Ford said. "I'm not letting you keep doing this! Standing between a bunch of bullies and me. I got kidnapped, not you. I can take care of myself!"
"Hah. This isn't a bunch of bullies, Ford. I'm not going to let you die. Just…just trust me. Everything will be alright."
"No, it won't."
Stan looked Ford in the eye, watching as his brother tried his best to make eye contact. "Trust me, Sixer."
Ford looked down at his shoes. After a moment, he looked past Stan's shoulder and jerked his head in a nod.
Stan stepped forwards. He had to sell this. "I accept my role in your great ritual, O gnomes. But first, I wish to know my…what's the word? The thing that comes before? Not ancestors, something about a bear?"
"Forbears?" Ford asked.
"Yep, that's it. Advantages of having a walking dictionary for a brother." Stan took a deep breath. The fancy-talk wasn't worth it, so he gave up on that. "I wanna know about all the other people you sacrificed. Three people, my brother said? I mean, I've never been that good at math. C'mon, Emma Sue. Tell me their names. Then I'll die so that you can keep living as a kid and have a bunch of gnome husbands."
"I—" Emma said.
"C'mon. Do you even know?" Stan asked. "'cos they died for this. It was worth it, apparently. Least you could do is…least you could do is remember their names. Or, apparently that's too hard. What about me? What's my name?"
Emma scrunched up her face. "Stop it!" She said, turning to the gnomes. "Just take him already!"
"You owe me this, huh?" Stan asked. "My name."
"Fine!" Emma said. "I don't know. What's your name?"
"Stanley Pines," he said. "My name's Stanley Pines, and I'm from Glass Shard Beach in New Jersey. I've got this knucklehead brother over here, and I've got another brother off fighting some stupid war in some stupid desert. His name's Shermie. He's got a girlfriend named Rachel and he's gonna marry her when he gets back. Already promised me that I could be ring bearer."
"Right," Emma said. "Take him!" Some gnomes from the giant formation began scrambling forwards.
"I don't know who the others were," Stan said, before the gnomes could reach him. "I don't know their names, but I'll make 'em up. People say I'm good at telling stories, though it's normally with a smack to the face. Maybe the last one was called, I dunno, Sarah Weeds, and she was here as a tourist with her son and mother. No dad, and her husband was, I dunno, on a business trip or something. She had a little brother named, uh, Max. He'd called her 'sis-sis' since their childhood because it had the same first letter as 'Sarah.' And her son knew everything in the world about trains. He'd tell her facts about 'em 24-7. Drove her insane, but she listened anyway. How close am I? Judging by your expression, not very close."
"And," Ford said, stepping forwards. "There was another kid, back in 1992." Stan smiled in spite of himself. So, Ford was getting it. Maybe they stood a chance. "His name was Richard Davidson, and he loved…and he loved to play the flute. Got teased mercilessly for it and called nasty names. Like…like nasty names. He had a crush on a kid in his class at school and was looking forward to it, even though school is boring. He was really looking forward to school. Because his crush and he had a new set of gel pens for taking notes that he wanted to use."
"Nice," Stan said. "Wanna correct us? Or tell us about the kid from thirty years ago?" He looked at Emma's face. She was glancing back at the gnomes, fists clenched at her side. Emma looked like she was about to fight something but didn't quite know what.
He was getting to her.
"I don't know," Emma said quietly. "But I think her name was Claire. Jeff found her by dressing up as Norman and lured her to a cliff, then took her back into the forest. She was very calm about it. Said she'd seen this happen in a dream."
"Three people," Ford said, stepping forward again and exchanging a glance with Stan. "Three people have died so you could keep living a nightmare."
"So…go on," Stan said. "You've got us cornered." He looked inside the shack where Mabel was staring at some sort of hypnotism wheel. "Our Grauntie can't help us. Go on, Emma Sue. Time to make it a fourth."
"Get…" Emma trailed off. Stan met her eyes, daring her to finish that sentence. That was the rule, when you were conning someone. Look them in the eyes and tell them the story they need to hear. Not just want. No, some people would recognize a lie that was too perfect. Tell them a story. The good parts and the bad parts, but engaging enough that they'll listen.
"Which of them d'you wanna use, sweetie?" Jeff asked. "I'm thinking the one with six fingers—maybe an extra anomaly will add to the ritual. Who knows?"
Stan watched Emma's gaze flicker back and forth between the two twins and the gnome colossus. He wanted to kill Jeff for bringing up Ford's extra finger—he could see how his brother flinched—but he had to wait. Hopefully, they weren't about to die.
"I—"
"C'mon," Jeff said. "Boy A or Boy B. Either one will do, it's not that hard. Or we could take both, I suppose."
"I—"
Stan looked at Ford, who'd huddled close to him. He put a hand around his brother's shoulders, then looked back at Emma Sue.
The girl—the woman—looked down at her right hand. Looked down at her right hand, which held a golden ring topped with three shining diamonds.
And then she began to cry.
Well, sort of cry. Stan could recognize fake tears when he saw them, and on a scale from one to ten, these were crocodiles.
"What is it, sweetie?" Jeff asked. "Come on, guys, help me down here. Oops, sorry about your head, Smebulock. I suspect it won't make a difference. Hi there, Carlson, thought you'd been eaten by Octavia. Oh, well. Looking…not good, Greg, get those leaves out of your hair or else you'll disgrace our lovely queen." Finally, he reached the bottom of the gnome formation and hopped over in front of Emma Sue. "How about you calm down, sweetie. Just tell us who you want us to kill in our life ritual, and everything will be alright!" He turned to one of the gnomes. "This is normal, right? Like, queens get mood swings near the end of the ten years. Right?"
"Smebulock," said the gnome.
"What? How did you…oh, never mind. Well, then, sweetie, who's going to die?"
"I—I can't stop crying," Emma said. "I—I need someone to comfort me."
"Right here!" Jeff said. "Kiss formation, here we go!" Two other gnomes formed a pyramid, raising Jeff up to Emma's level. He leaned in for a kiss and…
And Emma whipped out a leaf blower from behind her, shoving it in the gnome's face just as she turned it on. He was sucked in, screaming at the top of his tiny lungs.
"That's for making a twelve-year-old your queen!" Emma shouted.
Stan leaned over, a wicked grin on his face as he increased the power. "That's for killing three people!"
"And that's for messing with the Pines!" Ford said, turning up the leaf blower even further as he kicked away one of the two support gnomes.
"Ow, my face!" Jeff protested.
"Together?" Stan asked.
"Yep!" Ford agreed.
Emma smiled sadly. "On three," she said. "One, two, three!"
They switched the leaf blower mode, launching Jeff towards the gnome colossus. He hurtled through the air, screaming at the top of his lungs. Finally, he landed smack in the middle of the formation, which exploded into hundreds of tiny gnomes.
"Their hats," Ford whispered.
Somehow, none of them lost their hats.
"I'll get you back for this, sweetie!" Jeff yelled, as he flew into the distance.
"Who's giving orders?" Asked one of the gnomes. "I need orders!"
"My arms are tired!" Said yet another.
"Here's your orders, Manny, coming right from the queen herself," Emma said, stepping forwards. Her eyes were cold. "You go back to your forest. You never kill anyone again. And you find an adult to be your queen!"
"You are an adult," grumbled one of the gnomes.
"You want some more? Anyone else want some more?" Stan asked, brandishing the leaf blower. The remaining gnomes fled.
Emma watched them go, then turned back to the twins. "Highly specific situations, huh?"
But Stan had already stopped paying attention to her. Instead, he turned to his brother, who had almost gotten sacrificed to the gnomes because of him. "Hey, Sixer?" He said. "I, um, I'm sorry for ignoring your advice. You were trying to look out for me, and, hey, you were right. Well, kind of right."
"Stan, you're the one who saved my life!" Ford said. "And besides, we sort of kind of rescued a gnome queen? Plus, I learned so much about gnomes." He turned towards Emma Sue. "You think you can answer some more qu—" He froze. Stan followed his line of sight to see Emma holding up her ring in the air.
"I think this is gonna do something," she said, placing it on the ground. "Or it might not. But…it's worth a shot." Taking a deep breath, Emma raised one foot and stomped down on the ring, hard. The diamonds shattered into a million pieces with a burst of white light. Stan shielded his eyes.
When he looked again, Emma Sue was a lot taller and a lot older. She looked…she looked like a 48-year-old woman. Her light brown hair was streaked with grey and her face had developed smile lines and some wrinkles.
"Wow," Stan said.
"Wow," Emma Sue agreed. "I guess this is my cue to leave, huh?"
"What?" Ford asked. "You can't just go!"
"I've got family to find. Families. I'll have to…I'll have to figure something out about that. Tell the parents, at least, that…I don't know what I'll say."
"Uh, good luck." Stan said. There wasn't much else he could say to her. Ford seemed inclined to forgive Emma because she could answer his questions about science, but really? She'd been perfectly fine with them dying, right up until he'd given her a guilt trip. If Stan hadn't got there, Emma would've sacrificed Ford.
"Yeah," Emma Sue said. "Oh, here." She took two leaves out of her hair, handing them to Stan and Ford. "They're…well, they're magical, but they don't do anything. Their whole enchantment thing is literally just an enchantment with no effects other than making them enchanted. But they might come in handy one day. What do I know?" With that, Emma Sue walked off into the forest, disappearing into the trees.
"We…" Ford trailed off. "We should get back before Great Aunt Mabel notices we're missing."
"Yeah," Stan agreed. He wasn't really sure what to say after what just happened. But Ford looked sad, and he felt sad, so he had to say something. "Hey, we just kicked some serious gnome butt. And you've got tons of stuff to write about science."
"Yeah!" Ford's eyes lit up. "I was thinking that gnomes might actually be related to homo floresiensis."
Stan had absolutely no idea what that was. Maybe it lit up very brightly? No, that was fluorescent.
"High six?" Stan asked.
Ford grinned. "High six." The twins smacked their hands together triumphantly, and walked into the Mystery Shack.
Where Mabel was waiting.
She looked up to see them, and Stan kept himself from flinching, expecting a 'Where the hell have you been, I didn't say you could leave the shack, you're a lazy, good for—'
"Yeesh," Mabel said. "You two get hit by a bus or something? Ahaha!" Stan looked down at himself and then at his brother. Yep, they were a wreck. Stan was bruised from getting knocked around by the cart, and Ford's face was messed up from his scuffle with Smebulock and being kidnapped by 'Norman.'
By unspoken agreement, Stan and Ford began to walk away as fast as they could without appearing to be running.
"Uh, hey!" Mabel said. "Wouldn't you know it, I accidentally overstocked some inventory, so you two can each take one item from the gift shop. On the house!"
"Really?" Ford asked, his expression guarded.
"What's the catch?" Stan asked. There was always a catch. Maybe this was part of some really bizarre and confusing punishment for…for whatever Mabel thought they'd done to get this beat up.
"The catch is do it before I drench the merchandise irreparably in glitter. Now take something!" Stan shrugged. It actually seemed like Mabel was serious about this, and he was never one to turn down free stuff. Stan looked around the gift shop, eyes falling on a red fez with a strange fish-like symbol on it. He noticed Ford making a beeline for a large red journal.
Walking over to the fez, Stan jammed it on his head and looked at himself in a conveniently-placed mirror. He looked nice.
Did babes dig fezzes? They would if Stanley was wearing one!
"Huh," Mabel muttered to herself. "I would've chosen a grappling hook."
Later, Stan and Ford sat in their room. Stan was bouncing up and down on the bed, practicing his boxing moves and laughing at the way Ford cringed every time the bed creaked. Meanwhile, Ford had somehow found himself gold leaf and had traced an outline of his hand, gluing it onto the journal cover. He finished up writing.
"Hey," Stan asked, jumping off his bed and sitting next to his brother. "What's it say?"
Ford sighed. "Read it for yourself."
"C'mon," Stan complained. "I found that weird quilt for you." After they'd chosen items from the giftshop and restocked the snow globes, Stan had still felt bad about leaving Ford alone with Norman. So, he'd searched the house until he could find something that would help with Ford's sleep problem. Firstly, he'd opened up Ford's pillows and then added more stuffing. Then, he'd been found by Mabel searching for a less thin blanket. Thankfully, she hadn't said anything about being ungrateful, and had instead given him a large green quilt. That night, Stan had happily presented his it to Ford, who'd thanked him profusely.
"Oh, alright," Ford sighed, then began to read aloud. "This journal told me that there was no one in Gravity Falls I could trust. But when you battle a hundred gnomes side-by-side with someone, you realize that they've probably always got your back—even if you didn't expect it. And sometimes, you need to be willing to take a leap and trust someone, so that they can turn around and trust you. Our great aunt told us there was nothing dangerous about this town. But who knows what other adventures are waiting to be found?"
"Wow, Sixer. Sappy."
"Shut up!" Ford said.
Stan sighed, turning out the light and crawling into bed.
"I was going to read!" Ford protested.
"You should be tired!" Stan said. "We fought a bunch of gnomes! I went on a quest for a quilt so that you could get some rest."
"Alright. Goodnight, Stan," Ford whispered.
Outside, crickets chirped and frogs croaked as the town of Gravity Falls lay down to sleep.
"Goodnight, Sixer."
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So, I might keep going with this. I've got ideas, but not for every episode, and I'm worried about burning out on another long-term AU. If I do continue it, though, I wanted to gauge reader opinions on the Wendy plots. I've switched Dan with Wendy, because that makes sense au-wise. Plot-wise, it would also make sense to have the Wendy plotlines remain in place (with some changes to fit the characters). Shipping Ford with female characters feels really weird to me, so I won't do it. I can either keep the Wendy plot in place, with Ford crushing on Dan and eventually ending up with Fiddleford, or I can change it into a friendship plotline and make Ford aroace (no attraction, thus not shipping him with anyone). I would prefer the first, but I don't want to write stuff that people won't read. So, please let me know what you would prefer.