I've returned!
Sorry for the wait, I was dealing with a bit of an injury last week and didn't get a chance to write.
Enjoy my bittersweet goodness!
Ch 1: Baby Steps
He'd sit there for hours; constantly checking the temperature of the water, checking for a pulse, and gently working his brother's limbs and fingers to prevent any stiffness, in case he wakes up.
When he wakes up, The stubborn words shove aside the despair that came with his previous thought. He will wake up.
He sighs, knowing that once he starts thinking like this, he has to leave. Distract himself. He's developed this nasty habit of thinking terrible thoughts and worst case scenarios almost constantly, an unpleasant side effect to the chaos amongst their family these last few months.
The invasion of their home, witnessing their father beaten to a pulp and tossed down a drain, and the horror upon seeing his big brother thrown through a window, his body bruised, bloody, cold… mangled.
Shit. He has to get out. Distraction. He needs a distraction!
Maybe he can get everyone to train with him this morning?
Yeah, that'll do.
With one last glance at his brother's still form, Raphael leaves the bathroom, shutting the door softly behind him.
He nearly slaps himself, thinking he had been dreaming when Leo let out the softest of pained groans.
He hurriedly stands from the stool and leans over the tub, listening for any new sounds. "Leo?" He whispers, his voice desperate. Another soft moan of pain, hoarse and raspy. "Leo!"
Bleary and unfocused, steel blue eyes meet green for the first time in months. Leo closes them again, thankful for the dim light of whatever room he's in. His whole body feels heavy, and after a moment of trying to fully wake up, he realizes it's numb. He opens his eyes to squint once more, his mind trying to piece together where he is and who's with him.
His head feels like it's underwater; his sight and hearing are heavily dulled. He manages to catch a glimpse of red on the turtle leaning in front of him, helping him figure out that the muffled, distorted voice and blurry form belonged to his hot-headed brother.
He licks his lips, his mouth feeling like it's been stuffed with cotton. He tries to speak, not prepared for the pain that comes with it. "R… ph," He croaks with a wince.
"Shut up. Don't talk. I've got ya, man," Raphael's voice borders on both broken and elated as he holds his left hand. When he grabbed it, Leo doesn't remember, though he weakly squeezes Raph's hand as a silent thanks.
"LEO!"
Mikey hurls himself towards the tub, hugging Leo like his life depends on it. Pain jolts through him, the numbness from waking up quickly fading away, forcing himself to speak and get his youngest brother off of him. Raph saves him from the bone-crushing hug, offering his hand to help him out of the now draining water.
He immediately realizes something's very wrong.
He tries to grip the lip of the tub to help himself stand, but his arm feels like rubber. Flimsy, weak, and definitely unable to hold himself up. Raph puts his arm under Leo's right, bearing a good amount of his weight as he stands. Upon trying to use his legs, he belatedly realizes he's starting to feel everything. They're just like his arms, except one is far, far more painful to use. He's so out of it, he's not even sure which one it is yet.
It's like an alarm is going off in his mind, trying to get him to react, but all he can do is let out a pained hiss and squeeze his eyes shut.
"Mikey, get his other side, come on!"
He feels the support on his left side help him up. Now he's sort of standing, mostly leaning heavily forward on the shoulders of Raph and Mikey.
"You good, bro?!" Mikey asks in a worried tone. Leo and Raph shoot him a glare simultaneously. "Okay, yeah, that was a dumb question."
Donnie moves in front of Leo, his arms out just in front of him. "Easy, Leo, think you can step out of the tub?"
"Can try," He whispers. He tries lifting his left leg first, grimacing as shooting pain races up his right leg. Alright. Now I know which one to favor.
"Leo, you need some more help?" April offers her hand at the sight of his pained face, but lowers it when he shakes his head.
"I'm okay, leg just... hurts," He takes a deep breath and attempts to lift his right leg. Thankfully, despite how much it hurts to lift it, he's able to get it out of the tub. He sucks in a harsh breath when his toes hit a shaggy rug, admittedly a little scared of this next step. He… Yeah, he needs to ask for help with this. "I… I can't-"
"It's alright, Leo," Donnie reassures him, resting his hands on Leo's sides. "Put all of your weight on Raph, he can keep your leg off the ground. Mikey, you help him get his leg out of the tub."
"Gotcha, D!"
Raph grunts, doing his best to lift Leo off his bad leg as Mikey quickly gets Leo's good leg back underneath him. Once it's beneath him, Raphael gently eases him back down on it, likely wondering if it can even hold him up.
And the answer is barely.
His body feels heavier than lead, barely able to move. His thoughts are scrambled and his senses are dull, screwing with his ability to focus. Worst of all, the constant ache and occasional stabs of pain in his right leg are starting to make him keel over, the need for it to 'go away!' wailing like a siren at the forefront of his mind.
He feels something soft rubbing him down as his family's voices softly echo throughout the bathroom. Why do they sound so far?
He needs to focus. Where is he? In a bathroom. Who is he with? My brothers, April, and I think Casey is by the door. And lastly, why is he here, sleeping in a tub?
Why does his body feel so weak… and why does his brain feel like mush?
He must've had a concussion and been out for a few days. He knows head injuries can be dangerous.
He probably scared them, considering how excited they seemed to see him awake.
"-nardo!" Huh? "Leooooo!"
His eyes try to zero in on the figure beside him, only just noticing the gentle hand lightly tapping his cheek. "Hm?"
"Ease up, Mikey. He just woke up; he's gonna be disoriented for a bit," Donatello reappears in front of him, tossing a damp towel on top of the toilet. Ah. That's what the soft thing was. "Leo? We're going to take you downstairs, think you can try walking? Raph and Mikey will hold on to you."
Leo dumbly nods, his mind rolling around the word 'downstairs'. Are they in a house?
As they start helping him limp forward and out of the bathroom, his squinted eyes try their best to take in his surroundings. The dim lighting of the landing illuminates a narrow hallway, a few doors, and a staircase leading down to an entryway.
As they ease him down the stairs, their voices start getting quiet again- whispers going through one ear and out the other. A tiny part of himself says that he should probably be paying attention, but a giant part is desperately pulling him further away- away from the throbbing, the exhaustion, and something else he can't quite pinpoint.
He's forgetting something… Something important.
A memory tries to break the surface of his mind, drowning in cold, white waves. He tries to pull it out, reaching for whatever's eluding him... But each time he brushes close to it, it buries itself deeper.
Like it's hiding. Scared. But why?
What exactly is he missing, and why does his stomach churn at the thought of finding out?
The sudden lack of arms holding him up snaps him back to reality. He jolts, his arms shooting out to grasp for the nearest source of leverage in a blind panic.
"Dude, chill!"
"We're just settin' ya down, Leo."
He blinks rapidly as his grip slackens, allowing his brothers to sit him down on a couch. Thankfully for them, due to his weakened state, his normally vice-like grip was nothing more than a light squeeze.
He looks around the room as everyone makes themselves comfortable, a million questions racing through his mind- far too fast for his sluggish brain to comprehend. He decides to focus on the one that caught his attention earlier. "So, where are we exactly? Whose house is this?" His voice comes out low and raspy, so he tries to clear it. Maybe I'm just thirsty?
"This is my family's old farmhouse," April answers, sitting on the armrest to his left. "My dad and I stopped living here a long time ago, but we still visit from time to time to escape the city. I thought it'd be a good spot to stay until you were better."
"That was a good idea, April," Leo praises her with a tired smile. "Thanks for letting us stay here."
April smiles back as she rests her hand on Leo's shoulder, "Of course! You know you're all like family to me."
"Awe, April!"
"Damn, that's mushy."
"Family, huh? Can I be the husband?"
"We're not playing 'House', Casey, back off," Donnie scolds as he reenters the living room. Casey rolls his eyes and tries to trip him, but Donatello calmly steps over it as he nears the eldest. He kneels in front of Leo, putting aside his medical equipment. "Mind if I go ahead and look you over, Leo?"
"Not at all, Don-" Leonardo clears his throat again, the gravelly sound of his voice starting to bother him a little. "Go right ahead."
Donnie nods and gets to work, checking practically every part of him, asking questions with every check. "How does this feel?"
"Stiff."
"Does this hurt?"
"A little."
"Can you move this?"
"Yep," Leo answers honestly, easily sensing the stress that his little brother seems to be under. Man, I must've really scared them. His eyes, still a little blurry, once again scan everyone in the room. Every single person has their eyes on him, and truth be told, it's making him a little wary. The question slips out of his mouth before he can think it over, "So, how long was I out?"
He's pretty sure the entire room just stopped breathing; even Donatello froze at the question. That's not a good reaction. "Guys?"
Donnie shakes his head, regaining his composure once more. "Leo, I think it'd be best if-"
"Three months."
"Raph!"
"Ya don't have t' coddle him, Don! If he asks, we answer."
"I'd rather him find out something like that when he isn't half conscious!"
"Guys! Not the time!" April tries to cut into the boys' argument before it can escalate. "Leo's right there!"
But Leo wasn't listening; his brain had stopped functioning as soon as he processed Raphael's words.
He wasn't just out for a few days, or even a week.
He was out for months.
Suddenly, their constant nearness, their worry, his weakened body and weary mind… It all clicks in an instant.
They weren't just waiting for him to heal.
They were waiting for him to wake up.
He looks around at everyone once again, wishing his eyes would just fucking focus! He can't see the details of their faces, he can't tell if their eyes are tired, he can't see if they've been taking care of themselves in his absence, he… he can't-!
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
He needs to keep it together. He can keep it together.
That's all he's ever done, and that's what he'll continue to do.
It took everything in the younger brothers to not burst into tears upon seeing Leonardo awake. Raphael and Mikey barely said anything, allowing Donnie to enter Doctor Mode and disconnect from his elation.
Leo's question broke him out of it, though.
Raph stares at Leo as he breaks out of a trance, suddenly feeling guilty about dropping a bomb like that so quickly. He prefers ripping off the band-aid, but maybe he should've let Donnie finish…
He just wants to tell him everything. Everything that's been eating at them all during this time. Everything he's missed.
He missed their 17th mutation day. He missed the start of Mikey's new favorite show. He missed Donnie's endless nights working on his mutagen medicine. He missed witnessing April's increased skills as a kunoichi. He missed Casey's growth in being more responsible. He missed Raphael's attempt at taking on the leadership role, encouraging his brothers to train regularly again. But more than anything…
They missed him.
His stupid puns. His orders. His smile. His voice.
But seeing Leo so weak, tired, and just… so out of it, he realizes that none of that is here.
Their fearless leader is still gone, sitting on an old couch looking lost, confused, defeated-
"He sustained damage to the throat- and everywhere else for that matter-"
He notices Leo's eyes widen at that, just before doubling over, a pained grunt leaving his lips. Donnie reaches down and pulls out a glowing bottle. "Here, give this a try-"
When the Hell did he finish that?! Raph hopes that Donnie isn't handing Leo an unfinished experiment, and that fear escalates when Leo gags on it, spurring Raphael to his feet. Maybe it just tastes bad. Medicine never tastes good.
He squishes himself up next to Leo, something out of the ordinary for him, but Leo seems to welcome the sudden side hug in a heartbeat. "First thing tomorrow, we'll start training again, you and me!"
Leo weakly smiles at that, but only for a moment. A vacant look replaces it immediately.
"No, no training! At least, not whatever you have planned," Donatello stands in front of them both, arms crossed.
Raph shoots him a glare. "And why not? I was just planning on a walk!"
Donnie slaps his palm on his face with an annoyed groan, "Raph, I think you have failed to notice a major flaw in that plan. Leo can't walk!"
"We can make him a crutch!"
"He won't be able to hold it. He's atrophic, Raph! He needs to build up his muscle again, with small exercises."
Raphael looks away, hating to admit that the genius is right. "Fine. Small stuff. I'll help him with the small stuff first," He meets Donnie's eyes then. "Just show me what to do."
Donatello gives him a small smile. "Of course."
Leo tries to focus on their words, but Donnie's vague explanation about his throat stuck with him.
Is this going to be his voice forever? No… Surely not. It's probably just from disuse. He'll sound like his old self in time. Right?
Hopefully Donnie's terrible medicine will help with that.
Sure, having a deeper voice would be cool and all. Maybe his brothers will take him more seriously if he sounds more mature, but… this isn't his voice! Everything feels so unfamiliar to him right now, and even his voice is strange, of all things!
I know I just woke up… But I could really use a nap right about now.
"When do you think he'll start walking again?" April's voice draws him out of another stupor. He hopes that this won't become a regular occurrence.
"That's the tough part. I'll have to do a deeper scan of his leg and figure out what's wrong from touch and feedback alone," Donnie kneels in front of him once again, moving to touch Leo's right knee. "I was hoping it'd be healed by now, but that doesn't seem to be the case."
Leo doesn't hide his worry as he presses Donnie on, "What's wrong with it?"
Everyone looks surprised at that, even causing Mikey to speak up, "Dude, you don't remember?"
Leo shakes his head and looks down at his right leg, a deep frown taking over his features. He doesn't remember how his leg came to be injured. Nothing.
Donnie gives him a sympathetic look. "If that's the case, I'll need your help figuring out what's wrong. I need to identify exactly where it's hurting, and how much it hurts, okay? If it gets to be too much, we can continue tomorrow."
Leo silently nods, his jaw clenching hard. Donnie nods back, proceeding to look over his leg once more. "It was badly dislocated, that much I was able to fix," He takes a gentle hold of Leo's ankle, absentmindedly pressing down in certain spots, gouging Leo's reactions. "But I could tell that there was something else wrong with it, even back then… I just had no way of treating it. I'm sorry."
Now it's Leo's turn to be surprised. "You don't need to be sorry, Don. You did what you could, and I'm grateful for that."
Donnie flinches at his words, then carries on like he said nothing. Something must be bugging him, and if Leo knows anything about his family, it's that they all have guilt complexes when it comes to each other's injuries, especially himself.
He can only imagine how Donatello handled his coma, probably losing himself in some sort of miracle cure…
Like mutagen medicine.
He eyes the corked bottle lying next to him on the couch. He'll take it, for Donnie's sake- when his stomach isn't doing somersaults, at least.
A flash of pain races up his leg. His eyes slam shut as a hiss leaves his mouth, his hands clawing the edge of the seat.
"On a scale of one to ten-"
"Seven," Leo answers instantly, forcing his eyes open to squint down at Donnie's fingers just beneath his knee. He resists the urge to groan. Will seven be the highest or lowest? He's afraid of finding out. "K-keep going."
A hand rests against his arm- Raphael's, he assumes- as Donnie continues gently feeling around Leo's leg. The lack of toned muscle makes it easier for Don to feel the bone and skeletal muscles underneath. He bites back an apology for every flinch Leo makes, but just when he's about to reach for Leo's knee, a whisper stops him.
"Wait."
He looks up at Leo, his brows furrowing at the sight of his injured brother's glassy eyes looking hard at the ceiling.
"Let's continue this tomor-" Donnie starts, but Leo stops him with a raised hand.
"No, no, I'm- I'm okay," He breathes in deep through his nose and out his mouth. Labored breathing. Which means that it must really hurt. "We should get this over with, right? Better now than later."
Donatello rolls his eyes at that, but complies nonetheless. He wants this over and done with, too. He does his best to feel around as gently as possible, grateful upon noticing Leo relax once he reaches his thigh. "I'm guessing most of the pain is centered around the knee. Thankfully, there doesn't seem to be any broken bones, but…" He moves to the side, lifting up Leo's calf to straighten out his leg. "Mind if I try rotating it?"
Leo's breathing hitched when he lifted it, but he nods anyway, making Donnie worry about what his next reaction might be. But if his theory is correct…
Leo's yelp makes everyone jump, "OW, ow ow ow, ten!" Leo's raspy voice cracks painfully as he instinctively rips his leg from Donnie's grip. "That's a ten! I'm done!" A low groan turns into a whimper as he pushes his head back into the couch, uselessly trying to ease the stabbing pain shooting through his leg.
"I'll get him some ice!" April quickly runs from the living room before anyone can reply.
Donnie sets to work on tightly wrapping Leo's entire knee and part of his shin, giving out orders all the while, "Mikey, go get him some water. Casey, go grab the pain meds. He's gonna need 'em."
The two obey without a word, racing to get their designated items. Raphael holds onto Leo's shaking arm, his face lined with worry as the maskless turtle starts to take deep, wheezing breaths. "What do ya think is wrong with it?"
Donatello secures the final bandage before easing Leo's still-seizing leg back onto the floor, the tightness of the bandages keeping it as straight as possible. Donnie decides to not hold back the truth about the severity of the matter. If his leg is injured badly enough, and they aren't careful, his leg may never be the same again- at least, not without professional surgery… Something they don't have access to.
"I'm positive there must be something torn in his knee. The best we can do is the RICE method for now, and to avoid any further stress on the injury. Which means-'' Donnie turns to Leo, a pained grimace still marring the elder's features. "Do not try and push yourself until the pain is manageable without meds, capiche?"
Leo gives him a silent nod, his eyes still shut tight as the pain ebbs into a persistent throb.
"Is anyone else worried about his memory? How do you not remember dislocating your leg?!" Casey harshly whispers in the kitchen, not long after Leo passed out on the couch.
"His memory? How about the zoning out thing? It's like he's not even there, yo!" Mikey has difficulty keeping his volume down, causing the rest of the family to loudly shush him. "Don't shush me! It's freakin' me out!"
"We know, Mikey, we know," Donnie rests both his hands on Michelangelo's shoulders, trying to ease the youngest's stress. "As I told you all before, even minor head injuries can be serious, not to mention his brain hasn't been properly functioning in a long time. He's going to need a little while before he's fully functioning, so let's try and keep stressful conversations to a minimum," Donnie crosses his arms and shakes his head low. "After telling him the extent of his current injuries plus the whole… coma situation? He's gonna need a bit of down time."
"But what if he asks?" Raphael grumbles, pacing the kitchen. "He's gonna notice real quick that we're dodging topics, and that'll either piss him off or stress him out more. You know how he is."
"Answer him," April states, flipping another page of one of her Dad's old psychology books. "Delicately, for now at least, and if he starts to remember what happened, talk him through it."
"Why are we using that again?" Casey leans back further on the kitchen chair. "How does psychology play into a concussion?"
April resists the urge to scoff, reminding herself that not everyone has a psychologist for a parent. "Because it's not just physical. Being attacked or badly harmed has a lasting impact on a person's psyche, instilling stuff like phobias and triggers. His memory loss could be either from his concussion or from whatever happened to him before he was thrown through my window by our worst enemies."
Raph's growl sounds through the kitchen, "I swear if I ever see those bastards again, I'll-!"
The kitchen erupts into another flurry of shushes.
"We get it, bro," Mikey lovingly tosses his arm around Raphael's shoulders, hoping to ease his big brother's tension. "We're mad at 'em, too."
Casey watches the family with a curious eye, the melancholic tone feeling out of place. Their brother is awake, for fuck's sake! "Well, let's look on the brightside guys," He grins, catching them all off-guard. "At least he's awake and remembers us, right?"
Slowly, the other four teens all begin to grin, too. Soft, content smiles.
That simple joy is something they can all agree on.
They'd moved him to the master bedroom downstairs, seeing that it'd be difficult for him to go up and down the stairs even with help.
He stares up at the dark ceiling, trying to focus on the soft exhales from his brothers, hoping to bring himself a sense of peace.
His earlier nap helped with his mind fog greatly, but it continues to linger at the corners of his mind. He feels jumpy, like something is going to spring out and attack him.
This is a new feeling for him- at least, while he's been in a safe space.
It's probably the new environment. Yeah, that must be it.
He takes another deep breath and pulls the covers over his chest, but pauses, feeling something odd tracing across his plastron. He slowly pulls down the blanket and raises his right hand, rubbing against it.
There are… Indents… In his chest.
Fighting to control his breathing- how did he not notice this before?!- two digits trace the short, shallow crevices along his plastron. Something had grazed him and left a scar.
But what?
That cold feeling returns once again as he searches for something in the back of his mind. The thrashing waves have eased, giving him a chance to finally reach for the blasted thing he's been forgetting.
His chest seizes as the memory surges up to greet him, an image of floating white and a glint of blades before nothing.
Oh.
That's what he forgot.
I was ambushed...
A frigid flare flashes through his body.
By Shredder...
He shakingly pulls the blanket back over him, trying his damndest to clear his mind and lose himself in his brothers' quiet breaths.
Come on, Fearless! The words sound through his head in his old voice. That's something else he's scared of losing. No! Don't think about it! This is nothing. I'm okay. This is nothing.
He turns his head over to Mikey, softly snoring next to him on the large bed. Memories of when Mikey would run to his room after a nightmare and ask to sleep with him help overtake his racing thoughts.
He's okay.
This is nothing.
Hope everyone enjoyed the pain!