Chapter 2 - There Lived A Bird Who Was Just So Sad

Once upon a time,

In a tiny little town,

In a tiny little house,

where no one came around,

There lived a bird who was just so sad.

"Am I happy?

"Don't ask me!"

His response to Ryouga's words back in that first big fight, intended as a crappy joke all those months ago had started to haunt him lately.

Nerima had been unusually quiet in the past few months. Ever since that… incident with Saffron, some of the usual suspects had backed off. Slightly. His life was still a joke. A tangled mess of honour-bound relationships, assaults and fights. A fiancée-filled, never ending chaos. He'd long given up on trying to control the madness that his life had begun. The only thing he could really do is dodge the worst of it.

Ranma Saotome sighed as he looked up from the Tendou Dojo roof at the stars. The relative quiet had given him something he'd not had for months. Time to think. Thinking, as many will know, when it involves Ranma is usually either bad or earth-shattering for someone. Usually him. But since the wedding fiasco he'd had more and more time to think.

And it was driving him mad.

"Am I happy?"

Could he be happy? He mentally listed the things wrong with his life.

Engagements.

Akane's jibes and insults. Her violence when his chronic foot-in-mouth syndrome reared its head. Granted that would be his fault but did she have to hit so often?

Shampoo and her myriad issues not to mention turning into a c-c-c-feline quadruped. (He'd made some progress on mastering his fear, paltry though said progress was. He could now, confidently, say the word c-c-c-c-cat once in about twenty times without stammering for a full minute!)

Always on edge, always fighting.

What good was there in his life?

He snorted. What a dumb question. There was good, even if it seemed hidden sometimes with all the madness that circled him.

There was Akane. Despite their fights and her tendency to mallet, they were friends. When she smiled his heart fluttered and he let it, even if Pops'd call him a pathetic girly man for it.

Kasumi was like the big sister he'd never, ever had. Sweet, kind and nurturing. On the few times he'd needed to talk without anyone seeing or hearing, he'd spoken to her and she'd always steered him right.

Even Nabiki, her mercenary tendencies aside, treated him like a little brother. The Tendou sisters treated him like he was part of a… well, part of a…

Like a family.

"Pops never made me feel like that. Not once." He said quietly to himself. Even Akane had in a way, they certainly bickered like sisters.

Maybe he could stay as a girl for a while, see how that worked out if he could shut his big mouth. They could be sisters and maybe he'd not have to get malleted so often.

Wait.

Wait.

What?

Ranma's hands clawed at his head from where it rested on his arms. No. It was the curse talking. Had to be. Not the first time it had tried to do this. Feeling right when he changed, that sort of thing?

Right?

He decided for now to skip that last thought because it hit his insecurities that little bit too much.

For good things, even Ryouga, who set this whole chain of thought off was more like a friendly rival than an enemy and he always looked forwards to the few times they could just… hang out, instead of fighting.

Sometimes he wished he didn't have so much fighting. The Art was great, sure, but he was starting to get sick of fighting. It wasn't worth the constant harassment.

His eyes went wide.

He dropped off the roof and went into the house. It was quiet.

Kasumi had gone… somewhere. He didn't know where. Pop was elsewhere, probably got spooked by the last time Mom had come and wanted to get away. He sighed. Really needed to sort that out.

Soun was also out, but that was his regular work with the council keeping him late. Akane was… Somewhere. Kami-sama only knew where. Talking with Akane was… well the best way to put it was dodge training. It didn't help that he had chronic foot-in-mouth syndrome that he'd at long last acknowledged.

He'd wanted to talk to Kasumi, but she was gone. He felt a need to talk to someone. It was rare for him to want to talk to someone let along need to articulate his thoughts and he didn't want to let the feeling go. Somehow, he sensed that it was necessary to do it, like his life would take a turn for the worse if he didn't. And it was already bad enough.

Swallowing, he realised everyone being out left only one person to talk to, and she'd probably charge by the microsecond.

Nabiki.

Beggars couldn't be choosers but just maybe this time he shouldn't-

Tentatively he reached out to the mercenary girl's door and knocked.

While Ranko described her thought process for that night, Ryouga once again found himself feeling that rare thing. Sympathy for Ranm- Rank- Saotome. As she was describing what had started all this, she'd seemed to retreat from what he'd been seeing into something more like a whipped dog. And it didn't work. She'd been so confident just a moment ago.

Nabiki made an unhappy waving motion and stood up. "I don't wanna be sober when you're talking about my one moment of weakness in this life, Ranchan." She said. "Pretty sure you don't want to be either."

She disappeared to the bar, and Ryouga looked at Ranko's defeated face again. She played with her fingers on the bar, swirling liquid around. She looked almost ashamed.

The thunk of the pitcher landing made him jump and the scent of alcohol in it made Ryouga's eyes widen.

"First one's on me tonight, kiddoes!" Nabiki declared.

"You guys… have been drinking?"

"Nabs has," Ranko said, shrugging and losing some of her funk. "I mean, I've been drunk a few times, but it's mainly been either by accident or because some asshat was hitting on a pretty girl." She smiled. "Said pretty girl bein' little ol' me."

Ryoga wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or start shaking her to bring things back to normal. This was so far out of his comfort zone it wasn't even funny anymore.

The huge clock on one wall ticked and then twelve bell rings sounded out. "Well guess what?" Nabiki grinned at Ranma as a large glass was placed in front of her by a waiter, and the mercenary girl poured a glass from the pitcher for Ryouga. "Happy birthday, girlfriend!" She said brightly. "You just turned nineteen!"

Ranko blinked. Then she looked over at the wall clock that had dates on it. April 1st. So she had. "…Oh. Huh. Yeah. I forgot about that…" She shrugged. "…Never really celebrated. Last time was not too far from Saffron and all that stuff, then there was talkin' to you, then Mom, then all that time at Himeko… Just never came up I guess."

Ryouga blinked. Who was Himeko?

Nabiki grinned at Ranko. "Oh, I know Ranchan. That's why tonight is the m-"

"Don't say those words, Nabs…" Ranko growled. Nabiki winked mischievously. "Those are not words to say lightly. They're bad luck."

"Martial Arts Birthday Celebration!"

Ranko tensed up as if expecting something to happen. When a waiter plonked down another drink in front of her and another placed a giant ice cream sundae with fudge and chocolate sauce, she jumped about three feet off the stool with a shriek. Nabiki burst out laughing at her.

"Happy birthday, you dork!" The middle Tendou girl beamed. "It's only a jinx if you let it be!"

"Seriously Nabs, them words are cursed to all hell." Ranko groaned, burying her face in her hands. A small smile flitted across her face at Nabiki though. "…but thanks, Nabs."

Ryouga scratched his head, confused but took a sip of his drink. His eighteenth had gone by without much fanfare. Hard to have fanfare when you're spending it in Mongolia.

Ryouga made a face like it tasted awful. But it wasn't the drinks that made the foul taste in his mouth. "I. Ugh. I agree with Ranm-" He saw her shoulders tense. "Ranko. Sorry."

"S'alright."

"But they are cursed words."

Ranko giggled. "Ain't they just the cursiest words you ever heard? Everythin' back in that madhouse were 'Martial Arts Walkin' To School' or 'Ma-'" Her voice stopped a moment. "I ain't temptin' fate. 'Emm Ayy Cheese Eatin' Championships' or some stuff like that, yanno?"

"Your language went right down south again, Ranchan." Nabiki commented.

"Ah suck it, Nabs, Mom ain't here." Ranko grumbled.

"Doesn't mean I don't get to tattle on you when we get back from this place." Nabiki smiled and stretched. Ryouga looked away. At least he was starting to get used to the sight of the two of them, or he'd be embarrassing himself more.

Ranko held her fingers up. "Naw, ya don't get to tattle." She drawled. "Ya gotta 'member, Nabs. 'Vegas Rules'. You taught me that."

Nabiki laughed and gave Ranko a proud look. "I guess I did, Ranchan. Well remembered."

"Anyway," Ranko said, seeming to slip back into the more feminine speech pattern she'd been speaking when he'd first seen her here almost automatically. "Things like 'Emm Ayy Tea Ceremonies'. Kami, why can't people just do a normal tea ceremony?"

Ryouga felt like he was following half a conversation. "…'Vegas Rules'?"

Nabiki grinned at him. "It's our pact. 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.' This whole trip's under the rule. Unless we both agree to talk about it. You're gonna have to be a part of it, pig boy."

"Could you maybe stop calling me-" he asked a little plaintively.

Her look turned to steel. "No." Ryouga swallowed and looked down.

"R-right."

Ranma picked her drink up and took a long sip. "Oh, this is good, Nabs. How'd you figure I liked that strawberry liqueur?"

Nabiki fanned herself. "Well, a girl has her secrets, but mostly just watching. You like sweet stuff."

"Yeah… Sake makes me go ick. No idea why Pops drinks so much of it."

"'Cause your father is a wastrel alcoholic with some really bad habits and attitudes not out of place a few hundred years back?"

"Well, except that." Ranma took another long sip, looking at the treat Nabiki had ordered. "Never really celebrated a birthday before…" She started in on the sundae. With sparklers lit and a 'happy birthday!' sign on it in English, it was approximately half her size, with so many different types of ice cream and chocolate cake that Ryoga felt ill just looking at it.

What really made him feel ill was watching Ranko consuming the sundae. Ordinarily that would be because putting food in front of a Saotome was akin to throwing stuff into a blender with hole at the bottom. It just disappeared and sprayed the area around it with debris. Not this time. She ate it a small bit at a time, all ladylike spoonfuls and delicate movements, and making noises that made him start getting bothered again.

He shifted in his seat.

Nabiki's eyes wandered over him knowingly, then went over Ranko eating, a smirk on her face. She shook her head. "Since missy here's going to be busy for at least a few minutes, possibly longer given those foodgasm noises, I'll take over."

Nabiki Tendou sat in her combination office/room/data storage and thought. Thinking wasn't a rare thing in Nabiki's life. She thought constantly. One had to be on edge to one-up the people she was used to doing, though with the lull in fiancée drama lately she'd pushed back some of her operations.

Nabiki liked money, and she liked her reputation. Quite how she'd gone from knowing a couple of secrets and running a couple of betting pools to apparently being a master spy was beyond her, but people at school before she'd graduated had started treating her like she was omniscient.

Naturally she'd not done anything to discourage this reputation. It amused her no end.

Tonight's thinking though was partly about the past, and partly about the future.

It all boiled down to that farcical wedding. For once from one of the many things she'd done, she felt bad about that. Ranma had changed over time from an annoying lodger who did jack-all about the house to almost…

Well, almost a little brother. Still annoying but he's family, so what can you do?

Thankfully, while she wasn't as super clever as everyone seemed to think, nor was she particularly wanting to become yakuza, she'd been considering ways that she could at least help him map the chaos.

A knock at her door made her look up and she opened it to see said boy standing there. Contrary to his usual macho-jock, self-assured face, he looked almost… unsure. A part of her wanted to take advantage of it, but the part of her that wanted to make reparations for the wedding fiasco overruled it. That had gotten so far out of hand that even with the money she'd made she'd actually felt bad.

Especially when Ranma had looked at her after, like she'd just kicked a puppy in front of him.

She didn't like the feeling that look evoked in her. It made her want to apologise profusely.

Ranma rubbed the back of his head nervously as he looked at Nabiki. "H-hey. Um." He said quietly. Nabiki eyed him.

"Saotome. I hope this isn't a stupid plan you're enacting." She said and he shook his head. "Good. What can I do you for?"

He looked confused at the wording but muttered something. At her arch look he cleared his throat. "Can… can we talk?" He asked, a little plaintively. Her eyebrow arched further.

She considered a moment. "Sure. No charge." She said, stepping back to let him in. He sat gingerly on the bed while she sat at her desk. "What's eating you? I've noticed you on the roof talking to yourself a lot."

"Oh, just… stuff." He said, drawing knees up to his chest. He'd somehow moved to squatting on the bedpost when she sat down. Nabiki shook her head. Martial artists. Gods she was sick of living with martial artists.

Ranma always did seem to prefer high-up places now that she thought on it. The roof, a bedpost, fences, walls, roofs. Perhaps there was more to it like a sense of security. The mercenary part of her whispered to use it as leverage but she put it down. Now was not the time if he had been brave and/or desperate enough to come to her for help.

"That's pretty vague, Ranma." She said, folding her arms.

"Y-yeah well… Maybe this wasn't such a good…" He started moving from the post.

Nabiki shook her head. "Stay there, I've got things to tell you myself." He looked at her curiously, and she smiled her cold smile. "I actually wanted to apologise."

"…What d'ya want?" He asked automatically. She stared.

"I guess I deserve that."

"Well?" Ranma asked, not budging and Nabiki shook her head.

"No, I mean it. I'm sorry. I've treated you like garbage and tried to justify it to myself for any number of reasons, but there's really no excuse. So. What have you been thinking while moping about up there?"

Ranma looked down. "Er…"

Nabiki shrugged. "Suit yourself, Saotome, but you looked like you needed someone to talk to before you exploded everywhere."

"Am I happy?" He blurted out. "I… don't know. If I am, I mean."

Nabiki looked confused. "Are you… happy?"

He bowed his head. "Y-yeah. I don't get it. Y'see Ryouga was here the other day again, and he was spoutin' off his greatest hits of sayin's. And one hit me from back when he first turned back up 'I'll destroy your happiness'. Back then I asked 'Kane whether I was, cuz it was a shitty joke." He pursed his lips. "…Only, I don't think it was a joke, yanno?"

Nabiki looked thoughtful. "You're saying you're unhappy?"

He made a chuffing noise not unlike his father's panda form and moved down to the bed, looking ashamed. "I… dunno. Yes. No. Maybe? I tried listin' good things but they jus'… I dunno." He looked more ashamed. "Ain't that dumb? Sure I've got loads to be thankful for but… I dunno if I'm happy about it."

"Mmhmm." Nabiki said, shifting on her chair. "Ranma, what do you want?"

"I-" he began. "H-help from-" She waved a hand at him irritably.

"No, not from me right now. From life. You know, what're your dreams?"

"To be the best martial artist ever!" He tried to light up, but it didn't seem to work. And he deflated pretty much immediately.

"That's your dad's one. And aren't you kind of already getting there?" Nabiki pointed out. "That and all that 'man amongst men' crap, though I guess having a seppuku pledge does make him want to get that one down pat. What does it even mean?"

Ranma looked at her. "You're… right. About the martial arts thing." He frowned. "And that… you know, it is vaguely worded…"

Nabiki pressed further. "So what do you want to do with your life, Saotome? Forget your asshole dad, forget all this crap with engagements, forget anything else. What do you want to do with your life?"

"I…" He looked more ashamed than he had before, and she was surprised to see tears on his face. "I don't know."

"Good." Nabiki said.

"Good?"

"It's the only wise answer, if you've only put that paltry amount of thought into it."

He wiped his eyes, frowned and then looked at her. "Have you got some water? I'll feel better as a girl for this. You know," He laughed nervously, "I almost thought tonight maybe I should stay as a girl for a while and see if I fight with Akane less." He laughed more nervously. "I mean she beats her sisters up way less."

Nabiki stared. It lasted a while. Finally she winced. "Hoo boy. I've not been looking forwards to this talk." She said. He looked confused. "You." She pointed. "Stay there. No running away. I think we've got some stuff to talk about, Saotome."

She disappeared for about ten minutes, and returned with a tray. On it were several glasses. "I wanna try something while you're in a thinking mood, Ranma." She said. He eyed the tray.

"What?" He asked, before she poured the cold glass over him.

Instantly there was a buxom redhead sitting on her bed instead of the black-haired boy. Nabiki smiled. She preferred Ranma's girl half. He always seemed to relax more when he was in it.

That was why she had the tray.

"I'd noticed something, you know." She said conversationally. Set the line and… cast! "You're way less tense now. Why's that?"

"It's not me! It's this stupid girl body! Not my fault it feels really nice!" He said. Immediately he put his hand over his mouth. Nabiki laughed. Reel him in.

"Oh come on, Ranma-chan don't tell me all girls are not tense. Akane's so tense most of the time you could run a bow across her and get a clear note on a good day." Ranma looked askance at her and she rolled her eyes. "Yeah yeah, bad metaphor. Anyway, how much time do you spend in girl form, lately?" She asked.

"Uh…" He said, looking down at his body. "S-some of the time. I keep getting splashed."

"Do you?" Nabiki asked. Ranma looked to the sides. "Really? I'd swear it was on purpose a lot of the time."

"Alright! I like eating ice cream in this form more!" He yelled, and Nabiki sighed.

"Alright. That's fine." She said, calmly. Ranma swallowed. She eyed him. "Ranma, I'm not my sister. She flies off the handle. If you want to be a girl and eat ice cream, be my guest. Ignore what your dumbass father says and my psycho little sister yells. Be whatever form you want to be comfortable in." She grinned. "You're easier to talk to like this, you know?"

"I-I am?"

"Yeah. How to…" She snapped her fingers and grabbed a nearby folder with some old photos in it. She held two up to the currently-girl-shaped-boy. One was of Ranma in boy-form, the other was of girl-form Ranma, and in both he was asleep. "Check these out." She pointed to the girl-form one. "See here, you look really relaxed. Like you've not a care in the world." She pointed to the boy-form one. "And here you're really tense. See?"

He snorted. "Just those two." He said, sounding uncomfortable. "Doesn't prove nothin'. I'm a guy!"

Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Fine, fine, but look here." She showed him a bunch more. "Every single one of these is the same. You can't say you don't see it!"

"Fine. What's the point?"

Nabiki held a glass of hot water out and poured it over his head, turning him back to his boy-form. "The point is, Ranma, which form are you the most comfortable with?" She asked. "Also, I hope we figure this out before my bed gets much wetter."

"Wouldn't be if you'd stop pourin' water on me." Groused Ranma. He rolled his shoulders. "Could it be that. Yanno. Testing Zone stuff?"

Nabiki laughed. "Testosterone, idiot. And maybe, maybe not. How do you feel right now?"

He pursed his lips, making an effort not to run away or shy away from the question. She'd only make him regret it.

"Er… tense. Nervous. Kinda hungry."

Nabiki nodded. "Alright, hold onto that impression." She said, picking another glass up. She turned him back into girl-form. "How about now?"

"Do we have to…" She looked at him and he swallowed, but focused inwards. "Uh… I guess… Nervous, really hungry."

"But not tense?"

"…No." He said, softly. There was a wondering tone to his voice, and he flexed his hands. He looked at them and then hugged himself.

"Ranma, how do you feel in this body? I'm not going to tell anyone, I won't use it against you, I won't charge you or anything. No one will find out. If I were to lock you into this body, this girl's body right now, forever, how would it make you feel?"

"I don't…"

"Answer the question, Saotome." Her tone was clipped again. She was getting tired of having to use that voice but it seemed like the only way he'd actually respond half the time.

Teenagers! She thought, then smiled at the irony.

"I…" He squirmed. "I guess… It… wouldn't be that bad… I mean it's not so much bein' a girl as it is the constant changin' back and forth. I like how I look in nice clothes and the changing means I can't… But Akane would call me a pervert for saying that…"

"Yeah well, Akane's the poster child for suppressed desires, Ranma." Nabiki said bluntly. "She'd not know a real pervert if it came up and touched her boobs."

"I think she'd know that one at least." Ranma gave a wan smile. "And the perv'd be in orbit. But… ain't she right?"

"It might surprise you to know that Akane can be absolutely wrong about a lot of things, Ranma. Your body's your body, it's not like you're using it to get into locker rooms and stuff." She paused as he went red and she remembered the Japanese nanniichuan incident. "Not without a really dumbass reason, anyway."

Nabiki sighed. "Look, far as I'm concerned you're fine using that body to get ice cream, which is an excellent hustle by the way, but then you're always like," She made like a gorilla, "'Hurr hurr I'm Ranma Saotome, I'm a macho jock' and I always thought it kinda smacked of 'The lady doth protest too much'."

Ranma squirmed again and let out an embarrassed laugh. "I don't sound nothin' like that!" He said.

"Yeah. You absolutely do." Nabiki said bluntly. "Alright, enough on your no doubt interesting gender issues." Ranma flinched, "That's just an extra to what you came for. You were asking if you were happy, right?"

"Y-yeah."

"And you said you don't know if you are?"

"Yeah." The redhead seemed easier at accepting that as he was currently. Nabiki nodded.

"Alright then. You do much meditation?" She asked.

"S-some."

Nabiki sat back down on her chair. "Well then. Here's what you'll need to do." She raised a finger. "There's a number of things you need to think on and get the time to do so. I think you need to meditate on who you are, what you want and what you need out of life. Meditate on everything, analyse it all. See what makes you happy." She held up another finger. "Not what makes your father happy. Not Akane, not Daddy, not anyone else but you. Find what drives you. What's really there, in your heart of hearts." She held her hand into a fist. "What is the heart, at the core of Saotome Ranma?"

Ranma nodded, playing with his fingers. Nabiki was always curious about his girl form. It was so small. Well, except for the chest, which was something she often seemed proud of, especially when it came to fighting with Akane. Everything was smaller though, including arms, hands and fingers. How did one adapt to that?

She shook herself. "And… what we were discussing earlier. With you being tense? Maybe try it in both forms? Finally, maybe meditate on that. Find out, follow the thread of why you feel less tense. Go back to Jusenkyo, or even before. Look, I'm crap at advice, this is mainly throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks."

She smiled at him, and he blushed. It wasn't her usual cold smile but something actually warm, like a big sister would give her annoying kid sibling. "And maybe think about what I've said about your forms. Follow your heart, find your centre. All that good bullshit from meditation."

Ranma eyed her but there seemed to be a spark in his eyes that hadn't been there before. "I… will. S'real hard to focus though. Everyone attacks me and stuff. Tryin' to get time to think's impossible."

"I can't believe I'm offering this for free." Nabiki growled. "I'll run interference for a month. That's all the time I can reasonably give."

Ranma blinked. "You'd… do that for me?"

Nabiki shrugged. "It's what a good sister should do, and I've been pretty far from that. From tomorrow I will give you the Tendou Nabiki guarantee that you will have time to think." She patted his arm, then helped him off the bed and pushed him out the door.

Ranma stood outside of Nabiki's room with more questions than he'd had answered.

The first being who the hell was that and what did they do with Tendou Nabiki?