The doors to the Captain's ready room swished close behind Beverly. He offered her a seat on one of the chairs in front of his desk, claiming the other one for himself and turning the monitor towards them, swiftly accessing the files sent by Data.

"Beverly, I asked you here because I think you have a right to know. If at any time you feel uncomfortable, we can stop."

"It's okay, Jean-Luc. And thank you."

Picard keyed in a code and the first log started playing.

Doctor Beverly Crusher, Personal Log, Stardate 45614.7.

Deanna and I are on our way to Tellar I to attend the Conference on Exopsychology by Professor Ro'Tal. I've been looking forward to breaking my routine for a few days and taking a trip to expand my horizons on new scientific discoveries. Deanna is also eager to attend, as one of the speakers is an old flame of hers, I've discovered, even though she doesn't want to admit it. At first, I was unsure about leaving, since Wesley has just come back for a break from his studies, but he assured me he would be fine and would keep busy helping Geordi in Engineering. And besides, I'll be back in time to spend a day or two with him before he leaves.

Doctor Beverly Crusher, Personal Log, Stardate 45620.2.

Deanna and I are on our way back from the Conference. Some of the points that were made were truly fascinating, even though one of the workshops I attended was so tedious even the speaker was falling asleep by listening to the sound of his own voice. Deanna and her "friend", as she called him, chatted almost non-stop. I was right about them. I can't wait to see Wesley and hearing all about the past months at the Academy, a little bird told me there's a special someone in his life. Jean-Luc will be proud of his grades in Exobiology, even though he's still struggling in Archaeology. Before I left, Jean-Luc hinted that he was preparing something special for my return, I'm looking forward to finding out what it is tonight.

As the third log began the playback, the doctor and the captain felt their hearts freeze in their chests. The best word to describe the Beverly Crusher on the screen was "dishevelled". Her hair had fallen out of her clips and it was a matted mess, while the shuttle behind her was lurching and rapidly filling with smoke. But the detail that shocked the two officers were her eyes: the makeup she usually applied was running down her cheeks mixed with an incessant flow of tears, and her blue orbs were haunted, as if she was experiencing the end of the world as she knew it.

This is Doctor Beverly Crusher. Deanna is dead… they killed her… I saw them… The Enterprise- she's gone. She exploded… right before my eyes… The doctor raised an arm to futilely wipe her face, smearing the dirt and makeup. I- I don't know how it happened. They're just gone. Wesley- She sobbed, Jean-Luc… I love you so much... The tears were streaming down her face, leaving wet trails in the grime. Navigational control is gone. So are inertial dampers. If I die now… I'll join you- A bright light filled the cabin of the shuttle and Beverly shrieked, shielding her face. The screen went blank.

Sometime during the playback, Picard's left hand had moved to Beverly's thigh, even though neither had noticed. The pair just sat there, staring at the lifeless screen. The captain was the first to break their reverie, turning towards the doctor. She had tears in her eyes.

His heart broke for her, for her double, just thinking about her experiencing even a fraction of the traumatic ordeal the other Beverly had gone through. She had lost everything. Moreover, she had somehow ended up in a reality that wasn't hers, with a family that was still alive but wasn't hers. Because that's what the Enterprise crew was to her, a family.

"Beverly…"

She turned around to face him. "I'm fine." She wasn't. The thought that her biggest fear – losing everyone that was dear to her – had become a reality, even if an alternate reality - the thought of losing Wesley, was unbearable. "I should go back to Sickbay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I have to check on a few things."

Picard nodded, concern on his features. "Call me if her condition changes."

"I will."

It was late, must have been 0100 hours. Beverly Crusher sat in her Sickbay, staring at her patient. The woman's face had been cleaned and was now resting, even though her features were not fully at peace. The red hair had been brushed and was arranged on the pillow like an aureola. The doctor sighed, resting her chin on the chair she had pulled up. She had no plan for when she woke up, had no idea what to do. This woman was her, and yet were they really identical, both physically and in character? Or are the experiences lived that shape a person? Excluding the latest events, they must've led quite different lives. Beverly found herself wondering about the paths she'd taken in her life. Maybe the "other Beverly" had chosen differently, had wandered along different trails. Although, from what she had gathered from the logs, her life up until the disaster seemed eerily similar to her own, there must've been differences. She wondered if, somehow, her Jack was still alive. She doubted it.

Sighing, Beverly got up from the chair and stretched her numb limbs. She headed for her office to finish checking on a few stats about her patient, once again sitting down and turning on the monitor.

Morning would find the ship's doctor fast asleep with her head resting on her office desk, her fingers twitching as if she were having a nightmare.

Alyssa Ogawa had been known for her kind heart and gentle manners even at the Academy, but she had also been respected for her professionalism and competence. Like most physicians, as predictable as it may sound, she had wanted to practice medicine because she couldn't stand to see people suffer and wanted to do something about it. What really broke her heart, though, was seeing her own boss suffer.

As she approached the doctor's office at 0800 hours, she noticed that it was indeed less than vacant. Her boss was apparently sleeping, her head resting on her arms in front of the monitor.

Alyssa crouched next to the doctor. "Doctor?"

Beverly startled awake.

"Are you all right?" Alyssa stood back up.

"Alyssa." Beverly brushed her hair out of her face. "I'm sorry, I must've fallen asleep. What time is it?"

"It's 0800 hours. What have you pulled an all-nighter for?" Nurse Ogawa tried to joke.

"I was just checking up on something, I mustn't have realised how tired I actually was." The doctor offered a sheepish grin, trying to dissimulate her embarrassment. "I should go freshen up, I won't be long."

"Of course, we'll be here." Alyssa watched her boss go.

"Deck 8."

As the turbolift began its descent, Beverly leaned on the wall and chastised herself. She had to get a grip or, before the day was over, her entire staff would pick up on just how bothered she was by the situation. She had to appear in control, or she would lose face and earn the reputation of a doctor who couldn't even handle a patient, albeit a very unusual one. She had to tap into her professional persona who, however, didn't seem too eager to come to her rescue. And what would she tell Jean-Luc? She couldn't keep pretending everything was fine when the recent developments had shaken her so. He was her most trusted confidante and she liked to believe she was his, she couldn't keep shutting him out.

As the turbolift deposited her on the deck, she came face to face with the captain himself. Speak of the devil.

"Good morning, Beverly."

"Good morning, Jean-Luc."

He seemed to debate with himself, then asked, "What are you doing here? I thought you were already in Sickbay." He smiled, too diplomatically for her taste.

"As a matter of fact, I just came from there. I have to pick something up from my quarters, that's all."

If he was sceptical, he was quick to hide it. "Ah, I see. Have a good day, then."

"You, too." Her smile was diplomatic too.

As they said goodbye, Beverly mentally slapped herself. I thought I said not to shut him out.

Shut up.