This chapter had me digging pretty deeply into Kathy's character, and that was quite interesting. Hope ya'll enjoy it.

Disclaimer: not mine.

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Hold me close

But I don't feel much

Olivia barely remembered following the bus to Mercy.

Not giving Kathy the chance to say much else, she let the blond climb into the passenger side of her SUV while Olivia jumped into the driver's seat. The silence was unnervingly familiar as they sped after the bus.

They were back in New York.

Where had they been all this time?

Why had Elliot refused to send so much as a single text?

Her thoughts bounced frantically through her mind as she tailed the ambulance, the sirens on both vehicles wailing. She heard Kathy beside her, praying quietly with her eyes closed.

The only faith she had ever really possessed was her faith in Elliot, locked away in some forgotten part of her heart for over a decade.

Finally they reached Mercy and Olivia slammed the SUV to a stop a safe distance behind the ambulance. Barely remembering her keys, she jumped out of the vehicle and raced to the ambulance. Kathy was hot on her heels but Olivia didn't seem to notice. Her focus was Elliot and Elliot alone.

The doors of the bus swung open and the medics carefully unloaded the stretcher Elliot lay on. Once more the wind was knocked out of Olivia as she caught a glimpse of the blood smeared on his cheek. Never missing a beat, she raced alongside the stretcher, leaving Kathy to follow once more. His stretcher was wheeled into the emergency room and both women followed until they were finally stopped by a solemn face nurse with a clipboard.

"I'm sorry, I can't let you beyond this point." She was apologetic but firm as the stretcher was raced beyond their sight.

"He's my…." both women started, only for their objection to be immediately halted.

"I'm sorry. I can't let you go any further." The nurse pointed to the closest waiting room.

Realizing they weren't getting anywhere, at least for now, Olivia turned to Kathy. "Come on, let's go," she murmured, searching the other woman's eyes.

Kathy started to protest, but her shoulders slumped and she reluctantly walked with Olivia into the closest waiting room. Both women sat down on opposite sides of a couch in the thankfully empty room.

For the longest time, Olivia sat leaning forward, her elbows resting on her legs and her head bowed just a bit. "Kathy…"

Kathy turned her head just a bit. "He's in town for a conference," she supplied when Olivia couldn't seem to find her words, or at least the right ones. "I...I thought you knew."

Olivia scoffed just a bit, running her fingers through her hair. "I haven't heard from Elliot in...in ten years."

The color drained from Kathy's face. "He didn't call? Or text you?"

Was she really having this conversation right now, with Kathy Stabler? "Ah, no. I sent him a few texts, tried to call," she replied haltingly, hating how her throat tightened.

"I see…" Kathy wiped at her eyes. "He told me for the longest time that...that he hadn't been in contact with you. I didn't believe him…"

"Why wouldn't you?" Olivia surprised herself with the harshness of her words. "He...he wouldn't lie about something like that."

"Yeah. He only ever lied about his work." The blond sat back on the couch, staring at her hands.

A strange, pregnant silence fell over them as Olivia began texting Fin. It was selfish but she needed someone there with her, someone who was in her corner.

That person used to be Elliot.

Kathy Stabler had always considered herself to be a good wife. She bore Elliot five healthy, beautiful children, kept his house, and supported him in every move he ever made. When she became pregnant that fateful year, she had to set aside her own dreams and ambitions to give him their beautiful little girl.

It never crossed her mind to have an abortion or give Maureen up for adoption.

At least, that's what she told herself time and time again.

She loved her children, she loved their life and she grew to love Elliot, just as their priest and her mother assured her she would. She could still remember her mother's face when she came to her with the positive pregnancy test clenched in her shaking hands. The shame overwhelmed her as her mother cried; how could she do this? How could she give into the temptation of the flesh? Hadn't she listened to everything her parents taught her, everything the nuns rapped into her knuckles with their rulers? Her mother immediately made her pray and beg God's forgiveness. A wedding was immediately arranged, and when Maureen was born it was quietly said she had arrived prematurely, despite being a healthy eight and a half pounds. Any last lingering hopes of going to college and becoming a journalist were quickly extinguished, replaced with motherhood and the duties of being a military wife, then a cop's wife.

Kathy learned to be content with her life. Surely she could have done far worse than Elliot Stabler, the handsome football player with eyes like the ocean. That's what she told herself as he worked full-time and went to college at night, leaving her alone with Maureen, then Maureen and Kathleen.

She never worried about her place in Elliot's life until she met Olivia Benson.

Elliot had been partnered with a woman once before, a flippant blond named Jo. Jo never unsettled Kathy and their partnership lasted less than two years. Then Elliot joined the Special Victims Unit, and the first time Kathy came face to face with the chocolate-eyed woman, she swore she felt her world shift. Olivia treated her with nothing but kindness and respect, and a small part of Kathy had hated her for it. If Olivia had been cold or catty, it would have been easier to despise her entirely. But Olivia was warm and adored each of her children, and Kathy was helpless to do anything but watch their friendship bloom.

She stared down at her hands, then cast a glance at Olivia, who was furiously tapping on her phone. Richard and Kathleen were on their way to the hospital while Maureen and Elizabeth were collecting Eli from her mother. No update on Elliot's condition had been given and some part of her wondered if she even had the right to be here anymore.

Of course she did.

She was the mother of his children.

And yet...Olivia Benson was there.

The ghost that haunted her marriage for years.

She had always believed Elliot would never cheat on her. It just wasn't the kind of man he was. He was the kind of man who married a woman he had gotten pregnant and build a life with her. She had had her doubts, but when their marriage crumbled and she asked for a divorce, he had been so reluctant to agree. She knew it wasn't just because he loved her; he couldn't bring himself to admit his marriage had failed. They fell back in bed together one time, and when she approached him to tell him she was pregnant with his child again, she knew. For two years she had begged and pleaded with him to agree to the divorce. She was ready to start over and move on with her life.

That moment, standing there in front of the lockers, she knew what he had been about to say. How could she not? She had been married to the man for decades; she knew him better than he knew himself at times.

He was ready to let her go.

But she was selfish. She had built her life around their children and their home, and with another child on the way, she couldn't do it alone. She knew if she told him, he would come home without hesitation.

And he had.

There was a new layer of bitterness mixed with the sense of responsibility and duty when Elliot came home for her. Maybe it would have been better if he hadn't, but they had another child and she needed him.

"Olivia. What happened?"

The familiar voice jolted her out of her thoughts and she looked up to see Fin Tutuola rapidly approaching them. She felt the couch shift as Olivia stood up and moved to greet him.

"A car bomb...Elliot…"

"Elliot?" Fin echoed, suddenly seeming to see and recognize the other woman sitting on the couch. "Kathy."

She nodded tightly and Fin swung his gaze back to Olivia.

"He was thrown clear from the blast," Olivia managed, gripping Fin's arms for support. "It...it's not good."

Suddenly she crumpled into Fin's arms and Kathy saw a side of this woman she had only seen once before. She had always been grateful Elliot was rarely hurt in the line of duty, but she remembered once, not long before she became pregnant with Eli, rushing to the hospital after a call from Olivia. Elliot had been shot and it wasn't good. She was out of town for a weekend getaway and she couldn't get to the hospital until late that night.

When she finally reached Elliot's room, the door was cracked and she quietly peered inside, expecting to see Elliot sleeping alone. Her heart had clenched when she saw Olivia sleeping in a chair by his bed. She was curled in the uncomfortable chair, her shoes on the floor nearby. But that wasn't what hurt. No, what hurt was seeing Elliot's hand firmly encased in Olivia's, and the intimacy of how close she had pulled her chair to his bed. Even in sleep, it seemed, she was determined not to be separated from him.

It was that moment she knew, someday, Olivia would be the one who held him.

It was deeply vulnerable, intimate, and those feelings of hurt and understanding washed over Kathy as she watched Olivia sob into Fin's shoulder.

Ten years and Olivia was still falling apart.

How could she know where to even start?

To be Continued...

A/N: Let me know what you think?