cross-posting on AO3. pick your poison, fellas.

sorry that this took so long. as i stated before in the first chapter, my body is trying to kill me and a lot of personal stuff happened that left me feeling... i guess unmotivated? yeah. that's probably the word i want. another thing as to why this took so long is that i had a lot of these chapters pre-written before i started uploading them to the site. however, i lost everything i wrote and that left me feeling salty enough to just ignore this for a bit since i had to figure out what direction i wanted again. i'll try to update relatively soon, but no promises.

oh, and as for that poll i mentioned in the first chapter? i've decided that it isn't getting put up until all the main canon characters are introduced, which SHOULD be soon if everything goes according to keikaku.

i will also say that i edited the MC's appearance a bit. not that it really matters, but just a forewarning.

tw for suicide (boy is this dark)

II

realizations

January 26th, 20XX.

That was the date Lexa had figured out, several hours later after she was hospitalized as the intense pain she experienced was, as she partially expected, due to a collapsed lung—or, to be more medically correct, a primary spontaneous pneumothorax. Part of her left lung ruptured with air leaking into the pleural cavity, thus the balance of pressure was offset. As a result, her lung shriveled, withering like a balloon with a hole in it. By no apparent causes either, though the very same thing happened when she had collapsed in the past so she wasn't as worried.

It was weird. How the year date was partially blocked out, only showing that it was the 21st century, the months and days, and nothing more. Perhaps it had to do with Highschool of the Dead not having a set year as far as she was aware.

In the end, Lexa couldn't dwell too much on the lack of a set year beyond sometime in 2000, as just like with the date, she figured out something else while hospitalized. While this had been her third collapse ever, she was told it had only been her second collapse. Weirdly enough, if her memory served her correctly—and she was certain it did—it was around this particular month she had suffered from the second and last collapse in her old world, only at fourteen instead of the eighteen she was now.

...Her old world. Calling it that was admittedly weird and so was calling it the real world, but Lexa knew she was in another reality and it felt just as real despite it being the world of a manga. How she got there was anyone's guess, but she didn't think she'd be able to escape or go back to where she came from. Not without drastic measures, she was sure, although as far as her knowledge went on the isekai genre—ugh, really, why did it have to be that of all things—that was just how it was. No one knew anything as to why they'd been sent or reborn into another world, and usually, they never would.

Anyway. As far as her lung went, this third—technically second, by this world's standards—collapse was somewhat more severe than her previous experiences. Lexa didn't entirely lose consciousness at the scene, but the pain and shortness of breath she continued to feel until she was admitted in the hospital were anything but minor. She had little memory of the events around that time, too. Understandably, given how she could hardly breathe with her chest feeling as though there was a large, heavy weight on top of her. She believed Saeko stayed as long as she could with her though.

Do I have relations with Busujima Saeko? She had thought. She didn't think Saeko would be this caring toward a stranger. In fact, with the events of the series in mind, Saeko was the first to realize that they didn't have the resources to save everyone when the group stayed at… the house of Marikawa Shizuka's friend. Rika. Minami Rika, one of the top five snipers in the Japan Self-Defense Force.

Anywho, Saeko realized that and made it so that no one on the street would come there looking for help, keeping a low profile. It was a rather callous choice of Saeko's, especially that early on into the world ending. Not to even mention what she did in the past, the dark side she had with her sadism hidden behind the calm, collected exterior of a proper woman.

Saeko did take the time to save Shizuka, put someone out of their misery, and comfort Takagi Saya when she broke down. She couldn't even kill zombified children… and what she did in her past started out as self-defense.

Lexa pursed her lips. Well, whether she was something to Saeko or not could wait. There were bigger fish to fry. After all, the world was going to end, and if she had to wager when, it'd be sometime in the spring, as stated from the title of the very first chapter—and episode, if she considered the anime: Spring of the Dead. Not only that but the series did show cherry blossoms in bloom several times within the scenery.

So the beginning of the end, as Komuro Takashi described it, can range anywhere from late March to early April since that's roughly the cherry blossom season. Give or take, that'll leave me with not quite two months but close enough before the zombies… Them… show up. Then again, the start of the school year for Japan was April, and Takashi was taking Rei dating his best friend rather hard, especially when it seemed as though it was after she told him that she was repeating a grade. No thanks to that snake Shido.

Shido Koichi… He would prove to be a problem. A major problem, Lexa knew. Still have no idea how no one saw him kick that guy in the face when they were running for the bus. That bit of stupidity aside, the bastard would be the biggest reason why the main group gave up the mini-bus they used to get out of the school. It wasn't like losing the mini-bus mattered, with Takashi and Co. going to Rika's house and obtaining those illegal firearms instead, but still, problems would arise with Shido showing up to the Takagi Estate. She couldn't remember every single detail right now, but that in and of itself would be bad news after Saya's father would force him and his followers away.

Regardless, based on all of this, I have… two months and a couple of days. At most, and it's only on assumptions. Outside factors can change this, and I may very well have even more time than I think.

"You'll be hospitalized a week, maybe ten to twelve days."

Oh. Right. Yeah, Lexa had figured out something else within this insanity. Lifting her chin slightly to her right and keeping her head on the pillow, her eyes landed on an old woman, who she was very familiar with. Someone she loved dearly even but hadn't seen since her last trip to Japan nearly a decade ago. An almost forgotten childhood memory—though this only meant that people she knew from before were in this world, too.

"The doctor said there's most likely no need for surgery, surprisingly, but they're going to start a drainage treatment," Hayashi Akari said in a soft voice, so mild-mannered. The woman had arrived as soon as she heard about the collapse, and the sight of her small, hunched frame brought a warm feeling in Lexa despite the pain in her chest and the suffocating feeling that didn't seem like it would ever subside.

"...Alright."

"I feel so terrible for you. You were doing so well only for it to collapse again six months later!"

Ah, yes. Right. That was how her second collapse happened. The second one in the old world anyway, but while this initial collapse in this world was more severe than the others she had, Lexa noted she was going through the same scenario. She didn't need surgery before, and she didn't seem like she'd need it now. In fact, after resting for a bit, the suffocating pain in her chest had eased, though it was still pretty bad, and the X-ray of one of her lungs—shriveled and twisted—flashed through her mind.

"Sorry, Grand-Grand..."

Akari wasn't actually her grandmother. She was her next-door neighbor who offered to take care of her whenever her father was busy, and she was even her legal guardian in these types of situations due to her father's busy schedule. Saying grandma only felt…

Natural. Natural, she supposed.

"Now," Akari began, wrinkly lips pursed, "there's nothing for you to feel bad about. You can't help being ill, Lexa."

Yet another thing she found. Her name was still the same—or well, part of it anyway. Lexa, but her surname was apparently Doi and not Kiddo. She thought it would have been Shima like it originally was while she lived in Japan, but she guessed not.

As Akari finished the sentence, the frown she had melted away into a smile with the wrinkles around her eyes deepening twice as much. Going by her own age of eighteen, the woman would be… sixty-eight, Lexa was sure, but Akari was still as lively as ever for being a frail-looking woman.

"Still," Lexa said, returning the smile with one of her own, "I am sorry for all of the trouble."

"Nonsense. It's no trouble to me at all, especially since my kids are all grown and my grands rarely visit," Akari told her, voice firm. It was a tone Lexa knew she had no room to argue against. "You're like my child, too, you know. Anywho, I brought you some clothes, and if there is anything else you need, you let me know."

"...Thank you, Grand-Grand." Her voice was raspy as Akari set a bag down beside the bed. She swallowed thickly, making sure not to move much as the pain seemed to increase whenever she shifted. "...What about my dad?"

It was not a question Lexa was truly prepared for. In her old world, her father had died when she was around 24, and it had been five long years since then. The fact that Akari was here meant that her dad should be around, too, and while it brought happiness, it also brought…

Dread. Crushing dread. Because if her father was here, it meant her mother was here, too. Someone who she'd rather not think about if she had to be honest.

"He'll be here tomorrow morning," Akari said. "Work ran late."

A new worry added for the oncoming days. She gave a tentative nod, turning her head back to stare at the ceiling.

"Oh, and your friend wished you a swift recovery."

She looked at Akari from her peripherals. "...Friend?"

Akari gave her a raised eyebrow, a peculiar look. "Busujima-san. Isn't she your friend? You're both in the same club—" Her eyes widened slightly in what could only be a realization, and she let out a small gasp. "Oh no. You won't be able to do kendo anymore, and just when you were starting back, too."

"Ah..."

Friend. So Akari felt confident enough to feel as though she and Saeko were friends. That, and she was apparently a member of the kendo club. It wasn't too surprising as she'd been a part of the club back in her old world, but she was certain she had quit in middle school. Based on Akari's words, that wasn't the case for this world as she had instead continued being part of the club. Tried to, at least.

...Did Saeko have anything to do with that then? Ugh. Another thing to figure out on the ever-growing list of problems. Better say more before Grand-Grand thinks something is wrong.

"The pain has made my head a bit fuzzy"—a lie—"so that slipped my mind." Undoubtedly a lie. She had a better memory than most, especially if she tried hard to remember. "It's okay about kendo though. I didn't like it much."

The elderly woman released an 'oh-ho,' and Lexa didn't know just how much she missed Akari's tiny laugh whenever she found out something interesting. Her heart fluttered but only for a moment. "Is that so? I would've thought you liked it quite well since you dropped archery for it when you were younger."

Lexa gave a weak laugh, the pain spiking for a second. Archery was the reason why she quit kendo back in her old world, but there was no need to say that when she apparently did the opposite in this world. "Yeah..."

Akari did not stick around for much longer. A nurse came, calling Lexa to a treatment room in the internal medicine department, and Akari promised she'd be back early in the morning.

Lexa hadn't been paying much attention to the nurses and the doctor but she was pretty sure the treatment she'd receive was called pleural drainage—where she'd be given a local anesthetic, then they would cut her chest open with a scalpel and insert a thin tube into her pleural cavity. Back in her old world, the treatment happened for a full week until her collapsed lung reinflated to its original shape and the hole sealed up, and then she was released without further incident. She was told that she had experienced a full recovery, but in the same breath, the doctor said there was a chance of recurrence.

Funny how she did get that recurrence. It only took her being transported into another world after she—

...In that case, what if I can do what I did before? To escape what's going to be a nightmare.

A dark thought. Very dark, but Lexa didn't have the time to follow that train of thought. The nurses prodded her, preparing her for the treatment, and so her attention was instead focused there. The lead physician wasn't terrible and neither was the pain as the tube was put into her. Just like before, if the air escaped through the tube and her lung reinflated with the hole closing up, she'd be on her way to a release—and once again, in the same breath, she was told there was a chance of another relapse. With how severe this case seemed to be initially, they would most likely have to consider surgery if it happened once more.

Before in her old world when she heard this, it was depressing. Now not so much. Maybe because there were more pressing matters? Lexa wasn't sure. However, in her condition, there was little she could do. While her condition wasn't life-threatening, she was bed-ridden and weak.

Weak just like before. In Kai's basement.

She squeezed her eyes shut, flinching. The respirator beside her bed emitted a soft huffing, the sound of the air it sucked out of her chest being expelled through water inside the machine.

...What's the point? Really, why should I bother figuring out anything when I wanted to die, to escape from a living nightmare? This world… This world is going to end. Be engulfed by nightmarish creatures, so it's not like it will be any different than what that bastard put me through.

Dark thoughts—but oh so very true. Lexa had escaped one terrible situation only to be thrown into another that was arguably worse. In her old world, if she hadn't… killed herself and had managed to escape out of Kai's house… she would have a normal life to go back to. This world? Not possible. Normalcy wouldn't have a place to exist soon for the living dead would make sure of that. Even with the amount of fanservice, the series made a point in showing the characters adapting to the horrific events in a way that couldn't ever be unlearned if the world somehow returned to normal.

...Not to even mention that if Akari was here, surely others from her past were around as well. Including Kai. She wasn't sure why she hadn't thought of him earlier when the intense dread of her mother existing here happened, but it was likely just a trauma response. Out of sight, out of mind or it simply just did not happen if she blocked it out enough.

Met with the sight of the ceiling as she opened her eyes, Lexa looked out the window of her room.

She was in the inpatient ward, a ten-story building. Her room was on the eighth floor. Hazy points of illumination were below the dark sky, the city lights of Tokonosu City. It was…

Colorful. It reminded her a lot of the city lights back in Tokyo, actually.

Slowly, she sat up, and the incision below her armpit, where the tube had been inserted, throbbed and mingled with the ever-present chest pain, but it did not matter. Nothing mattered, in fact. So Lexa did not hesitate to rip the tube out, freeing herself from her link to the machine. The pain barely registered, surprisingly, as blood spurted from the wound she made, warm and sticky, while the suffocating feeling increased tenfold. She ripped out the IV-drip, too, and stood, stumbling to the window.

The latch release was easy enough to find, but sliding the window open took more effort than she liked. A brisk, chilled breeze hit her face as soon as the window was opened, a shudder rolling down her spine. Peeking out, she hummed. Concrete was what she saw, and this height would do her good, but she had to be quick. Surely she'd be found out if she lingered, and she wasn't sure if she even had the strength to fight back against anyone who tried stopping her.

So out the window Lexa went, putting her feet along the ledge. She hadn't noticed before, but the moon was bright and full, looming over her. It felt… menacing in a way, especially with the few stars she could see. Yet somehow it made the night beautiful, and she took a second to bask in the glow before there was a shout behind her.

It was far too late though. Her mind was made up, and all she needed to do was step off and let gravity take care of the rest. Whoever it was wouldn't have the time to catch her.

Still, Lexa turned her head to the side, looking at the source from her peripherals. A girl who couldn't have been any older than late teens, if at that. Long white hair tied back into a ponytail, some locks obscuring part of her face, but she was very pretty—and very scared, her visible eye, a bright blue, widened in horror as she tried rushing to the window but bumped into the bed, falling to the floor.

She had to have been a patient or a visitor who just happened to walk by the room. A kind-hearted stranger who didn't want to watch someone end their life.

Unfortunate.

As the girl lifted her head, speaking, trying to find the words that would make the stranger on the ledge in front of her reconsider their decision, Lexa just smiled sadly. She wished the girl didn't have to see this, but she turned her head forward and stepped off of the ledge.

The concrete approached fast, and she closed her eyes, preparing herself for when she'd hit the ground, her bones breaking and—

She did not hit the ground. Suddenly, the gusts of wind were no longer there, the chill of the night air gone. She couldn't seem to open her eyes but she knew there was darkness. Nothing but darkness. She felt weightless, too.

And then. And then, a few seconds passed, and finally, the darkness gave away and the weightless feeling passed with the ability to open her eyes returning. As her eyelids parted, her vision adjusting quick, Lexa was greeted with the familiar sight of her hospital room's ceiling.

...What?

The respirator emitted the same soft huffing as before. She could see the IV-drip in her hand, and it did not take her long to see and feel the tube below her armpit. As though she hadn't ever ripped them out.

Yet Lexa was so very certain she had jumped out the window, but here she was, lying in bed instead of being a pile of broken bones and bloody mush. Was it all a dream? A fantasy? No. No way.

She looked out the window. Unlike before, the window was fogged out and it looked as though someone had taken their finger to write out letters on the glass. Anger—

No. Rage surged through her, scorching as her eyes, narrowed into slits, peered over the words:

You may not die.