Chapter 1

He jumps awake, covered in cold sweat, the cold metal of his dog tags pressing against his chest send chills down his spine. He looks around at his fellow marines who are fast asleep and lets out a sigh. These nightmares were coming more frequently than before. It was the same one over and over, night after night. He's back on the front lines, laying on his stomach sniper on his shoulder, waiting to take a shot at the same people that are trying to neutralize him and his friends. Then it goes black and he's laying on his back. He raises his hand and it's covered in blood, and he takes his final breath and he never makes it home. He peels back the blanket that barely covers his 6'4" body reaching into his left pocket, pulling out a Polaroid picture that has probably seen better days. He unfolds it with care, not wanting to damage it anymore than it already has been. It's dark in the sleeping quarter, but he doesn't need the light to know what the picture looks like. A picture he had been looking at a lot recently. He missed home, he didn't miss Seattle, he missed his home. He missed her. She is his home. He is at home wherever she is with him, and she was not with him right now and it is eating him up inside.

He let out a sigh gently putting the picture back into his pocket. "Just a few more months" he whispered to himself. He had already been gone for over a year but in just a few months he will be done with his last tour and he will never have to come back out here again. He squinted his eyes looking at the clock that hung against the opposite wall. It was 4:30 am. He would have to be up in 30 minutes anyway, so he just got up. He placed the picture under his pillow and went and took a cold shower hoping the cold water hitting his back would wake him up and take him away from the dreams he had been having.

The shower helped. It woke him up a little, but it didn't take away the ache that was in his heart from being away from her. He moves through the motions of the morning briefings with the higher ups. He moves through the motions of getting breakfast. He will never get used to the soggy eggs and the weird tasting bacon. He will never get used to the powdered orange juice. He missed her cooking.

06:00 am the clock rang. It was time for training. He fixed his uniform and walked out the door of the hall putting on his hat, walking to the area where his recruits were gathered talking.

"Atten hut," he yelled to them, laughing to himself a little bit as he watched them trying to scurry to their places in less than 5 seconds.

"Don't try and impress me," he said walking up and down the aisles of recruits. "You will not impress me by getting in line quickly," he continued. "You will impress me with your grit, with your will power, with your mental strength. This isn't an easy process. This isn't an easy job. It's difficult leaving behind loved ones again and again. It's difficult keeping your mental health in check." he came and stood in front of the group

"Sir?" one of the recruits called out

"Yes Howard?" he answered referring to the recruit by his last name.

"How do you do it? How do you make it, being away from your loved ones? How do you keep your mental health in check?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He didn't know...well he wasn't. He wasn't making it, being away from her. He wasn't keeping his mental health in check. He doesn't answer, he just looks at the recruits standing in front of him. He couldn't answer because he didn't know what to tell them. So he deflects and sends them off to run their 3 miles.

Training was a blur. Honestly if he didn't have that clipboard in front of him he wouldn't remember what he was supposed to be doing. He was distracted, he couldn't afford to be distracted.

They broke for lunch. He walked into the hall and grabbed a sandwich, he wasn't really hungry.

"Sullivan!" he turned his head when he heard this voice call his name. He saw his friend who was sitting with these two women waving him over. He grabbed his bottle that was filled with water and walked over to the group.

"Ladies, you know my friend Sergeant Sullivan here. One of the best snipers I know," his friend started boasting.

"Barnes," he said chuckling in a warning tone then taking a seat.

"What?! I'm just trying to set my man up...again," Barnes said, winking at him

"I told you I have a girl back home, we fixed things," he said chugging his water

"Suit yourself," Barnes said taking a bite of his food

"I gotta go," he said, getting up and walking out the hall. He walked into the building next door, grabbed his folder and sat at a desk. He opened the folder and filled out paperwork for the rest of the day. He thought about going to dinner, but he wasn't really hungry.

"Hey you okay Sarge, you seem tired," one of the other guys in the office asked

"I'm fine I just haven't been sleeping too well these past couple of days," he replied

"Maybe you should talk to the therapist. Maybe she can help," the guy suggested

"Not really a therapy person. I'll be fine, thank you though," he got up packed away his things and walked to the door

"At least talk to someone,"

He turned back, gave the guy a small smile and walked out the building.

He checked the time for what might have just been the 500th time. He was waiting for her to get off work. He was not going to waste his one phone call and call her when she might not be able to pick up. He paced. Back and forth and back and forth then round and round and round. "Jeez Sarge, you're gonna make yourself and me dizzy if you don't stop," one of the Corporals laughed. "Sorry, just waiting to call my girl," he said letting out a weak laugh

He sat down and started shaking his leg. He thought about her, if she were here she would tell him to stop fidgeting. After what to him felt like 100 years it was finally 8:00 am in Seattle. He took two large steps to the phone and dialed the cell phone number he knew by heart. And then he heard her voice and knew he would be okay.

"Hello?" she questioned

"Hi Baby,"

This first chapter is dedicated to my Bestie Westie SeriesaddictF (on twitter) and Surrera-station_19 (on insta). Love you Bestie ;)