Garland Moon, 1191

The letter arrived in Hilda's possession mere days after an event she'd rather forget had taken place, and until she saw the handwriting she fully expected it to be in regards to that event. Instead of being chastised for something that she wanted no further part of, she was receiving a correspondence from someone in the heart of Gaspard territory, which she deduced had to be none other than Ashe; she'd sent him a letter when she'd gotten back home after her stay in Fhirdiad and they'd kept up messages every moon or so, so it was fitting that his newest letter had arrived. "Thank goodness it's you and not Leonie," she chuckled, taking the letter with her to her bedroom to read it in peace.

Not that she was particularly afraid of Leonie writing her, at any rate, but she knew that she'd accidentally played with fire the last several times their paths had crossed and she was at a higher risk of getting burned by it this newest time. How unfortunate it had been that one of the few people who'd seen her at that lonesome inn that night (minus the one that she was there to see, regrettably) was Leonie, who'd tried to strike up conversation while Hilda had been trying to sneak away to meet with her not-so-romantic partner up in one of the bedrooms. She'd been slightly rude about ending the conversation and she knew that she'd definitely hurt Leonie's feelings to some extent, to the point that she was sure she'd hear about it again someday.

But a letter from Ashe was completely acceptable and quite appreciated, and so once she was in her room with the door latched closed and there was no chance of someone walking in on her reading it, she opened its seal and began to skim the words. He didn't write much in each of his letters beyond a solid greeting and a handful of updates on everything going on in Faerghus, but she appreciated them nonetheless. This letter wasn't much different than any others, but it did contain one small bit of information that made her clutch the paper close to her chest, the feeling of the wax seal that was still hanging on to it foreign against her hand. "I suppose I can find it in my plans to make a trip out to Fhirdiad to conveniently meet with you again," she said out loud, as if the letter had ears to hear her with. "I'll arrange for someone to ride with me, I bet there'd be—"

The knock at her door cut her statement short, and after telling whoever it was on the other side that she was busy she figured she would be left alone, so she took in a deep breath to continue her thought before she heard, "I'm not here to play games with you, Hilda. Open the door right now so we can discuss some things." Her blood ran cold, recognizing it as Lorenz's voice, and she cursed the goddess and everything remotely divine she'd ever known; shoving the letter under her pillow, she ran to the door and opened it, seeing him scowling down at her on the other side.

"How did you get in here?" she asked, her words sharp in her throat as she spoke them. "I didn't give anyone permission to let you in." She'd have to have a long talk with the staff at the home she lived in under her brother's somewhat-watchful eye, seeing as they allowed someone in without conferring with her. He didn't speak, merely tapping a stern finger on his arm as he continued glaring down at her. "Come on, Lorenz, you can't show up unexpectedly at someone's home and expect them to be thrill with it."

"Holst is aware of my arrival, and his knowledge of the situation is all I care about right now." Lorenz wasn't relenting on his angered look, and as he pushed Hilda into her room she was gasping and on the verge of begging him to stop. It wasn't until he'd closed the door that he looked at her with something less tense, a smile of sorts forming on his lips. "He thinks I have come as an attempt to court you, which I would never deny as a possibility," he told her, reaching out to stroke her jawline, which made her flinch at the initial touch. "But you and I both know that my reasons for visiting are less pure in their intentions."

"The fact that you've let my brother know something's up is despicable," she spat, but she was not going to stop the proceedings from happening. The illicit behavior between them was far beyond proper or appropriate, but she was in too deep to cut him off without some good reason for it. At least this time she was able to bring him to her own bed, rather than them meeting in some shady inn or at a castle that belonged to neither of them, but when they were in the throes of their entanglement and her hand happened to slip under the pillow she'd stashed the letter beneath, her whole body froze and she lost all ability to find enjoyment in the heat of the passion.

She let him finish exactly as he wanted before she shooed him out of the room, barely giving them both the time to get re-dressed before she was demanding him gone, not to come back unless they were going to make things more serious between them. "Maybe it would've been better if the letter was from Leonie, she would've been willing to tear him a new one for me," she grumbled, feeling downright disgusted at herself for once again letting her desire for a physical relationship cloud her judgment regarding Lorenz. "I sure hope she saw him there that day, so that she knows something's going on between us. Even if she doesn't know all the details, it's better than nothing at all."

Hilda would have loved to be able to take her mind off of what she'd done, but she couldn't quite bring herself to do it, all of her thoughts drifting back to how Lorenz had quite literally come into her room and reminded her of how much she needed him for his body. (Oh, and how when she left her room later he was down in the dining hall, enjoying teatime with some of the staff, offering her a cup when he saw her.) While she'd liked the feel of having a man in her bed with her, it had never been Lorenz she'd wanted to share that moment with, and that was where her thoughts were getting conflicted, because she kept feeling guilty about how she'd inwardly wanted to save that moment for with someone a bit different.

Not that the someone in particular she wanted really cared about her anymore, after all.

At any rate, it took her about a week to be able to go back to Ashe's letter and give it a proper response, which was already guilt-inducing because he'd done nothing to deserve her responding to him in a non-timely manner.

Writing in return to some of the things Ashe told her about was rather tricky, because she had to weigh her options carefully about how much she divulged from her private life, in case the message was intercepted by the wrong pair of eyes. She didn't talk much about what Holst was up to in running the Goneril lands, nor did she really get into any of their relations with the Almyrans across the border (mostly because she tuned out any conversation on that topic—there was one Almyran man she was interested in hearing about and he certainly wasn't right on the border). Her personal relationships were a quagmire she'd rather not keep wading in, and she didn't want Ashe to feel burdened with knowing more about that disaster than necessary. That meant her letters really boiled down to responses to what he'd specifically said and the occasional reference to jewelry-making and her lack of keeping up with her weapon training.

Something that she had to reply to from this particular letter, though, was the idea that they meet in Fhirdiad in a few weeks' time, just to catch up and see each other while he'd be there on his own business. "It'd be a great time for you to make the trip to visit the young prince, I'm certain the queen would be beyond understanding if you showed up without too much warning," he'd written, and she was inclined to agree. "If you do plan on coming, let me know now so I know to expect to see you then."

"I guess I'll be writing to Marianne to let her know I'll be seeing her soon enough," she remarked as she penned her response to Ashe, informing him she'd make the trip in some manner, whether it was with friends or by herself. Inwardly she was hoping that someone would go with her, and it needed to be quite the specific someone, but she knew that the likelihood of Claude coming back into her life with the desire to trek with her to Faerghus on a whim was slim to none. She'd be more likely to convince Lorenz to go again, but she was dreading ever having to interact with him again, especially for something that would give them all of that alone time together.

If she wasn't actively trying to escape Leonie's prying eyes, she would've reached out to her with the idea of a girls' trip to see Marianne, but the Lorenz situation put a damper on that idea as well. "Raphael and Ignatz are no-gos as well, thanks to their proximity to Leonie," she muttered, tapping her chin with her pen. "Haven't heard from Lysithea since the war ended, so obviously that's not happening. I could ask Holst if he wants to go on a diplomatic trip, but he'll probably end up coming up with an excuse for why he can't go."

Therefore, the scene was set for the solo horseback ride to Fhirdiad. It was never actually a fun trip, especially on one's lonesome, but Hilda made it work as well as she could given the circumstances that had led to her going on her lonesome. She stopped often, finding freedom in being able to get rooms for only herself at roadside inns that had popped up in the time since the war, and by the time she'd arrived in Faerghus she'd spent nearly a week on traveling. Not like it mattered to her, she was riding one of Holst's horses that he never used and the weather was agreeable enough to make the trip bearable. The one downside to the travel was that on occasion, the rolling hills of the land around her would disorient her and she'd have to stop for a few minutes to collect herself, but it was a small price to pay for the beautiful scenery she was getting to experience.

When she finally got into Fhirdiad, she took her horse to the first stable she saw and paid the stable-hand handsomely for the effort of taking care of it in her absence. "I hope I didn't take…too long," she mumbled to herself as she made her way through bustling city roads, carriages and others on horseback going in every direction through the bright city, the summer air hanging fresh over everyone's heads. She was lucky that Ashe had included rather detailed directions to get to their meeting-place, otherwise she would have been lost, the tavern she found having been somewhere she'd initially seen in the dead of night with someone else leading the way. While she walked, she couldn't help but dwell on how exhilarating it had been to sneak into a different part of Fódlan without anyone coming with her, even if it had been a lot more work than she liked to do it.

Pushing the tavern door open with all her might, Hilda poked her head inside and saw the smiling woman behind the counter, welcoming her in with a wave. She didn't want to stand in the doorway and block traffic, but at the same time she wanted to make absolute sure that the person she was looking for was there before she went inside. Ashe was, in fact, not at the tavern, but another familiar face was. "Whoa there, is that Hilda coming here all the way from Goneril territory?" a voice belonging to that face called out, as he waved her over. "What a complete surprise. Small world, huh?"

"I'm more surprised that you remember who I am than anything else you just said," she replied, coming fully into the tavern before walking to the table where the red-haired man was sitting, two mugs of some drink in front of him. "Let me guess, you've never forgotten me because of my beautiful looks and my dazzling personality, huh, Sylvain?"

"Or it could be that I've been hearing someone assuring me for days that you'd be here, and that you've been on my mind because of that." Picking up one of the mugs, Sylvain took a drink, grimacing at the taste of the liquid inside. "Still don't understand why Ashe swears by this stuff, but sometimes you've just got to humor the guy." Instead of setting the mug back down, he offered it to Hilda, who looked hesitant until he told her it was cider inside, at which she visibly relaxed and took a seat before taking the mug as well. He was quite impressed by how she downed half of what was left without pause. "Guess it makes sense why he'd want to meet you here of all places."

"Where is he?" she asked, finishing the mug off and eyeing the second one but not acting on the temptation. "And why are you here?"

Chuckling, Sylvain answered the second question with, "I'm here for personal reasons, nothing to do with whatever you're here for. Just happened to be in town the same time Ashe was, got to catch up with him and how things have been going for him at home. Based on the fact that you're here by yourself, I'm assuming you're still single as always?"

"Oh, yeah, definitely, no man to tie me down." Something about what Sylvain said felt like it should have been coming off as him hitting on her, but it felt subdued, like there was something stopping him from being crass with her. Not like it really mattered, because she was only marginally more tolerant of him than she was with Lorenz (even though their entanglements would have made one think she tolerated Lorenz a lot more). But just thinking about Lorenz and how she felt about him was making her antsy to get a move on, to meet with Ashe and then go visit Marianne and head home. "What about you? Finally find a woman who can put up with your behavior and still love you?"

"More like, already had her, just had to reel her in." Miming a fishing rod, Sylvain's analogy got Hilda raising her eyebrows until he clarified who he was talking about. "Ingrid. Haven't you heard about what we've been up to since the war ended?"

"Can't say that I have, no."

For a moment, Sylvain seemed to get a grin on his face, but it was gone as quickly as it had tried to appear. "Well, you're looking at the newest Margrave Gautier, although that probably doesn't come as a surprise to you." Her blank stare told him that he was correct in that assumption, so he moved on. "Ingrid's been working as my most loyal knight, even though that's made it seem like I only married her so that she can do the fighting for me. Not true, by the way, I married her because she puts up with me and I genuinely enjoy her. She just happens to want to be a knight."

"Oh, are we talking knighthood?" Coming up behind Sylvain, Ashe seemed shocked to see Hilda being the audience at the table, even though he'd known she was coming the whole time. "Good to see you, Hilda, it's great that you finally made it. But, uh, let's go back to talking about knighthood, shall we?"

"It's nothing you haven't heard about before, Ashe, calm down about it." Laughing, even though he still looked rather serious, Sylvain motioned towards one of the other seats at the table, which Ashe took as soon as he could. He grabbed his mug and took a large drink from it once he was seated, while Sylvain tried to steer the conversation elsewhere. "So, Hilda, what brought you here in the first place? Haven't been told that little detail about this whole arrangement, Ashe's been avoiding bringing it up."

Giving her friend a confused look, Hilda replied, "It's nothing too important. Just came all this way to meet with your queen, since she is one of my best friends. Don't know why that has to be a secret, I'd figure that would be pretty obvious for a reason."

"Hey, had to make sure." Sylvain shrugged, a playful gesture that made Hilda visibly relax while Ashe seemed to be happy merely for being included in the conversation at all. "Didn't want to assume that you've come all this way by yourself to try picking up a man that—"

"Hilda would never do such a thing!" Ashe interrupted, going slightly out of his timid character to do so. "She's a perfectly respectable woman, she wouldn't do anything that desperate or crass, I wouldn't think. Now do you see why I wouldn't tell you the reason for her visit in the first place?"

"—fair, but you keeping secrets is what led me to that conclusion in the first place." Sylvain pointed a slightly accusatory finger in Ashe's direction, as Ashe leaned back in shock at how his behavior could result in the current situation. "Point is, I'd be impressed if Hilda was playing the long con with us all, pretending that she's here for something as pure as visiting a friend just to be here to meet with a guy."

Thinking about how the last time she'd been in Fhirdiad, she'd spent quite a bit of time meeting with Lorenz in secret (even though they'd traveled together, so it wasn't quite the same situation), Hilda grimaced for a moment before shaking it off. "I'd never do such a thing, not when Marianne's involved. She deserves nothing but the best, after all. Her and that baby of hers."

"Oh! That baby!" Slamming his mug down as he'd taken another drink, Ashe first called for another round of ciders for his friends before he continued on with his train of thought. "When I was at the castle earlier this week to speak with the king, I got to spend a bit of time with the prince. He's gotten so big so quickly, it's almost as if he's a completely different child since he was born."

"That's how babies work, isn't it?" Hilda asked, even though her familiarity with children wasn't the greatest. Something deep in the pit of her stomach made her think that she was going to regret asking such a question, but she pushed past that worry without dwelling on it. "I guess I'll see what you mean soon enough, since I'll be headed over there after we're done drinking and catching up here."

The tavern-maid brought by three new mugs of cider, curtseying in front of Ashe as she dropped them off and removed the two emptied mugs. "Thank you so much for that, Dita," he said to her, before noticing that Sylvain was straining himself not to chuckle and Hilda had quite the surprised look on her face. "W-was there something wrong with what I said? What's gotten into you both?"

"First-name basis with the wench behind the bar, I see how it is," Sylvain replied, nudging an elbow in Ashe's direction. "When are you gonna break the news to everyone that you've got something going on with her?"

"Please, you of all people should know how absurd of an accusation that is." Shaking his head rapidly, Ashe turned to Hilda to explain to her, "You're aware of how much I love this place, so wouldn't it make sense to you that I'd know the name of the owner's daughter? She treats me quite nicely with my return service, since I stop in every time I happen to be in town."

More concerned with how he'd reacted to Sylvain than the actual explanation, Hilda said, "I guess that makes sense, now that I think about it. Don't want to seem rude to someone providing you with something you love."

"Yes, that's exactly it!"'

"Well, I don't know how you do it," Sylvain admitted, pushing the mug he'd been given away with only his fingers. "I can't stomach this stuff, it's just not my thing. In fact—" This time he was cut off by someone bellowing his name from across the tavern, and all three of them looked to see Ingrid approaching the table, her hands on her hips and her hair in slight disarray from its coiled braid. "Hey there, Ingrid, what's going on? Are you here to join us for a drink?"

"Does it look like I'm here to join you for a drink?" Her eyes narrowing, Ingrid looked far from amused with the suggestion, but when Sylvain lifted his mug and offered it to her, she did take a small sniff of the liquid, her whole face scrunching at the scent. "Ugh, not what I was expecting you to be offering me. What is that, it smells horrible!"

After checking the bar to make sure that his tavern-maid friend hadn't heard the statement that had been made about her specialty drink, Ashe replied, "It's cider, and I promise you it's actually quite delicious, even if it smells a bit off. Go on, have a sip."

"I'll have to pass, thank you though." Ingrid bowed her head in Ashe's direction while Sylvain returned the mug to the table, the liquid inside still untouched. "Don't we have to get back home tonight?" she asked Sylvain, who looked confused for a second before she elaborated with, "Last I heard, you have a meeting to discuss relations with Sreng in the morning, and you don't want to miss that, do you?"

At once, Sylvain looked equal parts uncomfortable with what his next day's duty was and eager to get going. "Right, can't be late for that coalition knocking on our door demanding to talk to me about things I can't really be bothered to care about." He pushed himself away from the table and stood up, wrapping an arm around Ingrid once he was to his feet (although she knocked his arm off of her the second she could). "As always, great to spend time with you Ashe, let's meet somewhere a bit less grimy next time, okay? And you, Hilda, good to see you're still alive and looking fantastic doing it."

Both of them still at the table waved at the pair before they left, Ingrid starting to have a conversation with Sylvain as they were on their way out that had the last thing they heard from them being his laugh. "That was a lovely visit with a good friend," Ashe remarked once the door was closed and they were gone, leaving him and Hilda with multiple mugs of cider for them to split between them. "Sorry that I didn't warn you he'd be here when you arrived in Fhirdiad, I actually didn't know it for myself until we ran into each other at the castle."

"It's no big deal, he seems to have mellowed out from his lady-chasing ways." Shrugging, Hilda tapped her fingers on the edge of the table, unsure of what else she wanted to say. She almost wished that Ingrid had stuck around for a bit, so that she could see what kind of relationship the two had that had changed Sylvain for the better, but they seemed to have important things to get to back home. "It was nice to see him, just like it's always nice to get to see you. Maybe he'll get in on our letter exchange?"

"Oh, I doubt that, he's never one for sending letters. I've tried, trust me." Ashe didn't seem bothered by how Hilda was acting, as he was happily sipping away at his cider and looking around the tavern, also thinking of what else there was to say. "I have to tell you, writing update letters as often as I have has made me realize just how fun doing things like that is. I always have loved reading, but writing is quite splendid as well. Although…it's not like updates on my life in Gaspard territory is novel-worthy."

"I don't know, I happen to think that what you send to me is pretty high quality. With some modifications, it could be curriculum in some poor student's education someday." Hilda had meant poor as in unfortunate and she knew that, but Ashe didn't seem to take it the same way, visibly recoiling at her use of the word. After explaining herself and profusely apologizing for the mistake, he seemed to calm down and was back to his cheerful self, even ordering another drink despite there being so many mugs of cider on the table. "This stuff's non-alcoholic, right?" she asked as she watched him down more, him nodding to answer her question while his mouth was full. "Good, I'd hate to be enabling you to drink yourself into a stupor here."

"Oh no, Dita always makes sure that there's plenty of fresh cider for me whenever I'm in town, her father doesn't approve of it being separate from the alcoholic batches but she understands why I'd prefer to not have the specialty drink here." He made sure to set his mug down before adding, "And because of how well she takes care of me while I'm in Fhirdiad, I've made it a point to know her name."

"Makes perfect sense to me," Hilda said, because it certainly did make sense that Ashe would be so polite and friendly with a tavern-maid if she provided him with a special service. "Anyway, aside from all the things you've mentioned in your letters, is there anything else going on in your little corner of the Kingdom?"

He recoiled again, looking at his drink rather than at Hilda when he responded. "Reform of how things had been run before. I know that Lonato had done his best in the position as the head of House Gaspard, but there are so many things that needed modification. The almost horrifying lack of literacy in the children of the region, to start."

"That sounds like a huge task to take on by yourself," she replied, thinking about the amount of children that lived in Goneril territory and imagining what it would be like if a good number of them were uneducated. "How are you handling it on your own? Private classes with as many kids as you can cram into your home?"

Ashe narrowed his eyebrows for a second as he thought about the questions he'd been asked, before shaking his head merrily. "Oh, it isn't merely me working on fixing this problem! There are several of us who have taken to teaching the less fortunate children, as well as working on getting orphans into homes where their learning can continue. That's why I came here to Fhirdiad, after all; I had to ask the king for some more funding for those working alongside me on this task. A-among other things, that is!"

Feeling one of her eyes begin to squint suspiciously at Ashe for that statement, Hilda decided it was best to stop prying into his life in case he decided to do the same to her in return, and she moved their conversation on to other topics. There never seemed to be a shortage of things for them to talk about, but when Dita behind the bar made the last call for drinks before closing to prepare for dinner, they realized simultaneously that they'd spent far more time talking together than they probably should have. "I'm thinking that I should head over to the castle now," Hilda told him, pulling some money out of her pocket and dropping it on the table in front of Ashe. "Can't keep the queen waiting, after all."

"Hilda, what's the money for?"

"Just…covering my portion of the drinks." She was surprised that he wasn't thankful that she'd offered to pay for some of it, but then it dawned on her that he probably got things free due to his friendship with the tavern-maid. "If you don't need it for the drinks then keep it for yourself, I don't mind either way."

"At least let me walk you to the door, at any rate." Ashe got up and carried a couple of the emptied mugs over to the bar for cleaning, while Hilda made sure she had all her things and waited for him to come back. When they were outside the tavern he gave her a quick hug, breaking away from her just as soon as his arms had wrapped around her fully. "A guard should be waiting for you, they were discussing your arrival when I was there," he informed her, as she stood with her head turned towards the visible castle tower over some of the town's buildings. "It was great to catch up with you, we'll have to do this again soon."

"I'm sure we'll find the time," she replied, her focus on that castle tower as she spoke. "Until then, we'll have to just keep sending letters back and forth."

He nodded. "Correct! Now go enjoy yourself with Marianne, I'm going to head back to the orphanage and get ready for dinner with Mercie. Someday you'll have to stop in and visit with her while you're around, she'd appreciate it."

"I'll see if I can fit it in sometime." It sounded dismissive, and honestly kind of was, but Hilda had other things on her mind, and the moment she could part ways with Ashe she was toting her bag of things with her across town.

She was quite thankful to see that Dedue was the promised guard at the entrance to the castle when she got there, him looking her completely over before nodding in her direction. "I was beginning to suspect you'd gotten distracted elsewhere in town," he told her as he led her inside the castle. "His Majesty has been assuring me that you would be arriving soon enough, unless you'd lied about your arrival in the first place."

"I mean, I kind of got distracted," she admitted, to which he raised a scarred eyebrow at her. "I was in town drinking cider with Ashe, just kind of…catching up for a while. He's really big on the cider at this tavern, I'm sure you've heard him mention it before, if he comes around here at all. I've only met him around here twice and that's what we've done together both times, so…"

As she was trailing off, Dedue's face was relaxing, no longer as on edge about Hilda's whereabouts after she'd explained herself. "Yes, he's taken me there for a drink a couple of times now. Quite a run-down establishment, but their quality of food and drink is to a higher standard than you'd expect. Still not somewhere I would allow royalty to go, but it's passable for the rest of us."

"Yeah, well, I enjoy it and apparently so do you, and Ashe loves the place, so that's all that matters in the end." Rolling her shoulders as they walked, Hilda could tell that Dedue was still playing defensive about something, and she wanted to do nothing more than pry into what was going on. But given that she was in a territory that wasn't her home and she was several days by horse to get back to familiar lands, she didn't want to pick a fight that she was going to be on the losing end of regardless of what she did. "Anything interesting been going on around here, or is it the same old, same old?" she asked, hoping to get a short conversation going before he dropped her off wherever he was leading her towards.

"It's been nothing out of the ordinary here," he replied with a grunt, not letting himself get too off-track from what he intended to do by her questioning. "Just watching the prince growing up and helping His Majesty with regal decisions whenever necessary. I cannot say that I have had to do anything that would be considered 'interesting', unless you count having to provide a meal for the Archbishop when they visited not too long ago."

"I heard about that," she said, thinking about something Ashe had said in one of his letters moons before. "Not that we got visited in the former Alliance lands, of course, but I know that there were a lot of visits going on in the different Kingdom lands. I didn't think that it could have just been a visit to—"

"Ashe, yes, I assume he's how you've heard about the visits in the first place."

"—right, yeah, sorry. Maybe I need to get another confidant in Faerghus to keep me up-to-date on everything going on." Bowing her head in apology, Hilda watched Dedue come to a standstill outside one of the bedrooms in the side wing of the castle, opening the door to reveal the room that she'd been assigned the last time she came to visit. "Oh, is this where I'm sleeping again this time?"

He nodded. "It is. And this time you won't be sneaking out to spend time in other rooms, I assume, so it should be suitable for your needs even with its jammed lock." That statement gave her pause, as she looked to Dedue expecting him to say more, but all he did was give her another nod. "I will be by in the morning to let you out, but if you absolutely need to get out beforehand there is a way to nudge it back open."

Honestly, Hilda couldn't care about being effectively locked in her room once she went in for the night, it was all about how Dedue knew she'd left it the last time. Since she'd been so careful to keep that rendezvousing secret, she could only assume that Lorenz had mentioned it to someone and it had gotten back to Dedue, but she also could have just been careless and made it obvious something was going on. "Well, let me drop my things off, I don't really need to be locked in right now," she said with a forced laugh, to which he grunted. Rather than waste any more of his time, she went in, threw her belongings on the bed to deal with later, and came right back out, Dedue already heading down the hall to get her to wherever Marianne was at the moment.

His strides were long and he was clearly walking with a purpose, which made Hilda only grow more concerned with how he was acting towards her. If he really knew what she'd been up to the last time she'd been in the castle, did that mean that he'd possibly told the king or queen about it? Was she about to be led into a room where she'd get an earful about how someone of a bloodline like hers needed to play it smart and socially appropriate, especially with a fellow noble? The possibility of Marianne about to call her out on her behavior started to chew at her mind, and she was tempted to turn back and grab her belongings to bolt out of the castle and Fhirdiad itself, but she remained resilient and decided that she deserved whatever was coming for her.

The first thing she could hear when they got deeper into the castle was the laughter of a clearly-amused child, and that brought a bit of peace to her soul. Dedue approached a door and gave it a solid knock, waiting a few seconds before it opened and he was granted entry, Hilda following right behind him. "Oh, it's you," Marianne said, glancing up to see her friend coming in behind her husband's most trusted guardian. "I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to make it. Was your visit with Ashe all he hoped it would be?"

"Did he really tell everyone he was going to meet with me, like it was some important meeting that he couldn't miss?" She was amused, but the way that Marianne responded with averting her gaze and looking down at the young prince playing with some assorted toys on the floor made Hilda realize that perhaps the question had been a legitimate one, so she responded with a question of her own that she already knew some of the answer to. "But yes, it was fine. Seriously, though, is all he did when he was here talk about me?"

"No, he asked about funding for some restorations in the Gaspard territory as well, in addition to other things. The world doesn't always revolve around you and your existence, Hilda." Marianne was still watching the young boy, who was lifting blocks one at a time and howling in his high-pitched laughter every time he got one up in a pudgy hand. "However, I do like to think that the world is better for having people like you in it."

"Is that aimed at me or him?"

"Both," she answered after a moment's pause. "Definitely both. Have a seat, Hilda, so we can catch up on how life has been treating us these past moons." While Hilda followed that request, Dedue silently left the room, making sure the door was closed upon his exit, and the moment he'd latched the door Marianne was looking straight at Hilda. "I'm sure you can guess how my life has been going, but I'm curious about yours. Have you heard from Claude at all as of late?"

Knowing that she hadn't, Hilda wanted to say something about how she felt like she'd been cut out of his life when he'd ran to Almyra to escape everything happening in Fódlan, but the wistful look across her face clued Marianne into that without words. "He wrote Dima not but a moon ago, asking to have a diplomatic visit to build a connection between Almyra and the Kingdom, but the meeting hasn't happened yet. I was curious if you'd heard anything about that happening."

"Not a thing," Hilda replied, gritting her teeth at how she wished she had. "Bet he's going to come swooping down on the city the moment I'm gone, and he won't be bothered in the slightest that he just barely missed me."

Marianne, her mouth slightly agape at how pessimistic Hilda was being, shook her head rapidly. "No, no, no! He will be devastated to have missed you, I know it. Perhaps your missed meeting will be all it takes to get him to try to talk to you himself."

"Yeah, I doubt that. He's clearly cut me out of his life for a reason and I don't think him nearly getting to see me is going to change that fact." Sighing, Hilda shook out her long ponytail, realizing that it was incredibly knotted and looked like birds had been using it as a nest because she'd never brushed it out after her final leg of her ride. "I'm not worth his time anymore, we're not schoolmates and he doesn't have to pretend to like me."

"You and Lorenz were his two closest companions during our time at Garreg Mach, I can't see him intentionally wanting nothing to do with you." She must have seen the way that Hilda's entire disposition soured at the mention of Lorenz, because Marianne lowered her head slightly. "Have things between you and him gone south as well? You seemed rather close last time, when you both came to meet Lambie."

"Okay, first of all, that's an adorable name for him," Hilda said, raising one finger, before lifting a second as she added, "and secondly, Lorenz and I have…drifted apart as friends, for lack of a better way to say it. He's just not someone I can see myself being around any longer, and that's just how I want it."

Sure, that was how she wanted it in her head, but if she began to carnally desire his presence again she wasn't sure she'd be able to keep herself from giving in to temptation. "I'm sorry to hear about that, but it certainly explains why he didn't come with you this time. But on that note, do you recall the conversation we had about what Leonie had told me about seeing you and him around the same hostel?" This was where it all fell apart, and Hilda was merely waiting for Marianne to drop the revelation on her. "She mentioned to me in her newest letter that she'd seen it happen again, but…that doesn't seem like you to have lied to me before this. You and him weren't in these places together, were you?"

"Goddess no, why would I risk everything for someone like Lorenz?" She could try laughing it off all she wanted, but Hilda was lying to someone who trusted her dearly, and she couldn't hide from that truth forever. "You know who I want to spend my time with, and it isn't anyone named Gloucester, that's for sure! We were in the same place at the same time, sure, but together? Gag me, I'd rather be dead than have that happen."

"Hilda…" Trailing off after saying her friend's name, Marianne shook her head and sighed several times, running fingers through her loose blue hair to help her collect her thoughts. "I suppose it is likely that Leonie completely misread the situation. For three of you to end up in the same place is quite the coincidence, but it's just as likely as the alternative of you lying to me over and over again."

"Which I wouldn't do," Hilda assured her, even though she was lying just to do that. "And if we happen to be in the same place again, I can promise you that I won't be cordial with him, not after my last meeting with—" She gave a loud eep when she realized what it was she was about to say, covering her mouth and looking at Marianne with wide eyes, while Marianne looked back at her with a confused expression. "—sorry, I just remembered I've been told I'm not supposed to be talking about that, even with the queen of the kingdom."

Marianne's hand slowly weaseled its way out of her hair, brushing it back behind her shoulder before she fully relaxed, exhaling the last of her deep-held breath. "You're starting to worry me, Hilda, but I doubt there's much I can do, regardless of my position. Just make sure that you stay safe and hold true to your morals, a rivalry with Lorenz is not worth throwing your life away."

All of their sexual encounters weren't worth it either, but Hilda had dug her hole on that matter and she could never let Marianne know the truth about how much she'd gambled just to have some human connection in the bedroom. "I'll take the high road every time, that's a promise," she said after thinking how bad of a spot she was in really was. "There's never going to be word getting to you about me doing the wrong thing, especially not involving that man."

"I sure hope not," Marianne replied, sounding a bit despondent, before her eyes trailed over to where her son was still enamored with his blocks, picking them up one at a time and never doing anything else. "I would hate to live in a world where you can't come all this way to visit Lambie because of choices you made."

"Yeah, that sure would suck. Anyway, mind if I, you know, get to play with him for a bit, since I did come all this way to visit him." Hilda wanted nothing more than to be over with that part of the conversation, knowing that one misstep meant nothing but horrible things for her friendship with Marianne, so distracting them both by bringing the baby into the equation would do her a favor. After giving it a moment, Marianne allowed for her to play with him, and so she sat down on the floor right beside the boy and grabbed one of his blocks, offering it to him with two fingers.

When he noticed that one of his blocks wasn't on the ground, Lambert looked around for a moment in confusion, his face scrunching up as if he was frustrated at its disappearance. He did find it, however, and gave a loud giggle when he saw it, but when he saw that it wasn't a familiar face holding it he immediately began wailing, throwing himself over backwards from his sitting position and writhing around on the ground until Marianne came to pick him up. "Sorry, I should have known that this would happen," she apologized, stroking the boy's unruly blond hair as she tried calming him down. "He's been rather fussy with anyone who isn't me or Dima as of late."

"I'd cry like that if I saw me out of nowhere too, after how much traveling I did to get here." Laughing it off as she set the block back down, Hilda watched how calmly and carefully Marianne worked to calm her son down, and for a moment she wished that she had someone to be that gentle with. The thought came as an honest shock, because she didn't know much about children for herself and she'd never really put any stock into the idea of having one of her own. But watching Marianne's kind hands doing their work, she almost wished that she could go home and start working on finding a perfect person to give her a child.

That thought lingered in Hilda's mind for the rest of the night's visit, even through the dinner that was served at the same table they'd eaten at last time she came to Fhirdiad, although with nowhere near as many people seated around it. She paid close attention to the romantic and caring banter between Dimitri and Marianne, but didn't make it obvious that she was listening in to their private words, and while they spoke she lamented the fact that she'd yet to find someone to share that relationship with. It was becoming a perfect storm of desires and wants that she knew would cause her to go crawling back to the person she wanted nothing to do with, but as far as she was aware, Lorenz was the only person who'd give her anything she wanted.

When she finally went back to the bedroom set aside for her to use later that night, her mind was flooded with the thought that she wanted something even half as great as what Marianne had ended up with by marrying Dimitri. Dreaming of being queen was a bit absurd, but thinking of potentially looking into becoming a lady of some noble house through marriage (and not just blood) was on the table. Those were the thoughts she fell asleep dwelling on, and when she woke up in the middle of the night with her stomach in knots, she tried to go back to those thoughts to keep herself calm.

Lighting the candles in the room to give her some sort of light, she rifled through her bag of belongings and grabbed her comb, working on getting her hair orderly while she waited for her body to let her fall back asleep. Instead of going according to her plan, she ended up needing to hurriedly pull her half-combed hair back into a messy ponytail and find somewhere to throw up several times, her stomach choosing not to cooperate with her. That became the story of the night, her working on her hair for a bit, then tying it back to keep it clean as she vomited over and over again, the whole situation not doing her mind any favors.

Perhaps she wasn't going to need to look into finding someone to love her when she got home, and she was instead going to be groveling at a certain someone's feet for him to take her in. That was by far the worst-case scenario, but if this sudden sickness was what she feared it could be, then it was going to be the only scenario that would be happening. "Please, Goddess, I know that I screwed up in sleeping with him, but I don't deserve to have my life ruined by having to bear a Gloucester child…just do me a favor this one time and I'll behave, promise."

Prayer wasn't going to solve anything, but damn it if Hilda wasn't going to put all of her heart into it and try to get some divine intervention working in her favor. She was almost tempted to pray to the archbishop as well, but before she could bring herself to speak the words her stomach felt like it was calming down and she was able to go back to sleep. Her dreams for the rest of the night were nightmares, full of her going through rooms with no marked entrances or exits, searching for something she couldn't find, and she was woken up unexpectedly by the sound of a baby—too young to be Lambert, that was for certain—crying somewhere in her unconscious mind. There was obviously no baby around to have been the culprit, but with it now being morning she was able to clean up her mess from overnight and finish making herself look better before sitting around idly, occasionally closing her eyes to follow up on her prayers.

Dedue came by after some time to let her out of the room, making zero judgments of how tired she seemed to be as she followed behind him down the hall. He didn't bother with making small talk this time, taking her straight to the grand dining hall where the table was once again set for a small, intimate meal. "Sit down and wait," he told her, a command she was wise not to ignore. "I'll finish preparing breakfast in time for His Majesty to join you."

"What about Marianne?" she asked in return, as she was taking her seat, and the silence was response enough to let her know that Dedue had no interest in answering her question. He disappeared out of the room, leaving her completely alone until she heard the swishing of fabric coming from somewhere else; she turned and saw Dimitri, by himself, entering to see her already waiting for him.

"I should have guessed that Dedue would have you here in a timely manner," he said with a gruff voice, clearly a bit irritated at being awake for whatever reason. "No worries, though, as we'll have a decent meal with just the three of us."

"Where's your wife, though? The Queen? The reason I came all this way to Fhirdiad?" Now it was becoming a problem that Hilda wasn't getting answers, and as much as she did not want to cause a scene, she was beginning to grow worried about where Marianne had ended up overnight. "I thought she'd be here to eat with us."

Closing his one visible eye, Dimitri inhaled a sharp breath, letting it out slowly through mostly closed lips. "She'll be here when she can be, there was a bit of an…incident with one of the nursemaids and she, with her magical prowess, had to step in to assist."

[Raising her eyebrows in surprise, Hilda felt like she had to ask, "What happened, exactly? Someone fall while holding the little prince?"

"No, this nursemaid has been off-duty for over a moon now. She recently welcomed a child of her own and found that child gravely ill overnight, and with nowhere else to turn she came here for Marianne's guidance and care." Dimitri shook his head, while Hilda visibly relaxed, realizing that the crying she'd woken up to was most likely related to this very incident. "All should be well soon enough, but she'll be occupied with that until she feels someone else can take control of the situation."

"Well, hopefully it all works out and that happens sooner rather than later. I already miss having her here at breakfast, and she is the reason I'm here, after all." Eating with Dimitri wasn't really fun, given that he couldn't taste what he was eating and therefore any small talk about the quality of their food was off-limits; still, though, Hilda was going to do her best to remain cordial and upbeat about the whole situation, even if it was a bit of a bummer.

Soon enough Dedue was bringing in a meal fit for the royalty it was served to, flanked by maids who were helping with the assortment of food, and once everything was on the table he took the seat on Dimitri's blind side, Hilda having been seated one chair away on the other side. "The maids assured me they would be feeding the prince this morning," he announced, watching the king nod in acceptance of what he heard. "There should be enough here for the three of us, plus the queen if she manages to pry herself away from her duties in time to eat."

"What, she doesn't get to eat if she's not back soon enough?" Hilda asked, almost taking a bite of the first pastry she'd grabbed, her stomach completely empty after the previous night's endeavor. "That's not very fair, she's helping someone who needed it."

"The rules are that the meal ceases when the reigning leader is finished," Dimitri explained, turning his head slightly to look straight at Dedue before chuckling. "However, in this sort of a situation I would be beyond willing to allow the rules to be bent, as Marianne deserves as much of a meal as the rest of us, especially with her unexpectedly coming into such an important task this morning."

"Yes, of course, Your Majesty," Dedue said, knowing that he would have been the one to incite the rule and he was the one who needed to know not to do so. "I'll make sure that the maids keep some pastries for her consumption rather than merely taking them out into the town as they usually do."

By that point, Hilda had scarfed down an entire pastry and was going for her second, her side-eyeing Dimitri and how he'd not even taken a bite yet. "You mean you donate these to the people of Fhirdiad when you're finished with what you want? That's rather caring, glad to hear you've got some kind bones in that body of yours."

"Please, it's merely so that no food goes to waste, we don't do it to gain respect or care from our people. It was Marianne's idea to start it. All baked goods go to the people of the city, all vegetables go to the animals." Chuckling again, Dimitri finally began to eat and soon all three of them were eating in silence, only the occasional sound of voices from the kitchen and elsewhere in the castle carrying into the dining hall.

An interruption came in the form of a nursemaid entering with the prince in her arms, looking around in confusion as she didn't see Marianne present. "E-excuse me, but where is the queen?" she asked timidly, trying not to sound too nervous in the presence of the king, his most trusted advisor, and their visitor from faraway lands. "I had thought now was the time to bring Lambert to her, but I…don't seem to see her anywhere."

"Oh, yes, that would be right about now, wouldn't it?" Setting what he was holding of his meal down, Dimitri held out his arms towards the maid, who seemed even more timid at his display. "Here, give him to me, I understand that tradition may say that the king shouldn't be quite so hands-on with child-rearing, but I'm not going to force you to keep watching my son after your time of duty is over."

"Right, of course," the maid replied, gingerly walking towards the table, carrying the boy as he looked around with light shining in his eyes. As she passed him off to Dimitri's waiting arms, she seemed to be breathing heavily, to the point that Hilda would have certainly asked her what her problem was if she wasn't still in the middle of eating for herself. Once she no longer had the prince in her care the maid gave a frantic curtsey and scurried out of the room, heading back down the wing from which she first came.

Now with the child in his arms, it was a lot harder for Dimitri to get back to eating, because every time he would lift his food, Lambert's little hand would be reaching towards it, him babbling in his own language. "Do you want someone else to hold him for you?" Hilda asked, initially intending it as her offering to find a different person to do it before realizing that she'd more or less finished eating for herself and could use some time cuddling the boy. "I can totally do it for you, if you'd like."

"It's quite fine, I can manage this," he replied, only for the boy's hand to make contact with the food and knock it to the floor, him looking up at his father with a bright, barely-toothed smile as if he'd done something to be proud of. While Dedue got up to clean up the mess, Hilda decided she wasn't taking Dimitri's no as an answer and she rose from her seat herself, carefully grabbing Lambert and holding him close to her heart, the boy's face contorting into an upset expression while she sat back down with him. "Ah, yes, very well, you can hold him for the time being. Hopefully Marianne will be with us soon."

"Don't worry, I can hold him all day if I need to," she said, stroking the back of the boy's head to try and keep him from crying. "I'd be lying if I said that I didn't come here to see him as much as I came to see his mother."

There was probably something said after that, but Hilda was getting transfixed by the child she was holding, the way he was calming down as he got to be more comfortable in her arms. The rest of the meal went on without her mentally being present, as she was so focused on what the prince was doing that she couldn't really be bothered to care about anything going on around her. It was almost like she felt unconditional love for this boy, the child of her closest friend, and it was not helping matters about her sort of wanting one of her own; with the prayers she'd been making that morning, she hoped that now wasn't the time she'd get to have her own child, but sometime in the near future, so that they could be friends with the kingdom's prince.

Whatever happened next, she really hoped that it worked out in a way that was beneficial for her as a person, and if it happened that the child she kind of desperately wanted belonged to a certain purple-haired man, then she'd have to just roll with those punches.

Hilda didn't get to see Marianne that day until dinnertime, because she was kept occupied with the nursemaid who'd had the sick child until then, but she was able to get to spend the day with Dimitri, Dedue, and Lambert whenever the maids didn't have him. They went out into the city at one point, the people of Fhirdiad cheering at the presence of their king and prince, and Hilda felt like she was an unnecessary addition to the group as they went through the city streets. Yes, she lived in a unified Fódlan under the name of the Kingdom, and yes, she was proud of the fact that she'd fought on the right side of the war to make it that way, but there was something about being on her lonesome in the presence of this royal family that made her feel like she didn't belong. Perhaps it was the fact that she was still hung up on a different nation's king, but she knew she couldn't dwell on that.

"Do you ever get tired of watching this sort of thing?" she asked Dedue as they were moving along, him sternly looking out over the throngs of people who'd flocked to the streets for their king's unexpected trip through town. "It must get old after a while."

"The day I get tired of watching will be the day someone has ill intentions with their viewing," he replied in a sharp whisper. "I will not let His Majesty fall to an attack by one of his own people, and that will only happen if I let myself become bored with the work."

She grimaced, knowing that wasn't the only way it could happen, but she didn't want to seem like she'd thought of more possibilities that could take place. "Fair enough, but know that I don't envy you one bit. I could never be the guard for a king. Too much work."

"An expected comment coming from you, I'm afraid."

"Yeah, well, laziness like mine doesn't disappear after a few years, it's really ingrained in my soul." She laughed, and Lambert must have been able to hear her over the roar of the crowds because he started laughing as well, his round cheeks lighting up a furious red. "The prince seems to think I'm funny."

"Hilda, he finds anything and everything funny, don't take it personally." With that, Dedue seemed finished with talking to her and she couldn't really blame him, as she was being quite the distraction from his protection duties. At one point they passed by what looked to be an orphanage, and the only reason Hilda could guess that was because she swore she saw someone that looked like Mercedes outside, waving gently towards the group, but she didn't dare call any attention to it. She couldn't bring herself to ask about it then, not even when she was almost positive that the only person to return that wave was Dedue, which seemed like a break from his otherwise serious behavior.

However, when she did get to see Marianne later that day, after their lovely dinner with just the small, core group of them, she brought it up before Marianne had the chance to ask her about Lorenz or anything of that sort again. "So, uh, you keep much contact with Mercedes?" she asked, while Marianne was in the process of changing Lambert into his nightclothes. "While we were out earlier, I thought I saw her, but I…wasn't sure if it was her or a lookalike, you know?"

"Oh, yes, Mercie comes around quite often. She runs an orphanage in town, although it never seems to be running at full occupancy, thanks to her care and access to resources for adoptive families." Marianne mumbled something under her breath, looking at Hilda with a small smile once she'd finished. "It's always a treat when she can come by for dinner, but usually she's busy with her work."

"Makes sense, running an orphanage has to be draining." Now that she was talking about it, Hilda realized that she could easily just ask Ashe for this information in the future, but something about what she'd seen earlier in the day didn't feel like it matched up with what he knew. "I heard that she likes inviting others over to eat at the orphanage, though, and she's always got places for people to stay there."

"Mm, yeah, that's probably true, I'd always suspected she's who a certain head of House Gaspard stays with when he comes into town, since he refuses to sleep here at the castle." Speaking in her soft way, Marianne's eyes met Hilda's and she seemed like she wanted to say something else but she bit her tongue, shifting her gaze back onto her son. "It's a shame, I quite like getting to spend time with Ashe when he's here, but if his preference is to sleep elsewhere, I cannot fault him."

"It's not like he comes all this way just to spend time with you, I guess it makes sense that he may want to stay elsewhere." Gears were beginning to turn in Hilda's head about some of Ashe's intentions when he was in Fhirdiad, but she wasn't sure if she was going to cross that bridge, or if she was going to wait for him to do it himself. "What a shame, though, that other people might not want what's best for him, right?"

"I'm not entirely sure I understand," Marianne admitted. "I'm fairly certain that Mercie letting him stay with her is what's best for him, since it's what he wants."

"Then what about…oh, never mind, it's not important." The choice to not bring up what she'd seen between Mercie and Dedue was a risky one, since she'd started on that talk, but if someone was getting flirty with two different men, then that was no place for Hilda to be making any judgment. She saw that Marianne was still looking away from her, and she hoped that meant the topic wasn't going to be pushed further. "I did get told to go see her myself sometime, and maybe I will."

"Perhaps it would be a good thing, you do have friends in this town that aren't just me, after all. Remembering they exist could do you well." Picking Lambert up to snuggle him close to her, Marianne finally looked at Hilda with her gentle smile firmly upon her lips. "Next time you visit, we can try to invite others to spend time here at the castle with you, and meet Mercie for dinner at her orphanage."

"Like Sylvain and Ingrid?" Hilda suggested, to which Marianne nodded. "I saw them yesterday before I got here, actually. Sylvain was having a drink at the tavern with Ashe and Ingrid came in to retrieve him." She paused, seeing the way that Marianne was shifting her eyes away again. "What, is there something there you want to tell me?"

Marianne softly laughed, shaking her head as her loose blue hair bounced all around. "No, nothing at all. Nothing for me to be saying, at any rate."

"Right. Well, I'd be interested in having a meeting with them here at the castle, they missed out last time there was a whole group. It was just Felix and Annette here, which, by the way, totally appreciated it being Dedue waiting for me yesterday instead of Felix." Hilda wanted to ask about why those two weren't around, but it was then that Lambert started getting agitated with something and his emotional outburst put a damper on their conversation.

There would be more time to talk over the next two days, before Hilda had to head back home to Goneril territory, her parting with her best friend bittersweet as she never felt quite as loved as she did when she was with Marianne. "We'll see each other again soon, perhaps again before the weather turns colder," she assured Hilda, who'd packed her bag and was ready to go retrieve her horse. "I'll send word when I have a time that everyone can meet here at the castle. It'll be fantastic, I know it."

"I'll be waiting eagerly for your letter," Hilda replied, knowing that it would be something to look forward to, even if the ride into Fhirdiad was a pain to deal with multiple times in one year. "Just make sure it's not next moon, will you?"

"No promises on that, I'm afraid, as it all depends on when others are available. Maybe you can talk someone to come with you. I know that there are several who would." They hugged several times, those words lingering on Hilda's mind when they parted and she was escorted out of the castle, retracing her steps from days before to the stable where her horse had been boarded. She hoped that one of the people who'd been hinted at wasn't Lorenz, but knowing Marianne she probably meant any old classmate at all, not just one in specific.

Just thinking about having to make that trip again with Lorenz at any point in the future made Hilda's stomach start to turn, a feeling she'd been hopeful had been a one-time thing that first night there in town. Thankfully for her, by the time she returned home to Holst and the home she knew with him leading their land, she was completely positive that she had nothing to worry about relating to the Gloucester man, and she was looking forward to living her life without his shadow dampening her spirits.

But nothing was going to be easy for Hilda, not with the grave she'd dug for herself regarding him, and sooner or later, she was going to have to lie down and accept what she'd wrought.

A/N: going forward, this fic will be optimized for reading on AO3, but it will still be posted here, albeit with some...formatting changes. also, I aim to update once each month, so be on the lookout for that!