Day 5 - The daughter of winter (II)

I started with the fire. It was where I met Kiritsugu for the first time, and it was what came to define Emiya Shirou as a person. It felt right to tell it from the very beginning, and to leave as few details out as I could.

At first, Illya seemed to be of half a mind to ignore my rambling and walk away. I could see that I had her attention though, and I pressed on, turning my gaze to the greying sky.

I talked about our daily life at the Emiya household and his relationship with Fuji-nee. Of course, I also remembered to mention the bits of teaching he gave me in regards to magecraft.

Halfway through, I glance to my right and see Illya has sat down and made herself comfortable beside me on the park bench again. She does not look at me however, opting to stare resolutely downwards at her legs swinging agitatedly in midair.

"—In hindsight, he was a terrible teacher," I chuckle as I look back up at the sky.

"I guess he didn't want me to walk down the path of a magus, but now that I've seen Tohsaka in action, I really do wish I could do more. But he did at least teach me the basics of magecraft. A magus walks with death. I know it may be obvious to a competent magus, but whenever I manufacture a Magic Circuit through my spine, I really do grasp a feeling how dangerous practicing magecraft is.

"So from there, he started to teach me strengthening magecraft, starting w—"

A loud unladylike groan beside me interrupts my vocalised thoughts.

"Aaaaaah, stupid Kiritsugu! Is he trying to kill Shirou?! What kind of training is that? Using the nerves in his spine as a conduit for od when he has perfectly good circuits that he can use? What kind of…!"

As if she can no longer stand staying quiet anymore, she slams her small balled fists against the bench and pulls at my sleeve. I almost recoil at how furious she looks as she finally meets my eyes.

"I can't sit around and listen to this silently! Listen Shirou, a Magic Circuit is not something you make each time, but something you have inside you. You need to open them, pour your od through and then convert that to magecraft. This is ridiculous, Shirou! A legitimate magus would never imagine a heretic whose nerves are his Magic Circuit, let alone one that uses his spinal cord as one! How long did you say you were practicing this for? And you do this daily? No no no, that's beyond reckless…!"

Illya begins to rant as if what I said is an affront to her, almost more so than the topic of Kiritsugu itself. I do my best to take in what she says but I'm not following well. I also feel a slight irrational pinch of irritation at having my daily training be invalidated so easily.

"—So you're saying that I misunderstood what the old man said and have been doing it wrong all this time?"

"Yes! I can't believe you're lucky enough to have survived all this time. Do you know how lethal it can be for someone who messes up something like that? You could've permanently damaged your entire spine! Ah, I knew that something was wrong when we met that night, how you had almost no magical signature despite being a Master!"

…she doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon. In a sense I'm glad she's now no longer thinking about leaving, but I also feel a bit frustrated at myself for not doing my training correctly.

"—Before you blame yourself Shirou, this is entirely Kiritsugu's fault alright? What kind of master would let an apprentice use such an incorrect way of training, and not even notice this major error? This is why! This! Is! Why! Mama didn't learn the Engel Lied properly, and shoddily skipped all the crafting steps! No, this is even worse isn't it, not even teaching Shirou how to open his circuits properly—!?"

"—"

I can't cut in at all. She's gone full automatic now and I have a feeling she'll get even angrier if I say anything unnecessary.

Then all of a sudden —

"—I give up! This is too much! I'll fix this!"

Illya finally seems to have reached a conclusion of some sort.

Before I can react, she climbs onto the bench, crawls over next to me and shoves me forward slightly. I feel her small palms on my back, but more importantly, she's too close too close I'm smelling her smell it smells sweet—

And then suddenly, the blinding pain hits.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH—"

I cannot help but scream at the top of my lungs. It feels as if hot molten iron is being poured through my spine, and at the same time, the sensation of a thousand needles prick me all around my body. My first instinct is to swipe at the little girl's hands to get rid of the pain, but I find my entire right side of the body completely numb.

"—HHHHHGRRRAAAAAAAAAA—"

"Come on, you're too loud Shirou. You've suffered worse surely."

Yes, at your Berserker's hands! is what I want to shoot back, but I cannot even find the right words to come out of my mouth. In fact, nothing in my body listens to me at all. All I can do is scream and wait for the pain to end.

"There we go, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

Illya is in front of me again, twirling around me in a carefree manner as she analyses my crumpled self with an innocent happy smile.

How long has it been...? I wish I could share her joy, but I am doing all I can to not black out in exhaustion as I flop helplessly against the back of the bench. The pain has mostly subsided now, but in place of it is a feeling of numbness from the top of my shoulders to my torso.

"I…lly…aaa…"

"Ahaha onii-chan sounds like a zombie!"

"W…hyyyyy…"

"Wow, I did Shirou a favour and all you do is complain!"

I don't need to see her face to know that was a childish pout. I respond by means of another groan.

"Look, I know I might have slightly, ever so slightly overdone it by pushing too much magical energy into your Circuits, but I didn't expect them to be this neglected. But anyway, they should be open now. The reason why you feel numb right now is because your Circuits are in a state of shock, having been put to use for the first time. Don't worry, it's temporary! You should be back to peak condition in a few days!"

A few days?! But what about patrolling Fuyuki during this time then? Saber would have my head for this…! But no, more importantly…

"…I…I feel some kind of thumping in my body…"

"That's normal, don't worry about it," Illya comments offhandedly. "It's just your Circuits waking up and functioning normally again. Besides, if I did mess up and permanently cripple your body, we would know by now anyway. I think."

Excuse me?

"Also also! Hmm~hmm~! I do have a backup plan if we do need to transfer your soul to a new container…I have a lot of teddy bears to choose from after all…"

Wait wait wait—!

"Oh don't look so panicked onii-chan, I was just kidding about the teddy bears. I'll pick a suitable container for you if it does come to that. Maybe Sella can help me decide on one…"

Survival instincts kick in and I force strength into my numb and abused body. I slowly sit back up to face Illya, who is still swaying around in front of me with a bright innocent smile.

"N-no, it's fine. See? My right side is already regaining its feeling. The left side is still numb but…" I protest weakly as I try moving my left arm. It feels like moving a tree branch or a block of wood, like the limb does not belong to me.

Regardless, I need to get our conversation back on track before things end badly for me.

"Right, so where were we?"

"…"

Illya puts her finger on her chin and blinks in confusion.

"…Where were we what? Where's your new body?"

"No no no, where were we on our conversation—ah."

I recall what started this entire incident just as she does, and once again the air freezes. I notice what should be a gentle breeze blowing by, but in this cold weather and in this situation it feels like a fraction of an arctic snowstorm just hit me in the face.

Illya's bright grin has disappeared, and in place there is a small, melancholic smile.

"It's fine, Shirou. You were right. I did want to know more about him after all," she says to me. She's stopped swaying and twirling of course, and the fact that the small girl in front of me is standing at attention unnerves me for a second.

But that second passes and she turns around to leave the park.

We will be enemies again once the sun sets.

But…

"Can I talk with you again, Ilya?"

Illya turns around, shocked. She looks down nervously, tapping her boots against the frozen ground.

"U-Um, I don't know. Do you want to see me again, Shirou?"

"Of course. I wouldn't ask you if I didn't want to."

"Besides," I continue. "I've not told you all about the old man yet. I've still got a lot to tell you about, such as his dealings with the yakuza, or his numerous trips overseas, or the numerous times Fuji-nee got him in trouble…"

I trail off when I notice that Illya has opened her eyes even wider than before, a mixture of shock and confusion written all over her face.

I scratch my head, thinking back to what I said.

"…Ah, right. Yakuza are basically Japanese gangsters you know. Oh but they're not all that bad, even if they look dangero—Illya…?"

The little girl has already turned her back on me and is running out of the park.

And then.

She stops and turns around.

"I was lying. He is someone I know."

Ah, she's talking about Kiritsugu.

"See you again, onii-chan."

As she leaves the area, I shout to her as loud as I can.

"I'll come here again tomorrow! I'll be waiting for you!"

She continues to sprint off without looking back.

As I watch her small figure slowly exit my line of sight, I mutter to myself, almost as if trying to sort out my tired and confused mind.

"Illya. Illyasviel von Einzbern. Old man, did you…?"

My mind continues to think about the fairy-like girl as I slip into a blissful nap, all alone on the park bench.