Going to the mall had been a great idea, if Bucky said so himself. He got to spend the day goofing around with his kid, as they shopped for new clothes -who said ex assassins couldn't dress nice?- and went to a movie. They had just left the theater, making their way through the crowd of people when alexei stopped in his tracks. Coming to a halt as well, Bucky followed his sons gaze to a fancy looking bake shop. No surprise there, alexei had a sweet tooth just like his mother. before the elder Barnes could even think of saying no, his kid whipped his head around with one of his pleading little looks, and all hopes of avoiding a sugar high child were gone. Bucky was powerless against those soft green eyes. It was Probably why his wife and kid got their way with him; seeing as how they both had the same green irises, he just couldn't say no. Sighing, Bucky grabbed his boys hand muttering out "cmon let's go to candy land"
"Yay thanks papa!" Alexei squealed, unbothered about holding his fathers hand in public. The teen bounced along beside his dad, talking a mile a minute about what treats they might find. After a few minutes wait in line, they were at the register ordering. Alexei chose the 'Red White and Blue Cupcake' - Steve would get a kick out of that - the massive cupcake consisted of some kind of blue cake with white icing and some sort of red syrup drizzled on top. Bucky opting for a piece of decadent looking chocolate cake, half of which his kid would most likely eat.
Satisfied with the order, Bucky paid the lady at the cash register. The super soldier and his son made their way to a table, in the corner of the shop, discussing the movie they had seen. About 5 minutes later, their conversation was interrupted by a worker bringing the sweets out to them, placing the treats on the table before sauntering back behind the counter. Both of the Barnes boys dug into the dessert, alexei 'stealing' bites off his fathers plate; just like the man knew he would. After a couple minutes of comfortable silence, Bucky looked up from his cake to see his kid, with icing on his nose.
"You have icing on your nose kiddo" Bucky said chuckling.
"I can't help it this cupcake is huge" alexei said as he tried to look at his nose, his eyes crossing. Bucky used the pointer finger of his right hand to swipe the icing off his boys cute little nose; causing the teen to start giggling at the tickling sensation. Feeling that familiar warmth in his chest at that little giggle, Bucky fixed his gaze on his child, smiling widely. It seemed like a perfect moment... until It wasn't. Alexei's giggles were cut off and replaced with a low wheezing sound. Immediately in a panic, Bucky jumped up and was next to his son; hand on his child's back, voice frantic.
"Малыш, what's wrong?!"
Whipping his head around to find the other patrons of the bake shop staring, Bucky hollers out, "somebody call an ambulance!"
It was as he was turning back to his kid, that Bucky froze in fear. There on the table sat alexei's cupcake, The red white and blue cupcake. Bucky could see that the blue hue of the cake, came from the blueberries that were inside. Maybe that wasn't a huge deal to most people, But this sent a wave of terror over the already scared father. His son was allergic to blueberries. His kid was having an allergic reaction, his kid couldn't breathe! That thought had him quickly turning back to his child, the one that's his whole world. The boys lips looked slightly swollen, and he was still wheezing. One of the workers came running up to them. She had a phone pressed to her ear, presumably telling an emergency operator the situation at hand; but Bucky couldn't hear what she was saying. All he could hear was the wheezing gasps coming from his only child; his precious son, who didn't have an epipen, and neither did Bucky. Quickly turning back towards the other people in the restaurant, he frantically called out,
"Does anyone have an epipen?!"
No response, just apologetic and fearful looks from the strangers around him. How could he not have an epipen for his child? Guilt washed over him, he was a terrible father. His child was having an allergic reaction and he couldn't stop it. If anything happened to alexei, it would be his fault and he would never forgive himself. No, he couldnt think like that. His baby was going to be fine and he would never be in this situation again. He was gonna make sure that he, Natasha, alexei and the team all had epipens. If you wanted to be around his kid alone -which probably wouldn't be happening for a while.- you would have to have an epipen; this was gonna be nonnegotiable. It had only been about a minute since the wheezing had started, but that was too long for the super soldier. Once again turning back to his son, He easily picked up the child, -who now had tears streaming down his face- and cradled him close.
Alexei immediately fisted his hand in his fathers shirt, getting as close as he could to his papa. He was scared. He had just been sitting there eating his cupcake and laughing, when all of the sudden his throat felt strange and he couldn't breathe right. Then his dad was next to him saying something he didn't quite hear, turning his head and shouting for an ambulance a moment later. His dad was turning back to him when suddenly he froze. Alexei forced himself to look at what made his fathers movements cease, and he wished he hadn't. His father was looking at the cupcake in front of them, The cupcake that had blueberries in it. How had he not noticed the cupcake had blueberries?! He was allergic to blueberries! Fear filled the boys chest as he continued wheezing, now knowing the cause. He vaguely registered someone who wasn't his papa, standing close to them talking on a phone in rushed tones. Then he heard his dad calling out, fear in his voice, asking if anyone had an epipen; nobody responding. Alexei felt guilt gnaw at him. He should have brought an epipen, He had them, but he really didn't think he would need it. Who needs an epipen when your allergic to blueberries? He didn't think you could accidentally eat a blueberry, but apparently he was wrong. Now his dad was worried and he could hardly breathe. tears welled up in his eyes before spilling out onto his cheeks, the panic he felt making him wheeze more harshly. Then suddenly he was being picked up and cradled in a pair of strong arms, one harder than the other. They were his papas arms, one flesh and one metal, a safe place. He immediately grabbed onto his fathers shirt, burrowing as close as he could to the man. Cuddled into his dads embrace he tried to calm down, but it wasn't working like it normally did. He couldn't stop wheezing and his mouth felt all weird now. His breathing accelerated, causing him to wheeze harder. he just wanted to go home and snuggle on the couch, with both his parents. Not able to stop himself, alexei let out a ragged whimper. Immediately he felt his father pull him closer with his metal arm, his flesh hand going up to run fingers through his hair, all while whispering soft reassurances in his ear. Panic easing at his fathers touch, and gentle words, alexei's wheezes calmed; but only to the same level they had been before the anxiety had set in.
Bucky could feel his kid getting worked up in his arms, wheezing becoming heavier, as he no doubt panicked. He immediately pulled him closer, running his fingers through the boys silky waves of red hair, muttering reassurance to his son. That seemed to help, because the wheezing lessened to what it was a few moments ago. He looked down and saw that tears were still streaming down his child's cheeks. His heart clenched, he hated to see his baby boy cry, he deserved to be happy all the time. There should only ever be tears of joy on his face, never tears of fear or sorrow. Not caring if the people around him thought he was insane, he started singing softly to the boy in his arms. Bucky knew Alexei loved it when either he or Natasha sang to him, he said It made him feel warm and safe. The wheezing continued, but the panic seemed to have subsided as much as possible, Bucky just kept up his soft crooning. After going through the lullaby twice, the doors to the bake shop opened and two paramedics came bustling in. Bucky felt an instant relief, though it was small; he wouldn't feel completely comfortable, until this was all over.
After explaining quickly what happened, the one of the EMTs stabbed an epipen into his sons thigh while the other checked his vitals. Alexei's oxygen was lower than normal so they slipped an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, before loading him onto a gurney.
Bucky had stayed by his sons side the entire ride in the ambulance, and that didn't change once they got to the hospital. A nurse or someone had tried to pull him out of the room, to get his and alexei's information; that obviously didn't happen. The lady had settled on getting the information from Bucky while he stood by his child's bedside, as the doctor looked him over. the boys wheezes had lessened and were sounding closer to normal breaths, that gave Bucky a little more relief. But nothing compared to when the doctor had said his son would be okay, that they were just gonna watch him for a few hours before discharging them. The doctor left after that, telling him a nurse would be in, to give alexei some medicine in a moment.
After taking some medicine the nurse gave him, alexei was feeling pretty exhausted. Who knew having an allergic reaction was so tiring? He heard the doctor tell his papa it would be a few hours, that was a little frustrating; he just wanted to be home, He was missing his mama. He turned to face his dad, who had his face in his hands; looking relieved but exhausted as well. His desire to have his mother there intensified, papa was tired and probably needed comfort too. While alexei was happy to comfort his dad, even if he was worn out from the days events; he knew his mama was super awesome at making him and his papa feel better. Deciding it was time to call her, alexei cleared his throat, causing his father to look up from his hands, at him.
"I Want mama" alexei murmured.
At the mention of Natasha buckys eyes grew wide. Oh gosh, he hasn't called Natasha! He hasn't called his wife! He hasn't told his sons mother that her baby had an allergic reaction, and had to be rushed to the hospital! She was gonna kill him, he was sure. Fresh guilt filled him, He let their baby boy get hurt, and he didn't even call to let her know. She was gonna be furious with him, and he knew he deserved it. Snapping him out of his thoughts was alexei's worried tone as he continued to speak.
"Papa? Are you okay? I didn't mean it like that, i didn't mean I didn't want you when I said that! I'm sorry! I just want mama too! I'm sorry I didn't mean it!"
Buckys heart broke. Of course his sweet boy would interpret the look on his face, as being hurt and offended that he wanted his mother. He knew alexei liked to have both his parents when he didn't feel good. Besides, he would never hold it against his son if he wanted his mother over him. It might hurt a little, but he would understand. That being said, he knew what his son had meant, that he wanted his mom too. Bucky was already there, you didn't need to want what you already had.
Smiling softly, he grabbed his kids hand.
Малыш, I know you didn't mean it like that, you don't have to be sorry. It's okay, papa knows, he assured as he rubbed his thumb across his sons knuckles.
Alexei took a deep breath, visibly relaxing at his fathers words. He didn't want his papa to think he didn't want him. He was glad the man knew better.
"So what's wrong then?" Alexei asked with confusion on his face.
Sighing, Bucky rubbed a hand down his face. "I forgot to call mama. She's gonna be upset that I didn't call her sooner."
Bucky decided that was a good enough answer, he wasn't about to tell his kid that Natasha was gonna eat him alive for not paying attention, and getting their kid hurt; and on top of it, not being prepared when it happened.
Frowning at the stressed out look on his dads face, alexei said, "it's okay papa, she'll be okay when you tell her I'm fine."
Bucky smiled at his boy, wishing what he said was true, before responding.
"Yeah munchkin, you're right, will you be okay in here while I step out in the hall? to call her?"
Smiling warmly at his dad, alexei nodded his head, glad his papa had listened to him. Watching his dad walk out the door, he felt his eyes droop. The exhaustion was weighing heavy on him now, they could wake him up when his mama got there, right? Deciding that they would, alexei closed his eyes fully and drifted off to sleep.
Once in the hall, Bucky pulled out his phone, bringing up his wife's contact. Natasha was training with Steve today for a mission, that was why she hadn't come to the mall with them. Sighing, he pressed the call button, even if she was gonna be furious with him, he still needed her. She was his partner, the woman he loved no matter what, the mother of his child; he would always need her, always want her.
After a few rings, the call was picked up; Steve's voice coming across the line.
"Hey buck! Nats just grabbing a drink, what's up? You and my nephew having fun today?"
Hearing his best friends voice was enough to make a small smile appear on bucky's face. Steve had always been a brother to him. He didn't think he could love Steve more, until he saw how he was with Natasha and Alexei. Steve took his role as brother-in-law and uncle very seriously, always extra aware when out in public with his sister-in-law and nephew. He knew Steve would protect them with his life, while he hoped that would never have to happen; he was exceedingly grateful to have a brother that loved his family so much, he would do anything for them.
The small smile Bucky had, dropped as he prepared to break the knews about his son.
"Hey Steve. Uhm actually that's why I'm calling. Can you get Natasha for me?"
Steve's voice was full of concern as he answered. "Yeah of course, is everything alright? Is alexei okay? Are you okay?"
"We're fine now Steve, I really need to talk to nat though"
"Okay hold on" Steve said, and Bucky could tell he had caught it, when he said 'we're fine now' and not 'we're fine'. There was rustling on the line and then his wife's voice flooded over the speaker, full of anxiety.
"James? What's wrong? Are you and alexei okay?"
"There was an incident, милая, I'm so sorry I didn't call sooner. We're at the hospital-"
Before he could finish, Natasha cut him off, sounding extremely worried but firm. "Which hospital, I'm on my way" and then. "Steve, get the car we have to go! What happened James? Where's alaexei? let me talk to him!"
Natasha was out, this wasn't good. Bucky tried to be soothing when he spoke, but knew it wouldn't do much good.
"We're at mount sinai, Alexei had an allergic reaction, and he had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital. He's fine now, I promise Natasha. I promise you, our son is okay, I've already spoken to the doctor. They're just keeping us a few hours for observation"
Bucky went to let out a breath, but it came out choked. Tears welled up in his eyes as he tried to assure his wife their child was okay, all the while knowing this was his fault.
Even though James had just said alexei was fine, natasha was still out over what she just heard. Her baby had an allergic reaction? He had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital? And she was just now hearing about it?
"What do you mean James? Why am I just now hearing about this?! Let me talk to my son?!" Natasha couldn't help the anger that bled into her voice. Rationally she knew her husband hadn't kept this from her. He had probably freaked out and been focused on their child's well-being. It's what she would do, she knew that, but her maternal instincts had kicked into overdrive, and she wasn't thinking her words through. Her husband's voice was small, and full of guilt and pain when he answered.
I'm so sorry, Natasha, I'm so so sorry I didn't tell you" his voice broke as he continued speaking, barely holding back a sob. "I was just so scared, I was trying to make sure he was okay, And then I was so relieved when they said he was gonna be fine. It was only 5 minutes after I found out he was fine, that I called you, I promise... but I should've called before then. I should've called in the ambulance, but we didn't have his epipen and I... I... I-I'm so sorry милая, this is my fault!" Bucky couldn't help it, he broke down, quiet sobs escaping his mouth.
Natasha was in the passenger seat of Steve's car, they were already on their way to mount sinai. Steve had tried to get her to tell him what had happened but she couldn't answer him. She was sat there, frozen in her seat. The epipen. They didn't have alexei's epipen. They never really carried it with them. And now her son had needed it, and didn't have it. Guilt rocked her to her core as she thought of her baby, not being able to breathe. Her husband there, but not being able to give their son the medicine he needed. And she had went and snapped at him, he didn't deserve that. It was both of their faults this happened, but he was there. He took care of their son, he saved their baby. And she had gotten angry he hadn't called sooner. Of course he didn't call sooner. He was being a good father, making sure his son stayed alive. Now he was blaming himself. Natasha was not only a terrible mother, she was a terrible wife.
"No, no милый, Don't say that, I'm sorry my love. Please don't cry" Natasha managed to say over her own tears.
Natasha looked out the window, and noticed they were pulling up to the hospital. Steve swerved into a parking space, stomping the brakes so he didn't drive up the curb. The both jumped out of the car and ran into the hospital going straight to reception. She was still on the phone with Bucky, who hadn't said anything yet, but she could hear his ragged breaths as he tried to stop crying.
"We're here, милый, it's okay I'm here, I'll see you in a minute" she said before hanging up. Hopefully he still wanted to see her.
Steve had already gotten the room number from the receptionist, while Natasha was hanging up with Bucky. Steve led the way since Natasha hadn't heard the room number, as they turned the corner, about half way down the hall, stood Bucky. Her husband looked exhausted. His hair was a mess, he had a tendency to run his hands through it when he was stressed. His face was red and blotchy, tear stains still on his cheeks. She wanted to run straight into his arms. She wanted him to comfort her, and she wanted to comfort him. But she needed to see her son first. She knew he would understand, their child always came before anything, even each other. That was how they wanted it. How the needed it to be, they couldn't make it without that boy. And Bucky had done that, put their son first. And she got mad at him for it. She tried not to let that weight crush her long enough to get through the door Bucky was standing next to. She ran her hand over her husbands as she pushed open the door to her sons hospital room, Steve and Bucky following in behind her.
There on the bed, in the center of the room, was her boy, her baby. He was sleeping peacefully curled up on his side, snuggling a pillow. He was alive, and breathing, and absolutely perfect. She stepped over to the side of the bed, before leaning down to run a hand through her son's wavy hair that matched the color of her own. As soon as her fingers touched alexei's scalp, he leaned into the touch, smiling softly in his sleep. She removed her hand and pressed a kiss to his forehead, turning to look at Bucky, who had a small smile on his face despite how tired he looked. She crossed the room and threw herself into his strong arms, immediately crying softly into his chest. He instinctively hugged her close, kissing her hair, and rubbing his hand over her back.
He looked down at her, at the same time she looked up at him, their eyes meeting. They stared at each other for a long while, before Bucky broke the silence. Pain filled his eyes as he spoke.
"I'm so sorry my love, this was my fault I'm so sor-"
He didn't get to finish what he was saying because Natasha cut him off with a kiss, it was slow and sweet and full of love. Bucky kissing her back, pouring his love out to her. She broke away from the kiss, looking her husband in the eyes as she said
"this wasn't your fault james... not entirely"
She hated to blame him, but she was also blaming herself. It was their fault that this had happened. Sure the cupcake was an accident and nobody was being blamed for it. But the fact that there was no epipen. That was on Bucky and herself, Alexei may have been 14, and old enough to know to carry it. But they had also never really made a big deal out of it, nor told him to carry it with him. So this was on them. They failed their kid.
"Of course this is my fault" Bucky grumbled, looking at the floor. "I didn't bring his epipen"
Natasha sighed, lifting his chin with her finger.
"You're right, but it's also my fault. Neither of us carry it with us, if I would've been there instead of you, I wouldn't have had it either. It's just not something i think about, he's allergic to blueberries, it's not a common food allergy. I didn't think he needed the pen."
She felt shame along with the guilt. They had acted like their kids allergy wasn't a big deal. And then he had an allergic reaction and could have died, because they didn't take it seriously.
Bucky eyes widened at her words, he wanted to refute them... but she was right. While he still felt more responsible, because it happened on his watch, they were both to blame. They hadn't taken It as seriously as they should have. They hadn't spoken to alexei about the importance of carrying an epipen. If either of them had, then maybe he would have had it himself. But he was a kid and followed his parents lead, and if they didn't make a big deal out of it, then he wouldn't. They knew that. They should have done better. So squaring his shoulders, Bucky looked at his wife.
"You're right. We failed as parents today. But now we know not to do that again. We know to always have an epipen on hand and to make sure alexei does as well. And if he's alone with the team then they all need to have one too . I'm sure Steve will carry one all the time now."
Speaking of Steve, he wasn't in the room. He must have ducked out once he saw Alexei was fine, giving Bucky and Natasha time to figure things out.
Natasha took in what Bucky said, agreeing with every word. "We need to make sure Alexei knows how important this is. If we're serious about it he'll be serious about it" she said with confidence.
"Exactly my love, we won't make this mistake again." Was her husband's response. Bucky leaned down and pecked his wife's lips, giving her a small smile afterwards and staring into her eyes. They had a silent conversation, standing there. One that said, even though they had messed up today, they weren't bad parents. They had both felt like they were, but they weren't. They made a mistake, it was stupid and could've ended a lot worse, but everything had turned out fine in the end. Now they knew, even if something seemed small, even if it normally didn't cause issues. They would address it and treat the problem seriously. For their sake and their son's. Especially for their son. Natasha leaned up and gave Bucky another chaste kiss before they broke apart, and went over to sit by their sons bed. They sat for about ten minutes before Steve knocked on the door, peeking his head in,
"everything alright?" He said looking at the Barnes family.
Bucky nodded, standing up to pull his brother into the room giving him a hug,
"thanks for bringing nat, and thanks for coming Steve"
Steve hugged Bucky back, rolling his eyes, but a smile was on his face. "You know I'd crawl on my hands and knees to get to any of you right? Especially that boy right there" he said pointing to alexei. "You guys are my family, and I love you."
Before Bucky could say anything, Natasha spoke up from her seat beside the bed. "Are you two girls done with the chic flick or am I gonna have to watch you braid each other's hair?"
"I let you braid my hair one time and We never hear the end of it" Bucky said turning to Steve.
There was silence for about 5 seconds before all three adults erupted into laughter.
"S'funny?" Alexei said with a soft smile on his face as he rubbed his eyes. Glad to have his mama and papa and uncle Steve all together.
The three adults turned to the bed, where they had apparently woken up the sleeping teenager. Natasha was the first to make it over too him. Sitting in the bed and pulling her son to her side. "I'm sorry we woke you sweetheart. How are you feeling?"
Alexei immediately snuggled closer to his mama -the kid was a true cuddle bug- "s'okay mama, I feel better", he hummed.
Bucky came over and sat on the other side of his kid, in the surprisingly large hospital bed, putting his arm around his wife and child. "I'm glad your feeling better baby, me and mama were worried." The man said to his son.
Alexei frowned a little at that, "well you don't have to worry anymore, because we're all together and I feel better" then he got a mischievous little grin on his face, "but I would feel even better if I had a cupcake"
"Seriously kiddo?" Bucky sighed, but he was trying to hold in a chuckle. "Haven't you had enough cupcake for one day?"
In lieu of answering his fathers question, Alexei turned to Steve, puppy eyes on full blast. He didn't even have to say anything before Steve crumbled like a cookie.
"Alright! I'll go get you a cupcake!" He said fake exasperated, but he couldn't hide the smile on his face.
"Yes!" Alexei exclaimed! "Just not a red white and blue one, that didn't turn out so good" Alexei quipped smile on his face.
The adults cringed at the too soon joke, honestly it would probably always be too soon. What happened to Alexei was terrifying. They were all just glad he was safe.
"Yeah how about chocolate? I think we should ban everything blue from now on" Bucky said, totally serious.
"I second that, no more blue, and epipens for everyone, no exceptions." Natasha said , carding her fingers through her sons loose curls.
"Fine by me, I don't want the blueberry blues anymore" Alexei giggled, finding his pun quite funny.
All three adults groaned, then Steve left to go find that chocolate cupcake.
Alexei settled into his parents' arms, reveling in the love he felt. Despite his jokes he knew he got lucky today, it could've been a lot worse. He would have to be responsible and carry an epipen around with him.
Steve came back a few minutes later carrying a double chocolate cupcake, setting it down in front of his nephew. It was gone in minutes, chocolate smeared on the boys face. As Natasha was wiping the chocolate off her sons cheek, Bucky chuckling at the adorable face his kid was making, with his nose all scrunched up; a nurse walked in with discharge papers, asking "Are you all ready to go home?"
Bucky thought of home and he smiled. He just looked at the nurse with a grin "yeah we're ready to go home"
Little did she know Bucky had his home in his arms. His wife and child with their pretty red hair and soft green eyes.
As long as Bucky had them, he was home.