Disclaimer: This story is loosely inspired by "A private affair" by Beppe Fenoglio.
None of the characters belongs to me.
The war described in this story is of pure fiction and in no way relates to actual historical events.
Chapter Two: For the Love of Truth
He could not live without knowing anymore and, above all, he could not die without knowing in an era when young men like him were called on more to die than to live. He would have given up to everything for the truth, between the truth and the creation's intelligence he would have opted for the former.
Just one moment, just a moment had been enough to make sure Inuyasha strengthen his purpose.
Those cold words he had read in the letter written by Kikyo to his sister were not enough for him. He needed to hear the truth from her first hand, he wanted her to tell him to his face that she had lied to him all those years they had been seeing each other, that she had pretended to love him, that she had never wanted to marry him even though she had said yes to his proposal.
While she was saying I love you to him, she was thinking of someone else, while his lips rested on hers she was tasting a whole other flavour, imagined other arms around her. The warmth he had seen in her eyes those few times she had let himself go and became a woman, not a priestess, had never been caused by his presence next to her.
Inuyasha had always lived a lie and had done so happily.
The half-demon paused, unable to continue, and listened to the silence of the clearing to make sure he was alone. The pour down of the water suggested there was a stream nearby; a brief pause, just a few seconds, and then he would be on his way.
He rinsed his face in an attempt to regain clarity. Once, twice, three times, the images of Kikyo, now distorted, would not leave his mind.
How had he never noticed? His sense of smell was unerring, and yet...
A doctor. Suikotsu, the man Kikyo had always belonged to, was a doctor. Could that be why they had managed to fool him and get away with it?
Inuyasha imagined that the man, like the priestess, had to handle medicinal herbs and potions all day long. How much of that distinct pungent smell that Kikyo always carried was really hers? How much was the doctor's instead?
He began to laugh like a maniac, but immediately brought his hands to his mouth to block out any sound that might be suspicious - he was still in enemy territory after all.
Inuyasha laughed, again and again, tears escaping his eyes; he understood how foolish (and in love) he had been and how easy it had been to make fun of him. He laughed to the point of exhaustion, he laughed of himself.
Did Suikotsu know that while Kikyo was promising him all of herself, she was letting herself be kissed and touched by another? By a half-demon? Did the village know that the poised and controlled priestess who cared for sick children took refuge in the woods to seek pleasure under the touch of not one, but two men?
My God! How had he been so stupid? How had this happened? He had been so willingly carried away by what he thought was a love so pure that he had never seen the real Kikyo. How could she have been both the good priestess and the unfaithful woman? How could she have loved her sisters unconditionally and then immediately after lie while being in his arms?
And what remained of that seemingly pure feeling? A black, corrupt mass that now threatened to grip his heart in a chokehold. Perhaps just like Kagome, Inuyasha had been so eager to feel what love was, to have what he saw in his parents, that he had jumped at the first chance he got; in doing so, he had probably ignored signs that he would have found glaring under other circumstances.
His mind and heart couldn't find peace, and they never would if he didn't talk to Kikyo. Had he have to travel all over Japan, cross all enemy lands, betray his faction and even defy death, it didn't matter... all that mattered to Inuyasha now was hearing those words come out of his Kikyo's mouth. She owed it to him, after all those seasons he had wasted because of her, after the lies and the cruel way she had led him on, she had to have the courage to tell him to his face that she had never loved him.
And Suikotsu...
Well he was entitled to the truth too, wasn't he? And even if in reality the lousy doctor already knew everything, even if he had known about his betrothed's affair from the beginning, at least he would have had the chance to look into the face of the man who had touched and kissed his beloved.
He wouldn't find peace and he wouldn't give them peace; he would have found them in whatever hole those cowards were hiding in - for such they were.
They were tired of the war. So what? Who wasn't beside the crazed soldiers who found pleasure in killing and maiming? Certainly not him, whose mother had been taken away by the war and whose father, though still alive, had become a shadow of his former self.
He never wanted the war, nor did Kagome who had lost her family and was left to fend for herself, guarding a shrine and a child while her sister decided to run away with her beloved and leave the others to fight in her place.
Kikyo was a liar, but also a coward, what had become of the responsible and honest woman she had known?
Another doubt arose to obstruct his already full and in turmoil mind: had he ever known the real Kikyo? Had she ever laid bare herself in front of him?
A lie, another one.
Inuyasha brought his hands to his hair and tugged with rage, clenching his teeth and after a couple of seconds, he found some silver locks between his fingers.
He looked around himself again, the clearing was still very much empty and Inuyasha knew that had he headed West, travelling through the same path he had come from that early morning, he would have encountered less danger and he would also go back easily to the castle where they were waiting for a report from him.
However, he didn't care about it, not now, not until he would have listened to the truth from Kikyo's lips.
He would head east, instead.
For one like him, a demon easily noticed – hair and eyes were of unnatural colour and were difficult to hide – it was crazy to formulate such a plan. The more he went to East the more humans camps would he meet; whoever had gone into those woods had come back by sheer luck or as a dead body.
Inuyasha had travelled through those streets only once, the new moon night during which he had met Miroku. A couple of hours later, anxiety running high and his heart pounding, he had made his way back in a hurry hoping to leave the enemy territory before the sunrise bleached his hair again, his eyes turned to gold and his human ears turned to canine.
That one time Miroku had revealed to him that, should have he needed it in future, he could have tried to find him in a Shrine South-East run by his mentor Mushin; even if he hadn't found him, Inuyasha could be sure to find the old bonze the and he could be trusted.
His goal now was to reach the shrine Miroku had given him directions to, not knowing that his interlocutor was not the human in front of him but a half-demon. He would reach the location and seek out the perverted monk.
Inuyasha hoped to find him because he didn't know how much the old man would be able to help him. Not to mention that the fewer people he had to deal with, the better for the secrecy of his plan. It already annoyed him to have to rely on Miroku to find out where Kikyo was hiding, he did not intend to add more intermediaries to his plan; it was already dangerous as it was.
The half-demon imagined what his brother's reaction would be had he found out what his intentions were. Sesshomaru had never hidden the hatred he felt for his half-brother; in fact, he didn't even consider him as such. The only reason he had never killed him was the presence of his father, whom he still admired despite everything. Sesshomaru probably would have still looked at him with disgust and offered some remarks on his worthlessness. Maybe he would have even encouraged him because at the end of the day his was a suicide mission.
Had Inuyasha been lucid, he would have realized that his plan was futile. Whether he found out from Kikyo himself or from her letter the truth about the years they had spent together didn't matter much, because, after all, the priestess would never have been his and it was better to make peace with that.
But a torn and betrayed heart is never lucid, it doesn't understand these things and so Inuyasha's fate was sealed.
Remembering the moon of the previous night, Inuyasha calculated that in less than ten days there would be another new moon and that maybe he could have waited for that moment to put his plan into action, but patience had never been his forte and even now, he immediately dismissed the idea. He wouldn't have lasted so long without knowing, he had to have the confirmation as soon as possible and he already knew that even if he had found Miroku right away, it would have taken who knows how many more days before finally finding Kikyo.
He would leave that same night, humans were weaker and as such at night, the guard was always a little down.
Inuyasha had been travelling from tree to tree for a few hours now, he was now in the middle of the enemy territory and thanks to his exceptional sense of smell he had managed to avoid any large human settlement; he knew that if he was spotted there alone and without back-up, there was no chance for him.
Humans had developed containment weapons for demons during the war and one moment of distraction was enough to become prey to those absurd collars of which it was impossible to get rid.
He had therefore travelled in religious silence paying attention to where he put his feet, avoiding unstable branches or those that would have made even the slightest noise. He chose the thickest and tallest trees and travelled so fast that even if someone had noticed something strange only a strange red spot would have been noticed, something that would probably have been dismissed as a hallucination.
Inuyasha had predicted the at this rate he would reach the old man's shrine before the sun rose and that was indeed his hope, but when his ears caught unexpected voices, he froze and decided to stop and listen.
He went back to a tree and perched on the highest branch after making sure that the thick foliage hid him from anyone who had the idea of looking up and then focused again on the voices coming from the small camp.
"...We will attack in two days at dawn," a voice said.
"Are you quite sure about that? Won't it be too dangerous?" asked another voice, more powerful but also more uncertain.
"There is no other way Rikichi, you know how important Miroku-sama is," replied a third.
Miroku! Those guys were talking about Miroku, maybe they would be more useful to him than he thought, and then... what kind of attack were they talking about?
He looked closely at the people who formed the small group. There were five of them: two young and three stouter men who looked middle-aged and more experienced. Three were dressed as simple hunters and in fact beside them lay common but effective weapons if those wielding them were used to them.
Hunters were the second half of the human army. They were usually people with a stronger constitution and capable of more physical violence, but since they lacked spiritual powers they usually attacked from far away and tried to hit the unexpected from behind, or waited until a collar or an arrow loaded with spiritual power immobilized the latter. They were sadists, they loved to have fun with their prey and then send the mutilated bodies back to the sender. Inuyasha had seen what they could do and remembered thinking the first time how much worse humans could be than some bloodthirsty demons. They were usually the ones who took care of the half-demons turned humans or the deserters who were discovered; the brute force was needed for those since the spiritualists couldn't do any damage and they enjoyed themselves. The half-demon was sure it was a gruesome sight and he had seen enough blood and guts.
"But we are not enough! You want to infiltrate a major enemy base and retrieve a prisoner, that's not easy. Those guys over there have an infallible nose, it won't take them long to discover us," said the second voice again, the one called Rikichi.
"I don't know if we've got any good weapons with us from the exterminators, but in any case, we will collect some before the operation starts. The nose may be infallible, but it's also a weak point when overloaded. It won't just be us going, we'll meet up with reinforcements tomorrow. Miroku-sama must be recovered; no matter if someone dies. We swore allegiance when we joined the army, and we can't back down now. The first one who manages to free him must return to base as soon as possible without worrying about the others," a fourth voice intruded. It was one of the two spiritualists and to Inuyasha, it sounded like one of those many crazed men talking about cleansing the world of the corrupt spirits of demons or traitors to their race.
"And where is Miroku-sama right now?" Rikichi asked again, apparently, he was the least informed of all.
"He was captured a few days ago while bringing supplies to one of the many refugee families; you know he has always insisted on putting himself in the service of others, despite the risk involved. No matter how many times he was told that as a monk he should only think about the attacks and not be a dispatch rider, but he never listened to us," the first voice replied. Inuyasha recognized anger in his tone, it was clear he was not happy with the foolish way Miroku had been taken. "I heard he was taken to the castle where those silver-haired mongrel dogs live; it won't be hard to knock them out with some special powder."
Miroku was therefore at the castle, damn it! If only he had returned to base earlier, he would have found out and saved himself that unnecessary trip. At least these invaders had proved useful to him, he would have returned home as soon as possible, warned his father of the attack – he couldn't know how many of them would participate, none of them had been accurate – and then glean any news from Miroku.
Luck was on his side after all.
Now he just had to think about leaving these woods unnoticed by the guys gathered down there and hurrying back west. He felt a little sorry for Miroku, he had seemed like a nice guy to Inuyasha, he had been caught helping those who needed it most and now he was surely being tortured by one of his brother's underlings. If he was of any use to him he would have thought to free him and save his hide perhaps.
Yet, as he retraced the path he had taken only moments before, Inuyasha realized that he had rejoiced a little too soon and that getting out of that treacherous territory would be much more difficult than he had thought.
His lacklustre mind had played tricks on him again, and he could see that he had tempted fate a little too much in a single day; his luck had run out. This time it wasn't an innocent priestess in need of company who spotted him, but a sentry who immediately raised the alarm.
Inuyasha froze, if he was chased by the five who were in the camp plus those who were on the lookout it was the end for him if he didn't escape in time. If even one of the spiritualists managed to catch him, it was the end, he would end up like the many who had become prey to the hunters and had no desire to do so.
Not to mention that if they knew his father, they would have recognized him as one of the silver-haired bastards and they could have tortured him just for that. Maybe if they were smart they would have used him as a bargaining chip but Inuyasha didn't count on that, the hunters would have tortured him in any way, they never said no to the fun.
The shock lasted less than a second, he couldn't panic, he was a born fighter, his father had trained him since he was a child and with a bit of lucidity, he would have managed this time too.
... if only his mind had been clear at that moment and not tried by those feelings that had been gripping his heart since that morning.
Only a couple of minutes passed but he clearly heard the screams that chased him. The commotion had also alarmed other nearby camps and now it wasn't just the five he had been listening to that were chasing him but many others he could hear coming from left and right. He was clearly in deep shit despite having a clear advantage over the humans.
The arrows were starting to fly, more and more accurate despite the distance. How the fuck could they be so accurate in the dark of night? Damn silver hair that was like a beacon of the night, he had never thought he would have wished for them to be the same black that adorned him on new moon nights.
"Fuck, fuck, I'm in deep shit," he hissed as he ran as fast as he could trying to avoid every arrow that came as close to him as possible. He had come close to having a couple catch him right in the chest; it would have been the end. It didn't matter if the humans were far away, at that point he would be immobilized and completely at their mercy.
More voices continued to reach him more were being added.
If only he could reach Kikyo's village he could ask his sister for refuge. Inuyasha knew it was too much to ask, but if he hid there it was unlikely that hunters or spiritualists would come looking for him in a shrine; it was the last place they expected a demon to find refuge, and unfortunately, it was still too far from the western lands. The hunt wouldn't stop as long as Inuyasha remained in enemy territory, and he wasn't sure he could hold out that long with so many humans on his tail who kept shooting arrows at him. Not to mention then that if even one of them got even a little bit closer he could have chained him up with one of those cursed collars.
"That demon has silver hair," shouted a voice. "Don't let him get away, he's definitely from one of the major demon bases, he's to be a big shot!"
"We could use him to take Miroku-sama back, capture him, quickly!"
Inuyasha didn't dare turn around and waste even a nanosecond of his precious time, he had almost made it to the stream he had visited that afternoon so that meant he was closer than he thought to Kagome's village; one last effort, one last effort and he would be safe.
It was a risk he had to take. He hoped Kagome wouldn't refuse his request. He didn't know exactly what made him think he could rely on the girl, after all, hiding an enemy or a deserter was a serious crime with capital punishment and Kagome could decide she didn't want to take such a big risk, especially if the little girl and the old woman were involved.
But as he ran like a madman, he saw in front of him that sincere look of hers, the certainty that she would help him and get him to safety.
It was a feeling, a stupid feeling that could have cost him his life and he realized that he could have also tried to reach the border despite the few chances he had to lose an indefinite number of armed men, but deep down he was sure that between the two options stopping at the shrine was the best one.
His life was in Kagome's hands, the sister of the woman who had betrayed him and pushed him to the brink only hours before; wasn't her fault that he was in this situation after all?
Sure, his recklessness had led him east to carry out a suicide plan, but it had only been Kikyo and her lies, her lying love, that had set everything in motion.
The rumours continued to grow and Inuyasha figured they must all be armed or with ammunition, time was running out.
"Surrender!" shouted one, "You can't hold out against so many of us."
The voices were getting closer and closer and the anxiety that had gripped him made him inevitably slow down. Finally, he decided to turn around and his eyes widened at the exorbitant number of humans chasing him, without wasting a second more he launched an attack with his claws.
His battle cry was followed by that of the fallen humans, he counted five or six of those closest and about to attack and then resumed his flight.
An arrow caught him on his right thigh, he hissed in pain but a sigh of relief escaped when he immediately noticed that it was not spiritually charged and this had prolonged his life for a few more seconds.
"Surrender!" the voice came to him again.
Caught off guard by yet another arrow grazing his cheek he stumbled, sinking into the mud that covered that part of the ground. He got up without batting an eyelid, ignoring the mud that now littered his face and hair and only cleaned his eyes to see clearly again. He started to run again, this time more awkwardly because of the arrow that was still stuck in his thigh and that he had no way to remove; if he stopped even one more second to do so he would lose more precious time. They were after him and the distance he still had was his only advantage.
With relief, he saw in front of him the end of the woods and the beginning of the village. He changed his trajectory slightly and instead of continuing to run straight ahead and come out into the open in the square he stayed at the edge where other trees, though fewer, could hide him from the sight of the hunters who would lose a minute to locate him; a minute that would have been precious to him.
Quickly, without stopping running, he removed the muddy boots that would only help his pursuers to find him and continued to run barefoot trying to regain as much time as possible. He had no problem doing it, he had been running like that all his life and only the arrival of the war had forced him to wear those ugly boots
Now he could also see the stairs that lead to the shrine and he had to try and reach it without being noticed by even one of the men; in that case, even taking refuge by Kagome's would be useless. He decided to walk along the perimeter of the shrine and enter from behind; he would lose a few more seconds but at least he had a better chance of not being seen.
The barrier that was placed to protect the shrine would hurt him if he entered unannounced, it would turn him human but at this point, he knew he could be safe and hide with the help of the girl. He hoped that with the thick darkness of the night the only thing the humans had noticed about him was his silver hair and not the red of his robe.
He took one last leap, the one that would ensure his entry into the barrier and thus his hoped-for salvation. He was high up and about to land when a sharp pain in his chest, too close to the heart, hit him. He instinctively brought his hand to that point, as if that gesture could have stopped the pain that was now spreading throughout his body, and he fell face-first to the ground.
Not even a second later he felt two pairs of hands grab his shoulders and legs and he let go, defeated, as he felt his demonic side disappear in a single beat. His eyes closed, the pain becoming even more unbearable in that human form, the exhaustion from the race washed over him and he collapsed.