Hidden Truths
Prompt 24: Conversation/confrontation between Harvey, Donna, and Paula where all the things they should've dealt on screen with comes out all at once and the ensuing ramifications. Donna finds out Harvey asked Paula to move in and Harvey told Paula she was the one who got him to make up w/Mom. Harvey finds out Donna went to Paula at the end of season 5 to find him so Paula was aware how Donna really felt. Paula finds out Harvey only sought her out in season 7 after Donna said she wanted more and the key he gave her was Donna's. If there is something else the show didn't address, please add. Pre or post canon. Set it at Xmas or not.
She needs you.
Harvey stares at the text on his phone, then back up to Paula's frustrated expression. He was expecting a blow-out after Lily's slip-up at dinner, but what he hadn't anticipated was Rachel's slew of messages saying Donna called her from some club, drunk, and needs to be picked up. The request isn't going to land well with his girlfriend. But Rachel can't go because Mike had an allergic reaction to some goddamn selfish, and it feels like the universe is colluding with unseen forces to make sure he winds up alone and miserable for the rest of his life.
He scrubs a hand over his face, torn over what to do, but Rachel's last text is the deciding factor. If there's even the slightest chance Donna may need his help, he doesn't have a choice. "I'm sorry, Paula." He puts their conversation on hold, slipping the phone into his pocket. "I have to go."
"Where?" She frowns and lifts off the couch with him, standing to block his path. He shifts awkwardly, refusing to look her in the eye, and she's able to draw her own conclusion. Of course his sudden rush to leave is to do with Donna. "Why am I even surprised?"
She huffs bitterly, and he tilts his head to the side with a sigh. "It's not what you think..." He attempts to justify the situation. "Rachel was supposed to go meet her, but Mike has food poisoning. She asked me to pick Donna up, that's all."
"There is such a thing as cabs, Harvey," she snaps, not understanding why Donna can't simply climb in a car herself or why Harvey feels compelled to race in and play the hero. "Donna's a grown woman." And a drama queen, she thinks, wondering how many other people besides Harvey and Rachel the actress has wrapped around her finger. "She doesn't need rescuing just because she's out by herself."
"That's not what this is." He stiffens, tired of continually having to defend his actions to his girlfriend. Sure, he's made some mistakes of late, but if Paula would trust him, instead of throwing accusations at every turn, then there wouldn't be half as much tension resting between them.
"Prove it." She lands her hands on her hips, challenging him. "Let me come with you."
The compromise makes him more uncomfortable. Donna's going to be pissed off enough when he shows up in Rachel's place, but if taking Paula along will put his girlfriend's insecurities to bed, then so be it. "Fine," he grumbles, pulling his keys out.
He strides around her and she grabs her purse, trailing behind him with a sigh. She thought meeting Lily would be a step forward for them, but it didn't take a genius to piece together Lily was referring to Donna when she cited someone special was responsible for the reconciliation between mother and son. All the evening did was introduce more information Harvey conveniently omitted. At least going with him to locate Donna will save their argument from being swept under the rug this time. He needs to realize that the codependent relationship he has with Donna is unhealthy, and the sooner he accepts the truth, the easier things will be for all three of them.
…
Harvey enters the club Rachel sent him to, not picking the establishment as somewhere Donna would visit on Friday night. In all the years he's known Donna, she's never frequented dive bars. But then again, as far as he's aware, she's never had to call anyone to come pick her up either, and he strides ahead of Paula, his eyes searching the crowd of people dancing. The atmosphere cheap and tacky, and his shoes stick to the floor as he pulls out his phone—ready to tell Rachel she got the wrong address, when a sequined ensemble catches his does a double take, not because of the revealing dress (or so he tells himself) but because Donna is slumped on a stool in the corner with some sleazy guy pawing all over her. Even from where he's standing he can tell she's had too much to drink, and he sees red as he storms over, forgetting about Paula as he grabs the guy's arm. "Get your goddamn hands off her," he growls, wrenching the man back.
The guy stumbles, lashing out at the interruption. "What the fuck is your problem, man!?"
"She's drunk." He shoves the low-life out of the way, latching his grasp around Donna's wrist. "Come on, we're leaving."
"Ow!"
She protests his sharp tug, but doesn't try to free herself, and he stops, unease seeping into his frustration as she stares through him with a bewildered and unfocused gaze. They've both tipped the scale at tipsy plenty of times, but this isn't her usual one-too-many tequila shots. She's completely out of it, and he gently cups her cheek, the better angle revealing her blown-up pupils. The sight fuels him with fury. She would never get high, alone, at some seedy club, and he lets her go, ripping into the sleaze she was drinking with. "What the hell did you give her?"
"Nothing."
Harvey grabs him by the shirt, pushing him up against the wall.
The guy gulps at the attack, raising his hands in surrender. "She was upset, alright… I gave her a little something to help her relax. That's all."
"That's date-rape you asshole!" He's livid enough to take a swing, punch the man's lights out, but Paula's shout stops him, and he whips his head around to where she's struggling to keep Donna standing. His anger morphs into concern, and he leaves the son of a bitch gasping for air, rushing to help before Paula loses her footing as well.
"I've got her." He slings Donna's arm over his shoulder, lifting her up bridal style to get her out through the crowd.
Paula grabs Donna's clutch from the table, trying to squash the jealousy she feels following behind them. She's seen Harvey angry before but never so enraged, and her biggest fear is that he's going to wake up one day and realize he thinks of Donna as more than just a friend. But she isn't a monster. Donna had her drink spiked, and if she were dealing with a client, the first thing she would say is that they shouldn't blame themselves. Harvey had a reason to act protectively, and as they pass by the bouncer, she points out the man Harvey left floundering.
Once they're outside, and Harvey has Donna buckled into the backseat of his car, she pulls her boyfriend back with a sigh. They can't drop Donna home, not in the state she's in, and Harvey's condo only has one bedroom. Not comfortable leaving them alone, she offers up the only other option. "She can sleep it off at my place."
"You sure?" he asks, not convinced it's the best plan given Donna has been the subject of their recent arguments. But Paula nods, and there's no way he's leaving Donna by herself, so he reluctantly agrees.
Praying Donna doesn't kill him.
...
By the time they reach Paula's, Donna is lucid enough to walk with his help—mumbling incoherently about whatever shiny thing catches her attention as they make their way up Paula's garden path. The rambling would almost be amusing if it weren't for the fact she's high against her will, and he reminds himself to thank Rachel for intervening, refusing to think about the alternative as they come to a stop outside Paula's door.
"That's my key."
She points the leather fob around Paula's key chain, and he clutches her waist more firmly, watching his girlfriend stiffen at the comment.
Donna frowns, her gaze wandering to the hedges. "This isn't your condo."
She turns her head back, the tickle of her breath against his skin making his neck flush. "We're at Paula's." His voice is strained, worried she's going to say something else to land him in hot water—the fear proving justified.
"I said I wanted more… and you gave her my key." She hums, disinterested in the object a few seconds later. "Can we get some Chunky Monkey?"
Paula flings the door open, and he flinches at the anger, which Donna is completely oblivious to. It's not like he can blame her. She has no idea what she's saying, much less what's going on, but she's really not doing him any favors, and he's relieved when she starts on about why the brand of ice-cream is perfectly acceptable to have for breakfast.
He gets her inside, hearing Paula bang around the kitchen, and he decides to deal with Donna first, leading her through to Paula's guest bedroom. She drops onto the mattress, her eyes in awe of the unfamiliar surroundings, like a kid in a candy store, and he kneels down to take off her shoes while she's distracted.
"You're mad."
Her wonderment suddenly switches to worry, and he breathes in deeply. The last thing he wants to do is upset her and make the situation ten times worse. "I'm not mad, Donna."
"Yes, you are." She pouts down at him. "You're mad because I kissed you."
He hears the tremble in her voice, and inwardly curses, the subject not one he wants to engage while he's getting her ready for bed in his girlfriend's house. But denying her an answer will only exacerbate the situation, and he tries to smooth things over as subtlety as possible."I was… I'm not anymore."
"Then why won't you look at me?"
She sniffs and an awkward flutter erupts in his stomach. He's never been able to handle seeing her cry, and this is no different. If anything, it's worse, because she's completely exposed and vulnerable, saying what she wants without consequences, and he's afraid to hear the real reason she went out tonight. Rachel was obviously worried, and the asshole at the bar prayed on her being upset. Maybe he's wrong, and there's something else bothering her, but if he's right and she's hurt over Paula, then he has no idea how to fix the problem. The only saving grace he can lean on is that hopefully she will have forgotten the conversation by morning, and finally gazes up, still not prepared for the way her eyes hold him captive.
She really isn't like anyone he's ever met before.
Even when she's unsure of herself, she's a force to be reckoned with. The statement of her bold dress topped with fiery red hair, a package of class and confidence. He knows she can take care of herself, this evening being a rare exception, but he still worries about her, wants to protect her from all the bad things in the world. "I'm not mad," he says again, his words softer this time. He can't describe what he's feeling, but when she smiles brightly, forgetting her tears, he's overcome by a sense of calmness.
So long as she's okay, he will be too.
"Come on." He pushes himself up off the ground. "Into bed."
"I'm not tired."
She crinkles her nose, and he smirks, watching her crawl up and sink into the pillows despite the protest. He digs the comforter out from underneath her, tucking her in, and he turns to leave, stopping by the door when she lazily calls out to him.
"Harvey?" Her gaze flutters across to him, a heavy sigh parting from her lips."This is super-weird, right?"
He shouldn't laugh. She's going to kill him in the morning, if Paula doesn't get to him first, but a low chuckle escapes as he nods his confirmation. "Yeah… Get some rest, okay?"
.
He flicks off the light and closes the door, his body tensing again as he goes in search of Paula. He finds her curled up on the sofa with a glass of wine, and sinks down next to her, scrubbing a tired hand across his face. "I'm sorry, Paula."
The apology surprises her, or maybe it doesn't. It's a quick, sure-fire way to avoid specifics, but she's not going to let him get away with brushing everything under the carpet. "Donna told you she wanted more." She repeats the words Donna uttered on her doorstep. "When?"
"She said that before we were even together, and she was talking about her job," he explains, hoping the reason will convince her to drop the subject.
"How long before?" Paula narrows her gaze, growing more annoyed when he tries to dodge the question.
"What does that have to do with—"
"Everything, Harvey." She doesn't know if he's being deliberately obtuse or if he's really just this naïve, but she spells it out for him. "If we started dating because Donna wanted more and you panicked, then that has everything to do with this."
She motions between them and he doesn't have the slightest clue what she's on about. "I asked you out because I wanted to see you again." He furrows his brows together, confused. "That had nothing to do with Donna."
"And yet, when Donna kissed you, that's when you asked me to move in." She steals a breath, ready to hammer home her point. "Every time she tries to tell you how she feels, you act out impulsively, when you should be finding a way to make it clear you don't share her feelings."
He flinches, uneasy whenever she insinuates Donna's feelings aren't platonic. A few weeks ago she claimed Donna went to see her while he was still in therapy, that the worry in her eyes had spoken volumes. But he and Donna care about each other. He's never tried to deny or hide their friendship, and as for making himself clear, he did that the second he started dating another person. "She knows I'm in a relationship."
Paula squares her jaw, the excuse already proven to be paper thin. "That didn't stop her kissing you, did it?
"She made one mistake," he reasons, "it doesn't mean—"
"Was sleeping with her a mistake, too?" she snaps, bringing up the taboo he refused to talk about last time. It took him two days to tell her about the kiss, and in all their sessions he never once brought up the fact he and Donna had been intimately involved. Clearly the pair didn't pursue a relationship, and she wants to know why, but once again he sidesteps the question.
"That isn't fair," his voice rumbles in warning. He slept with Donna one time, over a decade ago, and if Paula wants to hear about all his sexual conquests throughout the years, then it's going to be a damn long list.
"No, Harvey, what isn't fair, is that it feels like there are three people in this relationship." She flounces her arm behind her. "You can't tell me I'm wrong when Donna's in my guest bedroom."
He glances over to the door where Donna is sleeping, defeat washing through him. The decision to bring Donna here worked in principle. He thought having her tucked away safely, would mean he and Paula could have a reasonable conversation, but obviously balancing two of the most important people in his life isn't that simple, and he slumps forward with an exhausted sigh. "What am I supposed to do, Paula? How do I make this right?"
His eyes fill with tired desperation, and she blinks her gaze away from him. She hates that she feels threatened by another woman, but she's gone out of her way to try and accommodate Donna being in Harvey's life, and keeps getting g blind-sided for her efforts. Both he and Donna need to let go of their dependencies, and in order to do that, the pair have to be willing to move on. "Instead of acting impulsively, make a decision that's going to show her where you stand."
Her tone is firm, and he reads the suggestion in her clipped expression, his heart stuttering in his chest. "You want me to fire her?"
She's not thrilled about issuing an ultimatum and shakes her head. "I'm saying that I don't think this relationship can survive if the two of you continue working together."
The words are chosen carefully, not a demand, but they still feel like a threat, and he stiffens, wrenching his hands together in his lap. If it wasn't for Donna being here, he would consider leaving to work Paula's solution over in his head. Even though he's annoyed, he knows she's not acting out of spite. He just has to find a way to reassure her that doesn't involve losing Donna, and he nods slowly to buy himself time, hoping she'll have a clearer perspective in the morning.
Because cutting Donna out of his life isn't something he thinks he can do, no matter how much he wants his relationship with Paula to work.
...
Donna feels sick to her stomach, unease crawling beneath her skin as she stumbles out into an unfamiliar living-room, her head pounding with the strain of trying to remember what happened last night. She was supposed to meet Rachel for a drink, but her best friend hadn't shown up, and she has a vague recollection of speaking to Rach on the phone, but doesn't understand why everything else is so foggy.
"Good morning."
Her gaze snaps up to a foreign accent, and her heart wrenches in her chest as she comes face to face with Paula making coffee in the kitchen. Flashes of Harvey keeping her upright turn into a sensory overload, and she glances around for him, wincing when Paula answers the silent question.
"He's in the shower."
She nods, clutching her heels as she scrambles to take stock of the situation. As far as she recalls, she only had a few drinks, and even if she had pushed her limits, she can handle her alcohol. But her confusion gives way to her embarrassment, her first instinct to make up for any trouble she caused. "Paula—"
"You don't need to apologize, Donna." She pours two cups of the strong brew, calm as she fills them to the top. When Harvey wanted to rush off to the club yesterday, she was quick to pass judgment and maybe even a little too harsh, assuming Donna was vying for his attention. The situation turned out to be more complicated, and she is genuinely relieved they were able to step in and stop it from escalating. "Here, drink this… it will help."
The mug slides across the countertop and Donna tentatively accepts the gesture. The act of kindness is the last thing she was expecting, and she sets down her shoes, cupping the beverage between her hands. "Mind if I ask what happened? I'm a little fuzzy on the details."
"You had your drink spiked." Paula supplies the missing information, not surprised the woman can't recall much. "Nothing happened, but Harvey and I thought it would be best to bring you here."
Another flash of fills Donna's head, this time of ranting to some random guy right before things start to get blurry again, and she can't believe she was stupid enough to misread the asshole. She has no idea how Harvey wound up coming to her rescue, but she's grateful that both he and Paula had been there. "Thank you." Her relief is sincere as she swallows down a large gulp of coffee."I hope I didn't put you out too much."
"It was no trouble." Paula states, giving a moment's pause to take in the redhead. Personally she has nothing against the woman, and if circumstances were different, she would be intrigued to get to know Donna better, but as things stand—last night being an exception—she isn't comfortable stringing the woman along. "I would like it if we could be friends, Donna… Unfortunately, I don't see that being possible with the current situation between us."
Donna stiffens, caught off guard by the bluntness, but assuming the 'situation' alludes to Harvey, she isn't surprised, and is even willing to swallow her pride—what little she has left—to smooth things over. "I know you said I don't need to apologise, but I do," she admits, ready to own up to the mistake of kissing Harvey. She crossed a line and paid the price, but up until now she only had to face half the consequences, and it's time she dealt with the rest. "I apologized to Harvey, but didn't apologize to you… I'm sorry, Paula."
The regret in her voice is tangible, and Paula ducks her gaze down with a slow nod. "I appreciate that." The problem is she can believe Donna's actions weren't malicious, but just like Harvey's prone to doing, the woman acted impulsively, and she can't risk any more landmines in her relationship. "What I need to hear is that nothing like that will ever happen again."
Donna opens her mouth, and for a split second Paula thinks maybe the woman has come to the conclusion she needs to move on for herself, but then another beat of silence fills the space between them, and she quickly defends her insecurities. "See there... that flicker of doubt is exactly what I'm talking about."
"I'm not going to interfere," Donna protests, feeling attacked by the woman's fast response. "I want Harvey to be happy."
Paula places her mug down, splaying her palms across the kitchen bench with a sigh. "Do you honestly mean that?"
"Yes."
This time there's no hesitation behind the answer, and Paula uses the fact to her advantage. "Then I'm asking you to make this easy on him." She catches the flash of confusion in Donna's gaze, and diverges where Harvey can't, being straight-up with the woman. "I told Harvey last night, I don't think our relationship can survive the two of you working together… I'm telling you the same thing, because we both know how hard it's going to be for him to make that decision."
Donna abandons her coffee, the full weight of what Paula's asking of her sinking in."You want me to resign."
Just like last night, Paula's careful of issuing ultimatums, but she's not going to shy away from what is better for all of them in the long run. "I want to spare Harvey the pain of doing something he doesn't have to."
Firing her.
Donna gets the message loud and clear, tears springing to her gaze. "Paula, please," she implores the woman to be reasonable. This isn't just about Harvey anymore. When he promoted her to COO, she felt a surge of accomplishment, something she's never felt being a secretary. She wouldn't trade the years she worked for Harvey for anything, but she's finally starting to find her feet in the new role, and she doesn't want to give up her job just because she made one mistake. "I've worked my entire career to get where I am. Don't make me sacrifice it over an incident that didn't mean anything."
A flicker of guilt sways Paula's resolve. She doesn't want to rob the woman of a job she loves, but there are other firms, and she hovers on the brink of letting the words slip, when she changes her mind, searching for the answers Harvey couldn't give her last night. "Why only one time?"
Donna assumes she's referring to her and Harvey sleeping together, and heat flushes her neck. She could lie, say it was because of some stupid rule, but the truth is, had he wanted to start something, she would have wanted to try, and she hopes being honest with Paula will help build some trust between them. "He wasn't ready."
"And, now?" Paula queries, catching the flicker of hurt in Donna's gaze.
"He chose you." She holds her breath, hoping the assurance is enough to save her job, but Paula ducks her head with a shake, no sway to her decision.
"'I'm sorry, Donna." Her voice is tight, understanding why Harvey has trouble saying no to the redhead. She respects Donna for being honest, but the simple fact is; Donna's tether to Harvey isn't doing the woman any favors either, and she stays firm with her resolve. "I hope you can understand, this is the best thing for everybody."
The patronizing comment feels like a slap to the face, and Donna swipes her eyes. The thought of giving up the firm—her family—is too much to comprehend in her current state, but her instinct will always be to put Harvey first, and she exhales a ragged breath. "This is going to hurt him, too."
"I know."
Paula's confirmation does nothing to unwind the knot in her throat, and Donna sweeps up her shoes, her head pounding and her heart aching as she fingers her clutch, stopping to ask something of Paula in return. "Take care of him." The woman nods, and a sob buries itself in her chest as she leaves, tears falling the second she closes the door on thirteen years.
She could wait. Bank on the chance Harvey won't fire her, but then his relationship is as good as over. She put him in the position he's in, and it's up to her to make things right.
Even if that means losing a piece of herself in the process.
…
The door slams, jarring Harvey back to his senses, still in shock over the tail-end of the conversation he caught from the hall. Donna's pleading had stopped him dead in his tracks, his legs immobile as he listened to Paula's unforgiving voice, but his moving now, driven by anger as he reveals himself. "You had no right asking Donna to resign." She jumps, startled by his arrival, but the reaction doesn't soften his irritation. "Jesus, Paula… You made it sound like I was going to fire her."
She steels herself against the outburst, retaliating with reason. "And what would you have done, come Monday?" Last night they were both on the same page, and she can tell he's hurt, like Donna warned he would be, but she doesn't regret stepping up on his behalf.
"I don't know, but I would have found another way." He turns just back to her, tugging a hand through his hair. Paula issued an ultimatum—he gets that—but just like he's always telling Mike, if the kid's backed up against a wall he has to break the goddamn thing down. All he needs is a little time to find a different solution, annoyed when Paula trails behind his pacing.
"There isn't one, Harvey." She reasons with him, hoping he can find a clear path to the truth. "Donna was able to see that, and she's doing the right thing."
He stops, the anger draining from his body as the sacrifice Donna's willing to make hits him hard. Things changed between them when she went to work for Louis. She put her needs above his, and it took him weeks to come to terms with her decision. He felt abandoned, devastated she left, but then he was finally able to recognize that she put him first for twelve years. As his therapist, Paula helped him reach that conclusion, but as his girlfriend, she's forcing him to take Donna for granted, something he swore to himself he would never do again. He doesn't want to let go of someone who would give up everything to ensure his happiness. And he can't stand the thought of Donna sacrificing her own. "It's not the only option."
He turns around somberly, and she doesn't need him to voice their other option. The decision to end things is written all over his face, and she sucks in sharply, her eyes wide as they scrutinize his features, calling his bluff. "If you can't tell me I mean more to you than Donna does, then I was right about your feelings for her."
He flinches, wishing he had an answer that would spare her the pain of his honesty. But the truth is, Donna means everything to him. He was just too blind to see it until now. "I'm sorry, Paula… I wanted this to work more than you know."
"That's it?" she asks, tears welling in her eyes, not able to believe he's going to throw away the future they've been working towards.
"It is." He swallows, not sure what to expect when she turns away from him, moving to the other side of the room, but when she returns with his key in her hand, Donna's key, he fumbles his fingers around it. There's really nothing left between them to say.
He knows they won't keep in touch or stay friends, but he isn't angry or resentful either. If anything, it feels like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. He can finally see things clearly now. "I hope you can find someone to give you what I can't," he says honestly. "Goodbye, Paula."
She watches him leave, and her eyes follow him, but he doesn't turn back around, thumbing the leather strap in his grasp.
He knows what he has to do.
What he should have done in the first place. He didn't want to accept what Paula was telling him last night, that all of his actions have been a direct result of running away from his feelings for Donna, but Paula was right.
And now it's time he stopped running.
...
Donna feels miserable as she shuffles towards the desperate banging at her door, no doubt in her mind who's behind it. She expected Harvey to turn up sooner or later, wanting to figure out a solution—whatever that may be—to their situation before Monday. But she spent nearly an hour in the shower searching for a way she could still keep her job, and there isn't one. She's the reason Harvey's relationship is in trouble, why Paula won't budge, and she's prepared herself for the inevitable.
All she has to do now is face it, and she swings the door open, holding it between her grasp as she tries to get a read on Harvey's expression. He stills, breathing in deeply, and she clutches the wood, not expecting the tenderness that falls from his mouth.
"Are you okay?" She doesn't look it. Her cheeks are pale, dark circles lining her eyes, and he tries not to think about what could have happened had Rachel not texted him last night. If the worst she's suffering is a hangover, that's a blessing to him, but he's aware Paula's words are likely taking a toll as well, the suspicion confirmed when she straightens defensively.
"Are you here to fire me?" She mirrors his question with a question, confused by the relief etched in his features.
"I could never fire you, Donna." He sighs, hating that Paula was able to get inside her head, and frowning when she hands him an envelope.
Had he taken the offensive she would be more hurt than she is, and she winds her arms back around herself, trying to keep her gaze from misting over. "I let you down… Let me make things right." She watches his thumb glides across the seal, but instead of opening it, he tears the paper in two, handing her back both halves, and she lifts her eyes, staring at him. "What are you doing?"
"Something I should have done a long time ago." He presses the resignation into her grasp, closing her fingers around the torn up envelope, and finding the courage to be honest. "You didn't let me down, Donna. I let us down. You told me you wanted more, and I asked Paula out. You kissed me, I asked her to move in. I've been running from how I feel since I met you." He breathes in deeply, accessing the emotions bubbling up inside him. "You're the person I want to be with. It's always been you, Donna."
Her mouth hangs open, her heart stuttering over what to say, when suddenly he smirks, and before she can come out with some quip to ruin the moment, she kisses him, stealing the sound from his mouth and smiling against his grin. "You want to come in?"
He pushes her back over the threshold in answer, kicking the door closed behind him. Not only does he want to come in, he's not sure he's ever going to want to leave. It may have taken him a roundabout way to get here, but now he's figured it all out, he's never taking her for granted again.
He's finally where he's supposed to be.
And he's going to spend the rest of his life showing her that.