Cloud had tried so hard to go back to normal. But even though he pushed Sephiroth as far out of his mind, there were still the moments he was alone and his mind drifted. And his thoughts always wandered to Sephiroth.
Just like now, as he stared off into the night sky. He can distantly see the colors of distant galaxies all blurred into one big mixture. Behind him he sensed the presence of someone else joining him. He didn't have to turn to know who it was.
"Who is it you're longing for?" Vincent asked.
This has become a sort of usual pass time between them. Silently watching the scenery of wherever they were at night. Observing. Wishing. Overthinking. This has gone on for a while now, and Cloud had grown used to his caped friend joining him in silence.
This time was a little different.
"Huh?" Cloud half turns to the gunman. He stood not far away, yet well out of reach of the Buster Sword, the blonde couldn't help but notice.
Was Vincent wary of what kind of response he would get?
"I may not have known you for long, but I am beginning to understand you. You strive yourself to forget someone. That is untill moments like this... You long for them."
"How do you know that I'm longing for anyone?" Cloud bristled. He wasn't angry, more surprised at how easily this man can read him. The blonde swordsman had gotten too used to the others unable to understand this part of him. They all assumed he was sad, and had made a few attempts to cheer him up whenever they caught him like this.
"Because I wish for someone. And that person has passed on. You don't seem to be grieving. So that's why I'm asking. Who are you wishing for?"
Cloud opened his mouth, almost saying the name. He wasn't sure what possessed him to trust Vincent so willingly. But he had wanted to talk to someone about this, didn't he? The name was on the tip of his tongue. He only stopped when he realized how quiet the whole camp was. Was he being paranoid or were they all listening in? Someone sneezed from one of the tents.
"Quit eavesdropping." Cloud snapped, earning a few pained groans and several sighs. He glared up at the gunman. "Did they set you up to this?"
"No." Vincent shook his head. "I wouldn't impose your privacy like that."
Although he didn't want to believe him, Vincent had never given him any reason to doubt him. So instead he redirected his fury at his other comrades as they all came out one by one.
"I'm sorry. I was getting worried about you." Tifa looked like she wanted to cry.
"About what? Nothing about me has changed." He didn't feel sorry for her.
"Do you even see yourself right now?" Aerith huffed. "You're getting mad at us for worrying about you! You don't think we haven't noticed anything? You haven't been the same since you fought - "
No. Anything but the name. He didn't want to hear it.
"Spare me the lecture. If I don't wanna indulge you all what's going on then leave it be." Cloud stood up, now staring her down. He ignored the hurt expression on her face at his cold response.
Silence fell upon the camp. They had never seen this side of Cloud before. It was strange and it left them all confused and hurt. This was different than just being distant, as he once was when they first banded together.
"Cloud... What happened to the kind man I knew? You're different now." Tifa was on the verge of tears. This time the sight of her sorrow tugged at his heart.
"Look, I'm still the same. All right? Just... Got a lot on my mind." The burden of the world on their shoulders was left unsaid.
"You're not alone, blondie." Barrett shook his head. "I gotta admit, this whole situation is heavy on all of us. So why don't you let us share that burden with you?"
Because...
He accepted Sephiroth.
"So whaddya say? You gonna lighten up and let us help you?" Aerith held out her hand.
Cloud stared at the offered hand. It reminded him of Sephiroth's. That moment in the cosmos. Before his cheeks could heat up he turned away, face hardening. The hurt expressions from his friends didn't go unnoticed by him.
"Why are you shutting us out?" Tifa demanded, tears streaming down her face. "I thought we came so far together. Why are you turning a cold shoulder on us after everything we've been through?"
Cloud couldn't face her. The damage had been done, he couldn't give in now. At his silence she turned and ran into her tent. Soft sobbing could be heard for all to hear.
"I'll let it go this one time that you made her cry, blondie, because I respect you. You got us this far. But next time, expect a bang on your ass." Barrett snarled, raising his gun arm close to Cloud's face, before he too went back to his own tent.
Aerith watched him, silently observing. It didn't escape her that in certain details of the conversation Cloud avoided Sephiroth at all costs. Even refused to hear the name said out loud. But all she had were suspicions with no solid evidence that Sephiroth was to blame for all of this. She turned to Vincent and Red, both of whom had been silent observers during the ordeal.
"You two keep him company, you hear?" In other words, make sure he doesn't sneak off.
"I'm not gonna run away." Cloud caught on.
"I know. But you got friends here who want to help you. And for right now it seems they can help you better than they rest of us can. Just remember, we care for you, Cloud."
She left him to ponder those words for the rest of the night.
xXx
Eventually more people joined the rag tag team. Cait Sith. Cid Highwind. And lastly, the self proclaimed expert ninja Yuffie. With so many friends traveling now, Cloud didn't have as much time to stare off into space to wonder about Sephiroth. This eased up tensions quite a bit. And if the new members noticed, they didn't ask.
There were still some nights he found himself alone. During which either Red or Vincent joined him in relative silence. A couple of times Cloud awoken the next morning having used Red as a pillow. He would apologize, but his friend assured him that it was fine. No one spoke of those moments when it was Cloud and Red.
That changed after one morning he woke up snuggling against a leathery outfit and a red cape over him. Soon as his head poked out and seen by everyone else else, the pair were the unfortunate talk of the group.
"Didn't think ya swung that way, kid!" Cid was the first to laugh.
"Shut up." Cloud snapped, but the pilot only laughed.
"Do you think they gonna get married?" Yuffie seemed excited at the idea. "I know! I can design Vincent's dress! It's going to be so pretty!"
"I refuse to wear such attire." Vincent dead panned.
"Then I'll design one for Cloud!"
The deep blush on his face was immediately noticed. Aerith laughed, knowing all too well what he was remembering. Even Tifa perked up. The purple dress had looked good on Cloud. Meanwhile Barrett and Cid guffawed at the idea of seeing their Ex Soldier boy in a dress.
"You know, he would look really cute in a dress!" Cait Sith pointed out.
"No one asked you!" Cloud wanted to throw the robotic cat.
After they were finally on their way, and Cloud had finally gotten his point across that nothing happened between him and Vincent. And no, they were not dating. At this point Barrett voiced what everyone thought.
"Then who the hell do you like, Blondie?"
He almost said the name out loud. Cloud stopped and looked away. The cold shoulder changed the atmosphere, and suddenly they weren't making jokes or making weird faces trying to imagine Cloud and Vincent together.
For the rest of the adventure they were all unsure about how to proceed out of this awkward situation. And so for once the group traveled in silence. When nighttime came around even dinner was eaten in silence. This was driving Cloud insane by this point, and left them alone so he can watch the sunset in peace.
Not too long after he noticed the presence of Vincent behind him.
"Did... Did anything happen last night?" He tentatively asked.
"Between us? No."
"Then how did I end up like that under your cape?"
"I believe you were half asleep when you tried to make your way to your tent. You weren't moving very well so I tried to help. Then you leaned against me and pushed me down. You clung onto me, saying that I smelled like someone."
Chills ran up Cloud's spine. His face paled and he stared into red eyes. One look and he knew. Vincent knew. In an instant he was on his feet in a stance, one hand on the handle of his sword. He paused at drawing it out when he noticed Vincent wasn't reaching for his gun.
"Relax. I haven't told anyone. I don't intend to." Not unless it becomes a serious threat. Thus far Cloud was still mostly himself.
"But why?" Weren't they hunting the enemy down?
"Because if you can fall for someone like him, then there's hope for him yet."