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Chapter 2

Fearlessness and Lotus Flowers

Olivia put the final touches of makeup on. She took a deep breath and really looked at herself in the mirror. She was nervous.

"This is stupid..." she muttered to herself. "It's just Elliot..." she said a little louder. She was grateful Lucy came by earlier to take Noah out to the park so she could try to relax a bit before she had to get ready. She braced herself with both arms on the bathroom sink staring at her own reflection, knowing he wasn't "just" Elliot. He was never just Elliot.

She hadn't texted him anything back last night. How could she? What do you say back through a text message when your former partner of twelve years, your best friend, the only man you ever really loved, but knew it could never be expressed tells you, essentially, for a second time that he loves you...

She took a deep breath and tried to push down her own feelings and walked out into her bedroom. She stood there looking at the two dresses on her bed. One was black, tailored to fit, past the knee, a classic. The other one she bought on a whim and then honestly never wore it. It was emerald, satin, knee length, with a sweetheart neckline and no straps. It definitely was a little sexier than she should probably wear as a Captain, but this was a personal event, not business. She really loved how she felt in it, and the color flattered her skin tone. Plus... she knew he would love it.

She let her mind wander back to those times before... before everything happened. Back in time when he was still her partner, Kathy was still alive, and she could live in her denial because she had too. Back when she would go out on dates and get called in wearing skintight dresses and heels. She would walk in and he would rake his eyes over her body, then chastise himself by not looking her in the eye for a few hours. A time when every touch of his hand on her shoulder or a look that lasted too long would melt her.

Now things were different. There was a decade of radio silence between them, a letter left unspoken, and a grenade he threw at her not once but twice now. Her breathing picked up a little. She tried her best at the intervention not to react to those words. He was under duress and his family was there. He couldn't have known what he was saying. But last night… asking to go with her to Fin's wedding… that text…. She could feel her pulse quicken, and heat rise on her skin.

Things were definitely different now. They weren't partners. They didn't work in the same precinct. He was now… available. Her heart sank a little at the why of that last thought. All the walls they had built up were now crumbling down. Maybe that meant something. Maybe for once in her life things were falling right into place. One thing she knew to be the same though... he still made her melt.

Her phone buzzed. She jerked out of her thoughts and picked it up. It was Elliot.

There in five.

She smiled, then looked at the dress. Emerald it is she thought. Knowing she was picking out a dress for Elliot sent a shiver down her spine.

She slid into her dress, put on nude stilettos and then started rummaging through her jewelry box looking for something. There they were. Two necklaces each on a gold chain. Simple and beautiful. One said Fearlessness and the other was a lotus flower. She hadn't worn them since he left. There was a lot of things she hadn't worn since he left her. Anything that reminded her of him was too hard to look at… which was practically everything she had owned.

She put the necklaces on, grabbed her small wristlet bag, took one more look and headed for the door. Here we go she thought.

Just as she was about to grab her doorknob to leave and meet him downstairs there was a knock. Of course, he would come up to meet her she thought. Always the gentlemen.

She opened it and was met with a pair of piercing blue eyes. Her breath caught in her throat and her mouth ran dry. Her eyes roamed over him as his did the same to her. He was wearing black dress pants, a white button down with the collar open, a black jacket and Italian dress shoes. It should be illegal to look like he does at his age.

She looked back up at his face and saw he was just as affected as she was. She felt a slight burn in her chest that rippled down her body from seeing… desire in his eyes. The same desire she'd seen in his face a million times from what seemed like a million years ago.

His jaw was slightly open, and his eyes were drifting slowly back up her bare legs. When he finally made his way back to her face, she could swear his eyes were a darker, deeper blue. She swallowed hard.

"You clean up nice Stabler." She said jokingly trying to regain some semblance of control.

"Liv…" He said a bit breathlessly. "You're beautiful…"

She just about went up in flames right in her doorway.

Her eyes darted down to the floor before they gave her away. Her insides were tingling, and her skin felt like electricity was coursing through it. She shook her head a little trying to deny the compliment. Just as she raised her head and was about to ask if he was ready to leave, he did something that stopped her heart.

Elliot stepped closer and reached out his hands to one of her necklaces and started to turn the clasp back to the base of her neck. Instantly goosebumps broke out across her body.

"I've always loved these necklaces on you Liv." He said, a little smirk on his face when he noticed she stopped breathing and felt her reaction to his hands on her skin. His right hand lingered at the base of her neck, his left still holding the pendent. His thumb caressed the skin where he laid the clasp for a moment before he drew his hands away.

She took a shaky breath in and said, "Thanks…" It was barely a whisper as her heart finally started beating again.

"Shall we?" He said holding open his arm gesturing toward the elevator.

She smiled and turned to close and lock her door, praying she was going to be able to walk to the elevator without turning into a trembling mess. The skin on her neck was reeling from where his touch had been. God… he burned her.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEO

How was he going to make it through this wedding? He could barely stand at her door and keep his hands to himself. Those soulful brown eyes shot right through him. He felt like a teenager again, gawking at her like he had never seen such a sight. Except he had. All of the memories of her dressed for dates were cataloged in his mind, living rent free. The only difference was those dresses weren't for him… but this one… this one might be.

It had taken all the breath out of his body when his eyes looked down at her in that dress. That dress… those long sinewy long legs and her olive skin. She was gorgeous. And once he made his way back up her frame, he saw those necklaces. The same necklaces he used as an excuse to hopefully derail anyone who might think he was looking somewhere else. Then all of a sudden, as if he had no control over himself, he was moving into her space and touching her. Like a moth to a flame. Olivia Benson was pure sin. He was going to need an IV at some point during this wedding.

The elevator ride was… dangerous, to say the least. Their close proximity made it impossible for him not to smell her perfume. It was intoxicating. He began to feel a little lightheaded and had to urge himself to not turn his head and stare.

He clasps his hands together just in case they betrayed him again. His mind was running a mile a minute and all his senses were on overload. When he couldn't keep himself from looking at her any longer, his eyes glanced over to her face. She was everything. He made the decision when he sent her that text late last night that this was it. This was it for him. Her. Only her. In whatever way she decided to be in his life.

In the back of his mind, he had been worried she didn't feel the same things for him. Until his hands found their way onto her skin. He felt and saw the electricity spark between them. He knew the attraction was still there, and maybe stronger than it had ever been. Apparently, absence makes the heat grow fonder. Barring her sending him away, he wasn't going to leave her this time. Never again.

She must have felt his eyes on her because she smiled and looked down before she said, "Take a picture Stabler, it will last longer." She bit her bottom lip and looked at him.

He laughed and blushed, slightly looking down knowing he was caught. He looked back up at her and for a few seconds before the elevator dinged, they were both lost in each other eyes. Oh boy he thought, swallowing hard, this night might be the death of him. As the doors opened, he placed his hand on the small of her back and ushered her through, opening the outside door for her as well.

He opened the car door for her and helped her in. After he shut it, she took a deep breath in and pushed it out. Breath… she kept saying in her mind. This was going to be a long night and if she kept holding her breath, she feared she might faint. Which let's be honest wouldn't as embarrassing as her acting like a schoolgirl every time Elliot looked at her.

She shook her head and whispered to herself, "Get it together Benson…"

He entered the car and then they were on their way. It was about a half hour to the venue. They talked about his unit in organized crime and how he felt about all of them. Her newer member of SVU making detective. He asked surface questions about Noah, not wanting to push her too fast to share that part of her life with him. He knew she was being protective, a quality he admired because he was the same with his children. He nearly drove them off the road though when she crossed and uncrossed her legs, making her dress slide up a little. It took every ounce of his strength not to place his hand on her now bare knee. He had to grip the steering wheel so tight his knuckles started to turn white.

Olivia pretended not to notice when his reaction to her shifting in her seat almost killed them. As they pulled into the parking area, she decided to test something out. They made it up to the valet and as he was readying himself to exit the car, she said "Hold on a sec Elliot, your collar… let me fix it."

She reached into his shirt and started to smooth out his collar. She felt a tremor when she touched his skin. A smirk broke out across her face as he huffed out a breath and tried to clear his throat.

"Better?" she asked, trying to fain innocence when he finally looked at her.

He paused before he said, "More than you know…" his voice thick with need. He placed his hand on top of hers on his shoulder and squeezed a little.

If she didn't break their look and pull her hand out of his she was going to hyperventilate. Heat creeped into her cheeks and pure want throbbed in her lower abdomen and between her legs.

Sensing she was getting overwhelmed he removed his hand from her and started to exit the car. She took a huge breath and ran her hands through her hair trying to re-establish her sanity.

He grabbed the ticket from the valet on his way to open her door. He made up his mind this night was about fearlessness the second he saw that necklace. He wasn't going to be afraid of what he felt for her and nothing was going to stop him tonight. He opened her door and took her hand in his helping her out.

On their way into the venue offered her his arm, not sure if she'd take it, but she did. He felt like he just won the lottery. He had the most beautiful woman on his arm, and for the first time in their decades long relationship he wasn't going to hold anything back.