Chapter 2: As We Stop To See

The girls in the palace.

Gabi pushed the door open with her hips as not to shake the tray in her grip more. She was momentarily blinded by the harsh rays of sunlight from the big mosaic windows, a pitiful contrast with the small hole she and the other servants got the lights from. But the girl drove that thought away in her mind, focusing instead on the young woman lying on the bed, and her eyes crinkled seeing the form of her friend.

"Miss Mikasa?"

Gabi placed the tray on the bedside table, sensing a stir in the air next to her. Even after all this time, Gabi couldn't help but stare at the former soldier. Imprisoned and forced to endure the presence of a monster in the body of her once adoptive brother, Mikasa Ackerman suffocated herself in silence. Days of not eating in a rebellious protest and screaming until blood sputtered out thankfully had gone by, but all it left was something much worse. The raven-haired woman was now nothing but absent voices and touches.

Three months after the end and the beginning of anew, Mikasa seemed to withdraw into herself. Gabi saw it all unfolding before her very eyes. Mikasa shrunk, the gauntness that has nothing to do with flesh but substance. She was broken and bruised and disappearing around the edges. But she was still beautiful, Gabi thought, and she was still everything even when she was treated like nothing.

"Miss Mikasa? I brought your favorite tea," the girl called out again.

Mikasa finally pushed her blankets away (red, just like the scarf she used to wear), revealing a curtain of dark cascading hair. Gabi inhaled the jasmine scent the older girl always emanated and suddenly felt a pair of bony arms hugging her.

"Good morning, Gabi. And thank you."

"How many hours last night?"

No answer. Gabi tried again. "Do you get any sleep last night?"

"Oh," Mikasa huffed softly. "I'm sorry. Headaches. As for last night, four hours. I was thinking that perhaps I should help out downstairs with the housemaids rather than wasting any more time trying to chase sleep."

Gabi gently pinched the raven's thigh. "And risk opening your stitches? The doctor ordered you to total bedrest, but here you are, disobeying commands as always. Didn't they teach you any better in the Survey Corps?"

"Ouch," Mikasa rubbed her thigh. "And you're still disregarding your elders. The Warriors program isn't any refined I must say."

"Elders? You're only nineteen, still a teen."

"And you're twelve. A baby. My baby, though."

They both snickered. Mikasa was able to crack a joke this morning, if that even counted as one, but Gabi smiled nevertheless. This was going to be a good day for her. A good day in a week of empty gazes was worth everything.

Gabi was not a very friendly child growing up, and the fact that she befriended the notoriously cold Mikasa Ackerman was still a wonder even to now. But maybe that's the benefit of war, if they could actually say that, you formed connections in the shortest time in the name of survival. Months ago, Gabi would shout profanities to any Paradis devils and killed them without hesitation, but the nature of destruction and the resulting catastrophe were enough to considerably dim the fire in her eyes. In any eyes, even. In Mikasa's grey eyes, before was alight with resolution and devotion, now only reflecting the remnants of her what once been. And in the eyes of the servants, too, once proud Marleyans and Outsiders who didn't think twice to trample a tiny island, now reduced to nothing but the lowest of caste.

Mikasa grabbed a chocolate pasty, wrapped it in a napkin, and offered it to Gabi. "Eat. I know you love chocolate."

"No, no, I can't. You need to eat more than me."

"This is more than enough." Mikasa gestured to the large assembly of pastries and fruits delicately placed on the tray. "I don't even want to know how they can get this much food."

"You're injured and skinny as hell. Look at you. All your muscles are gone. And second, we're in Mitras, and not to mention, the palace itself. Of course, we have an abundance of unnecessary wasteful resources here."

"You know I can't do anything stuck here in my room and I've made my peace with all my hard-earned muscles gone. Thanks for worrying about me, though. And please, eat this pastry. For me."

Gabi picked the delicacy and munched it. She hadn't had something this delicious in weeks. Not for the first time since she was placed here, Gabi was reminded of her mother's cooking back in Marley and how she took it for granted.

"Anything you plan to do today, Miss?"

"Not really. You?"

"Well, the servants are going to have a mini feast today. I'm needed as an extra hand, so I may be a little late in bringing your lunch. Just a head up."

"Oh?" Mikasa's eyebrow quirked up. "A feast?"

"Yeah! So, you know, last night they had this celebration gala something in the west hall and there are so many leftovers. Turkey, pies, chocolate fountain, and I think they mention a seafood platter. They gave them to us and we're going to have our own mini celebration tonight."

"That's amazing, Gabi. I didn't know there's a celebration last night. But yeah, it's fine if you're late. Don't worry about it."

"There's a celebration almost every night. For what and why, heck I don't even want to know. Last night is a gathering for the new Military Police. Do you know that a fricking newbie is elected Commander? It's nepotism, I swear, that brat is cousin with Floch."

"Wow, really. Floch's been garnering a lot of attention recently, huh? He's the… commander-in-chief?"

"You have no idea. He has his own fanclub somewhere. No, he's a general. The commander-in-chief is… um, it's Yeager. Not that he's doing anything other than attending meetings and parading himself outside."

"Oh." Gabi could see Mikasa's eyes turned hollower by the seconds. It sickened her. "I didn't know that too. I feel like if it's not for you updating me on these matters, I wouldn't know anything that's happening around. I'm pitiful, aren't I?" Mikasa whispered.

"Don't say that. You know the reason why they never told you these things. That's why I'm here, Miss, I'm your eyes and ears."

"I thought they'd agreed that my Ackerman ability wouldn't pose enough danger for them to be afraid."

"It's not about your ability. They think you're secretly involved in the underground rebellion. But it's still rumors. The main reason you're not involved whatsoever is because he doesn't want you to."

Mikasa turned her face sideways. The rays made the long dark strands of her eyelashes silver. "Yeah. I understand that."

Silence reigned for a moment.

"So, Gabi, how about the cities? Anything new?"

"Except from the bloody purging those bastards have been doing in the last couple of weeks? Nothing. Oh, they're starting to rebuild Stohess. They want to install a huge fountain, I think."

"Are there still many who oppose this new… regime?"

"Yeah. Most are those whose lives change for the better during Queen Historia's reign, so it's no surprise that they want it back. But they're mostly commoners. The loyalist army, on the other hand, I heard the Yeagerist managed to kill up to fifty men in a night."

"Where?"

"West of Shiganshina."

Mikasa's eyes widened. "Did they…"

"No. Calm down. Father told me that Armin and Annie had moved to Trost recently. They're okay."

"Thank goodness. Is Trost any safer than Shiganshina?"

"I don't know. But at least there's still the old Survey Corps HQ there. If anything goes south, the people can always raid it for weapons and the old Corps soldiers still living there can help them."

"Jean is there, isn't he?"

"Yep. Visits Mitras every weekend. Living the life."

"Good, I'm happy he's okay." There was a tingle in her voice. "Does Father tell you anything else?"

"Not much. Still no sign of Mr. Connie and Falco. But I'm sure they're okay. I know Mr. Connie can handle that reckless boy well."

Mikasa smiled sadly and ruffled the girl's hair. "They're going to be fine, Gabi. You're going to be fine."

"With you, Miss Mikasa, I'll be more than fine."

Gabi gathered the silverware and prepared to leave. The cooks had threatened her, more or less, to help in the kitchen. It was a pretty huge feast last night and Gabi couldn't wait to steal some chocolates for herself.

"Gabi, do you want to visit Sasha's grave with me tomorrow?"

If it weren't for her Warrior training, the girl was sure she would drop the tray and clattered them all over the pristine marble floors.

"Huh?"

Mikasa patted the spot next to her. The sheets rumpled slightly from the dent of her sitting down. Gabi reluctantly avoided Mikasa's knowing look. She didn't need that, least of all from her. She didn't need pity and forgiveness from Miss Sasha's own best friend. She didn't need, no, want, to have a flicker of hope in her heart.

"Tomorrow is her birthday. We used to sneak to the food storage and find some flour and eggs to make a birthday cake. I told her I'll just buy one from the village to save time and effort, but Sasha was always so meticulous about her cake. We were caught once by Hanji, but she let us be and even gave us a box of candies stolen from Commander Erwin's secret stash. I'd always known someone as pristine as he must had a weakness."

"Why… why are you telling me this?"

"I want to bake her a cake, but with my ribs still healing, I can't move around much. And besides, you know the kitchen layout better than me. Will you help me?"

"Yes, of course, I'll help you. But I… I don't think I should go to her grave. I don't think I'm even allowed… And…"

"I knew you blame yourself too harshly for her death. Yes, she died, and nothing can change the fact that it is your fingers behind that trigger. Nothing can ever bring my best friend back. Nothing can ever fill the hole she left behind in my, in our hearts. But don't you think you deserve a bit of compassion for yourself? I am not saying to forget what you did, I myself can't forget all the lives I took, all I wish is that you forgive the things you did because at that time that was the only choices you knew."

"Miss Sasha… She deserved to live a happy life by the countryside she loved so much, with good meals every dinner, with her loved ones laughing at her jokes, and with her eyes slowly wrinkled in the most peaceful way. She deserved to live, not just to survive, and I took that away from her," Gabi sobbed.

"When you lived the life I had, it's hard to decide whether a death is well-deserved or not. We all deserve to live a happy life and choose how we want to go from this world, but with the things going at it is, death chooses us and not the other way around. Do you understand that Gabi? Sasha chose to be on that airship that day, to fire her shot, to kill people. She chose to put herself in danger because she knew that even though she died, we can live her life for her. And it's our job now."

Gabi felt the lodge in her throat rose up ever so slightly. Her eyes burned. Not only from tears, but fire reignited. "I promise to always remember her. To do her memory justice."

"The death of a memory is the death we carry. We'll live and carry her with us always."

The girl moved to hug her friend. Mikasa was still too thin, too skeletal, but Gabi thought that a hefty serving of sweet chocolate cake could at least added a few pounds.

"Come on, Miss, we can use some chocolate leftovers from the feast to bake something delicious for Miss Sasha."

The bandages around her abdomen tightened with each inhales. Mikasa was used to pain, she even savored the feeling for it was a hundred times better than numbness, but this time was different. Pain while fighting for the glory of humanity alongside your comrades was one thing to be proud of, but the pain from an injury in a battle that snatched away those said comrades was worse than dying. She wanted to die, she wanted to live. The decision right at her fingertips.

Mikasa'd always hated vacillating.

Her misery was still as tender as a fresh wound, not even enough scabbed thorough, and it was a story she'd rather not remember today. She didn't spend days muffling the blaring waves inside her head for it to engulf her again. So Mikasa hastened her steps to match Gabi's skipping.

She loved Gabi. She didn't think that she could love another person after so many had been taken away from her, but she did. She had brothers, and now she had a sister. She only hoped that the little girl wouldn't fall into a pit of sorrow and repressed rage and turned into a monster.

There were already enough monsters in her life.

The kitchen was as busy as ever, cooks and maids fluttering around, that it took them a minute before acknowledging the new presence in the room. First, they glanced at her, and continued their chopping as if she were just another maid. Then, confusion marred their faces as no maid in the castle had black midnight hair and wore a silk nightgown. Last, they turned their heads so fast Mikasa feared they had whiplash.

"Lady Mikasa?!" An old woman, the head cook, rushed toward her.

"In the flesh," Gabi muttered beside her.

"Milady, what you doing here? I mean, of course you are always welcome here, but… Your nightgown! Come, come, let us not have oil hit it or else the laundress will have my head in the next stew. Gabi, child, I told you to help here, not bring the lady!"

Mrs. Celia fussed over her, probing her protruding cheekbones and telling her how unhealthy she looked, throwing a clean apron to protect her clothes, and even had the time taming her messy bed hair with a mysterious comb that came out of nowhere.

She'd always been like that, a mother to workers and refugees alike, and Mikasa had nothing but gratitude for the old woman. She remembered every time she woke up from a fever last month during the hardest recovery period of her life, there was always a bowl of stew ready courtesy of the kind woman.

"Hello, Mam. May I use one of your stations? I apologize. I know you're busy as always, but I wouldn't bother you unless it is something urgent. I need to bake a cake for… for my friend."

"Dear one, everything in this palace belongs to you. I will have Jon over there to help you, okay? You just wait and stand here."

Mikasa bit back a reply.

"Miss? I'll go get the ingredients from the storage," Gabi said and left.

Mikasa felt like a stranger standing there among her own kin. They tried not to stare, but it was still unnerving for both sides. Before she could move and actually did something productive, a commotion broke out.

Two soldiers adorning the Royal Guard insignia held Gabi by the crook of her arms. From a distance, the distressed look on the girl's face revealed annoyance and fear.

"Marleyan scum," one of them, the bald guy, spat.

"If you're blind, then just tell us and we'll send you to the labor camps where shits like you belong."

"I'm sorry, good sirs, these boxes were so big I didn't see my way clearly."

"Where's your work permit, huh? Don't tell me you're another illegal worker, you bitch."

Now Gabi looked more afraid than before. She stuttered, "I… I have it in my room, sir."

She didn't. Gabi had no work permit here, Mikasa bitterly thought while walking to the scene. She was the one to beg him to let the girl stayed as her personal aide.

"You're that Braun kid, aren't you? The one that ki—"

The bald guy choked on this saliva as Mikasa jabbed at his throat from behind. His partner, without realizing who and what was happening, turned and aimed a punch. She twisted his arms easily, but she miscalculated the distance between them and received a kick to her hips. It was a weak kick, but it hit the edge of her wound.

Mikasa reeled back, gathered her momentum, and swung her elbow as hard as she could. The soldier fell down. So was she.

"Miss Mikasa!"

The uproar that arose afterward was deafening. Mikasa wasn't as bothered with her wound but more so with the bile that rose from her stomach. She tasted sawdust on her tongue and flowing through her head.

There was a sticky feeling plastered on her gown, and when she looked down, the color red had already bloomed there.

"Miss? Oh God, your wounds. The stitches came out. God. Okay, okay. Let's get you to the infirmary, okay? Can you walk? Do you feel dizzy? God, that's a lot of blood. Miss?" Gabi rambled.

Mikasa suppressed her headache. "Calm down. I think I can walk. Lend me a hand?"

A sharp pain jolted her the moment she shifted her weight on her good side. The sound of her blood dripping on the floor didn't go unnoticed.

"Milady!" It was Mrs. Celia. "I will press a cloth here, alright? To stop the bleeding. Jon, anyone, get a stretcher and tell the doctor Lady Mikasa is going there right now! You hear me, kids?! NOW!"

A group of kids scurried down the hall.

"What's happening here?"

Lieutenant Muller and several of his regiment soldiers approached them. Mikasa only saw him once during his appointment ceremony but from what Gabi had told her, Muller was a sympathizer of the refugees.

"Milady?"

"These soldiers trying to play bullies, lieutenant, and Lady Mikasa tries to stop them from hitting a little girl," Mrs. Celia sneered at the two guards still sprawled on the floor. "We're bringing a stretcher here."

"Milady, are you alright? Do I need to call the chief surgeon from the hospital here?"

Mikasa sighed. "Will everybody stop over worrying please? I'm alright, lieutenant, thank you. I just need to get extra stitches."

Muller nodded, satisfied for now. Then he turned to the guards and glowered. "Lord Yeager will be home tonight. You will both be dead by sunrise."

"No, there's no need—" Mikasa said, but her protests were drowned out by the arrival of the medics and she was placed on the stretcher. Gabi squeezed her hand as they all made way to the infirmary.

Heyo. Thank you so damn much for the favorites, follows, and reviews. I woke up the next day and saw the notifications and completely lose it. Thank you. Really. This story may be just one of the many stories you read throughout the day, but the love you all left behind motivates me like no others.

Okay so for any of you who's interested with my writing process:

I tried (emphasis on tried lol) to incorporate different 'tones' in writing different character's segments and perspectives. The Gabi and Mikasa bedroom scene is actually the very first scene I wrote and at first I want it to be in Mikasa's pov, but I experimented it a bit to see how Gabi can set the 'tone' for Mikasa's personality. And Sasha. God how do I begin with that. I love aot girls so much (yes, even Gabi, that's why she's one of the main characters on this story). I think it'll be interesting to see her and Mikasa's dynamics revolving around Sasha. I miss you so much potato girl.

I originally wanted Mikasa to be depressed af here but since this is set months since she was brought to the castle, she begins to regain her 'cheerfulness'. And having Gabi around must rub off her. She'll still be depressed in the flashbacks. And as you can see I can't write fighting scenes. At all. I'm sorry. HEHE. And I use a lot of commas and passive voice. Jesus.

A bit of /unnecessary/ disclaimer: I'm not a native English speaker. Wow what a surprise. I'm being sarcastic there, ofc you guys knew that by reading my story. I don't have a beta or an editor either so this is just straight from ma head. Yippie.

I already had the idea for a few chapters but sadly not for the whole story, so if any of you guys want to share your suggestions and give me advices, please do so!

Eren's be making his grand appearance next chapter. I hope you guys can have a love-hate relationship with him in this story like I did in canon. I love my boi Eren, but… ugh.

Also, insomniac Annie and Mikasa. Heh.