Vaggie should have known this wasn't going to end well.
Charlie, bless her heart (and she'd only say that about her because otherwise asking the Big Douche upstairs to bless anything tasted horrible on her tongue… about what she figured Angel tasted on a regular basis), had convinced her parents to let her tag along on their visit to Earth. Seeing as Vaggie, in Earth terms, was the one person Charlie knew who'd been on Earth recently they'd agreed. It helped that Vaggie was less murderous and insane than most of the other people Charlie hung out with or kept around the hotel and could most easily pass for human, so she wouldn't stand out. Which was important to Charlie's parents.
All of that had surprised Vaggie as she had assumed that the King and Queen would have little understanding of Earth. Oh, she'd heard the rumors when she'd first been broken out of her Hell Loop and stabbed with that damn blade that the Devil had gone to live on Earth but she hadn't bought it for a second. Him returning with his Queen had only cemented it for her that Lucifer had disappeared in order to quietly find a bride, to prevent a war in Hell among the many demons that would want to take their spot next to him as he sat the throne. Rumors had floated about concerning where the Queen had come from; some said she was from an alternate reality where a different angel had fallen and they'd decided to rule together. Others said that he'd made her much as Eve had been made from Adam. Vaggie had even heard one drunk proclaim that clearly the Queen was another angel who had Fallen, with their king saving her and thus earning the right to keep her in her bed. Vaggie hadn't know the truth and didn't care.
But then had come the talk about the visit…
~MC~MC~MC~
"You're nervous," Charlie teased as they waited in the antechamber in the great Keep of Hell."You're never nervous!"
"I'm giving your parents tips on how to blend in on Earth," Vaggie said, wringing her hands together. "I'm allowed to be nervous!"
"It will be fine."
"No it won't. I have to teach the King and Queen how to blend in and if I don't and people find out about us it will be bad. Very, very bad. Like end of the world bad."
Charlie scoffed at that. "It won't be that bad. They just want to talk with us… calm down."
Vaggie sighed, taking a breath. "Okay… okay… I just-"
The doors opened and the Queen walked in… wearing a pair of slacks, a dark shirt, a tasteful jacket, and her hair tied up in a no-thrills ponytail. Even her normal dark makeup was missing!
"Okay, great, glad you're here," Charlie's mom said with a smile, clapping her hands. "So we need to go over what to pack. You two can wear what you have on when we first arrive, since we'll be seeing Amenadiel and Maze and Eve and then heading to my house but after that you'll need clothing to blend in. This-" she gestured at what Vaggie was wearing, "-will get you gawked at, even in LA. We can work with it, keep you comfortable, but we'll need to decide on which direction you want to go. Charlie, I think you can mimic what I used to wear for work, if you don't want to go the tux route, which I wouldn't if I were you. Vaggie, if you want you can either go for simple or the Lucifer route and be crisp and sharp."
"I like how you put that, Detective," the King said, Vaggie's mind stumbling on his utterly odd pet name for the Queen before skipping that in order to slam into the wall that was the King wearing an expensive and well cut… but yet also incredibly dull and boring for Hell… suit. No skulls, no snakes or spiders, nothing. Just a suit. He pulled on his cuffs as he looked Vaggie over. "Hmmm… at first I would have suggested you going with what Maze likes-" Mazikeen… the first of the Lilim… Vaggie's mind was melting down… "-but I think we can actually work with this. Maybe a paradox goth? The cut and style but light on colors?"
"The point is for people not to notice us, Lucifer," the Queen told him.
"Oh come now, admit it… part of you wants to walk into the precinct and have everyone whistle and drool over how stunning you are."
"…maybe," the Queen admitted with a blush before shaking her head. "But we need to take it slow. I'd rather not have to explain to Dan and Ella how in the span of one night you and I got married and have a daughter old enough to have mind blowing lesbian sex with her girlfriend. So subtle." She tilted her head, looking over Vaggie. "The bow has to go. Even before we head there."
"I agree."
Vaggie slowly turned to Charlie who smiled cutely at her, though with a cringe. "Should I mention now that mom grew up on Earth and I have a big sister up there?" ~MC~MC~MC~
The Queen (and not matter how many times Charlie's mom told her to call her 'Chloe' or even 'Mrs. Morningstar' Vaggie couldn't do it because she was THE FUCKING QUEEN OF HELL!) had at that point taken her aside when she'd realized Charlie had let slip a few… important details… and told her the entire story. That the Queen had been like Vaggie, growing up on Earth and being turned into a demon by a Conversion Blade, though in her case while she was alive which had… supercharged the entire process, the Queen had admitted with a shrug. While she had spent decades in Hell she still remembered her life as a human and in fact was going to be far more up to date than Vaggie was going to be.
"Seriously, Trump?" Vaggie muttered to herself as she walked down the street.
The plan had been for all of them to hitch a ride of the King's slipstream as he flew out of Hell. The Queen was of course held in the King's arms and she held onto Charlie's hand and Charlie held onto her's. It had all gone well, them rising up from the underworld and into the land of the living… and then Charlie had gotten giddy, let go of Vaggie's hand to squeal at seeing the Hollywood sign, and Vaggie had ended up landing in an alleyway. She'd waited a few minutes to see if they'd remember her but she'd soon realized that they'd either got distracted by meeting everyone or had no idea where to look.
As such Vaggie had been forced to pull out her phone and look at the directions the Queen had put into it, along with the handy map app of Los Angles. Preset were several important locations. Some woman named Linda's house (too far). The tower the King owned (closer but quite a walk and Vaggie didn't want to waste the money she'd been given on a taxi ride). The Queen's house (nope, no way did she meet Charlie's big sister before Charlie did!). That left only one option: the precinct.
Because the Queen of Hell was also a police detective and the King was her partner in solving murders.
And she'd used to think the likes of Cherri Bomb and Alastor were the craziest things she'd ever see.
"Of course it only gets weirder," she muttered to herself as she moved up towards the door of the precinct. "The King is moving the court to Earth."
No one but the four of them knew that and Vaggie only knew because the King couldn't lie and the Queen knew that and decided to just reveal the details before someone blurted it out. Apparently the King had always planned on leaving Hell because Charlie's older sister (Charlie had a human older sister!) was still on Earth. So the King was moving the court slowly to Earth and would rule from there with his family… while he and the Queen would go back to being police detectives.
Sometimes Vaggie's brain hurt from all the craziness Charlie's family got up to.
"Hello?" Vaggie said as she stepped inside the precinct and up to the desk. "Excuse me, I was wondering if you could contact Q… Detective Chloe… er…Decker? I'm a-" Vaggie frowned as she tried to think of how to explain she was her daughter's girlfriend… a daughter that no one knew the Queen had. "-friend of the family?"
"Yeah, I'll give her a ring, see if she's at her desk," the officer managing the desk said. "If not I can try calling her cell."
"Thanks," Vaggie said, wondering why they hadn't thought of giving her the Queen or King's phone number. She'd tried Charlie's but she always forgot to take it off of vibrate-
"Hey!" someone called out and Vaggie turned to see a short Latina woman in jeans, funky red sneakers, and a t-shirt with a cartoon ninja on it that said, "I Gots Made Ninja Skills… And Stuff". "Ella Lopez. Hiya! I have to say, you are really pulling off that look. Sultry yet innocent. So good. And the eyepatch? Just makes it all work! If ya got it flaunt it, right? And you do that while also managing to make it your own thing! Oh! Maybe I should get an eyepatch."
Vaggie watched as Ella Lopez bounced around her, babbling up a storm. "And I thought Charlie could talk…" Still, it was nice that she liked her outfit. The Queen had worked with her to get something that looked nice but fit her normal style. A bit of a longer cut and certainly nicer material than what was normally found in Hell; it wasn't some ball gown like what the Queen had gone with but also not cut as high as she normally liked. She'd gotten to keep the long mismatched stockings, thankfully, but also been given a leather coat to go over the dress, with Charlie saying it made her look cute but also badass so that was a plus. She missed her bow and her harpoon (the Queen saying flat out she couldn't wander about with that on the streets; Vaggie got that but also felt vastly under protected without her weapon) but the King (the FUCKING KING OF HELL) had gifted her with a demon forged Lilim blade that she kept strapped to her thigh. Which was good because she REALLLLLLYYYY didn't like the way some of the men in the precinct were looking at her.
"Charlie?" Ella asked.
Out of habit Vaggie said, "I mean Charlotte… Charlotte Morningstar," only to realize that this police officer (or whoever the hell she was because the more she looked at her the more Vaggie was sure she was less a cop) would have no idea who that was.
Except… Ella's face instantly fell.
"Oh… you knew Lucifer's stepmom?" Ella asked her, taking her hand and giving it a pat. "I am… I am so sorry about what happened to her." She began to pull Vaggie deeper into the precinct, despite the demon's attempts to avoid going into the lair of cops and badges. During her life as a human her and cops hadn't gotten along at all as they usually weere kicking down doors looking for stuff to steal themselves and shaking down hard working people just trying to scrape by. Ella led her to what she soon realize was a lab of some sorts and Vaggie found herself sitting on a stool with a can of pop in her hand. "Do you know Lucifer too?"
"I do," she said, it so very… very… VERY odd to say that she knew the King of Hell and treat it like a casual thing. Every Overlord in Hell would have given their fangs to be in good with the King… which made it so very odd they treated Charlie like an afterthought. "But I didn't mean Charlotte as-" She stopped and realized that saying she was dating the King's daughter might get her odd looks, especially since the King and Queen hadn't had Charlie when they'd last seen everyone they knew on Earth.
"It's alright, it's tough to get past a loss. So how did you know her? You aren't one of Lucifer's sisters, you would have mentioned him first. Though…" Ella tilted her head, "you do give off the same kind of vibe, you know? Oh! Are you an actor too?"
"Just, er, a friend of the family. I'm supposed to meet up with them, could you give him a call?"
"I'll dial Chloe. He'll be with her. You know who Chloe is, right? He ever mention her?"
Vaggie blinked.
~MC~MC~MC~
"Thank you for attending our monthly rally!" the King called out. It was a rare thing for a large group of demons to be able to gather without descending into a massive brawl but when the King had begun to call rallies all the citizens of Hell gathered in whatever city or territory they were in to watch or, if near his castle, to listen in person. Vaggie was standing near the front of the crowd, shifting nervously. The King had only recently gotten things under control and as such she was still a touch nervous that a fight might break out. She knew she was tough and could handle her own but there were damned OVERLORDS standing around and Vaggie was strong… but not stupid.
The King held up his hand, asking for quiet, and all of Hell went silent.
"Now then… we are here to discuss something very important…" the King said before gesturing towards the Queen, who was looking at him with exasperation. "It is my dear wife's birthday so all of you are going to walk up and tell her how sexy she still is."
The demons all blinked.
"Well? There is plenty to love! Look at those breasts… I enjoyed them quite a bit last night… but let's not forget that ass! Even my Father would take a day off to admire it. The legs, the hair, the smile… chop chop!" ~MC~MC~MC~
"Yeah," Vaggie said.
"Cool," Ella said, putting the phone on speaker as it rang before, "Hey Chlo! Listen, I don't know if you guys are still working that case about the DJ but I have someone saying they know Lucifer and Charlotte here."
"Who?" the Queen said, her voice like a hot knife on top of ice.
"Whoa, you been taking those vocal lessons I suggested? You got that sultry sound down PACK girl!" Ella cheered.
The Queen let out a nervous laugh (and the Queen should NEVER sound nervous! NEVER NEVER NEVER!). "Uh, yeah, sure Ella. Who is it?"
"Uh… Vaggie, your h-Chloe," Vaggie said with a cringe.
"Thank the pit," the Queen said. "Charlie and Lucifer were sure you'd be fine but I wanted to send out the search parties. Sorry about that."
"It's fine," Vaggie said, feeling she was on a bit more stable ground. "All the excitement and all that."
"Yes but that doesn't make it right. You're Charlie's girlfriend… you shouldn't be an after thought."
"Wait, you dated Charlotte?" Ella asked. "Man, I knew she was hiding something. Marrying all those men and leaving them-"
"Dating what men?" the Queen said. "Charlie, what men?"
"I don't date men, mom!" Charlie called out, just loud enough to hear over the phone.
Ella pressed her fingers to her temples, eyes wide. "Whoa, hold on here… who the heck just called you 'mom' because that was NOT Trixie."
"Er… I…"
"Oh for Dad's sake," the King said, coming on the line. "Miss Lopez, the Detective and I just spent a century in Hell because, as I keep telling you, I'm not an actor I actually am the Devil. While there we married and now have a second daughter, Charlie. We are taking her, Vagatha-" Oh shit the King said her name, "-and the rest of us to the Detective's dreadfully suburban home to meeting Beatrice and then get us moved into my penthouse. The precinct is on the way so we'll pick up Vagatha in a few moments."
"M…married?" Ella stammered.
The King let out a huff of impatience. "Yes, married! Something people in love do! Binding forever, to rule for eternity, agreeing that we are both there if we wish to engage in carnal knowledge with the wine delivery boy. That sort of thing. I thought you'd be farther along here."
"You and Chloe got married!?" Ella said with clear delight. "Oh… oh I need to process this. I need to breathe-"
"If you're going to throw up don't do so on Vagatha, I just bought that outfit for her. Miss. Lopez we'll be in there in a moment so you can send her out-"
"No way… you do NOT get to drop this on me!" Ella exclaimed. "I'm coming too!" She ran about the lab, grabbing odd items. "What to bring… what to bring…"
"Uh, Vaggie?" the Queen said.
"She's… kind of running around my Q… Chloe."
"Riiiight. Should have expected that, thank you so much Lucifer for breaking it to her gently."
"You're welcome."
The Queen groaned. "We'll rescue you in five."
CLICK!
~MC~MC~MC~
"You stole my baby's name?"
Chloe stared at Linda. She blinked a few times. She opened her mouth then snapped it shut.
"Well?" Linda demanded, her tone annoyed as she held her son close to her, glancing down and smiling before looking up to glower at Chloe again.
"I'm sorry but of everything we just told you THAT'S what you focus on?" They were all sitting in Chloe's living room, waiting for the right moment to wake Trixie up and introduce her to everyone (When Eve had pointed out that she was just meeting Charlie and Vaggie and that really wasn't 'everyone' Chloe had flashed her demonic grin to remind her that she was very much different from the mommy Trixie had gone to bed having; introductions would need to be made. That was when Eve decided, for her own safety, to distract Ella by claiming they needed to pick up some food for the party they had decided to throw to celebrate Lucifer and Chloe 'eloping' and adopting 'Lucifer's cute as a button baby sister'; that was the cover story Chloe had come up with Charlie). They were doing their best to talk quietly, as not to upset Charlie who was murmuring to herself and going over sheet music.
"You stole my son's name, Chloe. That isn't what girl friends do." Linda let out a huff.
Maze, who was seated on the arm of the chair Linda was sitting on while Amenadiel stood behind her with his hands resting on the back of the chair, nodded in agreement. "That is rather low, Decker."
"We wanted to honor Charlotte. We didn't mean for the nickname to even come up!" Chloe complained.
"Okay, then it's pretty unimaginative," Maze snarked. "Which does fit you to a tee."
Chloe's eyes flashed red. "I can make you bow to me, Lilim. Lick my feet while begging my forgiveness."
Maze purred at that. "Oh, you finally learned how to talk dirty, Decker. What say you, Linda, want in on this?"
"I gave birth a few days ago," Linda reminded her. Amenadiel looked down at her, cocking an eyebrow. "I mean of course not!" She let out a quick, hasty laugh.
"As sexy as all you ladies having an orgy might be," Lucifer said, "and believe me when I say that it pains me to move away from the image of all of you worshiping the detective like she deserves, perhaps we should focus on the topic at hand? Namely the good doctor's lack of surprise at all of this."
"Did… did you just act as the voice of reason?" Chloe asked.
Lucifer scoffed. "I am always the voice of reason. You just didn't see that when you were merely a simple human."
"Uh, my king?" Vaggie said, pointing to the now glowering Chloe and Linda. "That might not be the best thing to say, considering the company."
"You think I'm afraid of their anger, Vagatha? We outnumber them-"
"Sorry, I'm siding with Decker," Maze said.
Lucifer sputtered at that. He looked to his brother who quickly shook his head, holding up his hands with eyes wide with fear. Not of him. Not of the Devil. Maybe not even Chloe, the Queen of Hell, or Maze the mightiest of the Lilim. He seemed terrified of the doctor! Even Baby Charlie seemed to cringe at the sight of his mother glowering at Lucifer.
"Don't even look at me," Vaggie said sternly. "I don't like men at all, remember?" He narrowed his eyes and she cringed, remembering just WHO she was talking to. "Uh, my king."
"No no no, don't you dare take that out on her!" Chloe warned. "Maybe I should make YOU kiss and lick my feet… no, wait. You'd enjoy that. You DON'T get to lick or kiss them… or anything."
Maze rolled her eyes. "Okay, now that we've established what we are going to do with and not do with Decker's feet can we get back to Linda not going nuts over all of this." She gestured at Lucifer and Chloe. "You find out that Lucifer is the Devil and I'm a demon and you have a panic attack that lasts a week. But Chloe comes back as a… superdemon or whatever the fuck she is-"
"We really need a name for what Charlie and I am," Chloe told Lucifer, leaning against his shoulder and tracing her finger along his thigh. She might have been mad at him only moments earlier but a century together and her demonic blood meant that her anger had changed completely; as a human it burned long and hard but as a demon it was explosive… and then cast aside with a shrug. It was why their fights always ended with them nearly giving Charlie little brothers and sisters.
"-and all you care about is the name for your kid? They're married, they have a kid, Chloe is the Queen of Hell… why aren't you losing your mind, Linda?"
The shrink shrugged. "Honestly? I expected it."
"You expected it? Expected what?"
"All of this." Linda gestured at Lucifer and Chloe, who were getting rather snuggly on the couch. "I mean, after the first year or so of their partnership I realized they were going to end up together. And when I realized he was the Devil I figured he would turn her into a demon. You know." She placed two fingers in front of her mouth, like they were her front teeth. "Blah!"
"…I am not some bloody vampire!" Lucifer complained. "I don't bite someone and turn them into another Devil! It doesn't work like that at all."
"Well, it kind of does," Chloe said. "I mean I did have something penetrate me and that turned me into this. And it did feel a bit like I imagine becoming a vampire would feel."
"Vampires aren't real," Lucifer said with a scoff. "I should know, I have C;ad down in Hell right now." He leaned his head back and chuckled. "I so do love it when those that claim to be devout followers of Dad get themselves sent down my way. The look of utter CONFUSION on their faces!" He made an exaggerated "What the?!" face with mouth open and chin dropped, turning to all of them. Maze nodded and pointed at him, silently agreeing that souls did look like that. Vaggie just shrugged. Amenadiel smiled; he hated the hypocrites that used his Father's name as an excuse to sin. Chloe giggled lightly. "But I didn't bite her."
"I do the biting," Chloe said and her smile twisted into its demonic form, taking up half her face.
"…okay, that will take some getting used to," Linda admitted. "Does it… hurt to do that?" She used her free hand to tug at the corner of her own mouth, seeing how wide she could get it.
"Not at all," Chloe said as she flashed a far more human smile. "Lucifer explained it… self-actualization. I think my body can do it… and it does."
"Makes things rather interesting in the bedroom," Lucifer said and Chloe merely nodded in agreement.
"And that. That will also take some getting used to." Linda smiled. "I mean I think its wonderful you two are on the same page but it is rather… odd to see you acting so much like Lucifer, Chloe."
The detective shrugged and burrowed herself a bit closer to husband. "We rub off on each other and no I didn't mean it that way," she told Maze, who snapped her mouth shut.
"What do you mean?" Amenadiel asked.
~MC~MC~MC~
"Come now, Lucifer," Chloe purred. She was lying belly-down on a long elegant table, wearing a sexy nightie, legs waving lazily back and forth.
"I need to get this paperwork done," Lucifer said, distracted. "How did Velvet even damage the 3rd circle this much? She never goes down to the 3rd circle…"
"Lucifer…" Chloe moaned lustfully.
"Detective, I know you don't understand this but ruling Hell isn't all fun and games. There is paperwork that must be completed so if you aren't going to help then can you please leave me to it."
"Fine," Chloe said… before rolling off the table and walking away. "I'm going to see how many bananas I can deep throat."
"Mmmmhhmmm," Lucifer said, still not having heard a word she said. "File… in… triplicate…"
~MC~MC~MC~
"Wait, I missed that?" Lucifer said, horrified.
"Yes. My need to get paperwork done has rubbed off on you."
He stared at his wife in disgust and terror. "Rubbed off? More like infected! Like the plague or an STD! Studious task dedication!" He shuddered. "We need to find a cure before I end up like Amenadiel, unable to fully please a woman."
"I can please women just fine," Amenadiel said, insulted.
"Eh?" Maze and Linda both said, Maze wobbling her hand to show how shaky that statement was.
"AHA!" Charlie said, finally bouncing over to them. "Perfect! Not one of my originals but sometimes it's nice to do something familiar and give your own spin to it. Dad, mind helping with the music?"
"This is for your introduction to Beatrice, correct?" Charlie rapidly nodded. "Then of course."
"Vaggie?"
Her girlfriend smiled even as she sighed. "There is no talking you out of this?" Charlie shook her head, still beaming with uncontained excitement. "Then yeah, I'm in. She's your sister, right? Deserves the best Hell can provide."
"Perfect!" Charlie said, clapping her hands. "Now, those of you who aren't a part of this need to push your chairs back and let me shine!" Charlie did a spin, thrusting her hand skyward. "Showtime!"
~MC~MC~MC~
Trixie murmured as she slowly opened her eyes. She was snuggled up in her bed, surrounded by all manner of stuffed animals despite Beth at school saying only babies had stuffed animals, and had just had a weird dream. It was a nice dream… but a weird dream. A very nice man had appeared at a park she never been to in a really bright city and told her that very soon things were going to change but she was going to like the changes very much and he was happy she was going to be part of the family. Trixie had wanted to ask him what he was talking about but hadn't been able to say a word for some reason and then she woke up to the sounds of talking in the living room.
Rubbing her eyes Trixie slowly pulled herself up and looked over at the clock. 4:30am. Early for her but not too early. Because of her parents' jobs she tended to go to bed when she could so she could wake up when they got home. There had been some days when she got back from school and was already heading for bed, knowing that sacrificing a few hours of the daylight meant spending time with her mom or dad when they got home from work. Besides, with DVR she could watch any show she wanted whenever.
She heard voices coming from the living room, hushed and muffled, and she grinned to herself. That meant that her mother had guests over and the only people that came over to their house these days were her most favorite people in the world. Maze, maybe Dr. Martin who was supposed to have a baby, Lucifer's brother who was really kind and would sometimes help her with her homework… and Lucifer himself! He was funny and cool and always cringed when she hugged him only to then allow her to just continue holding onto him.
Slipping out of bed she opened her door and began to stealthily walk down the hall, using all of the training Maze had given her to make herself be unheard. But she must have missed something, made some sound, as right as she neared the living room the voices went quiet. Frowning at being caught Trixie stopped slinking and walked into the living room… only to find EVERYONE sitting there. Maze and Dr. Martin holding her baby and Amenadiel and-
Trixie frowned. Her mother was there but she was wearing a dress and her makeup was really dark. She looked very pretty and Trixie liked her outfit but it was still odd seeing her mother dressed that way. And there was a woman with lightly tanned skin, not as dark as Maze's, in a white dress with a really cool eyepatch. She looked dangerous and cool and Trixie wanted to ask her who she was and if she could fight and if she could then could she show her something? But she didn't because she saw Lucifer sitting in the dark room with a guitar and she didn't know Lucifer could play! Well, she knew he could play the piano but the guitar? That was so cool and-
A light shone down from… somewhere, Trixie wasn't sure, and illuminated a young woman in a red and black suit who was sitting at the window, staring up at the sky. She had blonde hair like Trixie's mom but she had sharp features like Lucifer. The new woman's face was very pale but her cheeks had a blush to them, making her look a bit like a clown. But a… cool clown. Not a silly stupid one that did birthday parties. And not a scary one… not that Trixie was scared anymore of clowns. Not after last August…
~MC~MC~MC~
"Hello there."
Trixie, who had decided it would be more fun to play in the warm summer rain than work on her reading list for summer vacation, looked around her backyard before spotting the clown that had suddenly appeared before her. He was just a stereotypical clown, with curly red hair that stuck off the sides of his bald head, a brightly colored and mis-matched outfit, huge floppy shoes, and a big red nose. He had balloons clutched in his hand and was looking at Trixie with an intense gaze.
Trixie didn't say a word.
"Aren't you a tasty morsel," the clown said with a grin, taking a step forward and motioning for her to step forward. "One could just gobble you up…" The clown opened his mouth, revealing small pointy teeth.
And Trixie pulled out one of her throwing knives and buried it the clown's groin.
"Hey Trix!" Maze called out, walking out of the house. "Why do I hear high pitch… oh." She looked over at the girl. "Nice throw. Hiya pal." Maze squatted down and poked at the clown that was now rolling on the ground in pain. "When you'd show up?"
"M-Mazekeen," the clown said in terror. It glanced at Trixie and swallowed nervously. "Is… is she-" "Mine? Yeah. Under my protection. And you know what that means." "Please…"
"Trixie, go put on a movie. My old friend was just leaving."
"No! Don't leave me with her! Don't! Please!"
~MC~MC~MC ~
Hard to be scared of clowns when the nastiest one you'd ever met spent 10 minutes begging for its mommy.
But the young woman by the window wasn't a silly clown or a nasty clown. She just kind of reminded Trixie of a clown. But also a performer and a showstopper and she couldn't help but grin looking at her, knowing deep in her heart that she was going to do something amazing.
And then Lucifer began to strum the guitar and the woman began to sing.
"When the night has come and the land is dark, and the moon is the only light we'll see. No, I won't be afraid. Oh, I won't be afraid. Just as long as you stand, stand by me."
She never glanced at Trixie, focused on the moon, but all at once she knew the stranger was singing just for her.
"So darling, darling stand by me. Oh, stand by me. Oh, stand now, stand by me, stand by me."
And with that the women rose, her movements so fluid that Trixie's jaw dropped because she'd never seen anyone, not even Maze, move with so much ease. And the woman moved towards her, smiling with hope.
"If the sky that we look upon should tumble and fall or the mountain should crumble to the sea. I won't cry, I won't cry. No, I won't shed a tear. Just as long as you stand, stand by me."
She knelt down and took Trixie's hands in her own, much like her mom had done many times when she wanted to tell her something so very important.
"And darling, darling stand by me. Oh, stand by me. Oh, stand now, stand by me. Stand by me."
She began to hum, low and in tune with the music. She looked right at Trixie and the little girl was startled to see that the woman had tears in her eyes even as she smiled.
And in that moment Trixie knew just what to do.
She sang too.
"And darling, darling stand by me!"
The other woman laughed and sang back.
"Oh, stand by me!"
"Oh, stand, stand by me."
"Stand by me." She pressed her nose against Trixie's, making a little squeaky noise. "Whenever you're in trouble-"
And then Trixie was lifted up and the two began to dance about the room as everyone began to clap.
"Won't you stand by me? Oh, stand by me. Oh, stand now, stand by me. And darling, darling stand by me!"
They finished the song after a few more repeats of the harmony and then the two collapsed onto the couch, right between Lucifer and Chloe, the latter reaching out to gently run her fingers through her hair.
"Hi mommy," Trixie murmured, in a bit of a daze from the sudden song and dance.
"Hi Monkey," she said before gesturing at the other woman. "This… is Charlie." She swallowed before adding, "She's your sister."
"You're little sister," Charlie said, barely containing her excitement. "I've waited so long to meet you!"
Trixie grinned at that before suddenly perking up, brow furrowed in confusion. "You're older than me though, how can you be my little sister?"
"You were born first," Charlie told her. "That makes you the big sister."
"Oh." Trixie though considered that before looking at everyone, now ever more confused.
"Sweetie," Chloe said, pulling Trixie from Charlie's lap (who whimpered as she wanted to cuddle with her big sister and do each other's hair and talk about girlfriends and everything else she'd ever read about sisters doing!) and settled her on her own. "Charlie is right. She is your little sister. It's just… so mommy and Lucifer had to… the thing is-"
Trixie scrunched up her nose. "Is this a Hell thing."
THAT caused Chloe to stop and blink.
"Yes," Lucifer stated.
"Wait… what do you mean a Hell thing?" Chloe asked.
Trixie scoffed. "Lucifer's the Devil! So it must be a Hell thing." Chloe just gaped at her daughter who let out an exaggerated sigh. "He tells us all the time, mommy."
"I do."
"You… you knew Lucifer was the Devil!?" Chloe exclaimed.
"Uh huh. And Maze is a demon and Amenadiel is an angel." She nodded her head and smiled.
"Oh." Chloe bobbed her head back and forth before deciding to just roll with it. "Alright, so you know that and yes it is a Hell thing. Until a very recently Hell moved faster than Earth. So Charlie was born… uh…"
"About 45 minutes ago Earth time?" Amenadiel guessed.
"43 minutes," Lucifer said with a nod.
"Right. But she was raised in Hell so for her and us it was around 20 years."
Trixie looked at her mother and then at Lucifer, then at Charlie who grinned and waved. Then at Vaggie who blinked because she didn't know why the girl was staring at her. Then at her mother again. "Did you die?"
"No. Oh, no no no, Monkey, I didn't die. I just-" Chloe stopped, looking at the others. "I just realized that I spent so much time planning out coming back here and telling Trixie the truth that I didn't actually consider HOW I'd tell her the truth."
"Just tell her?" Charlie asked.
"That's my vote," Lucifer said. "The spawn is rather smart."
"Then tell her," Chloe said, turning Trixie so she could look at Lucifer.
"Right. Of course." He looked down at his stepdaughter… and his mind went to a screeching halt as he realized he had a stepdaughter.
"And we lost him," Chloe muttered. "Guys?"
"Uh… okay, right." Linda scooted up a bit so that she could look at Trixie a bit easier. "Right… so… uh… the thing is…your mom and Lucifer… though I guess he's your stepdad now-" Trixie's eyes went wide at that and Linda realized she'd just made things more confusing. "Uh. Wait, let me-"
Amenadiel moved out from behind the chair. "Let me try." He knelt down next to Trixie. "Once upon a time-"
"Are you seriously going to tell her a fairy tale to explain what happened?" Lucifer complained.
"You don't have a better idea!" Amenadiel charged.
"And you think making me some prince that rescues the poor common girl is a good idea?"
"Excuse me?" Chloe complained. "Common girl? If anything this is Beauty and the Beast and I tamed you."
"I am NOT tamed!" Lucifer snapped.
Maze rolled her eyes. "Trix. Your mom got turned into a demon so he had to take her Hell." She sat back and smirked. "There. Just like pulling out a butt plug."
"I think it's pulling off a band aid," Linda told her.
"It is?" Maze said. "I've found yanking out butt plugs to be nothing like pulling off bandaids."
Vaggie held her head in her hands. "This family is so weird."
"And you're now a part of it, Vaggie," Charlie teased. "One of us. One of us. One of us!"
Trixie looked at her mom critically. "You're a demon?"
"Yeah," Chloe said, a touch nervous. It had been easy to forget over the century she'd been in Hell that she'd once been human, was friends with humans, had a human child. No, that wasn't right. She had remembered all that. She just forgot that they might react badly to the fact she herself wasn't a human anymore-
"COOL!" Trixie exclaimed, bouncing up and down on her lap. "Let me see, let me see!"
-and of course Trixie would treat it like revealing she had a superpower. Which, if Chloe were honest… it kinda was.
"I don't know, monkey," Chloe said. "It might scare you."
"Its not scary at all," Lucifer complained. "It's sexy."
"And I should show my daughter my 'sexy demon face'?" Chloe pressed.
"Yes!" Trixie exclaimed in delight.
"Come on mom, show her!" Charlie cheered on.
Realizing she wasn't ever going to get out of this Chloe sighed before transforming. Her eyes went blood red with just black irises, her hair swirled about her, ends becoming sharp points. Horns slid out of her forehead as scales formed on her wrists and ankles. She shifted to allow her tail to grow out, which wiggle a bit. And her mouth stretched as her teeth became massive fangs till her grin reached from one ear to the other.
Trixie giggled, covering her mouth, and Chloe let out a sigh of relief before reverting to normal.
"Not scared?" she asked.
"Nope," Trixie told her. "Maze's is scarier."
Chloe looked at the demon. "You showed her your demon face?"
"For Halloween, Decker," Maze complained. "I thought she'd think it was a costume!"
"That you put on in 10 seconds?" Trixie said, sounding rather annoyed at the insult to her intelligence. Maze cringed at that. "Lucifer's is scarier too."
"You too!?" Chloe complained.
Lucifer sputtered. "I did not show her my Devil Face!"
"Yes you did."
~MC~MC~MC~
"Finally asleep," Lucifer muttered. The Detective had been forced to go get a case file from the precinct and asked him to stay with Beatrice. He honestly thought if she were old enough to drink she could stay home alone. That's when he learned she wasn't old enough to drink and what was taking this child so long to grow up!? But there he was, sitting on the couch with her taking up most of it because, rude, the child finally fast asleep.
His phone rang and he quickly answered it. "Hello?"
"Mr. Morningstar, this is Dick from Dick's Fake Dick Emporium. I'm afraid there has been a delay on shipping your Boil Boil Toil and Trouble Double Sided Extra Large Dildo. It looks like it won't be here until next week." "Next… next week?!" Lucifer snarled, slipping into Devil Face, not noticing Trixie open her eyes to stare at him. "I paid premium shipping! What am I supposed to tell the Yoga Instructors now?!"
~MC~MC~MC~
"Brother," Amenadiel said, disappointed his brother had been so careless.
"And I saw your wings," she said, pointing at Amenadiel.
~MC~MC~MC~
"Bases loaded, count 3-2," the announcer said on the tv. Dan and Amenadiel were watching the game on the couch in Dan's place, Trixie in the kitchen coloring as she waited for her mother to come pick her up. "The pitch… boy howdy he got a hold of that one!"
"Come on… come on…" the two men chanted.
"And it's… GONE!"
"YES!" both shouted, leaping up and cheering, Amenadiel so excited his wings briefly burst out.
~MC~MC~MC~
"Nicely done brother," Lucifer teased.
Trixie looked at Vaggie who quickly shook her head. "Sorry but mine involves a lot of powder and it is a bitch to clean up."
"Oh, I'll show mine!" Charlie said quickly, Trixie twisting around just in time for her newly revealed sister to allow her face to twist similar to Chloe's, though her horns were longer and fire burned around her. "Cool, right?"
"Uh huh." The little girl bounced up and down. "When do I get mine?"
Amenadiel, who was still kneeling next to the family, shook his head. "Trixie, it doesn't quite-"
"Well, now if you want," Lucifer said lazily, pulling out Conversion Blade and waving it about. "Would you like to be cut on the arm or the leg?"
Trixie held out her arm only for Chloe to snatch her arm back. "No! Lucifer!" She glared at her husband. "We talked about this! We are waiting until she's 18."
"I don't see why not."
Amenadiel started at Chloe's casual comment. "What!?"
"Why?" Trixie said with a pout.
It was Charlie who answered. "Need time to think up what your demon form will look like. Its all based on your thoughts but your first form is always the easiest. Don't want to choose now and end up with something that isn't cool and scary." Charlie began to clap her hand. "Ooooh! We could be twins!"
Trixie though shook her head. "I want wings. And breathe fire! And claws to tear out my enemies' hearts!"
"Nice," Maze said, giving her a thumbs up even as Charlie pouted about them not being able to dress up in the same outfits and confuse everyone.
"Hey Charlie?" Vaggie said, looking around and seeing that the adults might need some time to talk. "Let's take Trixie into the kitchen and start on an early breakfast. We can tell her about some of the cooler demons we met in Hell. Begin to give her some ideas she can research for what kind of demon she wants to be."
Charlie instantly perked up at the idea of bonding with her big sister "Perfect! We can make pancakes! Whip cream ones! With sprinkles! Or ones with apple sauce!"
Trixie was now just as excited as her little sister. "Come on, I'll show you were we keep the mixing bowls!" She grabbed Charlie's hand and pulled her towards the kitchen, Vaggie following after them to make sure they didn't make too big of a mess.
"Brother," Amenadiel said once Trixie was out of ear shot. "What were you thinking?"
"Well a moment ago I was thinking about how I hoped with the girls being distracted I could convince you lot to shove out for a while so Chloe and I could get in a few orgasms between the two of us." The angel glowered at his brother. "But I suppose you mean about Beatrice becoming a demon."
"That's exactly what I meant!" Amenadiel said. "Chloe did well to distract her but she's not going to let this go."
"I wasn't distracting her," Chloe said.
"I'm sorry," Linda said, holding up a hand. "You mean to tell me you WANT your daughter to become a demon?"
"I mean to tell you that we are the royal family of Hell and it only makes sense that Trixie, if she wants, be like us. At least give her that option."
"Free will," Lucifer purred in approval.
Maze pulled out a flask and raised it in a toast. "I'll drink to that. Me and Trix can become a badass demon duo when she's old enough."
Amenadiel couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Chloe, I expected that from Lucifer but you? I thought you'd at least consider what would be taken from Trixie if you transformed her."
"You mean a short life where if she's lucky the last third of it is filled with old age, sickness, pain, and a long prolonged death?" Chloe shot back, flashing the angel the same look she normally gave Lucifer when he said something inappropriate at a crime scene. "Or take from her the ability to be shot or get sick or be killed in a hundred different ways. And that is before considering that she is surrounded by the supernatural. Take away a mortal life? Take away her chance to feel ostracized in her own family because she's completely different? Or maybe take away the fear that if she dies and Lucifer and I aren't quick enough she could get trapped in a Hell Loop."
"You think your daughter is going to go to Hell?" Linda said, horrified.
Chloe though rolled her eyes. "Have you seen her role models? Demon with anger issues-" Maze waved cheekily, "Devil who enjoys drugs and hookers-" Lucifer gave them an innocent shrug, "and cop who has killed people and is best friends with said demon and married to said Devil." She raised her own hand. "And then there is her birth father who was a corrupt cop for a while."
"And slept with our Mother while she was wearing a corpse," Lucifer pointed out. "It seems odd we don't bring that up more, isn't it? I feel like that should be a much bigger thing that it is. And than Dan decided to date the corpse. Does your ex have a zombie fetish? Did he every want you to moan in bed? Because I know you didn't actually moan when with him-"
"The chances are pretty good Trixie is going to do some bad stuff and will end up in Hell. Sometimes you have to be bad to survive this world. And while I would do all I could to be right there as soon as she landed to get her safe and sound… she'd still be at risk and in the end be turned into a demon anyone. Why wait?"
"But she could also go to Heaven," Amenadiel pointed out.
"You have conversion blades that turn human souls into angels?" Chloe asked. "Because if not that means she's stuck there and never gets to see us again."
",,,"
~MC~MC~MC~
"Are you sure you want to do this, Mrs. Richards?"
Charlotte nodded, smiling a brave smile as the angel, Raphael, held up the Angelic Conversion Wand. "Well… you said this would make me like you guys and I'd have a chance to get back to Earth." She thought of Dan, who she was so very desperate to see, especially after watching him struggle after her death. "So yeah. Give me wings and a halo."
"And what form do you want to take?" Raphael asked as he prepared to tap her with the wand. "Form? Uh… angel," Charlotte said with a laugh.
"Well, you might end up an angel. There is always the chance you'll end up a cherub." "A what now?" Amenadiel and Lucifer's 5 "…do you maybe have a brochure I can look at first?" Charlotte said, cringing from all the cuteness. ~MC~MC~MC~
Trixie crinkled her nose. "A snake?"
"A cobra. With arms." Charlie moved about the kitchen, cracking eggs and whipping batter while Vaggie sat with Trixie. While not a fan of kids thanks to her time on earth Vaggie actually was coming to find that she liked Trixie a lot. The kid had a ton of spunk, was really accepting, and while sweet and kind also didn't seem naïve. Vaggie looked at the little girl and realized that Trixie was a mix of herself and Charlie and that made her smile. This was someone she could stand to be around. Especially since she'd keep getting older and eventually look like them, age-wise. "He has egg minions."
"Had egg minions," Vaggie corrected her as Charlie began on the chocolate chip pancakes.
Trixie frowned at that. "I would NOT want to be an egg. I wanna be tough."
"Well, you could do a dragon," Charlie said. "Dad says he thinks that was what mom was going for when she turned into a demon. Scales and tail and all."
"But no wings," Trixie pointed out. "Can she breathe fire?"
"Not really," Charlie admitted. "Fire is more my thing." She snapped her fingers and the oven burners burst into flames… which considering it was an electric stove was rather impressive. And dangerous. Dangerously impressive or impressively dangerous. "Which is why Vaggie LOOOOOVVEEES me."
Her girlfriend rolled her eyes, letting out a mock huff. "Uh huh, that never gets old." Trixie looked at her and the white-wearing demon smiled. "I'm demonic form is based on a moth."
"A… moth?" Trixie said and Vaggie braced herself for the jokes like so many others did. "OH! Like Mothra!"
"Like who?"
"I think my second grade teacher was named Mothra."
"No, like Godzilla!" Trixie said, excitedly. "She's Queen of the Monsters! She's a moth but if she dies she reincarnates again!"
"Huh," Vaggie said. She knew who Godzilla was and if Mothra was Queen of the Monsters to his King that wasn't too bad then. "Maybe I'll lead with that."
Trixie nodded. "Mothra is so cool. Oh! Can I be a kaiju!" She bounced in her seat. "Godzilla! Or King Ghidorah." She suddenly stopped. "No… then I might have three heads and what if we all wanted to see different movies?"
"I've met demons with multiple heads," Charlie said, flipping a pancake with one hand while pouring batter with the other for waffles. "And they did tend to fight a lot. But they were twins who died at the same time and got smushed together." She looked about the kitchen. "Should I make eggs? What if someone doesn't want something sweet for breakfast?"
"I'll make the eggs," Vaggie said, getting up from the table while Trixie wrote down all the giant monsters she could think of. "You have your hands full." She kissed Charlie on the cheek before getting out a frying pan.
"I wish I could meet some of your friends," Trixie said.
"Eventually you can," Vaggie said. "Like your mom said though you need to get a bit older. Hell is a rough place even for demons our age."
"And besides I'm sure you'll meet a few soon at the hotel." Charlie scooped up two pancakes and set them on a plate.
Vaggie looked at her, an egg held in her hand. "What?"
"Huh?"
"What do you mean meet a few at the hotel?" Charlie smiled weakly and ducked her head, focusing on the pancakes. "Charlie… what do you mean?"
The princess of Hell laughed. "Oh, I just misspoke. You know me. It's not like I meant that I left some day passes at the hotel right before dad closed it for renovations for a few people to grab so they could come up and help us run our new Happy Hotel."
"Charlie…" Vaggie said, eyes wide with horror. "Who did you give the passes to?"
~MC~MC~MC~
Angel Dust smiled, stretching before rolling his shoulders. "Mmm… Earth. So nice to be back here again." It was an hour before dawn and the city was just coming awake. "But being here makes me realize what a special and precious gift I've been givin'. Something that should not be wasted. I must ensure that I use my time properly." He adjusted his top so his chest was puffed out and grinned as he spotted a caramel-skinned dream walk by him. "Hey sailor, I'll suck your dick for $50."
"Oh really?" Dan Espinoza said, pulling up his shirt to reveal his badge. "You know what this means, right?"
"…that you have a tiny dick?" Angel Dust guessed. "Don't worry, for you I'll give ya 10% off for every inch ya lack."
~MC~MC~MC~
Author's Notes: First and foremost some people are reviewing saying they are only fans of one of these franchises and wondering who is who so here is a super quick guide of the cast so far:
Lucifer Morningstar- The Devil. Retired because he was bored and decided to become a Night Club owner. Not evil just big on Free Will. Fallen angel with the power to make you confess your desires.
Chloe Decker (now Morningstar)- Detective for the LA PD, originally just a human that caused Lucifer to be rendered mortal when she was around. Now a demon and the Queen of Hell who can get you to reveal your darkest secret
Amenadiel- First angel ever created. Originally Lucifer's enemy he eventually Fell and stayed on Earth, learning to love humanity. Regained his wings but stays on earth to be with his lover, Linda, and their son, Charlie.
Maze- Demon, first born of the Lilim. Originally just wanted to go back to Hell but now can't really decide what she wants to do. Tends to betray people… a lot.
Eve- As in Adam and Eve. Lucifer's first lover. She died, went to Heaven, but escaped to have fun on Earth. Lucifer and her broke up.
Linda Martin- Lucifer's shrink. Knows now he is the Devil. Is with Amenadiel and just had his baby.
Ella Lopez- forensic expert for LA PD. Catholic but also spunky. Thinks Lucifer is a method actor. Her best friend is Rae Rae… aka Azrael the Angel of Death, Lucifer's sister. But she doesn't know that.
Cain/Pierce- Of Cain and Abel. Was immortal. He fucked Chloe and then he fucked over Chloe. So now he's in Hell. For both. And wearing a little dress.
Beatrice "Trixie" Decker-Espinoza- Chloe's daughter and now Lucifer's step daughter. Good friends with Maze. Loves all things strange and weird like aliens. Spunky and fun but a good heart. Wants to be Godzilla demon now.
Dan Espinoza- Chloe's ex husband who covered up crimes because he got in too deep, now seeking redemption. Lucifer thinks he's a douche. Dated Charlotte Richards and mourns her loss. Unknown if he'll be getting the discount from Angel Dust.
Charlotte Richards- A lawyer who died and whose corpse was worn by Goddess, Lucifer's mom. When Goddess left Charlotte was resurrected and was desperate to redeem herself as her soul was trapped in hell for millions of years. Died thanks to Cain but sacrificed herself for Amenadiel, thus earning her place in Heaven and also helping him regain his wings. Much missed. Really doesn't want to be a Cherub.
Charlotte "Charlie" Mange/Morningstar- The daughter of Lucifer and here Chloe. Sweetest demon in Hell, she just wants to help demons go to Heaven so they won't be purged by God's angels. Created a Hotel to do that, works with some questionable demons.
Vaggie- Charlie's girlfriend. Tough but kind. Very protective of those she cares about. Her death means she distrusts and hates nearly all men.
Angel Dust- A mobster who died and decided to become a crossdressing whore and pornstar. Spider Demon. Loves to suck dick.
Alastor the Radio Demon- A mysterious demon who talks like a 1920s Radio narrator. Insanely powerful. Flashbacks show he used to have deer horns. Was a serial killer. Do NOT make a deal with him.
I wanted to honor the design and style of Hazbin without having the characters stick out, which is why I mention things like Charlie having a small 'puppy dog like nose', when on Hazbin she does have a puppy dog-like nose. Or giving Vaggie a bit of a clothing upgrade since she couldn't walk around in the clothing she wears on the show.
Can I say how much I love writing confident and carefree Chloe. Regular Chloe is fun to write but Chloe who is secure in her sexuality, her relationship with Lucifer, and what she wants out of life is just a kick.
I debated a ton aobut what song to have Charlie sing in her introduction to Trixie and finally decided on Florence + The Machine's cover of Stand By Me as I felt it fit her introduction song's sweet and low key style.
Trixie and Charlie becoming close was a key to this story. The daughters of Chloe bonding. I love the idea of Charlie being maybe even MORE excited than Trixie to have a sister, that she sees Trixie as her BIG sister and wants to be there for her.
And yeah… Trixie and demonhood will eventually be a thing. Though I can't decide if its more fun to have her stay human for these one-shots or explore what Trixie would be like as a literal little demon.
Finally, I do this for a few of my other fics so why not? Here is a plot bunny I'd love someone to adopt because I want to read this story:
The tale of Lucifer's rebellion and Fall are well known. One of the first stories mankind was ever told. What came after, of him ruling Hell before deciding to retire, become a consultant for the LA PD, and eventually fall in love with a mortal woman, is less known.
But what if… things had been a little different?
What if God sat his son down and they had a talk after Eden? What if God realized he'd been unfair to his children and strove to make amends? What if Goddess and him worked harder to make things work and thus supported their child?
What… if Samael never Fell?
The world remains much as we know it, though there are differences. Chief among them the concept of 'The Devil' does not exist. Instead it is taught by religions that the angels take turns watching over the souls of Hell, making sure that they can be redeemed.
Amenadiel has just gotten done with his stint running Hell and as is custom after his brother Gabriel takes over for him Amenadeil gets to spend some time on Earth, posing as a human, just so he can unwind. Its like a vacation. And the First Angel has more than earned it. Only Gabriel, before taking the keys to the Gate of Hell, asks Amenadiel for a favor. See their brother Samael has been working non-stop for centuries and he needs a break. Gabriel is worried that Sammy simply doesn't have fun! He's too dedicated to his job. He feels shame he almost rebelled and seeks redemption when he already has long earned it.
So Amenadiel agrees to take a protesting Samael to Earth for a bit of fun.
Too bad their first day there they witness a murder and now Samael has to be interviewed by detective Chloe Decker.
How will Chloe react to dealing with Samael instead of Lucifer? What about a more carefree and loose Amenadiel? What is the world like where the Lilim, such as Maze, were redeemed thousands of years ago and Maze is a pious sweet saintly being who thinks putting a slice of lemon in one's water is sinful?
What would this crazy world be like?