Got my shot yesterday, and today I hurt all over and I'm exhausted. But I finished this chapter so I wanted to get it up. With the holiday tomorrow and having homework to do and me being down all day today, I probably won't have a lot of time to write, so I'll be back soon! This chapter is dedicated to my friend SH.

Word: Melancholy

Ship: Bensidy

Olivia sat at the breakfast nook with Noah, working on his spelling words. "Oh, this is a tough one, we'll work through it together okay? Melancholy. Do you know what that means, Noah?" She saw him shake his head. "It's like a really deep sadness, depression of someone's spirit."

Noah looked at him. "Have you ever felt melan-ch-oly?"

Olivia smiled gently. "Good sounding out, but the ch here doesn't make a cha sound. It makes a kah sound. Melancholy." She kissed the top of his head. "And I have felt melancholy before. Not a fun thing to feel."

Noah looked at her. "Tell me about it?"

Olivia rested on the counter. "Well, I tend to feel that way when a relationship I'm in ends. Before I got you, I was with a man named Brian. When our relationship ended I felt melancholy for a while, but I never really talked about it. But we, uh… we're friends now."

Noah nodded. "I'm sorry mommy. That sounds sad."

Olivia nodded. "It was for a little bit. But soon after that came the most important little boy in my life. You." She smiled and started to cook dinner. "How about you wash up and go play for a little bit before dinner?" She saw him run off and she picked up her phone and called Brian while she cooked. "Bri?"

Brian smiled. "Hey Liv, how are you?"

Olivia smiled back. "I'm good. I uh, I was talking about you and I miss you. I want to see you and talk? Maybe come over and talk, once Noah goes to bed."

Brian chuckled. "Booty call without the booty?"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "You have a one track mind."

Brian shrugged. "We were so good at it, you and me. Not so good at talking."

Olivia smiled. "We were good at it. Very good at it actually," she chuckled. "Come over and talk and if it happens… it happens."

Brian felt a shiver go down his spine. "Well okay then. What time?"

Olivia smirked. "Eight o'clock? And don't get your hopes up." She bit her bottom lip.

Brian nodded. "Okay, then why are you biting your lip right now?"

Olivia let go of her lip and she rolled her eyes. "Wise ass." She said under her breath.

Brian smiled a haughty smile. "I know you Liv. Like the back of my hand."

Olivia let out a breath. "If it happens, we're just friends."

Brian shook his head. "I'll never be able to just be your friend. Especially if sex comes into the mix. I love you Olivia Benson. You're the love of my life."

Olivia nodded. "I know. Just, don't get your hopes up for any more than… that tonight. If it happens. Okay? Can we at least agree on that?"

Brian nodded. "I can agree to that. I'll see you at eight."

Olivia smiled. "See you at eight." She hung up the phone and continued making dinner. She had butterflies in her stomach and she rolled her eyes at herself.

Once dinner was done cooking she called Noah in. They ate dinner and talked about their days. After dinner Noah and Olivia finished his homework and then Noah got ready for bed. She tucked him in and kissed him goodnight and then closed his door. She walked to her bedroom and changed into lingerie and put on yoga pants and an oversized t-shirt.

Olivia walked into her bathroom and fixed her hair and put on a little bit of makeup. She just finished when she heard a knock at the door. She went to the door and opened it, seeing Brian. "Hi," she said with a coy smile.

Brian smiled and produced a dozen roses from behind his back. "Hi to you, too." He leaned in and kissed her cheek. She blushed and opened the door to let him in. He walked in and watched her move to put the roses in a vase.

Olivia walked back towards him and took his hand. "Come. Sit with me." She started walking but then stopped and turned to face him, caressing his face, kissing him softly, feeling his lips on hers again was like a spark of electricity running through her veins. She pulled away and smiled. "Sorry, I haven't been kissed in years. I needed to feel it again."

Brian smiled. "Never apologize for kissing me." They continued to the couch and sat close to one another. "So if you haven't been kissed does that mean you haven't uh… ya know… in years either."

Olivia smirked. She knew just what her answer would do to him. "Not with anyone else, no."

If Brian had been drinking something he'd have done a spit take. "Oh my God," he looked at her. He just realized how good she looked. He looked her up and down and he caressed her face, kissing her again, with more passion this time.

Olivia maneuvered so she was straddling him. She continued kissing him, feeling his hand in her hair, gently tugging. She moaned and gently broke the kiss, her breath heavy. "Wait, wait, wait. Brian are you sure. You had a rough year a bit back and I don't want to hurt you."

Brian smiled at how much she cared for him. "You could never hurt me Liv. Not by doing this."

Olivia smiled and stood up, taking his hand and leading him to the bedroom. "We can talk after." She smiled and closed and locked the door behind him. "Now, where were we?" She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him passionately.

Brian kissed her back and held on to her hips, noticing the curve of her hips were more pronounced. He slipped his hands underneath her shirt and felt her smooth skin. She shivered and he smiled and broke the kiss. "You alright?"

Olivia smiled. "Never better." She rested her forehead on his. "If we're doing this, we're doing it right. I'm going to be completely naked. You're going to see my scars. And if you can't handle that then we don't do this. I've been getting in shape and my body has gotten toned and taught. Someone should appreciate that."

Brian lifted her chin. "Hey, listen to me, I never cared about the scars. Ever. And you didn't need toning up, you're beautiful no matter what. Scars and all."

Olivia smiled and took her shirt off, revealing the healed scars that littered her chest and abdomen. "I'm not ashamed of them anymore. They just show that I survived."

Brian pulled her body flush against his. "Somehow even more breathtaking than you were all those years ago."

Olivia playfully rolled her eyes. "Geez Bri, way to make a girl feel old."

Brian smiled. "You, beautiful, are nothing of the sort."

Olivia kissed him and cradled his face in her hands, swaying them lightly. "I want you," she whispered and kissed his neck, gripping the sides of his shirt. "I want you so bad."

Brian took his shirt off and took his jeans off. Olivia stepped out of her yoga pants and he looked her over. "Jesus Christ, Liv. You're so sexy."

Olivia looked at him, then bit her bottom lip. "So are you. But tell me, what are you gonna do about it?" She squealed when he picked her up and lay her on the bed. "Oh!" He climbed on top of her and kissed her neck. "Oh, Brian!" She moaned and arched her back, leaving him room to unhook her bra and slip the straps down her arms. He tossed it aside and moved to worship her breasts. Olivia took a sharp intake of breath through her teeth. "Jesus Bri," she said in a hushed voice. As he continued to suck her nipples and the skin of her breast, he hooked his fingers under the waistband of her panties and slipped them off her legs.

Brian kissed down her torso to her center. "You ready? I remember how much you like this."

Olivia let out a shaky breath. "Oh, God Please!" She begged, feeling his mouth on her. She gasped and sat up partially, groaning and falling back onto the pillow at the sight before her. "My God, Brian," she moaned and ran his fingers through his hair and gently tugged. "Don't stop!" She arched her back and spread her legs wider for him, gasping as he pushed two fingers inside her. "Mm, right there, right there, right there! Oh yes!"

Brian smirked and pulled back from her but kept his fingers thrusting inside her. "I love how you moan for me." He stopped and took his boxers off, climbing on top of her and thrusting into her. "Oh, Liv," he groaned.

Olivia gasped feeling him inside her. "Move please!" She begged. "Brian please I need you to move," her voice was desperate. She knew what he was doing but she had no patience for it today. She flipped them over and straddled him. She started to ride him and move her hips in different directions. "Brian!" She felt him massage her breast and bite on her neck. Right now she didn't even care if he left a mark. It all felt so good.

Brian held her hips still and thrust up into her, throwing her off guard and hearing her moan a little too loudly. He tugged on her hair gently and pulled her into a kiss to swallow her moan. He broke the kiss and looked in her eyes. "You need to be quiet or Noah is going to hear us," he whispered and he gripped her hair, thrusting into her still, looking into her eyes. He saw her mouth open in a silent scream. "Good girl," he whispered and let go of her hair.

Olivia had always loved having her hair pulled, loved the way Brian gripped her hair. After Lewis that stopped for a long time, but once she was together with Tucker her love of having her hair pulled and grabbed came back. Olivia knew that Brian took a big risk grabbing her hair the way he did, but at the end of the day, she knew in her heart he'd never do anything to hurt her. "Bri," she whispered. "Please. I'm gonna come." She begged. "Please come with me, let me feel it," she said, gripping his hair.

Brian rubbed her clit fast and hard, kissing her because he knew what it did to her. He swallowed her moans and screams and screeches, feeling her muscles contract and release around him. He broke the kiss and let his head fall back. "Ah, fuck. I'm so close baby. Come on. Come for me."

Olivia gripped his shoulders and braced herself. "Brian," she let her head fall back, her chest blushing as her orgasm started to take over her body. She pulled him into a kiss as she moaned loudly, her orgasm taking over, her hips moving wildly into his as she writhed in his lap. Within seconds she felt Brian's release inside her and she moaned into his mouth. She brought them down and broke the kiss. "Got that was amazing," she whispered and climbed off him. "We still got it Bri."

Brian smirked. "Of course we still got it, baby." He stopped and wanted nothing more than to take back that last word. "Liv, I'm sorry. It just slipped out. It's a force of habit. I—"

Olivia pressed her finger to his lips. "It's okay." She smiled. "Now, let's talk. We need to get better at communicating and not just having sex if you want more. Because I want more of what we just did and I don't do friends with benefits." She raised her eyebrows. She slipped under the blankets and covered herself up, watching him do the same. She cuddled up next to him and felt him stroke her hair. She smiled. She realized she missed all of this, but they needed better communication skills. They needed to be able to talk things out and not solve problems with sex. "How have you been since I last saw you?"

Brian smiled. "I've been okay. I've been going to therapy. I realized I had to or you were going to find me with a plastic bag over my head."

Olivia smiled and looked up at him. "I'm proud of you for recognizing when you needed help."

Brian shook his head. "You helped me recognize it. I've been going to therapy and wanting to come over here and tell you and have you smile at me, that smile that melts me. And we'd kiss and we'd wind up right here. Olivia I love you, everything I've done the past few years has been to try and better myself to try and get your attention. When my phone rang tonight and it was you, I got the wind knocked out of me, because it was all happening."

Olivia smiled and kissed him softly. "I didn't know about therapy. I genuinely missed you. I miss you Brian, and I love you too. I told you back then, I will always love you. And I like that we're talking, it's a step in the right direction. I'm not going to jump into a relationship with you, but we take it slow, and we keep talking. And kissing. And sex every now and then until we can be in a relationship again. Okay?"

Brian nodded. "Okay."

A/N: Thanks for reading. As always leave a review, and if you'd like me to write a one word one shot with your word and ship, leave them in a review! BenoightLangson I did get your request and its coming soon! And yes, I know it's not likely that Noah would be learning to spell Melancholy at his grade level, but I needed it to work some how. Anyway, see you all with another update soon.