This is where we really deviate from canon. I don't think that Nathan will be going anywhere in the show, but I thought that a little time apart might be good for everyone. It's only for a short time, and don't worry - I won't drag it out.

Elizabeth was grateful that school was out. Facing people - even her students - felt impossible. She hadn't slept well the night before, and her eyes felt gritty from all the crying she'd done. She had stayed downstairs until well into the night, afraid that her distress would unsettle little Jack or she'd wake him with a random fit of crying.

She had thought about Jack until her head had ached. Elizabeth hadn't wanted to believe Nathan, but the more she'd thought about it the more sense his words had made. Jack had always been driven by an unfailing sense of duty and drive to distinguish himself. It was one of the things that Elizabeth had loved about him, but also one of the things that she had struggled with. He had proven to be more beholden to his moral compass than an order from his superiors - was it really so hard to believe that he might have disobeyed orders? Elizabeth didn't doubt that he must have thought his reasons for doing so were valid. Whatever the outcome had been, if Jack had thought that he was doing the right thing, then Elizabeth knew that there was little that could have stopped him from doing it.

The truth was that she would never know why Jack had made the choices he did. Why had he gone where he wasn't supposed to be? What had he been thinking?

Had she always been destined to find herself here, in this life of a widow, mourning a man that had been too brave for his own good?

Elizabeth had told Jack once that she didn't know if she was brave enough to love someone as brave as he was, and she had meant it. She had made the decision to be brave, but now, alone, she thought that she had been right the first time. Abigail, Rosemary, Lee, Bill ... everyone had told her how strong she was, but the truth was that Elizabeth didn't feel strong. She was weary and heart sore from bearing the weight that was all that was left of Jack's bravery.

Still, in the middle of this newest heartache, Elizabeth knew that she would be okay. It hurt to know that she had lost Jack because of a mistake - because of a choice that he had made - but wasn't that so often the way of things? No one ever knew what would come of their choices, not really. All they could do was make them to their best of their ability, using only what information and knowledge they had at hand, and hope.

Sometimes, despite their best efforts, that just wasn't enough.

Life was finite, and death was the great equalizer. Elizabeth understood that, and had been confronted with that truth in just the last few days. Carson was a capable and talented doctor, and he'd still be uncertain that he could save Ned.

Nathan had ridden out on a simple prisoner transport one day and nearly ...

No. She wasn't ready to think of Nathan yet. The confusion and heartache was still too chaotic, too raw, to go down any path that led to Nathan. Soon, maybe, but not yet.

Elizabeth took extra care washing her face and preparing for the day. It wasn't that she cared how she looked, because she didn't, but that the sense of routine was soothing. That, and she was hoping she could wash away the awful, puffy feeling around her eyes.

She took care making breakfast for herself and little Jack. Her son's mood did not seem affected by her own melancholy beyond an increased need to wander over every so often and touch her. Elizabeth relished the attention. He spent the morning playing with his toys for the most part, but every few minutes he'd toddle over and brush a hand against her skirt, or say "Mama" and hold his arms open to indicate he wanted a hug; when Elizabeth had obliged, or run her hand through the hair at the back of his head, little Jack would simply wander away again and go back to playing.

For neither the first nor the last time, Elizabeth wished that her husband had lived to meet their son. She wondered what Jack would think of his son's budding personality, and his love of horses, and the way he seemed to take in the world with such quiet but rapt attention.

But there was only an echo of pain in her wondering these days, the way a scar carried an imprint of a wound that no longer bled.

Until Nathan had sent her reeling, Elizabeth had finally been at peace with her past and her memories of Jack.

No, that wasn't right, or fair. Nathan had not sent her reeling. Elizabeth had ran headlong at him and ripped a truth from the cards he always played so close to his chest, and the resulting tumult had sent her reeling. She had demanded something from him, and Nathan had given it to her. Sorrowfully, with as much gentleness and tact as he could, because ...

No. She would not think of Nathan. There were too many knots there to untangle.

One thing at a time.

When dinner had come and gone and Elizabeth had finally put little Jack to bed, she admitted to herself that she was surprised that Rosemary had not come to find her. She had expected her friend to be at her door bright and early, or at least by lunch time, and neither of those things had happened. Though Elizabeth had not strayed from her house she had listened for sounds coming from Lee and Rosemary's while she sat out in the yard and played with her son in the afternoon sun. She hadn't heard so much as a peep and had assumed that they must be in town. Elizabeth knew that Rosemary had agreed to continue to operate the Hope Valley switchboard while Florence stayed close to Ned's side, and Rachel spent most of her days at the dress shop - but she had expected to hear them through those thin walls at dinner, and had not.

Maybe they'd eaten in town.

But now, in the relative peace and quiet of her home in the evening, Elizabeth admitted to herself that she was nervous. Maybe Rosemary was upset with her. She had made quite a spectacle of herself - and Nathan - by confronting him at Bill's parade, and that wasn't like her. She'd just been so upset and desperate to know, at last, what it was that Nathan had been keeping from her.

Or maybe Rosemary had been as upset by what Nathan had revealed that she'd needed a day to sit and take it in as well.

Only, Elizabeth didn't know if Rosemary had heard what Nathan had told her. Had she been there? Elizabeth had been so focused on what Nathan was saying - on herself - that she couldn't accurately recall where Rosemary had been, or if she'd been close enough to hear what was being revealed.

It was too late to go next door and call on her, so Elizabeth resolved to do it first thing in the morning if Rosemary didn't beat her to the door.

Elizabeth finally gave up and went to bed some time later when she grew tired of the way her mind kept recycling the same thoughts, and she felt the telltale pain of a headache behind her eyes. Though she hadn't done anything that day, she was exhausted.

But sleep eluded her for hours, and when she did manage to doze off it was to dream of things she didn't want to think of.

Nathan had not had the luxury of staying home that day. He'd put on his uniform and done his duty like he did every day, and reassured Allie repeatedly that she did not have to follow him around all day. She'd been feeling protective, which warmed Nathan's heart even if he told her that it wasn't unnecessary.

"I just want to be here in case anyone else wants to talk to you." She'd stressed the word talk in a way that was sardonic and had caught Nathan slightly off guard for how adult it sounded. Sometimes he felt like he had a perfect grasp on how old she was getting, and other times he felt downright blindsided by how quickly these days were slipping by.

Allie would be eighteen before he knew it, and anxious to start a life of her own doing he wasn't sure what, yet, and that was not a thought that he felt equal to entertaining today.

He'd finally convinced her that he needed to do his rounds and that she should go do whatever it was she would normally do around lunch, when Allie had seen Emily across the street and been unable to hide her desire to be with her friend from Nathan's gaze. Even still she'd put real thought into what she wanted to do more: stay and protect Nathan from whatever threats she imagined might come for him, or spend the day with her friend.

"Go," Nathan had urged her. "I told you, I'll be fine. We haven't even seen anyone except for Carson and Molly. Go have fun with your friends."

Allie had held out for a second and then given him a hug and a wide smile and disappeared down the street with her friend.

Though he loved her all the more for her desire to care for and protect him, Allie's absence was a relief. When she'd gone, Nathan allowed himself to sit down heavily in his desk chair and just take a moment to breathe. He would not tell Allie - or anyone, for that matter - but Nathan had been anxious about what today would bring. He had never been under any illusions about how important Jack Thornton had been to Hope Valley, and how many people here had called him friend and cared about him. Though Elizabeth had been first in his thoughts, Nathan had also been driven to protect Jack's memory for everyone that had loved him. He'd worried at what kind of reception he might be faced with today now that everyone knew what Nathan had labored so long to hide. But they really hadn't seen anyone today, and Nathan was trying not to let that worry him on its own.

He didn't know how well he could bear it if he was faced with both Elizabeth's upset, and everyone else's.

With a quiet but heartfelt sigh, Nathan braced his elbows on his desk and dropped his face into his hands. Why did it feel like every time he tried to do what was right it blew up in his face? He had tried to talk Jenny O'Rourke out of breaking her brother out of Mountie custody and nearly lost his life, and then been accused of costing another young man his. A situation that Nathan was no stranger to, considering that he had made a mistake at Fort Clay that had cost another man his life. It just hadn't been Jack Thornton, though Nathan had the sinking suspicion that might have been what Elizabeth thought.

That hurt him more than her anger, or even her behavior. How could she believe that he'd had anything to do with the circumstances around her husband's death? He'd told her - told everyone, repeatedly - that he'd never met or served with Jack Thornton. Nathan was a lot of things: private, impulsive, sometimes reckless and hotheaded ... but he was not a liar.

"Everything okay?"

Nathan's head shot up as if his hands were on fire. Bill was standing just inside the door with his hand still on the door knob and a pensive look on his face.

"Fine," Nathan replied quickly. "What are you doing here? Is something wrong?"

Nathan didn't know what he thought would be wrong, exactly, but after yesterday his imagination was more than ready to supply him with a dozen unpleasant scenarios with almost no effort.

"I came to bring you this." Bill held up a telegram that looked like it had come from Mountie headquarters. Then, he added, "And to see how you were doing."

"I'm fine." The words were automatic. Nathan stood and stepped around the desk to take the telegram from Bill, but instead of leaving Bill stepped the rest of the way into the office and shut the door. Nathan wasn't sure he wanted to talk about yesterday or Elizabeth, but he didn't doubt that one or both of those subjects were about to come up.

Nathan went about opening his telegram while Bill took up residence in the chair Nathan had just vacated. There wasn't much to the telegram: Nathan had been asked to assist with tracking a small but efficient gang of thieves who had recently made off with a considerable amount of cash liberated from a bank in Benson Hills.

What timing, Nathan thought. Though he wouldn't have chosen to leave now, he couldn't quite bring himself to say that he regretted the timing. Allie was right: he was hurt, and he was weary. He'd made no inroads with Elizabeth, and since Fate seemed determined to throw obstacle after obstacle in his way, maybe it was time for a break. Maybe putting distance between himself and Elizabeth would give her some peace, and help him learn to be indifferent to her continuously developing relationship with Lucas.

Perhaps, if Nathan left for a time, they could both find a way forward.

"Well?" Bill asked. He did it in a way that made Nathan certain that it wasn't the first time Bill had tried to get his attention since sitting down.

"I've been summoned." Nathan waved the telegram absentmindedly in the air. "Have you heard of the Olsen gang?"

Bill snorted. "They've been putting everyone through their paces. Where'd they hit now?"

"National Bank in Benson Hills. I'm sure my orders will be clarified when I get to the Mountie office in Benson Hills, but I've been tasked with tracking them."

"When do you leave?"

Nathan shrugged. "ASAP. I'll have to find accommodations for Allie first, of course."

"Any indication of how long you'll be gone?"

Nathan shook his head as he said, "As long as it takes. You know how these things go."

Bill nodded and dropped his gaze to the desk. Nathan liked those conversations because they were easy. Bill understood the shorthand that all Mounties shared, and he and Nathan could share information in efficient but short sentences that would leave non-lawmen feeling as though they'd missed whole parts of the conversation.

Nathan knew that whatever Bill was about to say - because he was about to say something - would not be as simple.

Finally, he said, "You should have told her, Nathan."

Ah. There it was. "I did what I thought was right, Bill. What I thought would cause the least pain. Hasn't Elizabeth had enough of that?"

"Of course she has." There was no heat in Bill's voice, only a quiet sort of understanding that had Nathan turning to face the wall instead of Bill. "And I understand why you didn't want to, but you should have told her."

"Maybe."

"It might be painful but it is an answer, Nathan, and even when it's not the one you want it's still worth knowing."

In the privacy of his office, with only Bill to see, Nathan let his shoulders slump and his head hang. Just for a moment. Just a breath in which he allowed himself to feel the defeat that had been trying to creep up on him for days, and the weariness that came from somewhere that could not be soothed away with sleep.

"You can't protect someone from the truth, no matter how much you care for them."

Nathan straightened his shoulders and raised his head. With a sardonic smile he glanced at Bill over his shoulder and said, "You sound like my mother."

"She must be a smart woman." Bill stood, and it was clear that this little heart to heart had come to an end. He tipped his head at the paper in Nathan's hand. "Figure out what you're going to do, and let me know before you leave."

"I think I'll send a telegram to my mother. Allie hasn't seen her in a while."

Bill nodded. Then, with his hand on the doorknob, he said, "For what it's worth, Nathan, I appreciate what you did. You knew that a lot of people here really loved Jack, and it wasn't just Elizabeth's memories of him that you were trying to protect. Thank you for that."

Bill disappeared out the door without waiting for an answer.

Nathan didn't let himself dwell on that. He gathered up his hat and went across the street to the mercantile to send a telegram, where he found Florence, of all people.

"Florence," Nathan said in surprise. "I thought you were with Ned."

"I'm here," Ned said from behind Nathan.

When he turned he found Ned dressed and seated in a wheel chair with a knit blanket on his lap. He looked much better than he had in the hospital bed, a fact that was reflected in Florence's smile.

"Back already, huh?"

"Before you say anything, Florence hasn't let me lift a finger."

"He's just so here so he can see that I have everything handled."

Nathan smiled. Their banter was both entertaining and endearing, and before he could push it away the memory of Elizabeth's face as she'd laughed at him on the bench outside the infirmary popped into his mind. It was the first time he'd made her smile in what felt like ages.

Which didn't bear thinking about now.

"Uh, I came to send a telegram."

"Certainly," Florence said. She retrieved a pencil and a small square of paper. "Who do I send it to and what should it say?"

"Evelyn Grant, care of Calgary. I'd like to send Allie to stay with her for a little while, if she's okay with it."

Florence's head popped up. "You're sending Allie away?"

The concern in her voice was touching. "Uh, not exactly. I'm leaving ..."

"You're leaving?" Florence gasped.

"... for an assignment," Nathan continued, and the corner of his mouth started to tug into a smile. "I'm not sure how long I'll be gone, and I don't want to impose on anyone here."

Florence bent her head to scribbling the note so that she could take it over to the telegraph. Behind Nathan, Ned said, "I hope it doesn't keep you away too long, we'll miss having you here. Will you at least get to stay for the wedding?"

"Wedding?" Nathan repeated dumbly. His heart had tripped so hard in his chest that he thought he could hear it rattling against his ribcage.

Ned beamed. "Florence and I are getting married."

Nathan's blood was roaring in his ears. It took him a second to process what Ned had said, and then he was smiling and shaking Ned's hand. "Congratulations, that's wonderful. Uh, I'm not sure. I've been told to report to as soon as possible, so I guess we'll have to see."

Florence reappeared behind the counter. "If I get a response soon I'll come get you, or send someone out to find you." She smiled at him.

"Oh, that's not necessary, Florence. I'll stop by tomorrow. I still have to talk to Allie about it anyway. Thank you, and congratulations again to both of you."

Nathan was almost to the door when Florence called out to him. "Constable Grant?" When Nathan half turned back to look at her, Florence's expression was warm and sincere. "We'll miss you, and Allie."

"Thank you, Florence."

When Nathan passed Elizabeth's row house that evening on his way home, he wished fervently that he could knock on her door and make sure that she was okay. He hadn't seen her all day around town or on his rounds, and while he knew that she needed time to process what he'd told her that didn't stop him from wanting to know that she was alright. Of course, she had a well established support system here that had helped her through Jack's death, and would no doubt help her through this latest turmoil. Rosemary and Lee lived right next door, even. She didn't need him to check on her, and he was probably the last person that she wanted to see.

Still, it was only by force of will that Nathan did not hesitate in front of her steps, or go straight up them to her door.

Allie was waiting for him when he got home. He could smell the stew that she'd already started the moment he stepped foot inside the door and it made him smile. His mother was a wonderful cook, and he wondered what new recipes she would teach Allie while they were together.

He divested himself of his hat, boots, and uniform. Allie told him about her day while they ate - Nathan told her at least three times how great the stew had turned out - and Nathan told her some version of the rest of his day.

When they had finished dinner and were tackling the dishes together, Nathan brought up his assignment. Though Allie wasn't happy about it, and made no effort to hide it, she took it better than he'd expected.

"Do you have to go?" She asked it like a simple question and not on a whine, like she would have even just a year ago. Another sign that she was growing up.

"You know I do."

"It was worth a shot. Do you want to go?"

That one surprised him. He focused on washing the last plate while he considered his answer. "I don't know," he replied. "I guess a part of me does, and a part of me doesn't. You know I hate being away from you, but the timing seems ... fitting. Maybe a little time and distance from Hope Valley would be good for us. You haven't seen grandma in a while, and the city might be a nice change of pace."

"Uncle Nathan, you know I don't like cities. I don't fit in there."

Nathan was done with his part - he had been in charge of washing while Allie dried - so he turned and leaned a hip on the sink and crossed his arms over his chest. "That was a while ago, Allie, and things change. How do you know unless you try?"

Allie finished with her portion of the dishes. When they were all set out on the rack to dry she moved to sit on the couch knowing that her uncle would follow her.

"Can I split the time instead? What if I went to grandma's for a little while and then came back here?"

"And stayed with who? I don't know how long this will take, Allie. I hope I'll only be gone for a week, maybe two, but this Olsen gang has managed to outpace every Mountie from here to Hamilton."

"Only because they haven't been chased by you yet," Allie shot back, and Nathan grinned.

"Glad to know I have your vote of confidence."

"How about I ask Opal's mom? I can go stay with grandma for a week and then come back here. I'm sure Opal's mom won't mind, and I can help her around the house."

"Allie ..."

"I don't want to be away from you, and my friends, and my home all at once. Please, dad?"

Nathan's mouth fell open in surprise, and the look that crossed Allie's face told him that she hadn't known she was going to say it until she had. They stared at each other for a long moment.

Then, in that shy way that Allie had of speaking when she was unsure, she said, "Emily asked me today if I was going to start calling you dad now, and when I said I didn't know she said I should try it out, but I didn't ... it just came out." She waited a beat and when Nathan didn't say anything she continued. "Is it okay if I call you dad?"

Nathan sometimes forgot to appreciate how long his arms were until moments like these, when he could reach out without moving and wrap Allie in his arms and drag her into his chest with a bone crushing hug. This girl was getting really good at making him cry.

"You can call me whatever you're comfortable with, Allie."

"Does that mean you'll call me your daughter?"

"Do you want me to?" A pause, and then Allie nodded against his shoulder. "Then I will."

And though that Elizabeth shaped piece of his heart was still aching and sore, Nathan went to bed that night so happy that he could cry - again.