A/N: I just couldn't leave this alone, so what was supposed to be a one shot is now slowly turning into a multi chapter fic.

I don't know how often I'll be able to update, but we're still in a covid lockdown and I'm not working atm, so I really have no excuses except the occasional writer's block.

Please keep the reviews coming if you have any thoughts or ideas or feelings.

"What the..."

Someone was licking Amanda's cheek as she was pulled mercilessly out of her (a bit too) comfortable dream.

"Frannie!"

Tiny, but surprisingly loud giggles filled the room. "It's not Frannie, mama."

Amanda groaned and pulled the pillow over her face. And just then someone stepped on her stomach. "Ooomf."

"That was Frannie." Jesse laughed again before she jumped off the bed and ran out the door with one very heavy pit bull on her heels.

"What a fucking madhouse." Amanda whispered to herself before she slowly climbed out of her bed and walked over to Billie's crib. "Hey there, baby girl. You the only one who can give your mama some peace and quiet on her day off?" She smiled with tired eyes as she picked up the toddler.

After just one accident that involved Jesse and a glass of milk, and one almost accident of stumbling with Frannie between her legs while carrying two plates of pancakes, Amanda was pretty damn pleased with herself when everyone was seated around the breakfast table still alive.

She was just about to finally take a sip of her much needed coffee when there was a knock at the door.

"Santa!" Billie squealed enthusiastically.

Jesse rolled her eyes as she handed Frannie a piece of her pancake. "It's not Christmas, Billie."

"Maybe it's social services." Amanda mumbled as she crossed the floor.

Just as she opened the door she remembered that she had barely looked at herself in a mirror that morning, and still hadn't changed out of her tank and sleeping shorts. And standing in front of her was a very put together Olivia, hair pulled back in a cute ponytail and looking as gorgeous as ever.

"You're not social services."

"What?" Olivia said with a crooked eyebrow.

"Sorry, I'm not awake yet. Hi."

"Hi aunty Amanda. You look funny."

"Good morning to you, too, Noah." Amanda smiled as she ruffled the little boy's curls.

"We were just in the neighborhood and wondered if you and the girls wanted to join us in the park?"

"Aunty Livia!" Jesse yelled as she jumped down from her chair and ran over to where Amanda was standing.

"Santa!" Billie squealed again with her arms outstretched, a little more agitated now.

Amanda looked from one kid to the other while biting down on her lip. "Can you give us twenty minutes to get ready?"

"You know what, I'll give you thirty. That way you can fix that bird's nest on the top of your head while I finish your breakfast."

Amanda patted her hair and let out a short and somewhat sarcastic laugh.

Twentyfive minutes later when Amanda exited her bedroom, fully clothed and bird's nest under control, she was more than a little surprised to find three children, one dog and one Olivia Benson fed, dressed and ready to go. Her kitchen even looked clean.

"How...?"

"They didn't make me captain for nothing, Rollins. Let's go."

One of the perks of having half a kindergarten tag along on what could've been an uncomfortable situation, was the more or less complete absence of awkward silence.

At least, that was the case until they were seated next to the playground and their kids had forgotten about their moms all together. Even Billie who were seated between them, very much occupied with the container of raspberries Olivia had pulled out of her purse.

When the brunette hadn't said anything for a couple of minutes, Amanda desperately tried to come up with something, anything at all, to say, but her brain felt like scrambled eggs. But, instead of eggs there was wine, and a bouquet of lilies and Olivia's lips on hers.

"So..." Olivia finally said. "We haven't really had a chance to talk since... last week."

"No, I guess we haven't." Amanda noticed her hands were fidgeting and she quickly placed them under her thighs.

"I'm not avoiding you, Amanda. It's just... It's a lot these days."

"How are things with Elliot?"

Amanda dreaded the question, and she dreaded the answer even more. Ever since that night in Olivia's apartment she had been driving herself crazy with every single possible scenario she could come up with. And none of those scenarios ended with her anywhere near the picture that was Olivia's life outside the precinct.

"We talked. Or we started talking, but it didn't really end well."

"What do you mean?"

"As much as he hurt me, I want to be there for him. But I think he's going rogue on the investigation. He's obsessed, understandably, with finding out what happened. And then he said something stupid and I just... I snapped."

"What did he say?"

"It kinda slipped that I dated Tucker."

"And he had an opinion on that?"

"Well, Tucker did almost end his career, several times."

"Liv, do you hear yourself?"

Olivia gave the blonde a confused look with a hint of hurt in her brown eyes.

"I'm sorry, but how does he get to have an opinion on who you dated? And, Tucker died. The least he could do is show some fucking respect." Amanda gently covered Billie's ears when the last words left her mouth.

"That's basically what I said." Olivia shrugged.

"Atta girl."

"You know what, let's not talk about Elliot. Or Tucker."

"If that's what you want."

"It is."

They looked over to where the kids were playing and the awkward silence once again fell between them.

"So... Sit here and pretend that men don't exist and not talk about what happened last week. I can do that."

"Amanda." Olivia's voice was strict, but she sounded more exhausted than anything else.

"Sorry."

Olivia opened her mouth to speak again but just then Noah and Jesse were running towards them.

"Mom!"

"Mama!"

"Can Jesse sleep over tonight?"

"Can I, mama?"

"Billie, too." Noah chimed in. Ever the gentleman.

The two women looked at each other, both feeling like they had dodged a bullet only to be slammed in the face with a sledgehammer.

"Uhm, I guess, if it's ok with you?" Olivia said a little hesitantly.

Amanda looked at Jesse who was smiling her biggest smile while bashing her eyelashes like only a true Rollins girl could.

"Please mama!"

"Fine. But!" Amanda said as she held up a finger. "I want you on your best behavior." She leaned in then and said with a faux whisper "Aunty Livia is my boss you know, I kinda want her to like me."

Jesse just giggled and did a little celebratory dance.

"Do you like her, mom?" Noah asked suddenly, his eyes big and curious.

"Huh?"

"Aunty Amanda, do you like her?"

Amanda felt bad for the brunette but couldn't stop the short chuckle that escaped her. "Yeah, do you?"

"Of course, Noah. I like her, very much."

Apparently pleased with the answer, the two kids quickly turned around and ran back to the playground, already plotting how they were gonna get ice cream for dinner.

"Don't." Olivia held up a hand before Amanda could say anything.

Fifteen seconds later though, Amanda couldn't keep it in any longer. "Very much, huh?"

"Shut up." Olivia said with a stern voice while she stretched her arm out and gave Amanda's shoulder a gentle squeeze.

Ninety minutes of avoiding the hard subjects and cleaning away around fifty raspberry stains later, Amanda suggested she would drop the girls off before dinner. "Billie needs a nap anyway." She said followed by a big yawn.

"Looks like mama needs a nap, too."

After a near mental breakdown from the kids, something about "but we were gonna watch Onward before dinner!" Olivia ended up bringing both Noah and Jesse home with her.

Amanda was grateful to be left with just a dog and a tired toddler when she locked herself in a while later. It felt like she'd been holding her breath since that unexpected knock on her door.

She looked down at Billie, slowly falling asleep in her crib. "What do you think, baby girl? Should mama jump out of this mess before it's too late?" She moved her hand in small circles on that soft tummy that she loved so much. "No words of wisdom, huh? Maybe couples therapy isn't for you."

Her feelings towards Olivia weren't new. For years she had mastered the art of either ignoring them all together or using them to be the friend and support that the brunette needed.

There had been moments, usually short lived, where Amanda had wondered if anything could ever happen between them. But then, life. Something would happen, a bipolar sister here and a hostage situation there, and then there would be no more room to explore what could've been. Until last week.

As much as she wanted to believe Olivia when she said that she had wanted to kiss her for a long time, Amanda just couldn't shake the feeling that all of this had very much to do with Elliot's return and little to do with Olivia's actual feelings.

How could Olivia ever fall for someone like her?

A few hours later she was still deep in her thoughts when she knocked on Olivia's door. She shifted her weight restlessly from one hip to the other while she waited.

"Hey, come in." Olivia said a little out of breath as she grabbed Jesse's overnight bag from Amanda's shoulder.

Amanda looked at the captain and realized that their roles from that morning had been reversed. Olivia looked ridiculously cute with her now messy ponytail, boyfriend jeans and a T-shirt that had to be at least fifteen years old.

"What?" Olivia said as she picked up Billie from the stroller and gave the toddler a soft kiss on the cheek.

You look really cute. "Nothing." Amanda opted for the easy way out. "So, my little gremlin didn't tear your home apart?"

"Nope, but the day is still young."

Amanda watched as Olivia carried Billie into the kitchen where she had just started dinner. It looked a little too damn good and domestic. The way her kid just perfectly fitted on Olivia's hip and the way Olivia laughed when the little girl squinted her eyes and made a funny face while chewing down on a small cherry tomato. "You didn't like that, huh?"

Before she managed to pull her eyes off the sweet scene that played out in front of her, Olivia was staring back at her.

"Stay?"

Her voice sounded uncharacteristically shy and Amanda knew it had taken a lot of guts for her to ask that short but oh so loaded question.

"You sure you want me to?"

"Yeah. I do."

One hour later when they were all seated around the dinner table, Jesse decided it was a good time to unknowingly stir up some shit.

"Are you and aunty Livia having a sleepover, too?"

Amanda almost chocked on her water and grabbed one of the purple napkins to cover her mouth.

"Grownups don't have sleepovers." Noah laughed while moving his vegetables around on the plate.

"Uuuh..."

Olivia's lips curled into a smile while she eyed the blonde who was now clearly flustered.

"If mama wants to stay, she can." She finally said when she realized no words were coming from the woman sitting in front of her.

"See? They can have sleepovers, too!" Jesse looked at Noah and then at her mom who was still blushing.

"You can have a pajama party like I did with Abigail at her birthday!" Jesse said enthusiastically.

"Isn't that a great idea, Amanda?" Olivia chuckled before she received a kick under the table.

"That's a fantastic idea, Olivia." Amanda replied with gritted teeth but not without a hint of humor in her voice.

"Yay!" Jesse expelled with her mouth full.

"Yay!" Billie echoed from the other side of the table.

Olivia leaned back in her chair and sipped her wine, a little surprised at how much she enjoyed this. She figured with how overwhelmed she had been with everything, the easy banter made it a little less terrifying. Amanda on the other hand looked like she was ready to pass out.

One movie and too much ice cream later, Olivia took the ungrateful job of getting all the kids to bed and let out a long sigh as she carefully closed the door behind her. Even for a seasoned captain, dealing with three kids high on sugar and each other was a lot.

She joined Amanda who had offered to clean up after dinner and the ice cream party that had nearly destroyed one carpet and a shirt.

"Thanks for cleaning up."

"Thanks for getting the kids to bed without anyone going completely insane."

Olivia leaned against the kitchen counter as she watched Amanda trying to figure out how her dishwasher worked.

"Here."

Amanda stepped aside and let Olivia take over. She was grateful for the small rumbling sound that filled the room when the dishwasher started, because now that they were finally alone, she had no idea what to say.

Olivia had asked for time, and in the park she had made it clear that she wasn't necessarily ready to talk about what was going on between them.

But, she had invited her to stay.

"Beer?" Olivia asked while opening the fridge.

"Sure."

"How do you do it?" Olivia said when they slumped down in her couch.

"Do what?"

"Two kids. Alone."

"I run. And I cry in the shower." Amanda shrugged.

Olivia laughed but gave her a sympathetic look.

"Carisi has been great though, he's wonderful with kids. And I have my babysitter of course. And then there's mom, but you know how she can be."

Olivia gave her a short and validating nod. She didn't know Mrs, Rollins too well, but she knew enough. "Speaking of Carisi," She said as she shifted a little against the cushion. "I always wondered about you two."

"It's nothing. He's like my brother. I think he might've had a thing for me a couple of years ago, but I just... I don't know. I love him, but he's not my type."

"What do you mean?"

"He's nice, too nice."

"And I'm not?" Olivia hadn't meant for it to slip out and she quickly put up an apologetic hand. "Sorry, I didn't,"

"It's fine." Amanda chuckled. "You're nice, too. But you're also..."

"A complete mess? Bossy? A little cynical?" The brunette said with both eyebrows raised.

"Your words, not mine." Amanda grinned while pointing a finger at her. "You're complex. And… you're a woman."

"So you're gay?"

"I mean, obviously not 100%." Amanda gestured towards the bedroom where her two girls were sleeping. "But maybe a little. I don't know, I hate labels."

"I get it."

"What about you?" Amanda said before sipping her beer and eyeing Olivia carefully.

"Never dated a woman. But there has definitely been some... fascination."

"Fascination, huh?"

"Mhm."

Amanda really had no idea how to work this, or how to read Olivia the right way. On the job she loved when things weren't straight forward, when they had to work through all the gray areas and find answers that always felt a little out of reach. She liked the feeling of being challenged.

This was way more than a challenge.

"Liv, I'm kinda lost here." She finally admitted, letting out a trembling breath in the process.

"I know."

"I just... I don't want to push things, I know there's a lot going on in your life. But you did come to my apartment this morning, and you did invite me to stay, so... help me out here?"

"It's confusing. And I'm not helping, I know that and I'm sorry."

"It's ok." Amanda said with a soft voice.

"No, it's not. You shouldn't have to put up with my bullshit. It's not your fault that Elliot came back and caused havoc in my life. And I asked you to kiss me, not the other way around."

"That's true."

Neither of them knew what to say next. Amanda desperately wanted to move closer to the brunette, but somehow her body felt glued to its spot. So she did the next best thing.

"Ask me again."

"Sorry?"

"Ask me to kiss you again."

A/N: Continue? Yea or nay?