PART ONE - BEFORE THE FALL OF WALL MARIA

Chapter One

c. Year 844

The edges of the dirt road blurred and fell away. To the west, a flash of afternoon sun off the mountain range beyond Wall Maria before the flood of horses decelerated and entered through the gates.

Through his hood, Levi could see the townsfolk form a crowd, pairs of piercing eyes scrutinizing their every movement as if committing to it to memory. A sharp blade of silence pierced through the air, amplifying the slow, beating hearts of the survivors and the furious breaths of the citizens.

This was how it looked parading the streets.

Once after a theft manoeuvre, walking in the dark along the deserted alleys of the Underground, walking to think, he had heard shouts of the same people roar over and then, in the new silence, cries of grief in the black sky above him—families of the fallen soldiers as they were handed all that was left. Back then he never cared to wonder how it felt to watch and wait atop his steed, how it felt to move past the tormented stares that bore into him.

Until today.

So, this is how it feels.

The expedition was fruitless. He thought he could distract himself, slaying Titans, making those mindless gargantuan bastards fall into a pool of their own blood, one by one. But the death that surrounded him also brought him to face the wicked reality that not all could be as strong and skilled. That not all were fated to make it alive through today. It seemed that with every Titan he killed, two or three of the scouts were eaten. And this cycle repeats in every mission outside the walls.

Such a waste of life. Lives of good people he barely knew. Good people who were fighting for some cause that they believed in. Good people whose families had desperately pleaded that they come home alive.

All those lives, gone just like that. It was bullshit.

But it was necessary.

It's not impossible to win over the Titans—it's not impossible to free humanity from the Walls, from the Underground. Levi squeezed on that thought to help himself sit upright on his tired mare with his back faced against the angst-ridden populace. He would help them. Then even a child could step foot outside the gates of Wall Maria. Then these events would be nothing but ink on a parchment published in a book stowed in a library somewhere.

He tilted his head upward and looked straight ahead. Crests that sported the Wings of Freedom. If he wanted to keep on fighting for humanity he was in the right crowd. In the Survey Corps were the men and women who not only sought for change, for truth, and for freedom, but fought for it. Fought with their lives in the forefront. And as far as he knew, none seemed to fight harder than Erwin Smith.

Levi's eyes wandered to the back of the squad leader's blonde head. Erwin had orchestrated layouts and strategies that led to successful missions while significantly lowering the mortality count. Of course, there were always casualties but this never stopped Erwin. He ruthlessly pushed forward all while roaring that the blood spilled and the sacrifices were what will bring them closer to humanity's victory.

Perhaps Erwin felt him staring at the back of his head. He gently pulled on the reigns of his horse, slowing his pace until they found themselves marching alongside the other. When Erwin looked from his face to the ground and back again, something passed behind his mug and was quickly gone. A more animated countenance than Erwin's would have shown sorrow or even regret.

Normally, Erwin looked like a strapping, middle-aged attorney whose bright blue eyes radiated perfunctorily when he presented himself on the court. Now he was thinner, his back was slouched, and he had bags under his reddened eyes. Everyone who could read the papers knew the Survey Corps was catching hell. And it was likely that Erwin Smith—everyone's wager for the next commanding officer—was on the juice.

Erwin's horse whinnied sharply. He placed a comforting hand over the left side of its neck and rubbed gently. "Today went shorter than I thought," he said.

"Two cargos were lost and thirty people were killed." He just wanted to lay it out there.

"I see you've kept count."

"No, I counted the covered bodies we brought back. It's not just thirty." And I wouldn't want to know how many more there were, Levi thought.

"As I've expected, you're faring well by yourself. But your supervisor tells me that you don't seem too keen on working alongside others."

"I don't want to be responsible for anyone else's lives."

"I understand. Although with the future upon us, I'm not sure on how to react on that philosophy."

Levi turned his head to Erwin, raising a thin brow. What the hell is this jackass up to now?

Several months ago, he had the displeasure of meeting Erwin Smith when he, along with his current supervisor Mike Zacharias, were tasked to capture and enlist him into the militia's scouting regiment. One side of head his head was smacked against the rough concrete drenched in sewer water as the other had yielded to the pressure of Mike's solid palm.

Despite the insalubrious first impressions, the steadfast qualities Erwin possessed were factors in Levi eventual commitment to the Survey Corps. Levi came from people who do not press for friendship, who ask dangerous favours in exchange for survival, but he was puzzled and betrayed at Erwin's character. Until today, riding next to him on horseback as they returned from the latest expedition, the man was beyond an enigma.

"A position came up and I thought about you," he said. "There wasn't an official opening; it's more of an affiliation. There's been a lot of talk about the new chain of command and we can't fully regard those rumours as untrue."

"Just spill it."

"You've been with us for almost four months, correct? You have no formal military training. We look for six years, minimum."

"You've seen me do the drills. I've been here long enough to know the life."

Erwin smirked, underscoring the fresh gash on his lower jaw. "What you do have is astonishing strength, and raw, natural skill with a blade and the omnidirectional gear. Whether it's Titans or people, you are a hunter. But also, a lone wolf. If you were to be given an official position in the regiment, you'll have to prove that you are not only capable of leadership but also of discipline and diplomacy."

Levi rolled his eyes internally. "So this is what it's all about. Being pleasantly nice?"

"No one knows of this, but Commander Sadies actually disclosed that I was to succeed him as the next commanding officer of the Survey Corps. Of course I cannot refuse this appointment, though I made a specific request to enlist you as a captain under my direct supervision."

Erwin did not overlook the subtle flash of emotion across Levi's face and resumed. "Listen to me, Levi. Upfront, the adversity we face as human beings seems impossible to triumph over and I know you see that too. I used to think it was impossible until I met extraordinary people who ultimately shifted this belief. There exist indispensable people who will not only eliminate the Titans but also ensure the survival of the human race. Because of these people, I believed there was a future within and outside of these walls. I don't think I have to explain myself any further."

There was a brief pause before Levi replied. "As captain, do I get exclusive rights to the black tea?"

"No, but you will get to have your own team. You will have the liberty to choose the members of your team. But those details could be discussed in the future. For now, polish those interpersonal skills of yours." Erwin glanced at him and straightened his sore back when he caught sight of the Survey Corps Headquarters looming like a fortress over the late-afternoon haze. Levi noticed how the sunset brightened the dark puffs under his eyes.

Not a minute sooner, Commander Sadies pulled the reigns of his horse and spoke over his shoulder. "All right, scouts. Food is already prepared at the mess halls. Get changed, eat your dinner, then get some sleep in your system. Light's out by twenty-two hundred hours. Dismissed!"

"Right," Erwin said. "Let me know if anything interesting happens."

Levi's eyes shot wide open, almost leaping off his bed. He was drenched in sweat. His heart palpitated so robustly he thought it would pop out his chest. He ran a hand through his dark hair, breathing through his mouth instead. It was one of those times when he was grateful to have a room of his own.

The nightmares came again and it robbed him of the precious sleep every good soldier deserved. Dark swarmed behind his eyelids and, in jerky seconds of rest, he would see their lifeless eyes before him. Furlan and Isabel. He rubbed his temples, cracked his neck, turned one ear to the mattress and sacrificed the other ear to the intrusion of the dark. But the dark was hateful and insidious. Whether or not he closed his eyes, he would see them staring back at him.

"Tch." He couldn't take it anymore. He needed some tea.

Down in the kitchen halls someone was there—he could see the familiar faint glow of candlelight shine through the half-closed doors. Then there was the clickety sound of glass jars being moved on wooden shelves. If any other soldier were in this circumstance they'd think twice before entering the kitchens alone at this hour of the night, but Levi was blasé and had a craving for tea that needed satiation. Whether it was a rat, a thief, or a five-meter class Titan, he'd give no two shits and murder the fucker.

As Levi stepped into the room his eyes immediately scanned the area. A single candle inside a makeshift lamp was placed on the centre of the table. The muffled sound came from the other side and it did not take long for him to locate the individual arranging the jars of condiments, spices, or some other preservatives, tiptoeing barefoot in plain pyjamas completely oblivious of his arrival.

"Hey. What the hell are you doing?"

A high-pitched shrill made him want to wince. The culprit quickly turned her head towards her captor, wide eyes steadily watching if he would make any sudden actions. The room was dim but the soft light from the candle was bright enough to show him the person's guilt-stricken brown eyes, flushed cheeks, and awkward grin. She stood, frozen, with arms still stretched to the uppermost deck of the dusty shelf.

"Are you dumb, deaf, or both?"

After his second question, the culprit made her first movements: hands held up in a gesture suggesting she wasn't going to touch anything as she approached him, nearing the light. When she was a few inches closer, Levi's eyelids glanced upward and he felt as if he shrank. Damn it, she's taller than me, he privately seethed.

But as she walked towards him, her expression changed—from an enmeshment of guilt and shame to a look of genuine surprise.

"Hey, I know you!" she exclaimed a bit too excitedly earning her a harsh shush from him. "I know you!" she repeated in a much quieter voice but with the same level of enthusiasm. "You're Levi, the thug who could slay five Titans at once! You're him, aren't you?"

Levi bit the inside of his cheek and sent her a scowl. It's been a while since anyone had used such unpleasant patois that affiliated him with his past life in the Underground; although it was the truth, he didn't deny it stung a bit. "Do I know you?"

"You didn't answer my question, but that's fine. I know you're him. Raven hair, deep-set of eyes in an indifferent gaze, semi albinotic, talks like he's constipated, and—though I'm not precise on this—about ten centimetres off my height."

Levi stared at the odd woman, incredulous. Not only did she insult him (albeit inadvertently) and described him to his face without taking a moment's breath, she articulated it with a keen interest as if she's been creepily watching him from afar. It wasn't something like how a young preteen girl would be describing her crush to some friends, dreamy-eyed and all, rather it was something like how a victim would verbally illustrate a crime suspect. Objective, unpleasant, and not at all flattering.

Levi was about to question her again until she grabbed hold of his hands and, with twinkling eyes, resumed her campaign. "You may not remember, but we've actually met before! Let's see… 23rd expedition. Ring any bells? No? Let me refresh your memory. My name is Hange. Hange Zoë. I was the one who gave your friend, Isabel, a cookie."

Levi stirred as the sound of his late comrade's name rung in his ears. Hange smiled at him innocently. Light from the candle flame refracted on her glasses and he could see daps of dirt and smudge marks on the surface. He was annoyed at himself for letting this weirdo delay and objectify him, but he stepped hard on the annoyance so that he could concentrate. This night will pass. He felt his control solid beneath him, like a good gravel bottom in a fast current.

"Is something wrong? You're being awfully silent," Hange asked.

Startled from his reverie, he pulled his hand off her grip, instantaneously feeling the traces of grime from the jars and the surface of the shelves that smeared on her fingertips. Disgust painted over his features and he fervently shook his hand.

"You wiped dust and shit on my hand, that's what's wrong! And what the hell were you even trying to hide up there?"

"Hide? I wasn't hiding anything—!"

"You're a pathetic liar. I already caught you red-handed so just give up the fucking act."

"It's the truth. I wasn't hiding anything because I was simply trying to take something I've already hidden before."

He shot her an open look of annoyance to which she merely responded with a nonchalant smile. Hange took a step back and returned to the shelf, leaving the candlelight and the pissed-off man behind. With one last stretch and flick of the ring finger, she toppled the jar to slide off the shelf and skillfully caught it with her free hand. Afterwards, she pulled out a piece of cheese cloth from the drawers and used it to cover the jar and its contents.

When she returned to the candlelight, she saw him holding a medium-sized container filled with what looked like dried-up dandelions, examining its contents as though he were a jeweller validating the authenticity of a diamond.

The second she stepped forward, their gazes met, moved to the object in the other's possession, then back.

"What are you holding?" they asked in unison.

"Hey, hey, hey," Levi interjected. "I asked you first. What the hell is that and why is it covered? Are you… smuggling illegal shit?"

Hange's cheeks twitched. "What? No! This is… um, it's sensitive to light and so I had to cover it up. So, what the hell is that?"

"Chamomile."

"Chamomile? Why are you planning to do with that?"

"Smoke it."

"Oh, wow, I've never heard of anyone treating themselves with dried chamomile leaves in that method. How do you—"

"I was being sarcastic, dipshit. I didn't think I would have to explain that much to you." He placed the container on the wooden table to the right and folded his arms. His stoic gaze never left hers. "Now then, as I was honest enough to show you the reason why I'm here at this hour, maybe you ought to provide me the same courtesy."

Hange exhaled through her lips and eventually made the tough decision. She placed the big laboratory specimen jar on the table and, with a mix of dread and excitement, pulled off the cover.

The giant fingers inside the jar had been severed neatly close above the palm. Some were crooked, some were straight, but all one dozen of them long burned milky and wrinkly by the formalin that preserved it. Only a trained eye would have noticed that the formalin had, at some point, evaporated given that the fingers rested on the bottom of the jar and that someone else had gone through the meticulous albeit dirty work of replenishing it.

All that Levi could do, in this moment, was stare disbelievingly at the contents of the jar, then at the woman in front of him, the same woman who was stifling her exhilaration through tightly pursed lips and stark eyes that gleamed wildly through her unclean glasses.

"What the hell…" he finally managed to utter, over-enunciating every word.

Considering Levi's unamused reaction, Hange's smile faded as she gingerly returned the cloth over the jar. She wondered if what she had done—purposefully exhibiting a gruesome image to a mentally-recovering soldier—would bear fruit to something that would last her. She glimpsed at the fingers again, unable to see that it would stimulate her gag reflex. Though, after all she's been through, she felt she could look at anything, especially if she had something positive to do it about it.

"Yeah, sorry. That's not the most appealing thing to see in the middle of the night," she said. "So I bet you're wondering—"

"Have you crashed your head against the wall or something? Are you an idiot?"

"Excuse me?"

"You collected Titan fingers, drowned that shit in alcohol—"

"Formalin," she corrected. "Not alcohol, it's formalin. But you're close."

"I don't give a flying fuck what that liquid is, Four Eyes. The point is that you've been keeping that shit where we store our food and it's unsanitary as fuck. Do you understand that? Not all of us are as fucked-up and disgusting as you that we could eat while thinking about Titan fingers swim in a jar of piss."

Although Hange could have almost immediately find a retort for this, she didn't think it was the right time. It was past midnight and they were exhausted. It probably didn't help anyone that she also divulged her secret of hiding a jar of Titan fingers in the kitchen. Given this premise, perhaps there was nothing else left to say for the night.

"I, um, understand. You know, you… you could have just picked up your weeds, ignored me, and saved us both the hassle."

"Tch. Thanks for letting me know. I'll do that next time."

Levi grabbed his tea and left without looking at her again.

"You sure you're fine?"

With crowds pressing in around them, the words seemed to fade in and out, as if Hange was trying to watch something from a distance.

"For the third time, I'm fine, Nanaba. Really."

Nanaba grimaced and flicked her on the temple. "You're pale and look like you might be coming down with something."

"Hey, ow!" Hange complained, rubbing the area above her brow. "I'm a little tired, that's all. Been putting up more hours than usual."

Now this wasn't entirely untrue, but Hange had no desire to tell her comrade about the hiatus of Levi discovering her secret vessel of Titan fingers the night before. Nanaba barely understood her peculiar fascination with the Titans and if she explained that she'd met someone, Nanaba would only think that she's finally attracted someone with her quirks before launching into a series of questions that Hange was in no mood to answer.

It was early in the morning, but the southern garrison was already thronged with soldiers composing mostly of the new recruits. Yesterday's expedition remained heavily imprinted on everyone's minds, but no one seemed in the mood to talk about it. Everyone had this collective sense to move forward and any suspensions, such as the time to properly ponder and grieve for the fallen, was a luxury they could not afford. Hange and Nanaba strolled down the hall of concrete columns, shadow of pillars and sunrays alternatively cascading over their tired faces. As they walked, they watched the younger soldiers carry on their training and chores, though with not enough care to essentially evaluate their progress.

"Been writing reports?" Nanaba asked.

"Erm, yes. I've been putting off for a while and last night seemed as good as any."

They found a pillar to prop against. Nanaba leaned in closer, pretending to monitor the recruits arranging the omnidirectional gear. "Uh-huh… this is why I feel bad for you, Hange. You've put more than enough time to show Sadies your efforts only to be his second favourite."

"That's not—! S-Shut up, Nanaba."

Nanaba could only chuckle at her stupefied reaction. "Hey, I'm kidding! You don't have to get so worked up. Everyone knows you've had that tiny crush on Sadies since we were cadets." Then, lowering her voice as if conversing with herself, she went on. "But you know, for a while there, I thought you'd be out with someone last night."

"Who?"

Nanaba shrugged. "I don't know… someone."

Hange eyed her over the top of her glasses, masking her anxiety that Nanaba might possibly know the truth of what actually happened. "All right, we're not going through that and this conversation is over."

"Through what? I'm not going into anything," she answered defensively. "It's just that I haven't seen you all night after the expedition yesterday. You weren't even in your room, in the dining hall, not even in the library or the laboratory. You rarely leave your comfort zone, so to ease my anxieties I just told myself that you went out with someone. Is it wrong for me to think that?"

In addition to investing in Hange's private social affairs, Nanaba could also play to perfection the part of a concerned, thought-provoking confidante. Sometimes Hange found it a nuisance—mainly because it involved subjects she wasn't particularly interested in—but even she'd admit to herself that these kinds of things do cross her mind. Hange frowned slightly as she tilted her head to look mindlessly at the horizon. In the distance, she wouldn't find any answers to Nanaba's question but what she did find was an irate little man whose grim-faced glare could make the sun disappear behind the clouds. She backed away from the pillar as Nanaba went on, and after a moment, Nanaba trailed after her.

"H-Hange?"

"Sorry, I've got to run. Let's catch up at lunch!"

Nanaba was about to protest but Hange already at a distance too far to hear. She followed her person and noticed that she changed direction, running towards a fairly recognizable soldier instead. Her eyes relaxed as she continued to watch Hange, clearly interested in this little scene.

Breaking the first few minutes of his morning trance was the unsightly approach of the overly zealous eccentric from last night, panting heavily as if she'd been punished to a twenty-lap round on the field. Levi cursed internally. He had gotten little sleep due to the constant nightmares and to their pointless encounter. Now she was coming towards him at an uncalculatable rate and he was completely unprepared.

"Leeevi! Hey, Levi!" Hange called, beaming as radiantly as the morning sun.

Surely she couldn't have forgotten last night's awkward events but it befuddled him enough that she was able to compartmentalize so easily—maybe for the sake of her own composure. Regardless what she thinks or feels, he was still too tired to deal with her shit. Maybe if I'll ignore her, she'll go away, he insisted on himself.

"Levi, I am calling you. Don't you go ignoring me—"

Don't look at her.

"I am literally standing right next to you. Are you seriously—"

That was just the breeze. Maybe I should think of where to train after lunch…

"HEY, PIPSQUEAK! Are you so full of shit that you wouldn't look at people even when they're trying to talk to you?"

All around them, the soldiers who'd been lost in their own conversations, going about their business, suddenly stopped to watch. Safe to say, they weren't particularly interested in the commotion or the heated arguments—they see dozens every single day—rather in the characters playing in the little charade unfolding before them.

Over the short course of their service in the Survey Corps, Hange and Levi were already pioneers of shifting the norm. They weren't rebels, because to call them such would imply that they were breaking the rules. They simply made their own rules, and through the confluence of particular circumstances—first-rate talent in specific fields, atypical backgrounds, and eerie close-knit affiliations to Erwin Smith—every move they made was breathlessly talked about and scrutinized.

Yet, while Hange paid little to no attention of what the people make of her, Levi still felt as if he were walking on eggshells. And now, not sure of how to pull himself out his current quagmire, he finally gave in.

"What do you want, Four Eyes?"

Just like that, the flare in her eyes vanished and her façade reverted to its usual wide-brim smile. "Oh, it's Hange, not Four Eyes. Anyways, I just wanted to apologize for my behaviour last night. Please do heed that it was not my intention to offend you nor was it to steal your appetite and sleep. I actually am hoping your bowel movements are on peak performance today!"

"I'm not buying any of your shit, Four Eyes. I'll ask again. What do you want?"

"Please don't tell anyone about the Titan fingers," she finally said, her voice soft and pleading. "They'll surely confiscate my sample and all the hours—all the work I've put into the analysis and the writing will be for naught. Worst case scenario, I'd have to go through another rigorous round of collecting and preserving—"

"Something tells me you're not spitting out the entire truth. You've got a lot more of those samples stashed away, don't you? What's it—Titan eyeballs? Toenails? Tongues?"

"Well that, um, depends…"

"Could you tell me in full confidence that if I go and investigate your room now, I wouldn't be able to find any other of your disgusting samples?"

Despicable midget. Hange blinked twice. She was taken aback by the man's audacity but did not fall short of keeping up her innocuous smile. Her cheeks, mottled with pink, clashed with the unmistakable yellow-orange of the sunshine.

"Hey, what's it going to be? I don't have all day."

"Hypothetically, what if there are other samples? What're you going to do? Have them all cruelly taken away too?"

"Not really. If you really think about it, Titan body parts would be worthless to those pigs in the higher ups. But not to you." He crossed his arms, the tension between them almost palpable. "To you, this atrocious collection of dismembered chunks isn't meaningless. So if I do find them, I'd hide them away then use the location as blackmail at the most convenient time."

"Interesting… so this is how it goes." When she mumbled, her gaze was on the ground, and he was unsure if she meant it for him. Then Hange raised her head to face him. "Tell me, Levi, have you ever cared for something so profoundly that you'd protect it, even at the risk of your life? That you wished no adversity, no harm, would ever come upon it? I can see it in your eyes. Yes, Levi. You know exactly what it feels like, don't you?"

"Don't give me that crap—"

"Believe me or not, Commander Sadies too feels the same way towards something…"

"What the hell does the commander have anything to do with this?"

"I'm talking about the expensive tea stashed in the kitchen," Hange specified. "Indeed. Sometime last month, Sadies discussed with those who knew about his tea-philia that we had some kind of rat-situation, believing that his tea was being stolen. Of course, many sympathized with our commander but none more so than the fellows he shared his sumptuously rich, luxurious tea with."

Levi furrowed his brows. She must've considered he wouldn't care if he was caught stealing the commander's tea, so why was she telling him this crap now? Hell, she didn't even have proof he likes tea. He's never seen Sadies drink tea before. Was she bluffing? But then again, he rarely saw the commander—unlike this upsized weirdo who probably followed him around more than his own shadow. Levi gritted his teeth. Why was he thinking so hard on this? As he allowed the quiet seconds to pass, he's already admitted to himself that this witch caught him off-guard, disorientating his mind with her spell.

Hange only wished she could flash a conspiratorial grin, relishing his reaction at her pretty little lie. He started this game, and she wanted to be the one to finish it. "Now, think about this carefully, Levi: Which do you think would engender more hostile reactions from the commander and the other scouts on a much grander scale? Some weirdo picking up Titan parts from the battlefield in the name of science, or our very own rising idol stealing the commander's tea? Hmmm…? Also, I do wonder what Erwin would say about this."

He wanted to retort, but maybe it was too late. She wore that menacing grin again.

"Oh, but what good would come from some extortion that involves tea and Titan meat? As you've said so yourself, it's meaningless to everyone else. We'll be squandering what precious little time we have! So then, I guess I speak for both of us when I say that pretending that nothing happened would be the most reasonable course of action."

Hange Zoë, zealous to the last, did not spare him her smile. She stepped backward from his person before she turned to the other direction and skipped away like a lively pre-schooler who just got off from school and wanted to show her parents the gold stars she's earned.

Levi, dazed and dumbfounded, was determined to never underestimate this eccentric again.

…