Hard choices are made all the more challenging when the consequences will directly impact someone that you love. Self-doubt can be so intense, when you know that you've been very wrong before. In the days following, Red felt as ruthless as if she had just thrown her daughter to a pack of wolves. Though it was more like Tricia had run at a wolf and Red hadn't been willing to keep chasing after her.
She didn't know what else she could have possibly done. Nurturing Tricia hadn't been enough to keep her clean and neither had making her detox by herself. Red felt she had tried everything but enabling her drug use, which she simply refused to do. She would not cover that up. She had other people to consider as well.
"Yuri would probably appreciate a call from you," Dmitri said, sitting across the table from her in the prison visitation room. Every single Saturday, they met this way. Discussing their family and the business, giving Red a small taste of the life she still had on the outside. Sometimes one of the boys would drive up with their father, but usually it was just the two of them. The longevity of their relationship bred comfort, and Red had been very grateful to see him that day of all days.
"I'll call him tonight," Red promised. "Maybe they'll even be back together again by then."
She smiled weakly. Dmitri had just finished telling her about how their oldest son had moved back home after a bad fight with his wife. Red would have been more upset about the news, if they weren't constantly calling things on and off. She assumed they'd patch things up once they'd both had time to cool down. She wasn't worried.
"Are you sure you're okay, Galina?"
This was the second time that he was asking. The first had been upon arrival. They had been married since their early twenties and each knew the other like the back of their hand. Even fifteen years of just meeting in this one basic room, hadn't erased the intuition of sharing a life with one another and witnessing the absolute worst of themselves together. Red never liked to talk about herself or her life on the inside with him, but the lack of information didn't stop Dmitri from noticing how tired she looked or how defeated.
"You seem very distracted today," Dmitri pressed.
"It's just been a very heavy week," Red admitted. "But I'm okay, or I will be. A young girl in here was caught using drugs and they sent her down the hill to max."
"That's too bad," Dmitri said softly. "Someone you were close to?"
"Yes, you could say that," Red answered vaguely.
That was all the past now though. Tricia was going to be put through detox alone once again, and Red had no expectation that she would ever be transferred back to camp. Perhaps it was easier this way, a clean break. Mendez was laying low for now while the prison did a half-hearted sweep to try and find out where the drugs were getting in. Though Red knew he would be back to his old tricks just as soon as things started to settle down. If she was going to stop that, it needed to be now.
"Dima," she said quietly, leaning a bit closer and reaching out a hand to wrap tightly around her husband's hairy wrist. To ensure nobody was eavesdropping, she switched to Russian.
"I need you to deliver a message to Ganya."
"Ganya?" Dmitri echoed.
With eyes flashing nervously, he covered her hand on his wrist with his own. He was waiting for her to explain herself, and Red was waiting for him to just say yes. Ganya was the chief cause of their nightmares. One of the few things they could agree on was that he was dangerous and that they were better off keeping their distance. They both paused, staring at one another unblinkingly. Dmitri was the one who caved first.
"Galina, we said we weren't going to associate with him anymore," he whispered in Russian. "You've more than paid him back. Why make trouble for ourselves again?"
"It's not like that this time," Red replied. "It's more like a warning. He'll thank you for telling him."
"Telling him what?" Dmitri asked reluctantly.
"Tell him that the vendors are being watched very carefully and nothing is to be brought inside this prison aside from the produce," Red replied.
It would mean shutting down her own operation as well. No more spoiling her girls with their favourite cosmetics, snacks, and comfort items. No more buying their loyalty and affection. Yet, putting an end to Mendez smuggling in his own speciality items would make it all worth it. The longer the drugs were moving through her kitchen, the greater the chance that she could be blamed for it.
"Tell Ganya he needs to fire the driver too because he's been compromised," Red added.
"Why can't you tell him?" Dmitri asked warily. Nothing about telling Ganya what to do sounded appealing to him.
"Oh sure," Red rolled her eyes. "I'll just add a mafia king-pin onto my call sheet. That will go over really well with the parole board."
"Are you coming up for parole?" Dmitri frowned.
"No," Red said flatly, releasing her hold on Dmitri's wrist and leaning back in her seat again. "But I mean, it's not going to be forever."
She still had close to three years left to serve but that was nothing compared to the ample time she already had behind her. She had made the most of life in here. With work, family, and, until Tricia, having a positive impact on so many of the younger girls she took under her wing. She was looking forward to getting out though. It didn't feel too soon to start making plans.
"Is Ganya pushing drugs through now?" Dmitri asked quietly.
"No, that's too messy for him," Galina replied knowingly.
She had first hand experience in seeing how Ganya handled his business with a simplistic brilliance that dotted every i and crossed every t. His books were meticulously kept and trying to get something on him would have been as worthless as trying to find a needle in a haystack. The rest of them were just chess pieces in his game, and in Galina's case, she was the scapegoat for a crime that was carried out by Ganya's men, but which could never be linked back to him. Ganya knew how to keep his hands clean.
"A guard in here coerced Neptune's truck driver to bring in the drugs for him," Red explained. Even though they were surely the only two people in this visitation room who spoke Russian, Red couldn't help but whisper.
Dealing to unreliable junkies already in prison was the last sort of bid that Ganya would undertake. Risky and unnecessary. He could do better than that, and Mendez hadn't banked on Red pulling the rug out from under him. Tricia was gone and Red was prepared to put a plug in the entire kitchen pipeline. Mendez no longer had anything to use against her, and if he tried to harass Neptune's they could threaten to call him out.
Red walked away from her husband at the end of visiting hours feeling just a bit more hopeful that things might be resolved. She would earn favour with Ganya for protecting his business and she was looking out for her family, whether they understood that or not. She walked into her kitchen and was about to put her whites on to start prepping for dinner before her staff was due back, but her eyes widened in surprise when she was Nicky sitting on top of the counter waiting for her.
"You're not supposed to be sitting up there," Red reprimanded her lightly, raising her eyebrows slightly when Nicky held her ground, swinging her work boots back and forth. A small but significant act of rebellion. Red let it slide.
She was growing used to the silent treatment from Nicky by this point. Which was probably an improvement from the outbursts she had been bracing herself for. Red acted like she wasn't there. She put on her apron and wrapped her bandana around her hair. She went to drain the water from a large pot of potatoes she had boiled ahead of her visit. She carried it over to a prep station and then used her key to unlock the knife drawer so she could peel the skin off. She couldn't stand the way her girls did it, with half of the potato coming off with the peel. She put so much extra work on herself, but she never minded. Keeping her hands busy kept her mind from going places she couldn't bear it to go.
Nicky watched as Red pulled up a stool and sat down with her back to her. A large industrial sized pot set in front of her and a bowl for catching the peelings. For the longest time, the only sound in the kitchen was the blade of Red's knife gliding back and forth. She kept her composure, as she felt the heat coming off of Nicky from behind her. Her eyes in her back like daggers.
"Why don't you say what you need to say, Nicky," she finally suggested.
She set her knife down on the stainless steel top and then turned around on her stool. Hands empty, she folded them neatly in her lap and looked up at Nicky expectantly. She could sense Nicky's temper was close to the boiling point and she'd rather it spilled over now, in relative privacy, before her staff came in and gave the girl an audience.
"Well?" Red prompted, and Nicky fumbled slightly at having her full attention. It would have been easier to just have a yelling match.
"You just threw her away like she never meant anything to you," she finally said, and Red sighed.
"That isn't true, Nicky," Red replied.
"Well, then what would you call it?" Nicky demanded. "You said we were a family...you promised to take care of us."
"I tried to," Red said matter-of-factly, looking Nicky directly in the eye. "Tricia didn't want my help or else she wouldn't have lied to me over and over."
"That's just because she was scared," Nicky protested.
"Yes, I'm sure," Red agreed quietly, "but she made her choices and I couldn't stop her. One thing this has taught me is that I really can't stop you girls from doing exactly what you're going to do."
"Oh for fucks sake," Nicky snapped. "Now you sound just like Marka."
"Your mother?" Red blinked. "Well I mean...she couldn't stop you either clearly. That's why you're in here."
"Because she didn't care," Nicky insisted.
"If she didn't care then why did she send you to rehab and pay for your lawyer?" Red asked. "What else did you want her to do?"
'Oh, I don't know," Nicky stammered, impatiently brushing some curls out of her eyes. "Maybe not be the reason I turned to heroin in the first place. Maybe just give the impression that she loved me even just a little bit."
"Well...I'm not the reason Tricia started using," Red said, after studying Nicky's face for a long while. "You both came to me that way, broken and scared, and I saw you both through it. I gave you all the love I have to give and I tried to keep you both in line. I don't know what else I could do for Tricia. Clearly what I had to offer wasn't enough."
"You can't do anything for her anymore because she's gone," Nicky shifted uncomfortably on her countertop perch.
"Yes, but do you want to know what she would be doing if she wasn't gone?" Red asked. "I found her with bags of oxycontin stuffed down her pants. She was dealing for Mendez."
"Pornstache probably forced her!" Nicky insisted. "That's not her fault."
"Well, of course he forced her," Red said impatiently. "She had to pay her bill somehow, didn't she?"
Nicky looked distraught, and Red felt a stirring inside her to get up off her stool and go closer. Testing the waters, she put up a hand to pause Nicky's leg in mid swing before it could bump against her counter again. Nicky's lips were pouted and she didn't look at her. Tricia's situation would have been hard enough on its own, but Red knew it was extra complex for Nicky because it paralleled herself. Her need for connection and her fear of being abandoned.
"Listen, I have a serious problem in here right now," Red said quietly, resting her arm on the counter behind Nicky's back.
"There are drugs being brought into the prison via this kitchen every single week. Mendez was selling and Tricia was distributing. She was so desperate to use that she told me how he could get stuff in through my connections. I had to do something. For all of our sakes, but especially for hers."
"How do you know that Tricia told Pornstache about the kitchen?" Nicky asked shakily. "I mean it could have been anyone."
"Nicky, he was supplying her," Red replied. "Besides, I didn't see anyone else in this family wandering around the prison high as a kite."
"But did you ask her?" Nicky questioned.
"Honey," Red sighed, and she brought her hand up to rub a circle on Nicky's back. "I know this is upsetting. I'm not even mad, I'm just trying to figure it out. I only want you to understand that getting Tricia away from Mendez was really the only card I had left to play. She's my daughter, I love her, just like I love you. I'm only doing what I have to do to protect you all. Tricia was playing a very dangerous game and it would have killed her. I can't speak for what happens next but I can only control so much."
"Tricia wouldn't have told Pornstache though," Nicky said, looking down at the ground. "I know that for a fact."
Red raised her chin slightly. "How do you know that for a fact?" she asked curiously.
"I just do," Nicky mumbled, curling into herself so tightly that it almost seemed like she was shrinking up on her perch. "It wasn't her, Ma."
"Oh, Nicky," Red said quietly, and she actually took a few steps back from her. Just as Nicky's shoulders started to shake, as if on cue she began to cry.
"Why?" was all Red could bring herself to ask.
"I was so mad at you," Nicky admitted. "He asked me...and I just didn't give a fuck anymore. I wanted to take it back right away, but it was too late."
"So, you basically handed the drugs to Tricia yourself," Red said coolly. She placed her hand under her chin, trying to process this new revelation.
"And then you blame me when she takes them and I don't know what to do?" Red questioned.
"I wasn't thinking," Nicky cried.
"Well, clearly not," Red said unsympathetically. "I'm not sure what you expect me to do about it."
She turned back around so that she could finish prepping the potatoes. Then she went to fill their pot back up with water. Her hands were shaking as she put them to work. Her heart was aching and if she could have summoned her there right then and now, Red would have wished Tricia back in a minute.
Though it was pure emotion she was riding on, ignited because she loved those girls. In her heart of hearts she still wanted Tricia away from Mendez even if everything else about that was cruel. She also wanted Nicky to squirm a bit more and maybe understand how it felt to be her for a little longer. There was no winning, there was only breaking.
"Nicky, get off my counter," she said sternly, as she walked by on her way to get something out of the refrigerator. This time, she was obeyed.