(Disclaimer: I own nothing, they are the property of their respective owners.)
(Author's Note: Because of reasons, this one took a while to do.)
Chapter 2: The Angela Anaconda Short/Opening Credits.
Tai - Here we go, the watching and riffing of the digimon movie.
Matt - The English dub theatrical cut.
Tai - Son of a bitch!
Matt - Relax.
Tai - I can't. This movie sucks so bad.
Matt - Start the movie!
Recording Engineer - And rolling.
The movie begins.
Tai - This movie has been formatted to suck ass, big time.
Matt - Hey, there's the movie poster.
Both of them scream out loud.
Tai - What the fuck is that!?
Matt - Angela Anaconda.
Tai - Angela fucking Anaconda!
Matt - Ok, For the record, this short was not in the original cut.
Tai - Yeah it was.
Matt - No, you saw the final cut. this short was added in post-production.
Tai - Who's idea was this?
Matt - I have no clue.
Tai - How long is this?
Matt - Not long.
Tai - Less than a minute in, and I'm already bored.
Matt - Nice cardboard cutout of you.
Tai - I was actually offered a cameo in this short. I turned it down, and they put the cardboard cutout in my place.
Matt - This short was recycled into an episode of that show, of course the movie was changed.
Tai - And you're okay with knowing about that piece of knowledge?
Matt - No, I'm not.
Tai - I actually thought about suing them for using my likeness in that episode.
Matt - Did you?
Tai - After I saw it, I immediately phoned my lawyer.
Matt - It was just your hair.
Tai - And my goggles. That's my trademark, my identity. Heh, Greymon cameo.
Matt - What was the verdict?
Tai - Me and my lawyer both made fat cash by the time the case was over.
Matt - They settled?
Tai - I don't remember.
Tai - We'll just talk through this short, since we don't give a shit.
Matt - Indeed, we don't care much for these characters.
Tai - No one does.
Tai - Boring monologue.
Tai - And this is where they ripped off my good looks.
Matt - The creators of Godzilla called, they said stop ripping off our movies.
Tai - Hey they ripped off your brother's season one look.
Matt - Among many things.
Matt - They took Izzy's old hairstyle.
Tai - Does he know about this?
Matt - Why do oh think he cut his hair.
Tai - Oh.
Matt - And ripping off Dragon Ball Z as well.
Kids (on screen) - Angelamon, Angelamon...
Tai - Oh, god it's still going!
Matt - It's four minutes long.
Tai - Fuck!
Angela (on screen) - Hey! This isn't digimon, this is some boring phony fake French film.
Tai - Not all French films are boring. I know certain...
Matt (interrupting) - Please don't mention that, there might be children reading this.
Tai - So.
Matt - Just saying.
Tai - Hey look, that was the audience on our opening night.
Matt - It's almost done, a couple more seconds.
Tai - And we're done with this shit-stain.
The 20th century fox logo comes on the screen.
Tai - The company of William Fox, Joseph M. Schenck, Darryl F. Zanuck, some other people, and Rupert Murdoch.
Matt - Don't forget the Walt Disney Company.
Tai - How could I. They sign our paychecks.
Matt - So does Toei animation.
Tai - Even better.
Matt - There's the old fox kids logo. Good times, good times.
Tai - The only movie until the tv sequel.
Matt - And this is where some of our budget went.
Tai - Half of these Digimon weren't even in the film that long, they only had like one or two lines of dialogue.
Tai - Putting digi in every word doesn't make it good.
Matt - It really depends on the song.
Tai - Pig power in the house by Tag Team would've been a much better song than this.
Matt - You saw the movie review on channel awesome, didn't you.
Tai - Yeah, but they did make some good points in that review.
Matt - you're right, Pig power in the House is a good song.
Tai - But this is something else.
Matt - There's our writers, Bob and Jeff.
Tai - Jeff, cousin of Leonard, Live long and prosper.
Matt - You just couldn't resist making a Star Trek joke.
Tai - There's nothing wrong with that.
End of Chapter Two.
(Author's Note: Stay tunded for Chapter 3.)