Odette put what small amount of food she could afford on a plate and walked over to her son.
"Here you are, my darling." She said as she sat the food on the table in front of him.
Julien immediately began to eat, grateful for his mother's cooking. Odette watched him eat with a small, sad smile on her face while her own stomach cramped in hunger. It had been like this for weeks now, Odette feeding everything they had to her son while she only ate what he had remaining on his plate. Time was running out and she knew it. She could go without food but the day her son went hungry, that would be the day she would break. She had been hopeful that Captain Solomons would receive her letter and send for his son, but she did not hold her breath. She had seen too many other French women give birth to children after the war and write to the men who had helped in their conception, only to be rejected or denied. Occasionally a man would come from England or America for their child and marry its mother, but more often that not, the child was given up for adoption or the mother struggled like Odette was struggling now.
Giving away Julien would destroy every happy thing inside her, but she had long ago realized she had no choice, not if she wanted him to grow up fed and happy. Julien ate everything on his plate, which she was happy for, but she couldn't stop the small amount of disappointment at going to bed without food…. again.
Captain Solomons hadn't responded to her letter, so now she needed a new plan. There was a Catholic church in her small village that she knew would take Julien and she could visit him, but he would have to be baptized and the thought pained Odette. She should find a Jewish orphanage to give him to, let him be adopted by a nice Jewish family. Odette sighed as she stood from the table and led her son to the washbasin for a sponge bath.
Once Julien had been tucked into bed he reached out, "Papa!" he said holding both of his hands toward the small trunk against the wall holding a toy soldier.
Odette retrieved it and gave it him, watching him pull the soldier close before drifting off to sleep.
"Papa." She said softly as she looked at the toy and remembering buying it for him.
A man had tickled his son while his son laughed saying, "Papa! Stop it!" in a fit of giggles and Julien looked around then at Odette.
"Do I have a papa?" He asked, his large blue eyes looking at Odette and piercing her heart.
"Yes. Your Papa was a soldier. He was strong and brave, just like you will be. No?" She said with a smile and Julien looked back at the laughing boy.
A week later the two had walked into a small shop and Julien pointed to a toy soldier, shouting "Papa!"
By this point Odette had been trying to decide between writing the Captain or going straight to the orphanage and when he had reached for the soldier, Odette knew what she was going to do. She spent money she should have saved on the toy for Julien, who carried it with him everywhere, and wrote a letter addressed to London. She decided it would be better for him to at least be with his father if Julien couldn't be with her.
After Julien had fallen asleep, Odette opened the tin can that had held her money and covered her mouth to hide her sob. She had nothing. No money to buy food, no money for dearly needed shoes for Julien. She had failed him. She replaced the tin can and crawled into bed with her son, pulling him close, knowing what she had to do tomorrow and the reality of it breaking her heart.