One
..
1929
He became aware of someone shouting out his name in the distance once the ringing in his ears stilled like the bells of a church ending its song. It took him a moment to register where he was: he was laid on the cold ground, the moisture that once clung to the shards of grass beneath him now soaked his clothes. A shiver ran through him, spreading goosebumps over his skin. Above him, the sunshine had cleared the dark clouds as if sensing the danger that swirled deep in his chest.
He hadn't known how long he had laid there for, but when she had reached him, he saw the way her face was ashen with worry. Her eyes were wide with fright and red from crying; her mouth spoke of his name, of curses that had been lodged in her chest at the mere sight of him laid there in the distance. He saw in her eyes though that she had believed he was dead; she tried to hide it but her gaze, that was identical to their mother, betrayed her.
He saw the questions race through her mind as she stared at him, her hands checking for any wound inflicted upon his body, and when she found nothing, she released him and knelt defeated beside him.
"Tommy, what the fuck?" Ada whispered at him, her usual tone being replaced with anger, guilt and sadness.
He shook his head. "I'm fine."
"Yeah, you look fine," Ada said humourlessly. There was a sternness to her voice, one that he had heard a few times in her life but it had never been directed towards him, until now. "Were you…"
"No," he said adamantly.
"So you were simply testing out a gun?" Ada asked, her voice breaking. "When all of your family weren't here to stop you from doing that?"
"It's not like that," Tommy said, voice adamant. He sat up, throwing the gun to the side. "You know it isn't like that."
"Is it because of her?"
Tommy closed up at the mere mention of her. He shook his head, but his words failed him. Ada sighed, pulling herself up to her full height, noticing the mud coating her clothes. Tommy stood beside her, a little shakier than she had ever seen him. Her older brother who was usually the level-headed sibling was now stood before her a broken man. She'd never seen him in such a way; he was a typical Shelby man who shook the hand of the devil on a daily basis, whatever that devil entailed. For Arthur, it was drink. For her, it was the pain of losing Freddie so young. Every single person in their life was fighting a battle that poisoned them in the darkness, often in a room full of people and sometimes when the world was quiet and no one could witness it.
"I'm going to call her—" Ada began.
"—No," he interjected harshly. "And tell her what exactly? That I can't deal with the fact that she's moved on? That she's marrying a man who is good for her, and that I can't cope knowing that I will never be the man she loved? That she deserves so much better than me and I should be happy for her?"
Ada stared at him with sad eyes. "Do you really think that way?"
Tommy avoided her gaze, and moved towards the gun. He picked it up with shaky hands. Ada watched him with curiosity, as if unsure of what his next actions would be.
"She was so happy with you," Ada whispered sadly. "Do you really think she wasn't?"
"Happy people don't leave," he hissed.
Ada chewed on her lip. "No, but life works in mysterious ways, Tommy. Look at your life. Who would've thought at 20, you'd start a business that would change your life overnight? Who would've thought that at 25, you'd be fighting a war and have to say goodbye to your family just in case you didn't come back?"
Tommy emptied the remaining bullets from the gun, the thud of them on the soft ground being the only sound the siblings could hear.
"She didn't give up on you then," Ada continued. "She hasn't given up on you now."
"You have no fucking clue," Tommy shook his head before he made the long trek back to the house. Ada followed behind him, running to catch up with him.
"It's true," Ada told him adamantly. "She fucking loved you, Tommy. She always has and always fucking will."
Tommy turned to her then, anger coursing through his veins. "If she loved me, she would be here."
"So if Freddie had loved me, he wouldn't have died? Is that how it is, Tommy?"
Tommy halted which caused Ada to stumble to a stop. "I didn't mean that."
Ada nodded, sniffling. "I know you didn't. It's just… things happened between the two of you that even I don't know about, Tommy. And maybe I don't need to know everything that went down but you need her. If that—" she said, pointing back to the place where she found him. "—isn't a cry for help then I don't know what is."
"We don't speak of this again, Ada. Do you hear me? What happened back there didn't happen. Calling her won't solve anything," Tommy said, adamantly. "Just… respect my decision."
He left her in the courtyard, the sound of the gravel beneath his shoes crunching and disappeared inside the house. Ada remained outside for a moment, listening to the birds in the sky. She turned to look at the dark clouds clearing and the sunshine beginning to peak through offering some light on the world.
She wondered if she had missed the warning signs with Tommy. They had with Arthur, and it had only been when he was close to death did they realise how much pain he was in. If she had been a second too late, would he have done something? The bullet had startled her, and she had gone into autopilot, running through the house and out into the gardens. She had seen him laying there on the ground, and she had feared the worst. She had seen many deaths before in her young life and it never became easier. He was her brother; her backbone. She often believed she knew him better than he knew himself, and Ada knew what he needed. Deep down she always knew what he needed.
He needed the only woman she knew who could drag him back from the brink. He needed the only woman he had ever loved.
..
1908
Thea Aldridge could remember the first time she laid eyes on him.
She was seventeen, he was nineteen. She was seated at the dining table eating lunch when Maxwell and Henry arrived with him. He had short hair with tight curls. From the way the sunshine shone through the windows that particular day, she was aware that whilst it was mostly brown, there were hints of auburn that shone freely, as if whispering secrets to those who were listening. His eyes were the first thing she noticed though: a stark blue that sent a chill down her spine and goosebumps to kiss her skin. He ate lunch with them, answering an array of questions from her younger sisters and parents whilst she kept silent, forcing herself to focus her whole attention on her lunch of salad, potatoes and ham.
Whilst she was often a nuisance to her brothers, he didn't seem to mind her presence amongst them as they spoke about London, money and horses. The way he spoke, she was quickly aware that he had experience of a world that neither of them could ever truly understand; a far cry from the endless hills that surrounded them, the gardens that stretched too far for the eye to see, and the grey stones that made up their house that consisted of eight bedrooms, four formal living rooms, and even more rooms that even she wasn't allowed to enter.
They had then made their way out into the courtyard, a pitcher of lemonade on the table and a glass of lemonade in hand as they discussed matters that didn't concern her. She was sat upon the grass reading as her younger sisters—Vivienne and Ida—made daisy chains with the flowers that grew amongst the weeds. Thea had been minding her business for the most part as the boys chatted behind her, but she had noticed the pinkish blush to her sisters cheeks whenever the man spoke. It hadn't been due to the relentless sunshine beaming down on them which she had first thought. Just like her own.
She remembered feeling different. As if she was a whole new person. The butterflies were no longer from anxiety that she felt often but it was something else. Every time she would look in his direction, she would feel breathless, light headed and as if she was going to fall to the ground. She hadn't dared speak of her feelings to her mother who she was sure would be adamant that she rest in bed for the rest of the day.
When he had left that very same day, she hadn't expected to see him again. Her brothers would often bring home friends of theirs but they had always been people she knew; the same pompous boys who would disrupt the calmness of her world. She could only imagine how far he would have to travel back home that the mere thought of another journey to them would surely cause him to shake it away.
But he would arrive every Friday evening at six o'clock, on the dot. A bedroom would be made up for him, with the maids ensuring he had extra towels in case he wanted to bathe in his room. Thea would watch as they would giggle to one another as they headed downstairs and would always wonder what their conversation had been about.
He was a friend to her older brothers and quickly became a close friend to the family, frequently staying at their country house for the summer weeks instead of just the weekends. Even when he wasn't there at the house, she would hear his voice somewhere in the distance. As if her mind, or heart, saves his words for only her. His accent was unlike anything she had ever heard before; gruff, common but one that made her heart sing. Living in the countryside, she was often amongst folk who spoke fancy, whose mere presence caused her to alter the way she stood, the way she spoke, and the way she carried herself. Her whole demeanour was consistently altered by the company her father kept. She never felt good enough amongst the people who she grew up around. But Thomas Shelby hadn't expected her to change any aspect about herself, much rather enjoying the moments they would all lay around the gardens as they enjoyed the sunshine on what always seemed to be endless days. In fact, he didn't expect anything from her. He would only offer her the attention she wanted; a quick hello before she avoided his gaze or before she headed up to her bedroom where she would plead with herself to be more comfortable in his presence.
He didn't speak about his life in front of her though, and her mind would often wonder as she laid in bed of an evening whilst her brothers and their friend would drink and talk into the early hours. She would often creep out of her bedroom and sit at the top of the stairs, listening as his voice would drift towards her and she would find comfort in his words. She knew it was a childhood crush, one that she would simply get over with time. Or at least she hoped she would.
Before they knew it, he was more like family. Slotting in as if he had always been there. He had a seat at the table, his own bedroom, and the respect of their father which was hard to achieve.
But most of all, his presence within the house was a calming one. He was kind, and gracious, and compassionate. It hadn't taken a lot for her to truly fall in love with him.
"Did you do all of this?"
Thea whipped around at the sound of his voice. Her eyes grew wide and her heartbeat quickened at the sight of him beside her as she completed the finishing touches to the table. He was admiring the flowers, the neat placement of plates and glasses, the array of food ready to be devoured by their hungry guests. Strawberries were sliced and dished up in a glass bowl with cream ready to be served. Sandwiches were prepared and cut into triangles without crusts. Large pitchers of fresh lemonade were waiting for the guests to quench their thirst. It was a yearly event where the daughters of the Aldridge family put on an afternoon tea for the family and their friends, and was always highly popular.
She straightened her back, gently smoothing her dress. "I did," she began, her voice failing her in his presence. "Vivienne and Ida were no help at all. I had to stop them from eating all the strawberries."
Tommy smiled at that. "Ah, but they're delicious. I don't blame them, I would've done the same."
Her eyes met his for just a moment, and she smiled. "Would you like to know the secret ingredient?"
Tommy glanced around him to ensure that no one was listening. He inched closer to her. "There's a secret ingredient? I would love to know."
"Honey and lime," she lowered her voice to a whisper. "A bit of sweet and sour goes a long way. Makes it taste fresh yet comforting."
"Ah," Tommy mused, nodding. "The perfect combination."
Thea smiled. "I heard that you're leaving tonight."
Tommy furrowed his brow as if deep in thought. "I am. I have, uh, business back at home that I must attend to."
"I hope it isn't anything serious."
Tommy chewed at his lip, his intense blue eyes observing the blush to her cheeks. "It isn't. Some things require my attention back at home. My presence is needed with my family."
Thea, not wanting to pry any further, reached for a glass of lemonade and handed it to him. "I hope you enjoy today as much as you can before you have to leave."
He accepted the glass with a grateful nod, his fingers grazing hers. It was only for a second but it seemed as though time slowed around them; her breath hitched in her throat as her mind raced. He watched her as she reacted to his touch, and though it was gentle, he observed the goosebumps as they scattered across the delicate skin of her arms. He wanted to say something but the moment was quickly ripped from his grasp as Maxwell called out his name. He all but ripped his hand away from hers, the glass unsteady as she was passing it to him, and the glass slipped and shattered at their feet.
"Fuck!" His voice boomed in shock, a collection of gasps echoing around them. Thea jumped backwards as if recoiling from his outburst, but he knew it wasn't that. "Are you okay?"
He observed her, ensuring that she wasn't hurt from any shards of glass. He noticed red spots on the tops of her feet where glass splinters had cut her. He saw the devastation of what was once a vintage glass now in pieces but he was more concerned about her. "You're bleeding," he said softly. It was only when he drew attention to it did she realise that she had hurt herself. He reached for her hand, guiding her away from the broken glass. "Here, be careful. Step over it."
"Bloody hell, Thea! Father is going to lose his mind! You really have a way of making it all about you, don't you?" Maxwell hissed, embarrassed. "You really must learn about etiquette if you want to find a husband."
Tears filled her eyes as her brothers words stung her. She felt overwhelmed, as if all eyes were on her. She kept her head low, not wanting to see if the attention was focused on her. She whispered an apology and, feeling the anxiety claw at her throat, pulled away from Tommy as she raced inside the house.
"It was my fault, Max," Tommy reasoned with Maxwell but the man simply chortled in response.
"Don't be sticking up for her," Max said, patting him on the back. He headed inside the house, and Tommy heard him calling for the maids to clear the glass away.
Tommy waited a moment for Max to move back over to his other friends before he headed inside. He found her in the bathroom, sitting upon the closed toilet seat as she inspected the wounds to her feet. The droplets of blood that stained her tights were like beads of the finest jewellery embedded upon her skin; red like the poppies that grew in the gardens.
He tapped his knuckles on the wooden door gently, not wanting to startle her. Her gaze met his almost immediately, her own eyes betraying how she truly felt with the redness from crying. He entered the room without thought and closed the door behind him, putting himself into the action of helping to clean her up. He inspected the grazes to her feet and legs, deeming nothing to be life threatening but more ego bruising. She'd be in discomfort for a few days as the tiny wounds healed but not a scar would be left behind.
"It wasn't your fault," he said, breaking the silence. He dared to glance at her as he dampened a flannel. She refused to look at him, preferring the tiled floor more. "What Maxwell said—"
"Well, he's right, isn't he? I'm not normal. I'm not able to do things that my sisters do with ease. To talk to boys like I would talk to my diary. To think of myself as worthy of their attention—" she rambled, her voice full of emotion and sadness. "I-I'm a stupid, clumsy fool."
Tommy had pulled a stool to sit in front of her, the wet flannel in his hand. He was staring at her with such intensity that she was sure he was going to burn a hole in the middle of her head. "Don't you ever have those words leave your mouth again."
Thea stared at him as if challenging him, the anger within her heart spreading like wildfire. She clenched her fists together in an attempt to diffuse it but it was no good. He laid the flannel over the sink, and reached for her clenched hands, gently unclenching them. He grazed his thumbs on the backs of her hand in a motion that caused her breathing to calm down. "But it's true," she all but whispered to him now, sadness plaguing her voice. "I should be engaged by now. I should be courting, but instead I'm sitting in the bathroom with my brothers best friend after humiliating myself at our annual summer lunch."
"At least you've made it memorable for me," Tommy said lightheartedly. "I wonder what next year will entail. Maybe a fight. Hey, there's still time for that."
Thea shook her head, a smirk playing at her lips. "You're different than everyone else. They just… I don't belong in a family like this."
Tommy allowed her to draw her hands back towards her, and watched as she ran a hand through her wavy hair. "Maybe you don't," he said softly. "But they're the family that you have. Whether you like it or not, you're stuck with them. I know how that feels sometimes. But one thing you must remember… family is important. When you truly need them, they're going to be there for you. And moments like this will be forgotten. I can promise you that."
Thea watched him for a moment, the angry tears that had refused to stop now easing as his words comforted her.
"Let's get you cleaned up, shall we? They can't all get to enjoy a party you've organised without you," Tommy told her, reassuring her that her presence within the party was worthy of everyone else's. "And anyway, those strawberries are calling my name."
In the weeks that followed the incident that day, Tommy had made it a habit to spend time with Thea once he had returned from Small Heath. He had been gone from the country house for a week, and whilst the promise of his return was always in her mind, she hadn't expected to feel the way she did when she saw him arrive on horse on the Friday evening. The end of the summer months were in sight, the last of the long, beautiful and warm evenings were slowly being clipped with a chill in the air but that didn't seem to stop the Aldridge siblings and their family friend from making it the best summer of their lives. They enjoyed swimming in the lake which was usually an activity that their parents did not enjoy them doing but it was moments of lasts that made them shake off any displeasure. They spent the days sunbathing, talking endlessly for hours, playing family games in the gardens, whilst the nights were spent under the stars as they pondered in silence as to what their new reality would hold, and when the evenings grew chillier, they found themselves in front of the fireplace telling stories of the past and reminiscent of their time together.
Maxwell and Henry, the older of the Aldridge siblings, were born minutes apart from one another, and whilst they were very similar in personality, both had dreams of a different path in life. Maxwell was the more outspoken of the twins, often abrupt in the way he spoke or did things who enjoyed partying and impressing people, whilst Henry had a gentler side, a much more quieter soul who, despite enjoying the attention he received from others, much more preferred learning something new in the comfort of his bedroom. They had both finished their studies in the months before and were now venturing down different routes in life; with Maxwell deciding to go into business with Tommy, and Henry deciding to go to university to study medicine. His decision had somewhat startled the family as the two brothers were usually thick as thieves, but it was a decision that the family respected, an admirable career for a smart boy. He would be heading to Cambridge after the summer where he would embark on a new adventure.
When Tommy arrived back at the house, his presence had meant that everything they had known would change indefinitely. It signified the ending of a childhood so rich and full but the beginning of an exciting life for those leaving. With Henry's studies taking him away in two weeks time and Maxwell's decision to travel to Small Heath with Tommy to start a business empire in a few days, Thea knew her time with her siblings being all together in one place at the same time was limited. And so was her time with Tommy.
And on the last day, when Maxwell was headed to Small Heath with Tommy, Thea had found Tommy sitting alone in the courtyard, the morning birdsong filling the stillness outside. Her night had been sleepless and after many hours of tossing and turning, she admitted defeat and took a wander through the house. Quiet, almost pensive feet wandered the corridors until she had found the window at the top of the stairs that looked out over the rolling hills, the vast gardens and the pebbles courtyard. The mere sight of him was enough to take her breath away as she observed him smoking a cigarette in the cold morning. She raced back to her bedroom, grabbed her dressing gown, and headed outside.
It was colder than she had anticipated, causing her to almost gasp in shock. His eyes met hers immediately and a smile—soft and genuine—played on his lips.
"You're going to catch a cold out here," he told her as she moved towards the bench he was sat on.
Thea eyed him. "So are you."
He slid to the empty side. "Quick, before it gets cold."
Thea sat down on the warm spot that he had offered her, and whispered a quick thanks. He exhaled a cloud of smoke in response. They sat in silence for a few moments as they watched the fog around them begin to lift just a little.
"I'm going to miss you," Thea whispered, as she watched the sun trying to break through the clouds in the distance, its golden tendrils slicing through the grey sky. "I'm going to miss all of you but… it's been lovely spending the summer with you."
She felt the burn of his stare upon her, and took a deep breath to steady herself. Thea turned to look at him, wanting a moment to capture his face before he would have to leave. The sharpness of his jaw, the intense blue that followed her even in her dreams, the way his brow would furrow in conversation causing you to wonder what he was thinking about.
He closed the gap between them, his lips finding hers almost immediately as if the two of them knew what to do. Thea was taken aback but she didn't want to show it, instead kissing him back gently. He tasted of smoke and brandy from the night before. Neither of them had to say anything else for they both knew that life would never be the same again in more ways than one.