Undergarments

Chapter 2

Goddess, this was just what she'd feared the most! The sight of Shepard so soon after her own…activities was incredibly disarming. Urgently, Liara scrambled to put together a semblance of level-headedness. It should be easy; just tell Lana the truth, that she'd been doing the laundry and was just now about to retire. No lie there.

As always, though, what seemed so simple in her mind got jumbled somewhere en route to her mouth.

"I-I was just doing…um, that is to say that I was cleaning your…the! the er…"

Liara forced her mouth shut, burning bright purple at the somewhat confused look on Lana's face. Taking a deep gulp of air, she tried again.

"I was just doing the laundry duty and was about to go to bed goodnight Shepard!"

Dammit! She'd said it far too fast. Now Lana was sure to notice something wasn't right. This is exactly what she'd known would happen; she'd made a spectacular fool of herself once again.

"Whoa, calm yourself there girl, this isn't an interrogation." The ghost of a smile still lingered on Shepard's lips; a sign the asari had learnt indicated a joke. She still had difficulty recognising human humour, but having spent as much time as was polite studying Lana's face, she was able to identify some of her non-verbal cues.

"Y-Yes. Sorry, I must apologize. I guess I am a little tired, t-that's all."

"Couldn't sleep, huh? Neither could I. That's why I was using this thing." Lana slapped her hand against the flank of the just-vacated sleeper pod. "Cricks the hell out of my back but at least it guarantees some rest."

The Commander looked like she was about to say something more when she suddenly fell silent, studying the tear streaks on Liara's cheeks. At the same time, the asari realized what was happening, but it was already too late to cover them up.

"Are you okay Liara? I-I don't want to pry, but you look like you've been crying."

A small voice in Liara's head made itself known. It was the same voice of irrationality that urged her to jump when standing on a high precipice, or to slit her wrists when she picked up a knife. It spoke for that tiny part of the subconscious mind that visualised the worst-case, most self-destructive scenario in any situation, so that the conscious mind could dismiss it. 'The call of the void', she'd heard humans refer to it as. An apt name.

Right now, that voice was taunting her with one singular thought.

Tell her the truth…tell her you love her!

Liara blanched at the idea. She couldn't possibly…Lana would never want her. Not like that. At least at the moment they shared a pleasant companionship; even a friendship by Liara's standards. That would all change if she confessed her true feelings. Lana wouldn't even be able to look her in the eyes without awkwardness at best, disgust at worst. What an embarrassment it would be for the Spectre, to have a foolish maiden fawning after her like some lovesick puppy. Even now the asari could perfectly picture Shepard's voice, explaining how they were just teammates and how Liara had mistaken professional niceties for something deeper.

Against all her efforts, fresh moisture welled in her eyes. Liara's vision swam, blurring the image of Lana's worried expression. This time she did turn away. She couldn't bear the idea that Shepard might think her weak and pathetic, even if it was an accurate assessment.

As the tears brimmed over, Liara felt a hand rest lightly on her shoulder.

"Hey now, what's the matter? What's got you so upset?"

Shepard's voice was so incredibly gentle. It made Liara feel young again; reminded her of the soothing voice her mother had employed whenever little Liara got tearful. The depths of compassion evident in Lana's tone spoke volumes about how caring and tender the Spectre could be. She was so much more than just a warrior, a fact that made Liara love her all the more.

"I-I-I d-don't…"

Her stammering dissolved into choked back sobs. This was worse than any torture she could imagine, losing control in front of her beloved in such a humiliating fashion. How could the Goddess be so cruel?

Lana wasted no time. She wrapped her arms around the trembling Liara, pulling the weeping woman into a tight embrace and trailing a hand across the ribbed back of her neck, stroking the folds and tips of her crests in a rhythmic, soothing motion.

"Shhh, it's alright darling," Lana whispered. "Don't cry, I'm right here."

Liara was only dimly aware of the Spectre's voice. Goddess, it felt so good to be held like this. Lana had never failed to express concern for her, but this was something far more precious than words. For the first time since her childhood, it felt like somebody cared about her. Like whether she was happy or sad mattered to someone. All the more reason she couldn't ruin this with her stupid, selfish desires.

Liara returned the hug as fiercely as she dared. Her continuous tears were staining the shoulder of Lana's fatigues, but the Spectre didn't seem to mind. Secretly, Liara hoped the tears would keep coming, if it meant being held like this for just a little while longer. She knew it couldn't last, and that eventually Lana would release her. While they were here, however, she let her senses soak in as much as possible. This memory of Shepard's warmth would be enough to last for several lonely nights, with nothing but a pillow to cuddle in her place.

"I don't know what to say," Lana's voice spoke softly in her ear. "Please, Liara, tell me what's hurting you. I want to help. Is it about Benezia?"

The asari longed to tell the Spectre the truth…that standing so close to her was both the cause of her sorrow and the cure. If only she had the courage to say, "I love you."

Liara froze.

Oh no.

No! No no no no-this couldn't be happening! This had to be a dream; one of her nightmares. She couldn't have said it out loud, she just couldn't.

"You…love me?"

She had. Oh Goddess, she'd actually done it. How could she?

The asari buried her face as far as she could into Lana's shoulder. At that moment she'd gladly have traded places with anyone in the galaxy, if only to escape the shame she felt. Jettison her out the airlock, sell her to batarian slavers, just…anything but this. Why oh why had the Goddess made her such an unbelievable idiot? What good was being able to remember an encyclopaedia's worth of information on the Protheans when she lacked the basic ability to control her own mouth? Now she'd gone and ruined everything.

This can't be real. Please, Goddess, please let me wake up.

In every scenario that ran through Liara's head in those seconds of silence, not once did she dare to consider the unbelievable. The thought that, in a galaxy filled with individuals, many more interesting, more confident, more charming, and more attractive, Lana would consider her a worthy partner was automatically dismissed as sheer lunacy. Shepard was a hero, a paragon; admired by so many that her list of potential suitors must run the length of the Wards. There was more chance of meeting a real live Prothean wandering the streets than there was of the Spectre falling for a meek, unassuming archaeologist.

With all that being true, why, then, could she feel Lana's lips on her temple?

Lana's…lips?

It can't be….

Her senses didn't lie. Lana kissed her again, a delicate brush on the side of her head. The other woman's lips were soft and yielding, conforming to the contours of Liara's crest like they were made to fit together. It was a brief—and by all accounts, quite chaste—touch, yet the depth of emotion conveyed by that tiny, intimate act was more tender and heartfelt than any vocal response could have been.

For a few overwhelming moments, Liara forgot everything. She forgot the world around her; she forgot her shyness and past humiliations; she nearly forgot her own name. The only thing that existed for the asari was the exquisite feeling of Lana softly nuzzling at her fluked skin. Shepard's breath was warm and moist in her ear, and carried with it soft, nonsense vocalisations of comfort and affection.

Heaven…perfection…words were completely inadequate for the joy that swelled in the young maiden's heart. The happiness she felt was so far beyond anything she'd experienced before that it was impossible to draw any comparisons. She had no reference. In the end, Liara gave up trying to label it and simply allowed herself to revel in the moment's beauty.

Lana's lips burned a path across her fevered skin. They lingered briefly on the salty trails that streaked down her cheeks, nursing away the hurt that had spawned them. When she was satisfied that her care there had begun to heal Liara's aching heart, Shepard's hand alighted on the ridge of her jaw…and proceeded to softly guide their trembling lips together. It was a moment of purest intimacy; the tentative first touch. Lana had closed her eyes in anticipation, but Liara fought to keep hers as wide as possible. She wanted to record every nanosecond of this moment with perfect clarity. The sight of her beloved's beautiful lips, parted and welcoming, was too breathtaking to ever be forgotten.

As their mouths met, Liara had to fight a wave of dizziness that threatened to steal all strength from her limbs. Perhaps it was because she hadn't taken a breath for the past minute, unwilling to do anything that risked breaking the spell between them. It felt so fragile, so ephemeral; like she may wake up at any second. Just moments ago, she'd been begging that would happen, but now…

If this is a dream, then let me sleep forever.

A gentle but insistent pressure on her lips made Liara gasp; all the opportunity Lana needed to slip her tongue inside and give the maiden her first taste of a genuine lover's kiss. Liara jumped at the sudden intrusion, but quickly adjusted to Shepard's welcome presence in her mouth. She was not sure how to respond, however, and prayed that her lack of reciprocation would not discourage the other woman.

But it wasn't long until a century's worth of longing for companionship began to break free. Before she knew what was happening, Liara had taken Lana's face in her hands, and was kissing her with every ounce of passion she could muster. She felt completely out of control, knowing only that this was the purest, most accurate way to express the love she felt. The act was inexperienced and almost painful, but the asari made up for it with sheer desire, crushing their lips together with a desperate intensity. It was the sort of kiss that couldn't be planned, or practiced, or even imagined before the event. Liara simply acted on instinct.

It lasted for several minutes, only breaking momentarily as both participants gulped down much-needed air. As the kiss continued, Liara finally found the courage to begin reciprocating Lana's explorations of her mouth. She started out small, unsure of what to expect, but eager to please Shepard as best she could. When she next felt the touch of the Spectre's tongue on her upper lip, Liara allowed her own to meet it. As the hot, slippery flesh pressed together, the asari felt an electrical jolt pass between them that made her body shiver with delight.

Lana moaned into the maiden's mouth as the same surge of longing pulsed through her veins. Her hands slid across the ridges of Liara's neck to stroke the back of her head. Fingertips danced across the asari's crest, toying with the rounded tips in a way that made her tremble from head to toe. It was how she'd always fantasized this moment would be…Shepard's elegant digits caressing that exquisitely sensitive area that few people knew gave an asari such pleasure. Lana's touch was everywhere; probing the grooves that ran from her brow to her nape with expert skill. It was too perfect for Liara to process all at once. The myriad of sensations filled her head, mingling together in an overwhelming euphoria.

After what felt like a lifetime, Shepard finally withdrew from Liara's bruised and tender lips. The asari just stood there, mouth parted and eyes closed as the shock of what had just happened wore off. It had been…indescribable. Yet despite the sensation that she was walking on air, Liara could feel familiar doubts creeping back into her mind. She told herself they were irrational, but like the monster under the bed, logic alone wasn't enough to ward them off.

Had this really been what Shepard wanted? In her excitement, Liara had practically assaulted the Spectre without even giving her a chance to object. What if she'd mistaken Lana's actions? She was still so unsure, so new to the whole concept of love. Perhaps Shepard's writhing and moaning had been attempts to free herself, not sounds of pleasure as the maiden had thought. Could the initial kiss on her temple have been nothing more than a sympathetic action, not an invitation for further intimacy? Maybe…maybe she'd got it all wrong!

"I…I'm so sorry," Liara began, not even attempting to hide her embarrassment as she desperately stumbled over her words. "I shouldn't have…I mean, I was too forward, and now you, oh Goddess, I-I-I just wanted to-"

"Hey! Hey! Hey!" Lana grabbed the nearly hysterical Liara, bracing her in place and then fixing her with an affectionate gaze. "It's ok. You did nothing wrong."

Liara's posture was that of a deer caught in the headlights of a speeding truck. She stared wide-eyed at Shepard, her body totally still except for the heavy rise and fall of her chest.

"I-I'm not good enough for you," Liara said, tears welling up. "I-I don't know how to please you…I don't…you d-deserve…"

Lana's hands tightened their protective hold on her shoulders, the touch burningly intense despite the lab coat that separated skin from skin. As they did, Liara's stream of self-deprecation trailed away into a half-hearted whimper.

"Come with me." Lana said, using her grip to gently guide the trembling asari towards the captain's quarters. "There's something I think you should see."

Mutely, Liara allowed herself to be led, legs working on autopilot whilst her brain struggled to come to terms with the past ten minutes' events. It felt like her memory was shrouded in fog; the logic that normally came so quickly to her rational mind seemed to have deserted her. Now she was left with a mess of emotions that were penduluming between elation and despair.

The door to Shepard's sanctum swished open, and Liara couldn't help but enjoy the feeling of finally stepping inside. Lana had visited her regularly in the storeroom, yet in all that time Liara had never once plucked up the courage to return the favour.

Still being steered by the insistent Spectre, Liara found herself entering a tiny en-suite, barely big enough for two people. By now, her natural curiosity was beginning to overcome, or at the very least, suppress the urge to flee and hide in some dark corner. She found herself split between attempting to guess what was happening and enjoying the feeling of Shepard's body pressed against hers as she squeezed into the confined space.

Lana kept a comforting arm wrapped around Liara's shoulders and used the other to direct her gaze to the mirror that sat above the basin.

"Tell me," the Commander murmured, her mouth close enough to send wisps of air dancing across the asari's skin, "What do you see?"

Liara opened her mouth to reply but was forced to close it again when no words came.

"That's a pretty good fish impression." Lana commented, taking the sting out of her words with a friendly smile. It struck Liara as a rather accurate analogy; she was feeling distinctly similar to a fish out of water.

"I…I see you," she replied eventually.

Lana grinned, sliding further forward until her mouth was almost touching Liara's neck.

"What else?" she whispered. Shepard's voice was so close Liara could imagine it came from within her own head.

The maiden bit down on her lip at the upwelling of emotion such intimate proximity inspired. The way Lana spoke made her heart flutter with desire; an urge only kept in check by the nervousness which paralyzed her every muscle. She knew that Lana had asked her a question but was in no fit state to answer it. About half a minute passed before she managed to wet her throat enough to choke out another sentence.

"Me?" Liara hoped it was the answer Lana was looking for; she wasn't sure her vocal cords could make another sound right now.

"That's right, you see you. I see you too, but I'm pretty certain we're not looking at the same person."

Liara's head span. Ordinarily she loved riddles and word games, exercises that gave her a chance to use her intelligence in new and creative ways. At the moment, however, she'd have struggled to do the most basic math.

"I don't understand," she said finally, praying she hadn't just failed some kind of test. Lana smiled.

"Let me tell you what I see. When I look at you, I see someone so beautiful, my voice catches in my throat. I see the most vibrant shade of blue, blushed with rosy purples and highlighted by adorable white freckles. I see eyes that draw me into another world with their depth and warmth, and lips that I want to press every part of my body against. And that's just what's on the outside. I also see somebody compassionate, intelligent, and brave. Someone who has endured so much pain, yet has never once complained. Someone who offers themselves completely and honestly with no thought of deception. Someone who brings joy to my heart every time I see her, and who I look for whenever I need to be reminded of the good in this galaxy, and what we're fighting to protect. That's what I see. That's who I see."

There was something else in Lana's voice now, something that simultaneously terrified Liara and left her aching in all the right places. She couldn't believe it…what she'd just heard. How could anyone think of her that way? Was Lana blind? Inebriated? Drugged?

"You're someone precious Liara." There was that sultry purr again, like one of the great cats of the Thessian planes. Liara felt something spasm inside her. "I still can't put it into words, but I knew the second I saw you in those mines that you would change my life forever. The more I speak to you, the more I see you, the more I'm certain. I just…I-I didn't know if you felt the same way. Now that I do…I can't tell you how happy it makes me."

For the first time in their entire exchange, Liara detected a trace of bashfulness in Lana's tone. Such a nuance would have easily slipped past her, if it weren't for the fact that she was so familiar with that feeling herself. She didn't know what it meant though…Goddess, she didn't understand any of this! Or rather, she didn't dare try. It was like her mind had erected a biotic barrier against hope, to shield her battered heart from any ruinous expectations.

Liara's eyes were locked with Lana's via their reflection, watery blue staring deep into piercing green. When she spoke at last, she had to force the words out around shallow breaths. "How? How can I d-do these things to you? I don't…Shepard, I don't…"

"Liara."

"I didn't know, I…never…"

"Liara."

"We've not…and now you're saying…"

"Liara." Lana's voice was firm, assured; any momentary hesitation gone. It was an anchor point that a drowning Liara could throw her arms around and cling to for dear life. Her stuttering protestations foundered, falling away into silence. But in that silence, her expression pleaded with Shepard. And then the words came. Word that would tattoo themselves on her soul.

"Liara, I love you too."