Author's Note 1: I….don't ask why I did this. A steady diet of broccoli and meatballs do weird things to a man.
Ochako asks Kyouka a Question
Another day had gone by for UA's Class 1-A. Yet another day of learning how to be a hero with the best teaching methods conceived by a narcoleptic and a possibly insane rat.
Kyouka Jirou was putting her books into her bag, determined to get back to her room. She had thought of some song lyrics while zoning out during Ectoplasm's math lesson. That was...until her classmate Ochako Uraraka walked up to her.
"Hey, Jirou, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure, go ahead," Jirou said as she took a sip of her water bottle.
"What does it mean if you're 'dummy thicc'?"
Kyouka spit out her water in a totally not predictable fashion.
"What the fuck?! Are you serious, Uraraka?"
"Some boys from the General Course called me that, and I have no idea what it means." The brunette stated honestly. "Deku and Iida don't know what it means, neither does Yaomomo, Bakugou laughed when I asked him, Kaminari and Mineta looked at me funny, and Tsu told me to ask you since you know all about slang."
'Damn that frog.' Kyouka thought to herself. "Well, I don't know how to say this without sounding queer, but it means you have curves."
"Curves?" The gravity-manipulating girl asked with a raised eyebrow, making Kyouka sigh at how her classmate was not getting it.
"It means that you have a fat ass."
"What?!" Ochako exclaimed in disbelief.
"It means you have a big ass," Jirou said, now fully embarrassed.
"Oh...well this is awkward," Ochako said as she looked behind her shoulders, down to her backside.
"Hey, you're the one who wanted to know."
"Well, they're not wrong, but why?"
"It probably has something to do with all the junk food you eat." Kyouka said.
"Hey, I don't eat that much junk food." Ochako said indignantly.
"Last week, you ate an entire bag of mochi donuts in one sitting," Jirou said bluntly, making the brunette pout.
"They were on sale! I couldn't resist!" Ochako said before she got a worried expression. "I guess this explains a few things."
Like that one time that she needed to pick something up while wearing her hero costume while she was chatting with Izuku. The poor boy was blushing so hard after she bent over that the redness was visible even through his cowl.
"You know, now that I'm aware of it, I'm worried that more people are going to stare at it, including me."
"Can we stop talking about your ass?" Kyouka asked, getting slightly annoyed. "Just act like we forgot about it, and this issue can be solved immediately."
"I can't! It's like my butt developed a Quirk of its own, and now I can't stop thinking about it."
"Well, that's your problem. I'm leaving," Kyouka said as she got up, only to be stopped when Ochako grabbed her wrist with both hands.
"You can't leave me with this thing, Jirou!" Ochako said with watery eyes, making Kyouka sigh.
"Okay, I think I know someone that can help."
Seven minutes later…
"Alright, so how can I help you two?" Hound Dog, the school's resident therapist, asked Ochako and Kyouka, the two now standing in his office.
"Not me, her," Kyouka said, one of her jacks pointing to Ochako.
"I'm dummy thicc and I don't know why!"
"Junk food."
"Shut up."
"I don't understand any of that," Hound Dog stated.
"It means she has too much junk in the trunk." Kyouka explained, much to Ochako's embarrassment.
"Is this some form of body dysmorphia?" the Pro Hero asked.
"What?" Ochako replied.
"Do you have a problem with having a fat ass?"
"I'm not sure. I just never noticed it before," the brunette replied honestly.
"Welp, you clearly got this, so imma just head out." Kyouka said, sneaking her way out of the office.
"So what do I do? I mean, I wear a skin-tight costume."
"I don't think I'm qualified to deal with this situation, so I'm going to call in an expert," Hound Dog said as he sent off text.
In less than a minute, Midnight burst into the room with a manic look in her eyes. "I'm ready, Hound Dog! You have no idea how long I've-" she stopped when she saw Ochako. "What the fuck's going on?"
"Uraraka's got a problem and we were hoping you could help," Hound Dog said.
"I'm dummy thicc and I don't know what to do about it!" Ochako exclaimed.
"That's the opposite of a problem," Midnight said. "Look, Uraraka, plenty of women would kill to have a backside like yours."
"You really think so?"
"I know so," Midnight stated.
"Midnight's right, plenty of girls and even boys your age are self conscious about their bodies, but as long you're healthy there's nothing to worry about," Hound Dog said. "You've got to learn to love and accept your body. And if you're worried that your costume shows it off too much, there's no shame in sending it back to get redesigned."
"I'll think about it. Thanks, Mr. Hound Dog, Ms. Midnight!" Ochako said as she left the office.
"That's what I'm here for," Hound Dog said with a smile.
"So," Midnight said, her voice low and sultry. "Now that she's gone-"
"Get the fuck out of my office."
After that day, Ochako was still a tad self-conscious about her backside...until she and Izuku started dating. Turns out that the shy greenette had a thing for her backside, much to her relief.
Author's Note 2: If you couldn't tell, this skit was inspired by A Scrub for Hire's video, "Johnny Asks Giorno a Question."
Was this one-shot funny? Insulting? Just plain weird? You tell me!