Ch. 2 Quiet These Voices Inside My Head
(DREW)
"On your left Drew," Adam says just as I shoot. It's early afternoon Christmas Day and we've been playing our new video game for over an hour.
"I saw him," I reply and we're both startled when Adam's phone rings.
"It's Clare," Adam says pausing the game and then answers putting the phone on speaker.
"Hi Clare," we both say and Adam elbows me. If he didn't want me to say hi he shouldn't have put it on speaker.
"Can I come over?" She asks and sounds like she's been crying.
"What's wrong?" Adam questions.
"I'm alone, this is the most depressing Christmas ever," she sobs.
"I'm sure it'll be fine, one sec," Adam says getting off the sofa he takes his phone and I follow him upstairs. Mom and Dad are watching a Christmas movie but they pause it when they see us. "Can Clare come over? She's alone," Adam tells them.
"On Christmas? Of course she can come over," Mom says.
"Thanks Mrs. Torres, I'll start walking," Clare sniffles.
"No, no don't walk in this weather Clare. Boys, take the minivan and go pick her up," Mom insists.
"Yes Ma'am," I reply going to the door to get my shoes on.
"We'll be right over Clare," Adam tells her and hangs up.
"Drew drive carefully," Mom tells me.
"I know Mom," I reply rolling my eyes.
Adam and I get our boots and coats on and I grab the keys to the minivan. It's a short drive to Clare's house, and she must be waiting for us because she comes out as soon as I pull up. She locks the door and comes to the van, Adam gets out to hug her and gets in back with her.
"I can't believe your parents just left you alone on Christmas," Adam comments as I start driving home.
"The morning was okay, we woke up early and opened presents, they weren't even fighting. Mom made pancakes for breakfast, we ate and it wasn't exactly cheerful, but it was peaceful. After breakfast Mom said we needed to get ready to go to her parents house in Hamilton. Then the fighting began, Dad said he wasn't going, that he had work to do. They started arguing about it, and after about thirty minutes of them screaming at each other my dad walked out. My mom said she was going to help out at church and she left, and then I was alone on Christmas," Clare says and starts sniffling back some tears.
"That sucks, that's no way to spend Christmas," I comment.
"I'm sorry Clare, we'll make this Christmas better for you. You can stay with us until your parents pick you up, maybe even stay the night," Adam tells her.
"Thanks," Clare smiles sadly. In the rearview mirror I see her wiping some tears from her cheeks. We arrive home and go inside, as soon as Clare has her boots and jacket off Mom hugs her tightly.
"You poor Dear, alone on Christmas, how awful. Don't you worry, you'll spend the rest of the day here with us and we'll make it a nice holiday for you," Mom tells her.
"I told her she could spend the night if she wanted," Adam says.
"Of course, as long as it's alright with your parents Clare," Mom replies.
"I don't think my dad is coming home tonight. My mom went to help at church, I texted her that I was coming over, but I have no idea when she'll be home."
"Why don't you kids go down to the basement and watch a Christmas movie, dinner will be ready by four," Mom says.
"You can keep playing your video game," Clare says when we get down to the basement.
"We'll just play to the next save point and then we can watch a movie," Adam says.
We resume the video game and play to the next save point then turn it off. After about twenty minutes of arguing over which Christmas movie to watch we give up and watch TV. Clare does start to cheer up after a while, she stays for dinner and when her mom finally calls around six she tells Clare it may be best if she stays the night. Helen comes over with a bag for Clare and thanks my parents for letting her stay. Mom says it's no problem and sends Helen home with some of our Christmas dinner leftovers. Adam, Clare and I stay up late watching movies. We help her make a bed on the sofa in the basement before Adam and I go up to bed.
I wake up around three when I hear the sliding glass door opening. I might not have but I woke up to use the washroom and I opened my window when I went back to my room. My room sits right above the basement and I heard the door opening. I'm sure we locked it before going to bed, but worried about Clare I go down to check anyway. I find her standing outside in the snow, no jacket just pajamas and wool socks on her feet. I grab the comforter she was sleeping with and go out wrapping her in the blanket and picking her up to bring her back inside.
"Trying to die of frost bite?" I ask her as I wrap her tightly in the comforter.
"Couldn't sleep," she says and I see tears crawling down her cheeks. I reach out and brush the tears away with my thumbs. Her skin is ice cold, I know she wasn't out there long but I decide I better get her socks off. I reach under the blanket and pull her socks off, warming her feet with my hands. "I think maybe my parents hate each other, I think that they might hate me too," she says crying again.
"They might hate each other Clare, but they can't hate you. You're just getting the backlash from it. Don't think about your parents tonight, think about something that makes you happy, think about Eli. That is if Eli makes you happy," I comment.
"He usually does," she says smiling softly, "when he's not trying to poison people."
"You going to take him back when he returns?"
"I don't know, we hadn't really talked about it. Are you going to get back together with Alli?"
"I liked Alli, I really did, she was pretty and smart, I liked how people looked at me when I was with her. I just didn't like how I felt when I was with her, how she made me feel, how we had to hide. I always felt like her dirty little secret, which was fun for a short time, and quickly became insulting. I stayed with her though, but it made the temptation of Bianca that much easier. I don't know maybe I was looking for a way out. I always fall for looks and then get burned by the rest, you'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now. Guess I'm too stupid to learn anything."
"Don't say that Drew, you're not dumb," she counters. She's not shivering anymore and her tears have stopped.
"You're being nice, we both know I'm dumb. It's okay, Adam got the brains and I got the athletics," I shrug.
"Drew you're not…" she starts to argue again. Boy is she stubborn.
"If you're not going to sleep let's watch a movie," I assert turning on the TV and she twists her face at me. She does at least go quiet though. After about an hour of watching TV she falls asleep. I tuck her in and turn off the TV before going upstairs to go back to bed. I lie down, but now I'm having trouble sleeping. I'm thinking about me and Alli, and I'm thinking about Clare.
(FITZ)
"You're early, that's good," Spinner says when he sees me in the employee lounge ready for my first shift.
"Yeah, the bakers let me in. I figured it would be easier if I just didn't sleep, I'm a teenager I can still get away with it," I reply and Spinner chuckles.
"Yeah, I remember those days, but you'll have to sleep especially when you're back in school. Can't have you falling asleep pouring coffee or something. Just set a loud alarm, once you're here and you smell the fresh pastries and coffee it'll wake you up. Have you clocked in yet?" Spin asks.
"No, I was waiting until my shift started."
"Go ahead and clock in, and then I'll take you through opening procedures."
I clock in and Spin shows me the procedure for opening. I mostly just watch him, but he has me do some stuff. Then he shows me how to work the register.
"To start I'll just have you take orders, ring people up and get the food. When it's slow I'll show you the basics for coffee, the more complicated the coffee order the harder it is. You'll work your way up to that," Spinner says after unlocking the doors.
It's pretty dead for the first couple of hours, not many people awake this early on Boxing Day. Whenever we aren't serving customers Spin shows me how to do things or explains things to me. At 7:30 another server comes in and Spin tells me to take my break. We both go back to the employee lounge with coffee and fresh donuts. The girl covers us for lunch and our second break. At one, and not long before my shift is over Clare comes in with Drew and Adam.
"Hey guys, what can I get you?"
"Small mint hot chocolate please, I don't want any caffeine," Clare says with a yawn. She looks like she needs some caffeine but I'm not about to say so.
"Large dark orange latte, I do need the caffeine," Drew says glancing at Clare and she bites her lip. He looks pretty tired too, and it seems the reason he is so tired has something to do with Clare. Considering the three of them came in together I have to admit I'm curious, but I don't ask. I don't know the three of them well enough to ask.
"Medium white chocolate mocha, and a brownie," Adam says and I ring them up.
"I got it," Drew says getting out his wallet when Clare starts to reach into her purse. Now I'm really curious, the question is on my lips I don't know if I can keep the question from coming out. I even bite my tongue to try and stop it, but my curiosity is winning, thankfully Spinner beats me to it.
"Why are you two so tired?" Spinner asks as he puts Clare's drink on the counter.
"I couldn't sleep," Clare yawns.
"She kept me up when I tried to get her back into bed," Drew says. Spinner turns from the espresso machine to look at Drew, his eyes narrowed. "Uh, no that's not…I didn't mean it the way it sounded," Drew stumbles over his words. I look at Clare but she's giggling silently and can't answer.
"What he meant was Clare stayed over because her parents left her alone on Christmas. She couldn't sleep and Drew found her outside and brought her back in. He stayed with her until she fell asleep, like the good and noble guy he is," Adam says standing up for his brother.
"Good, had me worried there for a second Baby Edwards," Spin says. Clare groans and rolls her eyes at the nickname. "Your parents really leave you alone for the holidays Clare?"
"Yeah, and I don't want to talk about it," she says.
"We're just taking her home," Adam tells us.
Spin puts all the drinks on the counter, I give Drew his change and get Adam's brownie. They wave as they leave and I smile. I thought it might be awkward to serve them and be working here, but that was easy. I even learned some new things.
"Baby Edwards?" I ask Spin when they've left the café.
"Yeah, force of habit, I used to date her sister Darcy. A lot of us started calling her Baby Edwards, even though she hates it."
"Can't blame her, Clare doesn't seem like the type that likes to be called baby under any circumstances," I comment.
"You've got a point," Spinner nods and I smile.
I finish my shift and clock out, Spinner says I did good. He already gave me my schedule, I've got all morning shifts my first week. Except New Year's Eve and New Year's Day which I have off since the café is closed. I say goodbye to Spin and get in my car driving back to the Milligan's. I'll have to go home eventually, but for now I'm staying here.
"How'd it go?" Owen asks when I come into his room.
"Good, I learned a lot, some of it not even relating to the job."
"Huh?"
"Adam, Drew and Clare came in, I thought it would be awkward to wait on them but it wasn't. I learned that Spin calls Clare Baby Edwards and she hates it. I also learned that Clare spent the night at the Torres house because her parents left her alone on Christmas. When she couldn't sleep and went outside Drew brought her back in and stayed up with her. So, they are both tired today," I tell Owen.
"You really did learn a lot. If Eli finds out Drew stayed up with Clare he's going to hate it."
"Yeah, probably," I yawn.
"Fiona's having a New Year's Eve party and she invited everyone, wanna go with me? I invited Bianca, but she said she didn't want to go."
"Yeah, sounds good," I yawn again, "right now I gotta get some sleep."
"Night Buddy," Owen says patting my shoulder before he leaves my room. I take off my shoes and lie down on the bed, falling asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.
(CLARE)
"Wow, you look incredible," Eli smiles when I open my door. It's New Year's Eve, Eli just got back today. Adam and I both spoke to him a little over break, but he wasn't allowed to be on the phone much. We did all agree to come to Fiona's New Year's Eve party together.
"Thanks, went for black tonight I see, so unusual for you," I laugh putting on my coat. "Mom, I'm leaving," I call into the kitchen.
"Have a nice time Honey, home by one okay?" Mom says. She only extended my curfew for tonight, but she felt pretty guilty for leaving me on Christmas.
"Don't worry Mrs. Edwards, I promise to have her back by one," Eli assures her.
Mom kisses my forehead and I grab my purse walking to Morty with Eli. Adam slides out as we approach, he's wearing black jeans and a winter coat, but I see a red shirt peeking out from his winter coat.
"Hi Adam," I smile.
"Hey Clare, you take the middle," he says. I smile and slide into the middle, Adam gets in next to me and Adam goes around to the driver's side and starts Morty.
"So, I hear you spent a lot of time at Adam's house over break," Eli comments as he begins driving.
"Yeah, my parents were fighting a lot, or leaving me on my own I was glad to have Adam's house as a sanctuary," I reply and it was true. I'd spent most of break at Adam's with him and Drew. I was glad for the company of both them, and Drew could be surprisingly sweet and understanding.
"Sorry your parents are still fighting Clare. I spent most of my time doing chores, I spent all week cleaning out my Grandma's basement."
"It could have been worse, Fitz could have pressed charges and you could have spent break in front of a judge," Adam reminds him.
"Yeah, I guess," Eli shrugs.
"Do you know who else is coming tonight? I barely know Fiona, I spent most of my time with Declan," I comment.
"I think she invited just about everyone. Drew is coming, Owen invited him to come with him and Fitz since Bianca isn't coming. When I saw Sav at The Dot yesterday he said he and Alli were coming and so was Holly J. I'm betting most of the senior and junior classes will be here," Adam says.
"I didn't know Fitz was coming," Eli says through clenched teeth.
"He's only been suspended for two weeks, and he has a job at The Dot now. I told you he and Owen apologized to us," Adam comments.
"No fighting tonight Eli, please. Fitz has been mature enough to put this feud behind him and so should you," I assert.
"It is behind me Blue Eyes," Eli smirks, taking my hand and I exchange a look with Adam.
We're silent for the rest of the drive, but Eli is holding my hand pretty tightly and twirling the abstinence ring on my finger. I just hope he doesn't start anything with Fitz tonight. I'm sure that Fitz won't start anything, I'm not so sure about Eli.
He parks down the street from Fiona's loft, as it's the only place we can find. We get out of the car and Eli's offers me his arm so I take it. Thankfully the sidewalk has been shoveled or blown and it's not slippery. Once we're inside the building and it's about 20 degrees warmer we take off our coats. Eli wears a dark grey button up over a black t-shirt to go with his black jeans. Adam's got on a red short sleeve button up with a white t-shirt underneath. I'm wearing a new ice blue short sleeve sweater that my parents gave me for Christmas. Eli already saw it, before I put my jacket on, but Adam tells me I look nice and I tell him the same.
"Welcome to my party," Fiona smiles when she sees us.
"You can put coats and purses in my room," Fiona says pointing. Eli takes all of our coats and my purse to put them in Fiona's room.
"I'm going to get a drink, you want something?" Adam asks.
"Yeah, I'll come with you," I reply. I follow Adam to the kitchen where the refreshments are. Drew, Owen and Fitz are also over here.
"Hey Little Bro," Drew smiles, "Hi Clare, you look nice tonight."
"Thanks," I smile, "it's a new sweater. You three look very nice as well."
"Thanks," Fitz grins, "the sweater looks really good on you, really brings out your eyes."
"Hey Blue Eyes," Eli says snaking his arm around my waist and kissing my jaw. "Hey guys," Eli says acknowledging the other three boys, but not looking at them.
"Alli just walked in with Sav," Owen comments lightly elbowing Drew.
"I'm going to go say hi to Alli," I tell Eli. He and Adam stay with the food, but Owen, Fitz and Drew leave, they seem to be going as far away from Alli as they can. "Hi Sav, hi Alli," I smile as she hands Sav her coat revealing a dark red and black strapless top that shows a lot of cleavage.
"Hey Clare," Sav smiles, "guess I'll just go put our coats down."
"Fiona said to put them in her room," I tell Sav.
"What's he doing here," Alli snaps glaring at Drew.
"I'm pretty sure Fiona invited just about everyone, and just about everyone has shown up."
"Hey Dave," Alli smiles, walking over and sitting herself in his lap. This seems to be a deliberate attempt at making Drew jealous as she looks right at him when she does it, but he's not paying any attention.
Since Alli has walked away from me I return to Eli and Adam. We get drinks and the guys get snacks then we sit on one end of the sofa. Alli is making a big deal of flirting with guys and Drew is ignoring her. She tries to get Owen to dance with her and he ignores her too. I don't know if he ever actually apologized to Alli, but he does rebuff her dance request. So she asks one of the other football players, and they do dance with her.
I spend most of the evening with Adam and Eli, Adam and I dance to a couple of songs, but mostly we talk. K.C. isn't here and neither is Jenna, and Alli is doing nothing but flirting and trying to get Drew's attention. She's getting more desperate the closer it draws to midnight.
Eli is currently talking to Imogen about set design on some film, Adam is talking to Dave about sports and I'm sandwiched between the two. So, I decide to get up and go see what's left on the dessert spread. Seems like Fitz has the same idea as he's looking at the tray when I get there.
"Having a good time?" Fitz questions.
"It's alright I guess, it might be better if Alli wasn't deliberately flirting with every guy in here to make Drew jealous."
"Yeah, I'm surprised she hasn't given it up by now. Drew isn't paying any attention," Fitz comments.
"Yes, but I'm sure in Alli's mind he'll storm over any second in a jealous rage and then she can tell him she hates him, again."
"Yeah, from what I heard she did plenty of that over break."
"Yeah, she did. Have you tried these desserts? They all looks so good, I don't know what to choose," I comment looking at the array.
"Here, these chocolate things are good," Fitz says holding a petit four to my lips. I take a bite and begin to savor the chocolate on my tongue when Eli is suddenly between us and shoving at Fitz.
"Stay away from her," Eli snarls.
"Eli we were just talking," I admonish him.
"Chill Eli, nothing happened," Fitz says trying to calm him down.
"Come on Clare let's go dance," Eli demands pulling my arm.
"Eli wait," Fitz says with a pleading tone coming around to get in front of Eli. "I wanted to apologize for my part in everything that happened last semester and for Vegas Night. I never would have hurt you, I just wanted to scare you."
"Yeah, sure," Eli replies shoving Fitz out of our way.
"Eli that was rude, excuse me, I need to use the washroom," I tell him getting out of his arms.
I don't really need the washroom, I do need to get away for a few minutes. I go into Fiona's room and see a window and a fire escape. A little tugging and I get the window open, I make sure to leave it open a crack so I can get back inside. Then I lean on the railing and look at the stars. so many thoughts going through my mind it's hard to focus. I have to calm down before I go back inside. I honestly just want to disappear and go home right now.
"What is it with you coming out into the snow with no jacket," Drew censures me. He steps out to join me and drapes a DeGrassi letterman's jacket onto my shoulders. I believe it's his and he's wearing Owen's.
"Thanks," I smile softly pulling his jacket a little, "I needed some air."
"Yeah, I saw the exchange Fitz had with Eli."
"Eli said he'd put it all behind him, we told him Fitz and Owen apologized, that Fitz was working at The Dot now. He won't even listen to Fitz's apology, and the most attention Eli has paid me tonight is when I was talking to Fitz. I like Eli a lot, he's cute, he can be very sweet, we have a lot of similar interests. His jealousy is a little too much to take though."
"That wasn't just jealousy, that was possessive," Drew comments.
"I know, he doesn't like me to talk to Fitz, but he's going to have to deal with it. I also don't think that Eli has any true reason to be jealous of Fitz."
"He did take you to Vegas Night," Drew remarks.
"No, he blackmailed me into Vegas Night, and only to get at Eli. He knew it would make Eli angry and it did. I don't think Fitz has any real interest in me. I really do like Eli, but I worry about his behavior, about the things he'll do that he seems to think are okay. I don't know why he can't be mature and put this silly feud behind him, and if he thinks he can tell me who to talk to he's got another thing coming."
"Yeah, Alli keeps glaring at me and then trying to make me jealous. I'm ignoring her, but she's not getting the hint. I'm over her, and I don't ever want to get back together with her. She's pretty and smart, but I never felt good enough to be with her, it's because it's how she made me feel. Hiding me from her parents, sneaking around, doing my homework for me. Even when she was tutoring me she never explained things in a way I understood and then I just felt even more dumb than I already am."
"Drew, you're not dumb, I told you that you aren't dumb so don't say that," I admonish.
"Yeah, I am. It's okay, I got the athletic ability and Adam got the brains. I just wish people like Alli, and my mom, would realize that and not try to make me into something I'm not."
"You're not dumb Drew, not grasping concepts in school does not equate to stupidity."
"Eli is not the only boy in school you know," Drew remarks changing the subject. "I can think of at least a dozen guys at the school that would go out with you in a heartbeat."
"A dozen? I think you're exaggerating," I laugh.
"Not a chance, Owen would, and Adam, Fitz would, I guarantee his asking you to Vegas Night was more than just getting back at Eli. Wes would go out with you, Connor, Tyler, Cliff, Henry, Jack…"
"Okay," I cut him off with a giggle, "I get it. There are other fish in the sea and if Eli's behavior really bothers me I have other options. I told you that you're not dumb."
"Still dumb, you're hot that doesn't take brains to see or know that other guys would jump at the chance to date you," Drew shrugs.
"Good looks and sweet talk, no wonder the girls fall at your feet," I remark and Drew grins.
From inside, and from sort of all around us we hear yelling, the countdown has begun, "TEN, NINE…"
"You want to go inside?" Drew asks.
"No, I'll stay out here, I don't want Eli to kiss me in front of Fitz to prove a point. The way I'm sure Alli will do for you," I reply.
"...TWO, ONE HAPPY NEW YEAR!" Everyone yells.
I'm still looking up at the stars but Drew puts his fingers under my chin and I look at him. He presses his lips to mine softly at first, but adding more pressure as he begins to move. I grip the back of his neck, my lips moving with his and his lips part just slightly. I feel this rush from my toes to my tummy, this electric spark that gets my heart beating faster and I wonder if Drew can hear it through my chest. Butterflies flutter into my stomach in droves, so many I think they might break right through my skin.
"Happy New Year Clare," Drew says when he pulls away.
"Happy New Year Drew," I smile with my lips still tingling.
"We should probably get back inside, Eli is bound to come looking for you at any moment," Drew comments opening the window again. He goes in first and then helps me in, closing the window behind us. "You go out first, wouldn't want Eli to think we were making out and punch me," Drew remarks as we take off the jackets.
His remark makes me smile considering the scintillating kiss we just shared. I walk out of the bedroom and nearly bump into Eli as he rounds the corner.
"There you are Blue Eyes, I was looking for you," Eli says. From behind me in the dark room I hear Drew snickering a little.
"Sorry, there was a line for the washrooms," I murmur.
"You missed your midnight kiss, we'll make up for it though," Eli remarks putting his arm around me.
"There you are, we were starting to get worried," Adam comments as he joins us.
"Yeah, sorry, line for the washrooms," I reply.
"You seen Drew?" Adam questions.
"He was also in line," I remark.
"Should we have that kiss now?" Eli asks putting his other arm around me and holding me close. I feel like everyone is watching us and I hate it.
"Uh, maybe we should go now, you do have to get me and Adam home by one and the sooner we leave the less drunks on the road."
"She's got a point, the party is winding down anyway," Adam agrees.
"Okay, let's say our goodbyes and I'll get you guys home," Eli reluctantly relents.
We say goodbye to Fiona thanking her for the party, I wave to Owen, Drew and Fitz and Drew says he'll see Adam at home. Adam and I say goodbye to Alli, Dave and the others, then we get our coats and my purse and walk back to Eli's hearse.
"So, did you get a midnight New Year's kiss Adam?" I ask him.
"Yeah, Alli kissed me, kind of ambushed me. I'm not sure how she thought that would make my brother jealous, plus he wasn't even in the room," Adam tells me.
Thinking of my kiss with Drew has my lips tingling again. I lick my lip inadvertently, remembering how the kiss felt, and I feel butterflies in my stomach again.
"Clare was hiding for our kiss, I'll just have to kiss her at the door," Eli comments taking my hand. Those butterflies I felt are replaced with new butterflies, different butterflies, not necessarily better or worse, just different.
"I'd rather you kiss me without a room full of people watching anyway," I tell Eli.
"You can drop me off first, I don't want to watch you two suck face," Adam comments.
Eli smirks and we drive to Adam's, saying goodbye as he gets out of the car. I scoot over from the middle seat and we wait until Adam is inside before Eli starts driving again. Eli parks at my house and I see the living room light on which means Mom is awake and waiting for me. Eli parks and runs around to my side helping me out and walking me to the door.
"Happy New Year Edwards," Eli smirks.
Then he cups my face and brings our lips together. His mouth opens and his lips gently caress mine, Those butterflies come rushing back. His tongue licks my bottom lip seeking access and I grant it. Eli's tongue caresses mine gently, stroking the side of my tongue with his. One of my hands rests on his shoulder, the other rakes into his long dark hair. I break the kiss when I hear a noise in the house, worried about Mom seeing us.
"Goodnight Eli," I smile.
Eli smirks as I unlock the door and go inside. Mom asks how my night was and I tell her it was good, it seems Dad isn't home yet. Mom says she's going to bed, she turns off all the lights and we go upstairs. I get ready for bed, but I'm not tired, my mind races with memories of two steamy kisses and three boys, and a million questions.
Did Fitz really just ask me to Vegas Night to piss off Eli or does he like me like Drew seems to think? If he does like me how do I feel about him? Did my kiss with Drew tonight mean something? Did he just kiss me because we were alone on the balcony at midnight? How deep do my feelings for Eli go? Are they deep enough to overlook his behavior and the depths he seems willing to go?
That's it for now, more chapters soon with the answers to at least some of Clare's questions and Paige gives her some advice.