So Long, Farewell Chapter 2
Disclaimer: I do not have the rights to SOA and make no profit from my writing. Anything you don't recognize from the show I have created.
Content Warning: This fanfiction is rated M. Please respect that warning and do not read this if you do not want to read M rated material.
Story Summary: NON CANNON Set after end of season. A woman and her ill father move in to the house next door to Jax. Carly's father grew up in Charming and wanted to come back to live out the last of his days. Carly needs support in a town where she knows no one. Jax is without his wife, his kids, and his mother. Is shared loneliness enough to build a relationship on for two people so different?
Set after end of series. NON CANNON. Jax has not died. Wendy and Nero are raising the boys in Mexico for their safety. Jax is still the president of SAMCRO.
Jax sat at home eating a burger. Meat was something he knew how to cook. Sides were another story entirely. He barely tasted it. It was just something to eat to stop the gnawing growl of hunger in his stomach. He dropped his plate in the sink and walked to the living room and sat down on the couch. He grabbed the box of photos he went through almost nightly.
Abel in the hospital, at home, with his mom, with his brothers. Tara. Little Thomas. He hadn't been there for the birth of either of his kids, and that haunted him. He stared at a picture of Tara. Hair messed up, no makeup, in a hospital bed holding a minute or two old Thomas. She looked so happy. He should have been there. He met his son for the first time in prison.
But that was why he sent his kids away, wasn't it? Because he knew his life was no life to live, and he wanted better for his sons. Every parent wants better for their children. He didn't want Abel killing people indiscriminately on the street. He didn't want Thomas meeting his son for the first time in prison.
Giving them up, living without them, made him a good father. At least that's what he told himself. He sent them money, he wished he could send letters, but that was out of the question. He talked to Nero or Wendy on occasion, but never the boys. But he knew they were happy, and healthy, and adapting.
That's all he wanted for his boys. He wanted them to be happy, safe, and happy. For any other parent that wouldn't be too much to ask. But in his line of work, he couldn't have a family. He couldn't have a wife.
He slept with the girls at the escort service on occasion, but he never considered them anything more than scratching an itch. He had no right to drag another innocent woman into his life. A woman who would want kids, and a family. A woman who may very well end up dead.
He couldn't take that again. He couldn't lose another person he loved.
Carly carefully unpacked her father's collectables and put them in the curio cabinet. At least they were light enough her father could move them around if he didn't like them. She grated her teeth at the loud game playing in the room. She reminded herself her father was hard of hearing. He couldn't help but keep the tv loud.
Of course, he was asleep, not watching it. But if she so much as touched the remote in his hand he would wake up. And then he would go back to pointing shelf to shelf, what he wanted. It was easier this way.
When had she become so cynical? She loved her father, and she knew taking care of him now, being with him in his last days, was something special she wouldn't want to lose. Maybe the notion was just more romantic when the parent in question didn't act like a five-year-old that didn't want to try a new vegetable at the dinner table.
Christ, she knew the food was bad. She was a great cook, but it wasn't her fault he wasn't allowed to eat anything good anymore. She huffed out a breath and finished her work quickly. Her father had egged her on all day to finish unpacking his things. She herself, was still living out of boxes. But oh well.
She checked on her father and snapped her fingers for the dog to follow her outside. She needed some fresh air, and the dog needed to go to the bathroom before bed.
She took up her place on top of the picnic table and watched Kenya sniff around the landscaping. At the sound of a door closing, she started to run. Carly called her name out once, sternly, and Kenya stopped in her tracks. She stood at the edge of the property line barking and wagging her tail.
"Hey, beautiful." Jax squatted down and gave the dog a good rub down. She was soft as could be and lapped up the attention. He stood back up and walked towards Carly.
"Is this gonna be our thing now?" He asked with a smile, and sat next to her on the table.
"I like it out here. It's stuffy inside. No one asks anything of me out here."
"No, no asking. I come bearing gifts." Jax pulled out a joint and lit it. He handed it over and Carly took a long drag.
"Appreciated, thank you."
"Welcome, I don't like smoking alone."
They passed the joint back and forth in the dark and the silence for a few minutes. "How's your dad?"
"Ornery." Carly sighed. "I'm taking him to meet his new doctor tomorrow at Saint Thomas. He's not happy about it."
"I wouldn't be either."
"Afraid of doctors?" Carly teased.
Jax got quiet, thinking of Tara, and simply shrugged his shoulders.
"You've taken on a lot of responsibility; you have a heavy weight on your shoulders." He said after a few minutes.
"Yeah, I think it's just starting to catch up with me. He was living on his own before this, so I thought, how much help could he really need? Apparently, a lot. Or he's just enjoying having me serve him. He is from that generation, after all."
Jax chuckled. "All guys need to be taken care of. We're helpless."
"You're not helpless." She bumped his shoulder.
"You have no idea, darling."
Carly sat outside waiting for Jax the next evening, but he never showed. She was really hoping he would. She could have used someone to talk to. Maybe she shouldn't have expected him, maybe he was just a neighbor being polite.
She wished she knew more people in town. She had left her entire life behind to come here. She had found out today her father only had 30% heart function. She found this out after her father asked his doctor about getting a kidney from her. Without asking her first. Like it was just a given she would hand it over. The doctor ruled surgery out completely because of his heart. But they did make an appointment to put a port in his chest for dialysis that he would be needing soon if his kidney numbers didn't improve.
She couldn't believe her father had just assumed she would give him a kidney. That was a big decision. She heard over and over again that most of his illnesses were genetic, and she could end up with any of them. How would she fair with just one kidney if he was dying with two? Was she selfish for not giving one up for him, for resenting him for asking? It was her right to decide, wasn't it?
She wiped her hands down her face and tried to sniff back the tears that were forming. Even though the doctor had intervened, she still felt like a horrible daughter for not immediately agreeing with her father. She had two, he needed one, she was his daughter, he was her father. Of course, she would give him one.
But he wasn't even taking care of himself as it was! The doctors kept giving him lists of things he should and shouldn't be eating. They got him small travel oxygen tanks specifically so he could walk outside and try to build up his strength. He completely refused. He was of the generation that believed it was the miracle pill's job to heal him, and he didn't need to do a thing to help it along the way.
She went back in the house and sighed. Her father was sitting on the couch, leaning forward, sound asleep. If he wasn't careful, he would slip right off the couch. It had happened before. She knew he leaned forward because it was easier to breath that way, but she didn't want to risk him falling. That was why she always encouraged him to use the recliner.
"Dad." She nudged him gently. "Dad." She said again, louder, and turned the tv off.
"I'm watching that." He woke up saying.
Carly rolled her eyes. "It's time for your medicine, and you need to go to bed."
"Don't tell me when I need to go to bed."
"Dad, your medicine makes you drowsy. I can't get you into bed without your help. You gotta go to bed right after you take your medicine. I'll go get it."
She emptied out his night pill container and filled up a glass of water. She heard his walker headed toward the bedroom and sighed in relief. One less fight tonight.
Jax sat the next night in the clubhouse, watching the festivities of the regular Friday night party. His men were having a good time. Liquor was flowing, food was being passed around. Friends and family were together. All as it should be.
But he just couldn't enjoy it. Seeing the couples walking around, arm in arm, just reminded him how alone he was. He sat in the corner drinking Jack. He had grabbed a bottle from the bar and was slowly refilling his glass. He supposed he could sweep up one of the girls walking around. Have some good looking, good smelling company for a few hours, but he just felt shallow when he did that.
He remembered how Tara felt about the girls. The fights they had had after Ima. Everything reminded him of Tara. The damn shirt he was wearing reminded him of her. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. If he stopped drinking now, he could avoid a hangover in the morning. But then again, he had nothing to do all weekend. He would be alone in his house. Listening to silence.
"Jackie boy." Chibs greeted him and sat down next to him. He eyed the level of the bottle of Jack. "Not having a good time, then?"
"No, it's great."
"Right."
"It's company. A distraction."
"There's lots of pretty ladies here. Any one of which would love to spend some time with you."
"Because I'm the big wig." Jax huffed.
"Aye, and you're young, available, annoyingly good looking. And as I hear it, quite good in the sac."
Jax smiled and spun his glass around slowly on the table. He smeared the wet ring it had made on the wood.
"You speak nothing but the truth." He answered his brother.
Chibs sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. "I'm getting worried about you Jackie. You're getting worse when you should be getting better. You spend too much time alone. Gives you too much time to think."
Jax just nodded his head.
"You see that blond there." Chibs pointed across the room. "She's been eyeing you all night. Do yourself a favor and spend some quality one on one time with her."
Chibs stood up and clapped Jax on the shoulder. He walked up to said blond and whispered in her ear. In no time at all, she was coming over to Jax's table.
"Hey, handsome." She greeted him and sat down. She downed the rest of her whiskey and poured two fingers of Jack in her glass. She toasted his glass and took a sip.
"The party is lively tonight." She started to make small talk.
"Yeah. It's good to see." Jax nodded his head.
The blond ran her hand up Jax's thigh. She slipped her fingers under his belt and pulled him forward. "I was thinking more about a private party. Just the two of us."
Jax thought of the momentary bliss this woman could bring him. She was gorgeous, and built. But she just didn't tempt him. He didn't want anonymous sex anymore. What he really wanted was friendly conversation and a shoulder to cry on.
"Actually darling, I gotta go." He removed her hand and grabbed his glass and bottle. "Enjoy the party." He stated as he stood up and walked towards the bar.
He set his glass and bottle on the crowded bar and made his way through the clubhouse to the lot. He breathed in the cool night air and lit a cigarette. The trip to his bike went slow, as people he did and didn't know greeted him, gave him back claps and bro hugs.
He revved his bike and left the noisy lot behind. He wished he was still the man that wanted to stay and party. But that part of him, the fun part of him, had died with Tara.
Thank you for reading.
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